IRL friends

[chickypoo2468]

I thought I made a new friend yesterday. This woman came up and asked about O's glasses and a sensory toy. Then said her kid was SN too. But every time I started to answer her or say anything about O she would cut me off with "well MY son..." Or basically tell me I was wrong about my child.

There's really not much point to this post lol. But I was like yay! Someone IRL to relate to! But no. She gave me her number and I thought about texting just bc why not, and I will see her occasionally But it feels like that would be exhausting.

[numbbears]

WELL let me tell you about MY experience! lol

Sounds like she was just overly excited to meet someone that would understand her SN parenting life. It does sound like it would be exhausting though.

[typeset]

Worth a try to hold space for each other and see if she can hang. I agree she may have just been overzealous about identifying a fellow traveler.

[Deleted]

It would have been so nice. The my child wouldn't have bothered me so much, but add to the you are wrong about your child part, and that's a pass for me.

[typeset]

Sept 14, 2016 14:03:44 GMT -5 @clarypax said:

It would have been so nice. The my child wouldn't have bothered me so much, but add to the you are wrong about your child part, and that's a pass for me.

Happens a lot in ASD-land. People can fall passionately on either side of a debate and lack their own filters. Apples and trees. I've learned to nod and try to find common ground. 

[mirandah]

Exhausting, yes. That's a good way to put it. DH and I are sortof friendly acquaintances with one set of parents of an ASD kid at DS's school. We had hopes they'd be "the one" but I just can't with the brash, bold, negative, nay-saying, pompousness of them both. I always think I can look past it, but at the end of each social encounter I'm usually cross-eyed and fuming. We've been getting to know each other for 4 years now, so the filters are off. I don't think it is a coincidence that DH and I are only close friends with people who don't have kids. I can't stand the constant comparing and bragplainting.

[chickypoo2468]

Oh, so this is a thing I'm going to have to get used to? Lol

Maybe you guys are right, maybe she was just a bit excited. I know I was, but then I felt like a squished bug. Maybe I'll ask around about her...

[freezorburn]

This whole ASD journey is still so new, I figure it will take a while before we have opportunities to really solidify any real friendships out of SN commonalities. I'm excited for DS to start social skills group, to see if any sense of community results from it.

I do have one friend from grad school whose son is also on the spectrum but is about 4-5 years older than DS. And he has a different set of challenges and gifts .... but at least I can call that a solid friendship and it's not really based on our kids' diagnoses. I think our friendship already had a foundation where we were able to discuss issues without thinking that one person's experience invalidates the other's. It's nice to have someone like that nearby, even if we are both so busy we don't see each other very often.

[mrsbuttinski]

Sept 14, 2016 14:43:17 GMT -5 typeset said:

Sept 14, 2016 14:03:44 GMT -5 @clarypax said:

It would have been so nice. The my child wouldn't have bothered me so much, but add to the you are wrong about your child part, and that's a pass for me.

Happens a lot in ASD-land. People can fall passionately on either side of a debate and lack their own filters. Apples and trees. I've learned to nod and try to find common ground. 

All this about apples and tress.

It's even possible she was looking for validation about what she's doing because she feels insecure. 

[Deleted]

mrsbuttinski, Your right about apples and trees. I haven't really experienced it because we were not really part of the CHD community, and we haven't really found a hearing loss community. I think it is more accepted in hearing loss though that every case is different. There are a thousand reasons to have a hearing loss and several different ways to treat seems to the be the community view.

I definitely see the insecurity part though in almost any situation where a parent might be insecure.

[mrsbuttinski]

@clarypax,

The deaf community can get really tricky. They're a bit like the Asperger groups who see themselves as differently-abled with a legitimately valid culture equal to those who aren't the same as they are. I have 2 cousins who are deaf- one in each camp. Thanksgiving can be interesting.

[Deleted]

Yeah Like I say, I haven't forayed into it too much. I know I should so that when he gets hearing aids he sees people that wear them. Part of me is hesitant. Our parent guide and online group has been good so far though.

[chickypoo2468]

Sorry, what does apples and trees mean?

[spooko]

chickypoo2468, From the saying, apples don't fall far from the tree. Meaning that the parents may have some SNs themselves.

[chickypoo2468]

Oh ok, thanks

[macchiatto]

Ugh, that would have been off-putting for me. I've had much more luck connecting with fellow parents of kids with SN online than IRL for the most part. Some exceptions though. It might be worth a follow up gtg to see what she's like and if she just made a poor first impression but the "you're wrong about your kid" thing would lead to me keeping my distance.