For those who are OADBC

[lincbeesmom]

A friend of mine sent me this article and it really helped set aside some of the guilt I've been feeling for being one and done by choice.

time.com/2370/in-defense-of-having-an-only-child-yes-i-am-that-selfish/

[gallumbits]

I can't believe the "just one? What's the point? " quote. Omg people are jerks.

[stellabunny]

DH and I are OADBC. Thanks for the article. I feel zero guilt about being OAD. The thing that annoys me is that people will actually ask why we're OAD. I don't mind sharing, but it irritates me because it feels like I have to defend my choice. When people ask I tell them it's because DH turned 53 the month after DD was born and they back off after that. And while that is technically true, we're OAD because that's just what feels right for our family. I think I'm going to start telling people that instead. Even if DH was younger, I still don't see myself as a parent to more than one kid.

[lincbeesmom]

Feb 11, 2015 11:18:16 GMT -5 gallumbits said:

I can't believe the "just one? What's the point? " quote. Omg people are jerks.

Yes! That's awful!

[namastebiotches]

I have no guilt.

[dmlk413]

I don't feel guilty about it but I get so tired of the comments. I have a feeling it's going to get worse as DD gets closer to two.

[TheEleventhHour]

DH and I are 99% OAD and our reproductive decisions are no one's business. What would people's reactions be if I said "Ugh! Five kids! What is wrong with you?!" They'd call me an asshole I am sure so why is questioning someone's OAD status any different?! Asking people what their plans are for future kids is already very personal, and depending on the situation kind of rude, without dumping your asinine opinions on top the the person's answer ...

[lincbeesmom]

I think the reason why I say I feel guilt is because my son is about to turn 1 in two weeks and I'm already pretty dead set on my decision. I have two siblings and do feel bad that he might miss out on some of the things I enjoyed from my childhood. THEN I remember that I really don't see myself with another baby. Happy mom, happy son?

[TheEleventhHour]

Feb 11, 2015 11:52:32 GMT -5 lincbeesmom said:

I think the reason why I say I feel guilt is because my son is about to turn 1 in two weeks and I'm already pretty dead set on my decision. I have two siblings and do feel bad that he might miss out on some of the things I enjoyed from my childhood. THEN I remember that I really don't see myself with another baby. Happy mom, happy son?

DH and I decided OAD while I was pregnant (though I sometimes waver which is why I say 99%). There is no right or wrong time to make the decision. And you can have sibling type relationships in other capacities.

[lincbeesmom]

Our roommate has a daughter (she's 37 now) and he always asked her if she wishes she had siblings. She always answered no. I don't know many only child families so it's taking some getting used to. Thanks for showing me it's OK to not feel guilt about this.

[socomama]

I feel no guilt over being OADBC. I've had lots of comments about baby #2 and I just brush them off.

My favorite? "I can't imagine only having one! I love being a mom!!" Well guess what? By having just one child to your four, I'm a mom, too!!

[TheEleventhHour]

Feb 11, 2015 12:02:14 GMT -5 socomama said:

I feel no guilt over being OADBC. I've had lots of comments about baby #2 and I just brush them off.

My favorite? "I can't imagine only having one! I love being a mom!!" Well guess what? By having just one child to your four, I'm a mom, too!!

LOL I guess you are only a real mom if you have more than one! 

[stellabunny]

Feb 11, 2015 12:02:14 GMT -5 socomama said:

I feel no guilt over being OADBC. I've had lots of comments about baby #2 and I just brush them off.

My favorite? "I can't imagine only having one! I love being a mom!!" Well guess what? By having just one child to your four, I'm a mom, too!!

So, like, you're not actually a mom unless you've had more than one kid? WTF? I would've thrown a shoe at that woman.

[dmlk413]

Feb 11, 2015 12:02:14 GMT -5 socomama said:

I feel no guilt over being OADBC. I've had lots of comments about baby #2 and I just brush them off.

My favorite? "I can't imagine only having one! I love being a mom!!" Well guess what? By having just one child to your four, I'm a mom, too!!

So by having only one, does that mean we hate being a mom?

[TheEleventhHour]

@bobyn1113 

[BostonKisses]

Feb 11, 2015 11:18:16 GMT -5 gallumbits said:

I can't believe the "just one? What's the point? " quote. Omg people are jerks.

ITA.  Even though I'm in the NBC group, if someone said that to me because I didn't elaborate as to why we're O&D, I'd probably look at them, ask how many kids they have, and snarkily throw the same statement back at them in the hopes it would help them see how much of an asshat they're being.

As a side note, I thought the author of this piece had some valid points that can apply to and resonate with those who are O&DNBC.  The parts about being ok with having an only especially come to mind.

[BostonKisses]

Feb 11, 2015 12:04:09 GMT -5 TheEleventhHour said:

Feb 11, 2015 12:02:14 GMT -5 socomama said:

I feel no guilt over being OADBC. I've had lots of comments about baby #2 and I just brush them off.

My favorite? "I can't imagine only having one! I love being a mom!!" Well guess what? By having just one child to your four, I'm a mom, too!!

LOL I guess you are only a real mom if you have more than one! 

Sucks we're all faux moms.

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2015 11:52:32 GMT -5 lincbeesmom said:

I think the reason why I say I feel guilt is because my son is about to turn 1 in two weeks and I'm already pretty dead set on my decision. I have two siblings and do feel bad that he might miss out on some of the things I enjoyed from my childhood. THEN I remember that I really don't see myself with another baby. Happy mom, happy son?

Absolutely happy mom = happy son.
I don't personally feel any guilt about being OAD but I have heard a few other people here express some concern over not providing their existing child with a sibling. It's certainly a valid concern. I think this is one of the main concerns my DH has, as he is very close with his 2 brothers.
Of course having more than 1 kid doesn't ensure a close sibling relationship, and having another kid as a gift to your first kid strikes me as an odd reason to have another... I'm not one to tell other people what their reproductive choices should be, but for me, I think I should only have a kid I truly want.

[lincbeesmom]

@rocknrollfriend well said!

[dmlk413]

@rocknrollfriend YES. I hate when people say 'a sibling is the greatest gift you could give to your child.' Not so sure my DD would agree.

[penguin129]

Even if I didn't have the medical history I do after having DD I would lean toward one and done. I can manage a classroom of 21 2nd graders, but when I think of managing two toddlers of my own at home I don't think I could handle it. It is so crazy. I love articles like these. Thanks for sharing.

[eyenigh]

Feb 11, 2015 11:51:19 GMT -5 TheEleventhHour said:

DH and I are 99% OAD and our reproductive decisions are no one's business. What would people's reactions be if I said "Ugh! Five kids! What is wrong with you?!" They'd call me an asshole I am sure so why is questioning someone's OAD status any different?! Asking people what their plans are for future kids is already very personal, and depending on the situation kind of rude, without dumping your asinine opinions on top the the person's answer ...

Lol. I always say crap like that to people so I really can't get too mad if people make similar comments to me. I really do think anything more than one kid is nuts. I've reached a point where I really am not bothered by any comments because I truthfully don't care what anyone else thinks, particularly anyone who would make a comment like "What's the point?" I did run into an old friend about a year ago and he told me "You can't just have one. That's not even parenting." I laughed and told him to call it whatever the hell he wanted to then because I was only having one and I was more than happy with him. 

[Deleted]

Every time we discuss the crazy things people say to us I can't help but think of what my dad told me, "If people with more than one make negative comments about only children it's projecting."

[AleWife]

I'm due with my first next month and consider us to be OAD fence-sitters. I find it remarkable: I'm reaching the end of dealing with strangers commenting on my body and asking questions about my pregnancy just to have it replaced with inquiries about a second child.

Why the fuck does anyone think this is their business?

I give vague answers as I'd rather not provide their lack of tact with the reward they are seeking...

I come from a large family and sisters who have had quite a few babies and even I - as their family member - wouldn't ask such a personal question. People are so audacious. I imagine this is only the beginning, eh?