DS1 (who is 4) is into wearing bows in his hair. He thinks they're great. He has a bunch of girl friends, so he wanted to wear bows like them. I have no problem with this. I bought him a few of his own. Yesterday he told me the bows make him smile. Here's my issue. He asked to start wearing them to school. A big part of me wants to tell him that of course he can wear them to school. Another part of me doesn't want him to because I don't want him to be made fun of and get his feelings hurt. I really don't care what others think, it's just that I want to protect him. How would you handle this? I should also mention that his teacher is amazing and would handle the situation really well, but I'm still nervous.
Post by harperandco on Feb 12, 2015 12:20:36 GMT -5
I would let him wear them to school. I don't have recent experience with 4 year olds, but at that age I recall them being extremely innocent and non-judgmental. Maybe ask the teacher to be hyper-aware the first day so she can immediately stop mean little assholes from making fun of your son.
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I would let him wear them. I would ask the teacher at the end of the day if there were any issues with the bows, and if there were, then I'd address it with him afterwards.
I'm torn too. He likes bows. There's nothing wrong w wanting to wear them is my first instinct. But my second instinct tells me that kids can be mean. And the thought of someone teasing my child kills me. That is the only reason i wouldn't let him.
So he's four...would he consider keeping one in his pocket instead? Or clipped onto his shoelace?
Sigh This just upsets me. He's four and he should be able to wear them if he wants.
If he put in in his hair once and wanted to wear it to school I probably wouldn't let him, but if it's kd of his "thing" and he wears them around a lot I might. It sort of depends.
To illustrate (badly): I won't let my daughter wear her dress up clothes to school bc I think her Cinderella dress might be a bit distracting on a regular school day, and she would probably wreck it and then be sad. However, she thinks her coat makes her look like sleeping beauty so she wears that thing everywhere. Sometimes even indoors. She's committed to it.
So if he LOVES them, I'd probably let him do it. But I'd explain boys don't usually wear bows in their hair and some people might think it's silly.
I would let him wear them to school after speaking with the teacher. As a society we are quick to encourage girls to do 'boy' activities and wouldn't stress about a girl wearing something traditionally boy, but get all uptight about boys doing 'girly' things.
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I would let him put the bows in his hair If you're worried about him being teased because bows are supposed to be feminine, maybe tell him it's his "bow tie" but he can choose how he wants to wear it.
I am all about self-expression with little kids. I agree that at 4, I don't think kids would be so judgmental. I think it'd be a good idea to see if the teacher has suggestions but I would let my LO do it.
I too struggle with this. I'm 100% on board with letting him wear it because bows are cool and fun and who wouldn't want to wear one (girl or boy!)? I don't have any issue with my boys wanting to do things our society deems to be more feminine. But, the thought of my babies being teased hurts my heart and I've known some nasty four year olds. I like the idea of talking to the teacher before hand and maybe talking to him about different ways to wear the bow (not shaming him by wearing it in his hair, but by telling him all of the cool ways he can wear it so he could move it to his shoe or collar or something if a mean comment was made. I'd make the hair option just as cool as the others, so he'd see no value in one option over another.)
Post by aurora1181 on Feb 12, 2015 18:11:39 GMT -5
So tough! I honestly don't know what I'd do. Guys do wear bows, they just traditionally wear them as bowties... Would that be an option? I feel like if he wants to wear the bow, he should be able to wear the bow! Is he old enough to understand that wearing a bow in his hair isn't what most other boys do, but that it is still okay to do? If someone says something to him in class ("bows are for girls!") does he have a way to respond? These might be conversations I'd have. I think I would also shoot the teacher a preemptive email letting her know before he shows up with the bow.
I would let him wear them. If not now at some point soon someone will make fun of him for this or something else and he will have to learn to deal with it. Unfort this is part of growing up.
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I'm no help, I agree with what's already been said. I just had to say the thought of a 4 year old boy going to school in a bow tie would be so stinking adorable!
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Post by karabear4409 on Feb 12, 2015 19:10:34 GMT -5
That is tough. You have been given some great advice already. I agree that I would have no problem at all with it, I would just be so afraid that the other kids would hurt his feelings. I say just let him express himself, but give the teacher a heads up first. Then, check in with her at the end if the day to see how it went. Hopefully, the kids are young enough that they won't say anything about it.
It's really a shame that we live in a society that we even have to worry about our young children being bullied for self-expression. It's heartbreaking. I hope it all goes smoothly!
I don't have anything new to add. Definitely a tough situation. I know DH wouldn't let DS go wearing them. I wouldn't mind. I sort of like the comment made above to just warn him that some kids might find it silly....I think silly has positive connotations rather than being negative...whatever happens will you let us know?
Totes let him wear them. Kids may ask him about it but then he could respond however he wanted to. I'm with luv. It's all a part of growing up. Still doesn't make it any less painful when our LOs do get teased.
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He actually forgot all about his hair bows yesterday because he was so excited for his valentine's day party. DH and I decided that he can wear them to school if he wants, and we'll just give his teacher a heads up. He didn't mention them today either, so who knows, it might already be passing.
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