Help me identify the pitfalls...

[oneslybookworm]

Ok...so, this is going to be long, so bear with me.

We've been working with Agency A since February.  We like Agency A, they're lovely, and we feel very comfortable.  However, Agency A is small, so not a lot of placements a year.  That said, we were considering working with a second agency to increase our odds.

We talked with Agency B...I like the director, and she's a close friend of a co-worker/good friend I have here at home.  So, that helped me feel comfortable with them.  However, I got some feedback from another friend of a friend that worked with (and eventually adopted through) Agency B from 2008-2012.  She said they were disorganized, hard to work with, etc....and she wouldn't recommend them.  However, the person they worked with is no longer at the agency, and it's under a new director, so things might have changed.  We haven't signed with Agency B yet, saying we'd consider it and meet up again in the new year.  Director was super supportive of that and wished us well, no big deal.

Fast forward to two days ago.  I get email and text from Agency B director saying they have a baby born situation that is considered a risk placement because birth father is named on the birth certificate and they're not sure of his feelings on the adoption.  Birth mother seems solid in her desire to make an adoption plan, but they haven't gathered all the information from her yet (that's coming).  We were approached because none of their contracted families are open to this level of risk, so the agency was wondering if we were interested in being considered by the Birth Mother (basically, do we want our profile book shown).  No money will exchange hands until after she signs consents and the placement occurs, but there's still the birth father to consider.

So...thoughts??  We said we'd be open to exploring, but it is completely understood that we can back out at any time we start feeling uncomfortable.  Have any of you experienced anything like this?

 

[spooko]

Other than the actual placement risk, I'd say that it seems pretty straight forward and worth a check. Since you don't have to fund anything up front, I'd throw my hat in the ring. GL with however you proceed.

[oneslybookworm]

Dec 15, 2016 11:45:13 GMT -5 spooko said:

Other than the actual placement risk, I'd say that it seems pretty straight forward and worth a check. Since you don't have to fund anything up front, I'd throw my hat in the ring. GL with however you proceed.

We have tossed our hat in, so to speak...still awaiting more information.

One of the things the agency mentioned is that she's pumping to send a batch of formula with the baby.  I've always heard pumping is a LOT of work...is this normal?

[spooko]

I don't know about normal, but I definitely wouldn't consider it abnormal. And IME with pumping, yeah it's a nuisance, but not unusually so. I'd just accept and say thanks if it comes to that.

[pinkie]

When will the Birth Father have to consent by or decide he wants to parent by?

Your answer to the above question will allow me to give my opinion

[oneslybookworm]

Dec 15, 2016 17:04:36 GMT -5 pinkie said:

When will the Birth Father have to consent by or decide he wants to parent by?

Your answer to the above question will allow me to give my opinion

So, it sounds like once the birth mother signs consents, placement could happen. Once the petition for adoption is filed, birth father has 30 days to contest, or else his consent is implied. Or, he could voluntarily sign a TPR, which is also a possibility. Right now, though, I have no idea about his plan...so it's a risk.

[pinkie]

Sorry for more questions:

what would happen to any money you paid if you take the placement and the bio dad decides he wants to parent?

Why isn't the agency talking to him now before they consider placing? Is he aware of the baby and that he's the dad?

[oneslybookworm]

Dec 15, 2016 22:54:50 GMT -5 pinkie said:

Sorry for more questions:

what would happen to any money you paid if you take the placement and the bio dad decides he wants to parent?

Why isn't the agency talking to him now before they consider placing? Is he aware of the baby and that he's the dad?

He is listed on the birth certificate and (presumably) knows about the baby. Most of the money would roll over to another adoption, though we'd be out things like legal fees and birth mother expenses.

The agency's legal is trying to make contact with the birth father now, so hopefully we'll get more info soon.

We decided to open our profile to be viewed by the birth mother as an adoption, but neither myself or my husband want to get involved in a custody battle. If bio father says he'll contest, we will not continue to push for placement.

[pinkie]

Dec 15, 2016 23:17:37 GMT -5 oneslybookworm said:

Dec 15, 2016 22:54:50 GMT -5 pinkie said:

Sorry for more questions:

what would happen to any money you paid if you take the placement and the bio dad decides he wants to parent?

Why isn't the agency talking to him now before they consider placing? Is he aware of the baby and that he's the dad?

He is listed on the birth certificate and (presumably) knows about the baby. Most of the money would roll over to another adoption, though we'd be out things like legal fees and birth mother expenses.

The agency's legal is trying to make contact with the birth father now, so hopefully we'll get more info soon.

We decided to open our profile to be viewed by the birth mother as an adoption, but neither myself or my husband want to get involved in a custody battle. If bio father says he'll contest, we will not continue to push for placement.

Hopefully by the time a placement happens, there may be more info on the biological dad's feelings about if he may want to parent or agrees with the adoption plan. :since you won't pay anything until taking custody I think it's worth pursuing . Good luck and keep us posted!!

[redandblue]

Keep us posted! There are risks involved in any adoption situation, and sounds like there are some here, maybe slightly higher but glad to hear you are putting your names to be considered! In my understanding if he is listed on the birth certificate that can only happen if he signs it, otherwise birth mom's could put anyone's name without knowing! I would think he knows. Hopefully you hear something soon.

[oneslybookworm]

Well, birth mother was MIA over the weekend and the agency wasn't sure if she had changed her mind. She ended up emailing the director, telling them that she's still wanting to consider placement, but her family is very against it. She's supposed to have a talk with the bio father today to understand his thoughts and go from there.

I feel so bad for her, I can't even imagine the stress she's under right now. I just hope she makes the best decision for herself that she can...poor thing.

[redandblue]

oneslybookworm, I agree, that is a very difficult place for her to be. Such a difficult decision. Whatever the outcome, I'm sure she will make the right decision for herself and this baby. Hugs to you as you wait this out for answers.

[oneslybookworm]

Got an phone call from the agency. Birth mother has decided to parent. I can't say I'm surprised, but ugh...it hurts.

[lizblue]

Dec 24, 2016 16:13:02 GMT -5 oneslybookworm said:

Got an phone call from the agency. Birth mother has decided to parent. I can't say I'm surprised, but ugh...it hurts.

I'm sorry. It's the best thing and you know it but it doesn't make it hurt any less. Take good care of yourself. Thinking of you.

[CurlySu717]

I'm so sorry, oneslybookworm. Thinking of you.

[oneslybookworm]

Dec 29, 2016 15:32:21 GMT -5 CurlySu717 said:

I'm so sorry, oneslybookworm. Thinking of you.

Thanks! We actually got another email today about being presented to a birth mother in Louisiana, so who knows!!