Hello! (an intro)

[lemonliz]

Hi everyone! I recognize a few faces but I also realize that not everyone here is or was IF so I thought I would intro. 

I am looking ahead to the next steps on our path to parenthood, and while nothing is exactly clear just yet because we are still cycling, I wanted to intro over here instead of being a creepy lurker. 

We've set a deadline by which to end our IF treatments. We've been officially doing IVF for 2 years so it's time. 

We are moving next summer and if we're not pregnant by some means at that time, we're going to start the paperwork to foster. 

I probably won't be too active over here just yet, I'm just kind of feeling things out at the moment so I may be in the background just getting an idea of what's to come.

 

[ceejay]

Hi lemonliz! Welcome to the board!

[lemonliz]

Thanks ceejay!

Do you have any "must read" foster blogs? I find I do best if I go to blogs first and then books.

[ceejay]

Nov 4, 2016 13:57:45 GMT -5 lemonliz said:

Thanks ceejay !

Do you have any "must read" foster blogs? I find I do best if I go to blogs first and then books.

I'm not really into blogs so I can't think of any that I read regularly. I follow a few foster care related Facebook pages (The Forgotten Initiative, The Foster Parenting Toolbox, Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, etc.) and often read the links/articles/blogs that they share. I also have a Pinterest board with a lot of foster care/adoption related things saved. 

Is there anything in particular you want to learn more about? Or just read more about fostering from someone that has first hand experience?

[lemonliz]

ceejay, no, I can't think of anything specific at the moment, just trying to get a sense of the bigger picture of the process. It seems much different from the domestic adoption process, not that we know a lot about that process, either.

How much say do you get over the kinds of placements you could or would be willing to receive?

[ceejay]

Nov 4, 2016 14:35:57 GMT -5 lemonliz said:

ceejay , no, I can't think of anything specific at the moment, just trying to get a sense of the bigger picture of the process. It seems much different from the domestic adoption process, not that we know a lot about that process, either.

How much say do you get over the kinds of placements you could or would be willing to receive?

You have a lot of say in the kinds of placements you want to receive, and you are always free to say no to a placement call for any reason.

As part of our home study, we filled out a very in depth form about what types of behavioral, medical, and developmental delays/disabilities we were willing to accept for a placement. We also could specify how many children at a time, what ages we preferred, etc. We also developed a good relationship with our licensing worker, so she knew exactly what type of placement we were hoping to get.

Every state has their own process for foster care and foster to adopt. Some states have a more well defined "foster to adopt" program, while other states (like mine) are focused on straight foster care. But overall, I would agree that the process is very different than domestic (infant) adoption, because in most cases, the goal for children when they enter foster care is reunification with their bio parents. There are kids already available to adopt from foster care, who tend to be older and/or in sibling groups.

[spooko]

Welcome.

[redandblue]

Hi lemonliz!! Nice to see you here. I'm not sure if you remember me from TTTC over at TD and here briefly. Sorry that your IF journey continues to be a struggle. This board is rather quiet these days, but if you ever have any questions, feel free to ask (or check out the FAQS pinned at the top of the page, so great information there) we are happy to answer anything we can!

[chele]

Welcome to the board and good luck in your journey!

[lemonliz]

Thanks spooko and chele!

redandblue, you were my 2014 gift exchange pal! I'm glad to hear everything turned out well with your placement! I will definitely let you know if I have any questions. alaskadee is sending me some adoption books she used. I'm glad to have them!

ceejay, that is so comforting to know!! I'm super glad to hear it. I am not sure I can handle severe issues. I was looking through the bios of some of the kids that are legally free for adoption in our home state, where we'll be returning next summer, and there were a few cases of abuse so bad that the child was permanently disabled and breathing through a trach. I don't think I can handle that. But then again, you never know. I've said I couldn't handle half the stuff I've been through or I am thinking about doing and yet here we are.

[oneslybookworm]

Welcome to the board! DH and I are in the middle of our wait for a match. If you have any questions, these ladies are very knowledgeable!

[butlerfan]

lemonliz welcome! Glad you are here and thinking about doing foster care!

[butlerfan]

Nov 4, 2016 16:10:18 GMT -5 ceejay said:

Nov 4, 2016 14:35:57 GMT -5 lemonliz said:

ceejay , no, I can't think of anything specific at the moment, just trying to get a sense of the bigger picture of the process. It seems much different from the domestic adoption process, not that we know a lot about that process, either.

How much say do you get over the kinds of placements you could or would be willing to receive?

You have a lot of say in the kinds of placements you want to receive, and you are always free to say no to a placement call for any reason.

As part of our home study, we filled out a very in depth form about what types of behavioral, medical, and developmental delays/disabilities we were willing to accept for a placement. We also could specify how many children at a time, what ages we preferred, etc. We also developed a good relationship with our licensing worker, so she knew exactly what type of placement we were hoping to get.

Every state has their own process for foster care and foster to adopt. Some states have a more well defined "foster to adopt" program, while other states (like mine) are focused on straight foster care. But overall, I would agree that the process is very different than domestic (infant) adoption, because in most cases, the goal for children when they enter foster care is reunification with their bio parents. There are kids already available to adopt from foster care, who tend to be older and/or in sibling groups.

I second everything ceejay stated

[butlerfan]

Nov 4, 2016 14:35:57 GMT -5 lemonliz said:

ceejay , no, I can't think of anything specific at the moment, just trying to get a sense of the bigger picture of the process. It seems much different from the domestic adoption process, not that we know a lot about that process, either.

How much say do you get over the kinds of placements you could or would be willing to receive?

Want to expand my reply from yesterday.... we can always say no to any call we receive.  But during the home study they get to know you and what you would like for a child(ren).  They asked why we were doing foster care, any ages in particular we wanted, particular sex of the child if any preference.  Bunch of different interview questions to help us figure it out.  Also, a huge checklist of what we would be open to and another huge checklist of any special interest and hobbies.  The first checklist was things like: multiple kids, sibling groups, autism, aids/HIV, wheelchair bound, deaf, different race than you, fire-setter, a runner, blind, etc just to name a few.  We would select the ones we would be willing to be placed with.  But if a child become available even if they fall in "the checklist" we can still say no.  The second list is so if there is a child that really really loves airplanes and we do to that may help them get placed with us because of that.  But again we can always say no. 

[brinky]

Whoa! lemonliz how ya doing stranger? I'm more of a lurker these days ... the boards I "belong" on are pretty inactive so I'm just here, reading, with no one to talk to (boo hoo).

DH and I recently licensed to do foster care. An overall sense of the process is ... it can take FOREVER. It took us almost a year from submitting our application to getting through everything and being licensed. So annoying.

Also, if you're only looking at kids who are TPR (termination of parental rights) you're going to get older (i.e., at least age 2) because it takes times for the child's status to cycle through everything and become legally free. The best way to come by an infant is to be willing to take kids who aren't TPR. You may end up sending some back home, but our caseworker said it's much more common for infants to enter the system that way and stay in the system until they're TPR'd. Obviously a two-year-long roller coaster but ... that's what it is.

And like another poster said, you set the rules on who you'll take. If you're not comfortable with certain circumstances, you can decline.

Feel free to PM me!

[lemonliz]

Hey brinky! Thanks for the heads up! I will PM you if I have any questions :)

[CurlySu717]

Hi, lemonliz! FX for your current and future cycles, but welcome