November check in

[kj1013]

Let's get this started early this month

QOM: What is your favorite Thanksgiving food?

[kj1013]

So as I have said we took in our first placement.
When we first got her it really felt "too easy" if that is a thing. Well it turned out all the information that we were given at placement was incorrect.

We feel pretty strongly that she will probably go to a relative placement before Christmas so we are bummed about that, but obviously we want what is best for her as well.

QOM: stuffing, no contest

[akafred]

Mac and Cheese. Dunno if this is technically Thanksgiving food but we always had it growing up.

[oneslybookworm]

No news here...still waiting. I honestly feel like this is NEVER going to happen for us. And then I feel like I'm being a drama queen for feeling that way. Sigh.

QOTM: Brussels sprouts and stuffing. And I plan on making a Pecan Pie Cheesecake this year, so that might be my new favorite!!!

[oneslybookworm]

kj1013, that's gotta be hard. Of course you want what's best, but I can understand being bummed. Hugs.

[CurlySu717]

No updates here. Just got back from our cruise and we kept running into couples who were either adoptive parents or working toward adoption -- so weird! We talked a little bit about it on the cruise but we had agreed not to make any decisions before next spring sometime. DH is still leaning heavily toward private agency and I just don't see the advantages there -- I'd just as soon do foster-to-adopt.

The only things I'm super-excited about are (1) I'm down about 12 pounds from my max weight in August; even though it's coming off agonizingly slowly, it's coming off and (2) DH and I are legit planning a small vow renewal ceremony for our 10th anniversary next August!! I had wanted to renew our vows for our 10th anyway but I told him it was even more important to me after our failed IF treatments. All we have is each other. I try to keep reminding myself that we're high school sweethearts and I found my soul mate so early in life and that was our "easy" thing, and we've got to carry a burden at some point so our journey to parenthood is it. ...Someday this won't hurt so bad, right??

Anyway, Thanksgiving is my *FAVORITE* -- my favorite is stuffing, which is my great-grandmother's recipe. I also make green bean casserole (recipe off the Campbell's soup can because 'Murica), mashed potatoes from scratch, chocolate pie (also a great-grandmother's recipe but made with Jell-O pudding because 'Murica), and pumpkin cheesecake (Paula Dean recipe but it's my addition to the traditional meal I grew up eating). My husband bought a smoker this summer so he is going to smoke the turkey this year so that's one thing off my list!! And then I do turkey tortilla soup with the leftovers and I do not leave my house until the Monday after Thanksgiving -- no Black Friday craziness for me!!

[butlerfan]

Tomorrow we meet with our licenser to go over our home study and have her check off the minor things we missed the first time through on the safety checklist. And review how to fix the major thing of adding something to the open side of a stair case. We talked about getting it done over Thanksgiving when in laws are up who can help with it so I don't think it will be that bad-just make sure we are all on the same page.

And then I believe we will finally be licensed!!!!! Next week we do meet with our case worker to sign off on prudent parenting and I think do a get to know you (we were introduced but that's about it) and have him see the house. And I believe get the printed copy of our license.

Which means we could get a call any day or not for months yet. I can't believe that we are finally to this point after some delays.

QOTM: Mashed potatoes-they are my favorite food.

[redandblue]

kj1013 thanks for starting the check in! Sorry the information you received was incorrect (mind boggling to me how that can possible happen! I mean we are talking about human beings and lives, not some sort of shipment of clothes or something stupid. How a foster family is given incorrect information is inexcusable IMO). But for your LO that is good she has so many people to love her. Hugs to you guys.

[redandblue]

oneslybookworm hugs to you too. The waiting is so hard. When you have your LO in your arms, the wait will seem small at that point (I know small comfort now). But be kind and patient with yourself! You are allowed to feel impatient.

[redandblue]

CurlySu717 sounds like you had a nice cruise! And renewing your vows is a lovely sentiment! Enjoy the planning and writing of that. I like your mind set on life and that we all have things in our lives that seem easy and other parts that seem more challenging. GL with your decision on private or foster to adopt!

[redandblue]

butlerfan congrats on getting licensed! I hope you are matched soon.

[redandblue]

Not much happening adoption-wise here. Our SW has asked us to speak at an openness training for perspective adoptive/foster families. We went and spoke as a part of a panel last year as well. So we will see if we end up going again. I love sharing our story, but I really wish we had more openness with DS2's BM. We do have fairly regular contact with his bio-sibs though. We have been talking more seriously about exploring adopting again. We have agreed we may contact the agency in the new year to get the ball rolling again.

QOTM : we had thanksgiving last month, but I love the big family gatherings! Pumpkin pie and pumkin cheese cakes! My mom also makes a delicious broccoli rice casserole! I love ALL the food really!

[ceejay]

kj1013 - Thanks for starting this month's check-in! I'm so sorry you were given so much wrong information at the time of placement. I've heard of that happening so often... sometimes by accident but sometimes because caseworkers are so desperate to place kids. I definitely understand feeling bummed about your foster daughter leaving so soon, but hopefully that will be a good place for her to be.

oneslybookworm - I'm sorry you're still waiting. FX this time goes by quickly for you and you're matched soon!

CurlySu717 - glad you had a good vacation and it's fun that you could talk with some other adoptive parents. Congrats on the weight loss and have fun planning your vow renewal company!

butlerfan - YAY for being almost licensed! I hope everything goes smoothly at your meetings tomorrow and next week! So excited for you!!!

redandblue - such a neat opportunity to speak on that type of panel! Best of luck as you pursue another adoption!

[ceejay]

We're doing well. Our foster sons have been with us for over a year now. Their case had it's first permanency hearing last month. It's starting to look more likely that the boys' goal will be changed at some point, but it's still too early for that to happen. The bio parents haven't had a visit with the boys in a long time and have made very little progress on their services, so unless they can make dramatic changes in their lives in the next couple months, legal screening will probably be done in the new year and the boys' goal could potentially be changed to adoption at the next permanency hearing. We're trying not to get our hopes up yet, since a lot can still happen between now and then...

We're also anxiously awaiting a call about the birth of our foster sons' bio sibling, who will most likely be placed with us when s/he is born (probably in the next month or two!). It still hasn't really hit me that we will likely have a newborn by the end of the year... I'm trying to get some things ready but it doesn't even seem real yet.

With all of that going on, we ended up canceling our October IVF cycle. After some thought and discussion, we're now leaning towards pursuing embryo adoption/donation rather than traditional IVF, but we're going to wait a while to start anything, until we have a better idea of what will happen with our foster care case(s).


QOTW: Mashed potatoes are my favorite! 

[chele]

We thought we were close to having our foster daughters go "home" (to one of their relatives), but it may not be happening. Next court date is at the very end of the month, and the judge ordered a third homestudy on the father, ordering his state CPS to complete the home study in 30 days, but the caseworker tells me he's "not in compliance" once again. I just know the judge, instead of denying the father the girls and letting the girls go live with their maternal aunt, who has been trying to get the girls out of foster care for two years, will give the father a fourth chance to pass a homestudy. 

We have had the girls for 2 years and 9 months. We have long been ready to move on, and have been so hopeful that the maternal aunt, whom we feel confident is the best and most responsible and loving choice to parent the girls, would be given the privilege by the judge. She has even gone through the whole foster care process and has been approved for licensing in her state. She moved two years ago to a bigger apartment to accommodate the girls. She has just done so much, and yet the father won't complete paperwork, return calls, or even let CPS inspectors come in his house ("it's not a good time"), despite saying he wants the girls. 

The girls really want permanency. They hate not being able to make long-term plans or know where they will be for Christmas this year. Time is measured court date to court date. So frustrating. 

And then, of course, there's my husband and I, who really want to adopt. We knew early on we would not get to adopt these two sisters, but we wanted to continue fostering them since we cared about them and knew consistency was the best thing for them until they could go back to their mom (now deceased) or to another relative.  It just seems like we will never move forward.

So we continue to wait and probably will be in this same spot for next month's check in. Ho hum.

Oh, and as for Thanksgiving food, there's nothing to look forward to now that we always go to my mother-in-laws. Her food is blech. I miss my mom's stuffing (made in the bird - we lived on the edge) and her mashed potatoes!

[ceejay]

chele - I'm so sorry that your foster daughters' case has been dragged out for so long. That really isn't fair to anyone - the girls, you and your H, their aunt. I hate hearing about foster care cases that get dragged out like this - it happens far to often and it shouldn't be okay. I hope the judge will stop prolonging this and let the girls go to their aunt so that they can finally have permanency and you guys can move on. Hugs.

[ceejay]

Our boys will have their first visit with their bio mom this week in almost 8 months. Apparently she listened when the judge told them this was their last chance to start showing some effort... H and I are both nervous wrecks about it. Nervous about how our foster sons will react, and nervous how any effort from the bio parents will affect the tentative plan to do legal screening and a goal change in the next few months. One visit isn't going to change anything but if there is continue effort from the bio parents then the case will get extended and no decisions will be made at the next permanency hearing.

[butlerfan]

We are licensed officially today.

[butlerfan]

chele that is so hard on everyone and not fair to all parties involved. I hope the judge sees the effort of the aunt and the lack of effort of the dad and gets this case moving.

[butlerfan]

ceejay, ugh.....1 step forward 5 steps backwards. I just want some resolution for you guys for everyone involved.

[ceejay]

Nov 7, 2016 15:10:50 GMT -5 butlerfan said:

We are licensed officially today.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!