Advice - *DV TW*

[thatgirlrachel]

poof

[COCO]

I worked a domestic violence shelter as a case manager for a few years. Best advice is to have her journal/document everything. If she ever needs to involve the legal system a journal is so helpful in trying to demonstrate a pattern of abuse. Otherwise it often ends up he says/she says. Abusers are successful in maintainIng control, in part, because they destroy their victim's self esteem and support networks. Be there for her and offer her options - counseling or DV support group being the most beneficial to her so she can start to recognize this is not a healthy relationship and to rebuild her self esteem, # to court advocate if she wanted information on protection orders. I wish your friend well and hope she gets the support she needs.

ETA: she may feel shame and embarrassment too. Try to be supportive and say things that build her up ("I love you. You don't deserve this." rather than statements that can reinforce the shitty things he says to her ("you're crazy for talking to him. I'd never put up with that.").

[thatgirlrachel]

COCO, that's all great advice, thank you! I'm always careful with what I say and let her know I only want her happy and that I do love her, so he can never try to turn what I say around and turn her against me. She says she's kept every abusive text he's ever sent, has a snapchat of him drinking and driving with his daughter in the car, pictures of bruises, etc. She knows he has issues so at least she is documenting. I just wish she'd leave before it was too late. He's on some foreign steroids which cause his anger to be that much worse. Just a scary situation all around.

[geners]

What an awful situation. I don't have much in the way of advice but I really hope she's able to extricate herself from that situation and move on with her life. You are a good friend for caring so deeply, she's lucky to have you. Hugs to both of you!

[cnf2013]

I am so sorry for your friend. Help her put a safety plan in place in case she ever does need to get away from him. Money, a few different locations to couch surf, possibly a connection at a women's shelter where she can get counseling, both legal and therapeutic.

Big hugs. You're a good friend. Just be there for her and let her know that when she is ready to cut ties for good that you'll be there for her.

[inthewoods]

How scary.
I don't have much to offer other than checking out the one love foundation.
www.joinonelove.org/
Yeardly love was murdered by an abusive ex bf. She was a senior at UVA about to graduate. Her family started this foundation and specifically focuses on bystanders.

[thatgirlrachel]

I'm way late, but thank you for all of the advice and suggestions. She called Friday with more news, but it sounded like she was that much closer to leaving him. I'm going to check on her today and see how she is.

[mimimama]

That's so awful. I don't have much advice either. But you're a good friend for checking up on her. Hope she's ok.