How do you explain the loss...

[Deleted]

How do you explain to your rainbow about their lost siblings? I always celebrate Jackson's birthday, and plan to continue doing so, but I'm not sure how to explain it all when Ridley gets old enough to ask questions. Like, why are we celebrating a birthday for someone that isn't here. Though I really don't know what kind of questions to expect from her, or if she'll even care for several years.

But also, I only ever celebrate Jackson's birthday and don't really do anything for the rest of my losses, which I think I need to change before I explain it to her because I don't want to leave them out. If that makes sense. Ugh. So much to think about.

Bonus points if you have advice that doesn't include explaining heaven (I'm atheist).

[hollyberry]

I have no first hand experience since my LOs are still infants and I am not sure of we will celebrate the losses or not, but I would just tell the truth. If you always celebrate Jacksons birthday right from the beginning it will just be the way it is for your LO. It will be some years before they will ask real questions. But whwn they do i would tell the truth. Explain that you had other babies that sadly did not grow long enough in your belly and would not be able to do eat or breath or what not if they were born. I would talk more about the necessities of life then death. And ve more factual about it. I have no doubt the first time will be very hard when they ask questions. And always just say how very happy you are with having your LO stay in your belly long enough to grow healthy and strong. How special they are and how much you love them. Even though you are sad about the other babies. as far as Jackson again I would just talk about what happened. Children learn very fast and there is no reason not to just state it simply and truthfully. But I would likely uae it as a opportunity to talk about life as opposed to death. And if they eventually ask questions about death then just tell them what you believe. Since you are a atheist then stick with the biological facts.

[meagpt22]

While I know this isn't the same. But we still celebrate MIL birthday and none of the grandkids are old enough to remember her living/weren't born yet when she passed. Bc we talk about her the kids aren't even fazed by the celebration. It's all they know. So if it's part of what you guys do yearly Ridley may also be unfazed about the why until she's old enough to understand death. When the older grandkids ask questions we also explain that MIL passed, but we still like to celebrate her.

[gratefulgirl]

I don't have advice on much of it. DH doesn't want to tell about our losses to our girls until much older because our 4 year old is extremely sensitive and he thinks it would crush her. I agree that it would be extremely hard on her based on her personality so we are punting. We're also religious so I don't have help on that front either.

Regarding only celebrating one birthday, though, I actually sort of do that too. There's a short span of time in May that encompasses an EDD and a loss date for me. Even though my other loss has nothing to do with the month of May, DH and I always do something small to remember around that time. I don't know if it would feel like it was stepping on Jackson's memory in any way, but maybe you could add a bit celebrating your other lost babies when you celebrate his birthday?