Foster Care as a single mother (UPDATED)

[irismorning]

Update: I have started foster care classes! I am going through a private agency. Right now, I am 4 weeks into an 11 week class and wow the paperwork I am also working and trying to finish up my dissertation asap. I would like it finished within the next 6-7 months. Thanks for all the advice. It has made me kick my dissertation into high gear! I have also sat down with my boys and we have cleared our schedules some. We have really looked at our extracurricular activities and cut it down to the ones that we really care about. We are all enjoying having more time at home to spend with each other. It is nice to get out the busyness rut that I think we were in. 


Many of you know me from "the other place", but for those who do not. I am a single mother by choice (I adopted both of my boys when they were toddlers). I have always wanted to foster as my parents fostered in a group home setting when I was a child. I am also an adoptee- adopted as an infant.

I am curious about what you guys think. Do you think that it would be crazy for me to consider applying to foster when I work (I work 8-3 when the kids are in school), go to school (working on a PhD part-time) and have two children (ages 11 and 9) to keep me busy? I am concerned about all of the appointments and court dates that will cause me to leave work. As a single parent, there is no one else to pay the bills, I need my job and do not have the option to stay home full time or even any more part time than I already do.

[ceejay]

Hi! I think it's definitely doable but it sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. How much longer will you be in school? Maybe you could pursue getting licensed now and wait to take a placement until after you finish school?

Even if you don't pursue licensing right away, you could reach out to DCFS or a local foster care agency to find out more about the expectations of foster parents for your state. I think some states have more responsibilities put on the foster parents for appointments and visits, while other states give those responsibilities to the caseworkers. It would be good to have a better idea of how much would be expected of you once you have a placement. It also might be good to talk with your employer now about your plans to foster and discuss with them the amount of work you would anticipate missing for appointments and court dates.

[spooko]

I think it'd be too much, honestly. There are lots of appointments and court dates and just misc. "stuff" that comes with fostering, IME, and unless you had an insanely generous leave policy, I'm not sure how you'd manage. If you're looking to have an impact in the system, maybe consider being a CASA worker.

[shemarie82]

If I was single, I would def still foster. BUT I work for an amazing company that lets me leave when I need to for appointments and court. If my job wasn't so flexible I would need to make sure that I had someone that was willing to be my consistent backup for those kinds of things in case I could not make it.

I admire you for wanting to still do more, but it is A LOT, even with two parents.

[akafred]

I think it depends a lot on your support system. If you have family nearby who can help often, then it is very doable. I have a good friend who foster/adopted two siblings (toddlers at the time, now 13 and 11) and then sort of fostered a baby (started out fostering, dad took custody, then he asked for a guardianship arrangement and she finally adopted him at age 5; he is now 6. She currently lives with her parents; last year they had an apartment but her parents are within an hour drive. She works FT and then some (she's in academia and always researching and writing books, teaching night classes, etc).

[irismorning]

Nov 1, 2016 13:29:05 GMT -5 ceejay said:

Hi! I think it's definitely doable but it sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. How much longer will you be in school? Maybe you could pursue getting licensed now and wait to take a placement until after you finish school?

Even if you don't pursue licensing right away, you could reach out to DCFS or a local foster care agency to find out more about the expectations of foster parents for your state. I think some states have more responsibilities put on the foster parents for appointments and visits, while other states give those responsibilities to the caseworkers. It would be good to have a better idea of how much would be expected of you once you have a placement. It also might be good to talk with your employer now about your plans to foster and discuss with them the amount of work you would anticipate missing for appointments and court dates.I like your idea of 

I really like your idea of meeting with the local foster agency first to see about the expectations. I also like the idea of getting licensed and then waiting until I graduate to get a placement. I am hopeful that I will be done with school within the next year.

[irismorning]

Nov 1, 2016 14:22:46 GMT -5 spooko said:

I think it'd be too much, honestly. There are lots of appointments and court dates and just misc. "stuff" that comes with fostering, IME, and unless you had an insanely generous leave policy, I'm not sure how you'd manage. If you're looking to have an impact in the system, maybe consider being a CASA worker.

I appreciate your candor. I have thought about being a CASA worker and will probably do that in the future, but I also want more children. I kept holding out for a "mister right" so that we could do something like this together, but it has not happened. I am getting older and know that if I do want more children, I need to do something about it soon. I may consider doing what PP said and check with the local agency and see what the appointment requirements are. I do also think that I will wait until I am done with school to take any placements. My job is wonderful and I have pretty liberal leave.

[irismorning]

Nov 2, 2016 8:35:14 GMT -5 shemarie82 said:

If I was single, I would def still foster. BUT I work for an amazing company that lets me leave when I need to for appointments and court. If my job wasn't so flexible I would need to make sure that I had someone that was willing to be my consistent backup for those kinds of things in case I could not make it.

I admire you for wanting to still do more, but it is A LOT, even with two parents.

Thank you for your input. I am glad that you work for such a great company! My job is a "small business", but my leave is pretty good as well.

[irismorning]

Nov 2, 2016 9:06:34 GMT -5 akafred said:

I think it depends a lot on your support system. If you have family nearby who can help often, then it is very doable. I have a good friend who foster/adopted two siblings (toddlers at the time, now 13 and 11) and then sort of fostered a baby (started out fostering, dad took custody, then he asked for a guardianship arrangement and she finally adopted him at age 5; he is now 6. She currently lives with her parents; last year they had an apartment but her parents are within an hour drive. She works FT and then some (she's in academia and always researching and writing books, teaching night classes, etc).

Good to know that it can be done. I will do some more research and think some more about it.

[Deleted]

There was a single mom in my foster care training! Your kids seem like good ages to enjoy and understand taking in foster kids. Like other posters said, if you have a good support system in place, definitely take some steps towards fostering. Go to an informational meeting, take the classes. Once you are licensed, you can always turn down a placement. There are a lot of extra things though. However, your case worker and the state can help with that stuff. Our case worker took our kids to their visits and if you can't make a court hearing, usually you can just write a letter with updates. It has always been optional for our oldest foster son to go to his hearings. Our youngest are so little that we would never take them to one. They should also help with child care and expenses. So if you need to drop them off at a daycare that shuttles kids to school, they will pay for that. These kids do likely need more work than you may be used to though. You will likely have to work through bad habits and behaviors regardless of the kid's age. Our toddler had never had a normal schedule when we got him and was not used to sleeping in his own bed all night. Our littlest ended up spending an entire week in the hospital a few days after we got him. They both have extra doctor appointments. Our oldest FS is pretty low maintenance because he's 14. So we can leave him at home if we need to or have him ride his bike someplace or get a ride home from someone. Some teens are really hard though. If you luck out like we did, having a teen might be your best scenario and there is a huge need for that age.

[spooko]

I hope I didn't read as harsh--that certainly wasn't my intent. I almost didn't post at all because I didn't want to be a downer and not "supportive". I just know what it was like for me to be in school FT finishing my bachelor's and going through the foster-adopt process for my DS. It was taxing and that was without any additional kids and WITH a supportive partner. I think if you're able to make it work that's great, but I hate the way the foster system puts out these unrealistic expectations and borderline lies about what it's going to be like because they desperately need FPs and I didn't want your family to get in over your heads.

[irismorning]

Nov 2, 2016 12:12:38 GMT -5 @helgahufflepuff said:

There was a single mom in my foster care training! Your kids seem like good ages to enjoy and understand taking in foster kids. Like other posters said, if you have a good support system in place, definitely take some steps towards fostering. Go to an informational meeting, take the classes. Once you are licensed, you can always turn down a placement. There are a lot of extra things though. However, your case worker and the state can help with that stuff. Our case worker took our kids to their visits and if you can't make a court hearing, usually you can just write a letter with updates. It has always been optional for our oldest foster son to go to his hearings. Our youngest are so little that we would never take them to one. They should also help with child care and expenses. So if you need to drop them off at a daycare that shuttles kids to school, they will pay for that. These kids do likely need more work than you may be used to though. You will likely have to work through bad habits and behaviors regardless of the kid's age. Our toddler had never had a normal schedule when we got him and was not used to sleeping in his own bed all night. Our littlest ended up spending an entire week in the hospital a few days after we got him. They both have extra doctor appointments. Our oldest FS is pretty low maintenance because he's 14. So we can leave him at home if we need to or have him ride his bike someplace or get a ride home from someone. Some teens are really hard though. If you luck out like we did, having a teen might be your best scenario and there is a huge need for that age.

Thanks for all of the information! I have spoken with my boys and they are all for it, they were actually really cute about it. I will probably be interested in much younger children- toddler to infant age range (there is a large need for that in our area). I also feel more comfortable with that age range. I have an extensive background in working with toddler and preschool age children with severe behavioral problems. My oldest was also 3 when I got permanent custody before adoption so I feel a little more prepared for that age group . 

[irismorning]

Nov 2, 2016 13:05:22 GMT -5 spooko said:

I hope I didn't read as harsh--that certainly wasn't my intent. I almost didn't post at all because I didn't want to be a downer and not "supportive". I just know what it was like for me to be in school FT finishing my bachelor's and going through the foster-adopt process for my DS. It was taxing and that was without any additional kids and WITH a supportive partner. I think if you're able to make it work that's great, but I hate the way the foster system puts out these unrealistic expectations and borderline lies about what it's going to be like because they desperately need FPs and I didn't want your family to get in over your heads.

You were not harsh- you were honest and that is what I asked for. I figured that you guys would be the best place for real information. Thanks for your thoughts!