Post by bocaburger on Jan 15, 2017 22:58:50 GMT -5
quirks We still have some 4 nap days too. I'm pretty much just making stuff up as I go along. Schedule? What schedule?
Although today they took 2 of their naps at the same time so I had baby-free time which was awesome.
On a related note, does anyone feel like your brain no longer works? I lost my keys. I walked to the drugstore and then stood there forever trying to remember what I needed. Remembered that I needed a bottle brush but have been calling it a diaper brush all night. Can't come up with words and I don't know where anything is. Clearly I need some sleep but that's easier said than done.
I'm so confused with the whole schedule thing. Kiddo is on 3 naps now, but the length of each nap is so inconsistent. Sometimes it's 30 min, other times it's 90 min. He needs that 3rd nap, but I've found that I need to wake him up from it for him to go to bed on time. I can't get his wake times past 2 hours before he melts down.
I'm a person who needs a schedule based on the clock and kiddo just disagrees.
You will get there. DD2 moved to a strict by the clock schedule after she moved to two naps. It was such a relief! Even my big on waketime kiddo (DD1) was on a strict clock schedule shortly after 1 when she was set on one nap.
That's good to know. Lately, I feel like I've broken my kid already. It's good to know I haven't.
You will get there. DD2 moved to a strict by the clock schedule after she moved to two naps. It was such a relief! Even my big on waketime kiddo (DD1) was on a strict clock schedule shortly after 1 when she was set on one nap.
That's good to know. Lately, I feel like I've broken my kid already. It's good to know I haven't.
quirks We still have some 4 nap days. When all her naps are short or she wakes up early she ends up needing and extra nap.
DD is getting better at sleeping, we are down to only 2-3 wake ups and falling asleep on her own for naps occasionally. The hard part is going to being consistent with our move next week so she doesn't go back to waking up every hour or two.
We decided to put together the crib last night in my room (his room still isn't done yet and he's been sleeping in the pack and play). I figured it'd be a pretty seamless transition. Nope. He yelled at me randomly throughout the night. Not even crying, he yelled like he was telling me off or something. Geez kid.
Post by redhead610 on Jan 16, 2017 10:34:28 GMT -5
Ds2 has had very consistent schedules. He has always done a long afternoon nap and eaten at the same times.
We just messed with it though and did some sleep and nap training. So, for the last week he wakes up in the morning, has a bottle. Naps maybe 1.5-2hrs later. Wakes up, has some solids. Bottle around 1pm, nap around 2. Bottle around 4:30ish, solid meal around 6, then a bottle with his bedtime routine around 8. Depending on the pm nap, we either squeeze a quick 3rd nap in or do bedtime a little earlier.
DH doesn't get home from work until 7, so we've always done more of an 8:00 bedtime routine with the kids so that we can still eat dinner together (I usually start ds1 before he gets home) and he can still see the kids.
Ugh. My husband and I are failing at communicating. I've been back to work six weeks and I'm exhausted. I have four hats to wear (mom, wife, scientist and houserunner) and some days - especially when I'm really tired - I can't handle them all. I see the laundry and grocery list and mess and crying baby and dirty bottles and I just want to sit down and cry. I think about how after she goes to bed that I need to go to bed if I'm ever going to be functional at work. And then work keeps asking me about my career and I'm like "for fuck's sake - I'm trying to get through the day!" And then I realize this is it. Every day. And I just stop because what's the point of trying?
Twice I've tried to discuss this with him and he ignores me or - as he said yesterday - "just suck it up."
Oh.
Finally this morning I got out of him that he feels like I'm saying that he's not doing enough. I'm like "NOO! I just want to vent and talk and not feel like I'm drowning alone."
She's only four months old. I feel like a hot mess. A lonely hot mess.
Post by remylove1011 on Jan 16, 2017 12:13:10 GMT -5
Oh joy. ((Hugs)) I feel you on so much of that post. I don't have enough time in the day to do it all. It's frustrating and I often feel like I'm failing. I can't possibly be a good mother, wife, houserunner, and therapist. For me being a wife and running the house are suffering. I'm not sure how to balance it all.
Me (30) MH (32) Dx: MFI (low all the things) M. 10/11. TTC Since 01/14 IUI#1-3(Letrozole + Trigger) = BFN Second Opinion. Changed RE's. IVF 09/15 Long Lupron 12R/9M/8F, Transferred 1=BFN. 4 frosties. FET #1 12/15 Transferred 1 (3 still on ice)
Oh joy. ((Hugs)) I feel you on so much of that post. I don't have enough time in the day to do it all. It's frustrating and I often feel like I'm failing. I can't possibly be a good mother, wife, houserunner, and therapist. For me being a wife and running the house are suffering. I'm not sure how to balance it all.
I don't think our feelings are abnormal - this is a struggle. I just thought I'd get a caring ear from him and instead he was a stone cold asshole. So fabulous. I understand his point of view NOW but this is why we have to talk more openly.
Oh, and I got shit this weekend for leaving my baby with croup at home when I went to visit family. I was also asked why I wanted to give my kid food allergies is response fo why I hadn't started solids. Thanks, Mom. Sorry that I'm overwhelmed as fuck and haven't faced adding more hassle to my day with a smile.
Post by bocaburger on Jan 16, 2017 12:55:31 GMT -5
Oh joy, many ((hugs)). I wonder frequently when it changes from just getting through the day to actually living life. We just have to take it a day (or an hour) at a time, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and one day we will suddenly realize that we are no longer drowning.
"Just suck it up" is never an appropriate answer to you expressing your emotions though. Not cool, Jay.
For me it's sleep. I'm tired in ways I didn't even know were possible and sometimes I just can't figure out how I'm supposed to keep going. But, falling apart isn't an option, so somehow or another I force my eyes to stay open.
C is still a touch unpredictable bc sometimes her longest nap is the first and sometimes the second. It has backfired a couple of times when I try to schedule something for after her first nap and then she sleeps for 2 hours, but she is at least somewhat consistent.
Ugh. My husband and I are failing at communicating. I've been back to work six weeks and I'm exhausted. I have four hats to wear (mom, wife, scientist and houserunner) and some days - especially when I'm really tired - I can't handle them all. I see the laundry and grocery list and mess and crying baby and dirty bottles and I just want to sit down and cry. I think about how after she goes to bed that I need to go to bed if I'm ever going to be functional at work. And then work keeps asking me about my career and I'm like "for fuck's sake - I'm trying to get through the day!" And then I realize this is it. Every day. And I just stop because what's the point of trying?
Twice I've tried to discuss this with him and he ignores me or - as he said yesterday - "just suck it up."
Oh.
Finally this morning I got out of him that he feels like I'm saying that he's not doing enough. I'm like "NOO! I just want to vent and talk and not feel like I'm drowning alone."
She's only four months old. I feel like a hot mess. A lonely hot mess.
Mothering is hard! Period! Then you add on working and it is worse. Even with the best dads and husbands women do more. They are never able to turn it off. Do you have any other mom friends IRL who you can plan a "play date" with? I often feel alone and lonely. That's when I try get together with my friends who have young kids. It's nice to see other moms struggle with the same issues or concerns.
bocaburger with DD I found around 1-1.5 years old it got "easier". I actually got to enjoy her and not feel like I was drowning as much. Recently I spent the day with her alone and she's just over 2, and it was nice to be able to do things around the house. She didn't need my constant attention. Now I'm not sure when I'll feel like that with 2 kids! So I know it's harder for you with 2..but there is light at the end of the dark tunnel.
Post by remylove1011 on Jan 16, 2017 19:28:15 GMT -5
bocaburger DD typically falls asleep in the car when MH picks her up from daycare at 4:30. She'll sleep until about 6 and then goes down for the night at 8. We haven't messed with it because its her longest nap if the day. Her other naps are like 30 minutes a piece.
Me (30) MH (32) Dx: MFI (low all the things) M. 10/11. TTC Since 01/14 IUI#1-3(Letrozole + Trigger) = BFN Second Opinion. Changed RE's. IVF 09/15 Long Lupron 12R/9M/8F, Transferred 1=BFN. 4 frosties. FET #1 12/15 Transferred 1 (3 still on ice)
Post by gratefulgirl on Jan 16, 2017 19:41:38 GMT -5
Oh joy! I have been there (as recently as Wednesday when I backed my car into a signpost at preschool drop off and scratched my bumper up, but less often these days). It doesn't actually get easier. Instead you get stronger in the doing. Things that take tons of thought now become near-mindless habit. And the sheer physicality of mothering fades as kids get more independent and that helps too.
Nearly 5 years in and DH and I are finally making strides on the venting thing. I have realized that I need to pick my moments since DH gets very stressed trying to solve my insolvable vents. My mom is there to catch some of the vents via phone call instead. DH is slowly learning to be more of a listening ear when I do vent. It's been slow because life has been extra hard here with problems piling on since DD1 was born. But we keep trying, keep forgiving, keep learning.
bocaburger with DD I found around 1-1.5 years old it got "easier". I actually got to enjoy her and not feel like I was drowning as much. Recently I spent the day with her alone and she's just over 2, and it was nice to be able to do things around the house. She didn't need my constant attention. Now I'm not sure when I'll feel like that with 2 kids! So I know it's harder for you with 2..but there is light at the end of the dark tunnel.
Thanks, I appreciate that. It makes me sad to feel like spending time alone with my kids is super overwhelming... Some day I would love for that to be enjoyable.
Post by remylove1011 on Jan 16, 2017 20:37:19 GMT -5
meagpt22 I think you said it perfectly that we're never able to turn it off. MH is able to take naps or sleep in with no problem. I try to take a nap and wake up every time I hear her fuss/cry. I can't turn my mom brain off even to take a nap!
Me (30) MH (32) Dx: MFI (low all the things) M. 10/11. TTC Since 01/14 IUI#1-3(Letrozole + Trigger) = BFN Second Opinion. Changed RE's. IVF 09/15 Long Lupron 12R/9M/8F, Transferred 1=BFN. 4 frosties. FET #1 12/15 Transferred 1 (3 still on ice)
Oh hi A16! Happy new year just popping back in to say hello. Going to try to be around more in the new year. Still catching up on the thread but I hear you joy. I feel like I'm barely holding it together some days, this shit is hard. I'm hoping it get easier with practice....
joy huge hugs. I'm late to the party but it sounds like we're all in the same boat.
Have you and your DH managed to get a date night in recently? That seems to make a HUGE difference here. When we start getting super frustrated with each other, it's when we're overdue for some alone time. It's so refreshing and makes me feel normal for a bit.
Hi lennonkdc Hope all is going well and your law practice is not too stressful in addition to baby. I returned to law practice (estate planning so way less stressful) after a little over two years of mostly being a SAHM. I was wondering how my fellow attorney A16 mama was doing!
shanny, it's been a bit bumpy, but I'm figuring it out. I'm trying to keep my case load small, bc I'm working out of the house and we still don't have child care. So its hectic trying to fit being a FT lawyer and SAHM into the same 24 hour day, but we're figuring it out. J is great in a wrap so I can get stuff done while she naps. And my mom watches her while I'm in court. How do you like being back at work? Have you found it hard to get back to the grind of practicing law?
I enjoy being at work. It's nice to be around adults, though I will never enjoy having to pump. Baby still is waking up twice a night to nurse so I'm tired, but surprised by how I can actually function during the day.
Ugh. My husband and I are failing at communicating. I've been back to work six weeks and I'm exhausted. I have four hats to wear (mom, wife, scientist and houserunner) and some days - especially when I'm really tired - I can't handle them all. I see the laundry and grocery list and mess and crying baby and dirty bottles and I just want to sit down and cry. I think about how after she goes to bed that I need to go to bed if I'm ever going to be functional at work. And then work keeps asking me about my career and I'm like "for fuck's sake - I'm trying to get through the day!" And then I realize this is it. Every day. And I just stop because what's the point of trying?
Twice I've tried to discuss this with him and he ignores me or - as he said yesterday - "just suck it up."
Oh.
Finally this morning I got out of him that he feels like I'm saying that he's not doing enough. I'm like "NOO! I just want to vent and talk and not feel like I'm drowning alone."
She's only four months old. I feel like a hot mess. A lonely hot mess.
Growing up my mom always told me to just suck it up. To this day she says that and brags that's how she raised us. its never ok to show emotions; that's weak in her mind. feel emotionally stunted to be honest.
I'm sorry your H said that to you. Even though I'm way late to respond to your post.
I'm a hot mess too. Professionally and personally. Come sit on my bench with me.
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