January check in

[kj1013]

It is a sad day for us as our first foster placement went to live with relatives today.
We got a lot of notice so we are grateful for that and hope it is what's best for her long term.

QOTM: What is your #1 goal this month

Mine is to focus on being healthier physically and financially

[redandblue]

kj1013, hugs to you. That must be the bitter sweet part of fostering. Hopefully this is in the best interest for her, but it must be so difficult. At least she had you and YH's love while you were caring for her.

[redandblue]

Nothing adoption going on with us this month. I did post a thread already about our bio-sibling visit last week. In other news, I'm really struggling with my oldest son, so that's horrible. He's 17 and really losing his way.

QOTM: My goal for this month is to set up a concrete plan for some financial saving plans. We need to get DS2's education account set up and I want to start tucking money away for family vacations. We tried to go to the bank this afternoon but there was a huge line and DS2 was getting hungry. I'm hoping to be able to do something by the end of the week.

[lbey]

Wow it has been so long time I dont really post here!
It has been a year my daughter moved in with us. Some days are harder than others. Christmas was pretty awful with the sensory overload and all the trauma going on. School break was the longest ever but that made me keep moving on finding a summer program! All in all I believe things are improving and going great. She is the best daughter I could ever wish for.
News: We decided to adopt a second girl os same age as our daughter. We are excited about it and hopefully this time around the process will be faster!

Happy New year everyone!

[akafred]

Jan 4, 2017 6:22:51 GMT -5 lbey said:

Wow it has been so long time I dont really post here!
It has been a year my daughter moved in with us. Some days are harder than others. Christmas was pretty awful with the sensory overload and all the trauma going on. School break was the longest ever but that made me keep moving on finding a summer program! All in all I believe things are improving and going great. She is the best daughter I could ever wish for.
News: We decided to adopt a second girl os same age as our daughter. We are excited about it and hopefully this time around the process will be faster!

Happy New year everyone!

Congrats and good luck with the second adoption!

[ceejay]

kj1013 - big hugs. Even with a lot of notice, I'm sure it was not easy saying goodbye. Will you be able to stay in contact with her at all? Are you open to getting another placement soon?

redandblue - I'm sorry for the struggles with your oldest son. I hope things improve and he starts looking to you and your H for some guidance and wisdom.

lbey - I'm sorry that Christmas and school break were difficult but I'm glad to hear things are overall going well. Best of luck as you pursue this second adoption!


AFM, we've had our foster sons for 16 months now, and we are anxiously awaiting the next permanency hearing which will be in a few weeks. Bio mom has continued some efforts (after 9 months of doing nothing), but bio dad still hasn't done anything, so we don't know what the judge will decide. There is still a chance we might get a goal change that would ultimately lead to adoption, but it's just as likely (if not more so) that the case could be extended another 3-6 months. I have never been this stressed and overwhelmed in my entire life. I keep telling myself that we'll know more after the next court hearing, but if the case is extended, our stress and uncertainty will just continue. Ugh.

We are also still waiting to see if our foster sons' baby brother will be placed with us after he is born. We finally found out that the baby is a boy, but we still don't know if he will enter foster care or not... that won't be decided until after he is born.


QOTW: Try to be nicer/less critical with my H. And try not to let the stress of our foster case overwhelm me (as it has for the last couple months)!

[oneslybookworm]

So many hugs kj1013, that's got to be rough, even with notice.

I'm sorry your son is struggling, redandblue.

Good luck with the 2nd adoption, lbey!

Good luck with the hearing, ceejay. Sending lots of good wishes your way!


As for us, we were matched on January 2nd! There was an expecting mother we were presented to and she wanted to speak with us on the phone. We talked for an hour in the evening on the 2nd and she immediately called her SW after and said she picked us! She's due in June and we (hopefully) find out the sex next week!

[kj1013]

Thanks ladies. It certainly was not easy. We went back on the list right away knowing the need is high in our area.

[pinkie]

Jan 7, 2017 14:12:45 GMT -5 oneslybookworm said:

So many hugs kj1013 , that's got to be rough, even with notice.

I'm sorry your son is struggling, redandblue .

Good luck with the 2nd adoption, lbey !

Good luck with the hearing, ceejay . Sending lots of good wishes your way!


As for us, we were matched on January 2nd! There was an expecting mother we were presented to and she wanted to speak with us on the phone. We talked for an hour in the evening on the 2nd and she immediately called her SW after and said she picked us! She's due in June and we (hopefully) find out the sex next week!

That's awesome - congrats!

[butlerfan]

Not much new with us...we had our first respite with a 2 and 3 year old last weekend....and then we got sick so that part sucked. We have been officially licensed for 2 months today and not sure when we get a call for a placement(s). Last meeting with caseworker it was still teenagers coming into care so we shall see. At least we have done respite once and gotten our feet wet.

QOTM: trying to complain less/be more positive. Be more healthy. Schedule time for me activities to relax.

[butlerfan]

Jan 7, 2017 17:15:30 GMT -5 kj1013 said:

Thanks ladies. It certainly was not easy. We went back on the list right away knowing the need is high in our area.

Hugs. I'm sure it is/was bittersweet.

[ceejay]

oneslybookworm - congrats on being matched! That's so exciting!

kj1013 - hugs again and I hope you guys get another placement soon.

butlerfan - I'm glad you guys got your feet wet with respite, though I'm still annoyed that the family didn't think to mention that they were sick... FX you don't have to wait much longer for a long term placement!

[wesleycrusher]

DD

[butlerfan]

Did respite with the same two kids we had New Year's weekend. Per talks with county we have a feeling that if this keeps happening like it is those kids will be removed from their biological parents and possibly placed with us.

[ceejay]

Jan 16, 2017 10:33:38 GMT -5 butlerfan said:

Did respite with the same two kids we had New Year's weekend. Per talks with county we have a feeling that if this keeps happening like it is those kids will be removed from their biological parents and possibly placed with us.

Exciting! So these kids actually live with their bio parents now but you have done respite care for them? In IL, respite care only refers to foster parents watching kids for a short time period who are already in foster care. In what circumstances is respite care available for non-foster kids?

[butlerfan]

Jan 16, 2017 10:40:54 GMT -5 ceejay said:

Jan 16, 2017 10:33:38 GMT -5 butlerfan said:

Did respite with the same two kids we had New Year's weekend. Per talks with county we have a feeling that if this keeps happening like it is those kids will be removed from their biological parents and possibly placed with us.

Exciting! So these kids actually live with their bio parents now but you have done respite care for them? In IL, respite care only refers to foster parents watching kids for a short time period who are already in foster care. In what circumstances is respite care available for non-foster kids?

That's what I thought as well and I think that is the ideal situation and respite is supposed to be requested 2 weeks in advance unless it's an emergency. 

However, the kids have been in foster care before (I'm not sure how many times) and are the parents under supervision currently from the county so the county insisted both weekends that respite care needed to be utilized.   This weekend was because the county found out that a system they use wasn't going to be available over the weekend for some reason.  If the parents refused then the county would have taken the kids into their care and then the kids would reenter the foster care system.  So I'm not sure if this cycle is going to be continuing with having them for respite or not. But if it does I think more advanced notice could be possible.

[ceejay]

Jan 16, 2017 11:17:57 GMT -5 butlerfan said:

Jan 16, 2017 10:40:54 GMT -5 ceejay said:

Exciting! So these kids actually live with their bio parents now but you have done respite care for them? In IL, respite care only refers to foster parents watching kids for a short time period who are already in foster care. In what circumstances is respite care available for non-foster kids?

That's what I thought as well and I think that is the ideal situation and respite is supposed to be requested 2 weeks in advance unless it's an emergency. 

However, the kids have been in foster care before (I'm not sure how many times) and are the parents under supervision currently from the county so the county insisted both weekends that respite care needed to be utilized.   This weekend was because the county found out that a system they use wasn't going to be available over the weekend for some reason.  If the parents refused then the county would have taken the kids into their care and then the kids would reenter the foster care system.  So I'm not sure if this cycle is going to be continuing with having them for respite or not. But if it does I think more advanced notice could be possible.

Oh ok, that makes sense! It's so sad to hear about kids that young who have already been in and out of foster care and are at risk for going back into care. Would you and your H be willing to take them as a full time placement if asked?

[butlerfan]

ceejay that is a conversation that H and I need to have yet. In summary, probably yes but want more of the back history provided that I know is there.

[chele]

I thought I was going to have something new to say this month, but no such luck. Like I've said for the last 35 months, we are still fostering the same two sisters. They were supposed to go live with their father this month, but so far, there's been no meeting between the caseworker and the powers that be. It's very hard on my oldest foster child who is now 11. She wants permanency so badly, as does any foster child. She has been acting out something awful, and it's wearing me out.

I'm not sure why this case is dragging on so long, other than incompetence.

[ceejay]

chele - I am so sorry the case is still dragging on. It's sad that the system is so broken, and everyone is stuck waiting for permanency for such an extended period of time. I hope your caseworker gets everything in order soon so that the case can be resolved. Hugs.

[butlerfan]

chele so many hugs. FX that this can case can be resolved sooner rather than later

[kj1013]

We finally got a call for a newborn placement last night being discharged today. We ran around like crazy people last night getting ready only to find out this morning that she was placed somewhere else.
My 6yo cried real tears she was so sad.

[ceejay]

Jan 25, 2017 16:52:50 GMT -5 kj1013 said:

We finally got a call for a newborn placement last night being discharged today. We ran around like crazy people last night getting ready only to find out this morning that she was placed somewhere else.
My 6yo cried real tears she was so sad.

I'm so sorry, that is so disappointing (and frustrating after all the preparations you did!). I hope you guys get another placement soon.

[butlerfan]

Jan 25, 2017 16:52:50 GMT -5 kj1013 said:

We finally got a call for a newborn placement last night being discharged today. We ran around like crazy people last night getting ready only to find out this morning that she was placed somewhere else.
My 6yo cried real tears she was so sad.

Ugh....how frustrating and heartbreaking especially after the work you did getting ready.  FX you get a placement soon!