SAHM question (all welcome)

[Libby]

A little background: Currently I am an Assistant Nurse Manager and RN in a step down trauma unit. I used to love my job, but I have been in the same place 5 years now and the work is mentally and physically draining. I have found it is really hard to be away from LO. I leave the house at 6a and get home around 8:15p. This is only 3 days a week, but I also have a lot of meetings on my days off. It's also insanely difficult to pump as often as I would like. I am lucky in that I have no weekends right now, but hate that I don't see her at all on work days.

My question for those who made the change to staying home, what is the hardest part? Do you ever regret it? For those working outside of the home, what is the hardest part for you? What do you like about it? I want nothing more than to be home with LO, but I'm afraid I will possibly regret it and I won't be able to return to the same position if that happens.

We are going to try to put my checks in savings and live off of DH's checks for a couple of months to assess our finances and see if staying home could be an option while we have little ones. I know there isn't a right or wrong answer and every family is different. I also don't want to start a debate and I know this can be sensitive! Just interested to hear from other mamas!

[lissydee]

I work 12s as a RN too, so I totally get the schedule. Its never 12 hours...its more. I am gone for almost 14 on the days that I work (that includes commute time and report). My solution for that is that I am part time. I was per diem previously, and worked PT-FT hours, but I wanted the benefits, so when a permanent position opened, I took it. I would never do FT though, not now at least. I will entertain that once all kiddos are in school. That extra shift (which I do have sometimes when I am on call) is TOUGH.

[tacocat]

I am not a sahm, but I thought that's what I wanted until I got the itch. I feel like I need to work to feel intellectually stimulated and like I'm part of the business world. I felt too detached--I was even a little jealous of DH when I heard him on business calls discussing work. I am now PT and hourly (a huge pay decrease), but I feel like the low stress aspect of it as I got to keep the best most favored aspects of my FT job, make it the best of both worlds. If I wasn't in a position to have this opportunity, and had to go back to my FT position, I'm not sure I could do both and be happy though. We don't have as much spending money but we get by fine. It's worth it.

As you said, when you have a high stress job, especially a physical one (as I did too), it can suck the energy out of you...and we need as much energy as possible for LO. My plan is to take one year as PT and use it to search for a FT job that really makes sense for our family. My question to you is, is there a way you can find another job or avenue of your current job that isn't as demanding? I'm not familiar with nursing, but something with shorter shifts? That could be a happy medium.

Eta being a nurse = way more physically/mentally stressful than my job...but I can commiserate on my own level

[Libby]

lissydee that 3rd day makes all the difference! I'm in my long stretch where I don't see her 4 out of 6 days. I'm happy for you that you are able to make part time work! How is night shift?

tacocat
That's what I'm afraid will happen. Missing the mental challenge and socializing. I could go part time at my current job but I would a) have to take a demotion and work alongside everyone I have hired and managed which seems odd (hopefully that doesn't sound mean) b) go back to every other weekend and c) the shifts I did work would be even longer because right now I do more management and I would be back on the floor and have 0 time to pump I did spend yesterday looking online at jobs hoping something will catch my eye and make more sense for us! My current employer does have great benefits and I need two more years to be vested, so if I work pt I feel like it needs to be there. Oh decisions....

[tacocat]

Libby gotcha. Yeah that's more to think about. Regarding the managing of staff becoming your peers, my right hand employee is now my "manager", and it's not weird at all. I work alongside everyone I hired and managed. It's actually been quite fun. I don't think they got to really know me while I had the boss hat on.

But I feel you on the no control over your schedule. That was a leap for me. Luckily our owner became a good friend of mine and gives me some leeway.

If I had to give you some advice based only on this info, I would keep looking for other alternatives. There is always a way!

[HutterFlutter]

I've always dreamed of being a SAHM since I can remember, but unfortunately, I make more money than DH. He's currently looking for a better job, since he just graduated with his master's degree in September, but nothing has been fruitful.

I work the lowest possible hours to be considered full time (30), but what sucks is that I'm hourly and have a required "productivity" that I need to meet everyday. That means 88% of my day has to be clocked with an actual patient (not including paperwork and other job activities required throughout the day). So, when I pump twice at work, I have to clock out. That adds an extra hour to my day right there, and I'm not getting paid for it. It also makes me think that that could have been an extra hour with my DD at home.

I hate hate HATE leaving her in the morning, but she's with either set of grandparents everyday, so that's some ease of mind right there. And once I'm at work, I get into the groove of things, and don't worry about her or think about her too much. That makes me feel SO guilty, but my job has very little down time (gotta meet that 88% productivity!), so the opportunity doesn't present itself.

To make a long story short: Once DH can find a good job that could support us fairly well, I'd love to SAH and work PRN a few weekends here and there as money towards savings, and once DD (and any other future LOs) head off to school, I could go back and work the hours they're there.

[lissydee]

Feb 15, 2015 11:28:28 GMT -5 Libby said:

lissydee that 3rd day makes all the difference! I'm in my long stretch where I don't see her 4 out of 6 days. I'm happy for you that you are able to make part time work! How is night shift?

I am on days right now (training to our special care nursery/Level II).  I don't like it.  I see my kids less than when I am on nights.  I leave before they wake and get home after they are in bed.  At least with nights, my first night of the week, I am with them that day before going in.  Then if a week day, they are at the sitter when I get home, but I see them for about a half hour before I go in again. I obviously see them more if I am on for a weekend because they are here in the house with my husband.  I am only on days to train and it will only be for a couple months...then I'll finish orienting on nights.

But I love nights.  I love the crew, we work so well together because we have to as nights are more bare boned (which I am sure you know).  The sleep schedule does suck, but its a better shift for me and my family (which I think my husband too is now realizing...he was excited for me to go to days for a bit, but now that he sees how much I am away and how much more he has to do at home, that sentiment is changing. That and I am making less being on days, so there is that part too).

[Libby]

HutterFlutter that productivity sounds horrible! I hate that for you, especially with pumping. I always made more than DH until this last year when he got a different job, and now he got a decent sized raise and another coming up in 6 months. Hopefully the same works out for you! I appreciate your input! I always thought I wanted to as well, but now I'm scared for some reason (I think mostly the money and social aspect)
ETA I leave her with my mom and I agree that it makes it much less difficult! And I can FaceTime as much as I want

lissydee our night crew is really close! I was considering nights part time because I love the assistant manager on nights, I feel like I could see her more and the money would begetter - although not much with my ANM differential. The only complication I see would be having to find an evening sitter as my husband doesn't get off work until after I would need to go in. Maybe I could convince my mom to have really flexible hours

[Libby]

lissydee how does pumping work? Do you have to pump often during your day sleep since that's when baby eats the most? I would pump during my shift at night, but then when baby sleeps through do you get engorged? I am probably overthinking

[wildflower810]

I made the switch to being a SAHM in June. My job and my health weren't compatible so the job had to go. I miss working, honestly. I actually had a dream last night where I was working again. However, I couldn't imagine walking out the door and leaving LO with someone else during the day.

I'm an American Sign Language interpreter, so my situation is a bit different. When I'm actually at work, my work isn't flexible. I am "on" for every second and don't get breaks. I am usually self-employed, so there are zero benefits. If I were to work, I usually would not be able to take pumping breaks. I have no idea how long a job might be when I get called. I could have a routine doctor's appointment that turns into immediate surgery, or a wait in a waiting room that is 2 hours long (been there, done that), or a meeting that goes long. Because a lot of my work is out and about different places each day, I have no ability to have a set pumping place, either. I could work for the schools and have the same schedule as a teacher... but with how much money I'd make we would be losing money by paying for daycare. The one option I have is working for a college where I have certain classes and that's it.

I am losing skill, I am losing knowledge. But, my baby is worth it. Being the one he smiles at every time he wakes up is so precious.

[kaimee27]

I work 3 night 12's as a RN also. I go back from maternity leave in 2 weeks, so I can't speak from experience with having DD, but I'm definitely not looking forward to it! I carry the insurance and make more than DH, so I can't go part time, but maybe that would be an option for you if you don't want to give up work altogether? That would be my ideal scenario. It would be hard to stop working completely I would think in terms of going back because it would be difficult to keep up clinical skills with a long period of time away.

[Libby]

kaimee27 enjoy your last couple of weeks! I agree about the clinical skills. Right now I work in adult, but eventually want to transition to NICU and the amount of classes and certifications I will need is daunting! I bet it would be really challenging, although doable, to have been out of practice for a few years!

[Libby]

wildflower810 I'm sure I would miss work as well, but like you said I want to be the one she wakes up to! I'm glad you get to do that I can't imagine the adjustment

[lissydee]

Feb 15, 2015 13:31:39 GMT -5 Libby said:

lissydee how does pumping work? Do you have to pump often during your day sleep since that's when baby eats the most? I would pump during my shift at night, but then when baby sleeps through do you get engorged? I am probably overthinking

when working nights and sleeping the next day, what I usually do is pump right before I leave work (I'm clocked out) or in the half hour prior to shift change (this only works if I dont have an active labor patient.  If I am on a post partum assignment, I start my last rounds early enough to account for this pumping session).  Then once I get home, I pump before I go to bed/after I eat.  Then I usually wake anywhere between 11-1 to pee/eat again, so I will pump then.  And then I will pump one more time when I am up for the day (around 3).

Day shift is different.  I am with a preceptor so she is good at kicking me out a few times to go pump.  Thankfully I work on a unit that values breastfeeding.  One shift last week I managed to pump 3 times.  The second shift I was on, I only pumped twice because we were balls to the wall slammed in the nursery and even though I wasn't technically supposed to be counted in the staffing numbers, they used me as such.  I pretty much had my own full assignment and covered the nursery sans help when my preceptor was called to deliveries.

Working nights, yes, I am pumping more often than she is nursing, but its never really affected me to the point where I am engorged at home when sleeping through the same times.  This was true also when I was post partum with DS2.  With DS1 I worked days and evenings (per diem between my current unit and per diem at another hospital doing med/surg).

[pippiann]

Staying at home is hard, it's not as easy as one would guess. I grew up with a single mother and was very happy that I have the opportunity to stay at home. Even the toughest days I don't regret not working... You can always get a job, might not be as good as the one you have now or you might not make as much $$$ but these days with your lo you will never get back. I am soo glad that I am the one taking care of my lo everyday even if that means me waking up every hour in the motn or walking up and down my 3 flights of stairs for the 100th time to put my lo to sleep. Wouldn't change a thing! Hope you can figure out what's best for you and your family.

[singingmama10]

I was a middle school music teacher. I really don't like saying "was". I miss my job, the kids, and mostly my friends I made there. However, I wouldn't change my decision to stay at home for one second. I love being the one that sees all of my sons "firsts".

[KMW08]

I work long days (urgent care) and it's always balls to the wall -- 100+ patients a day.
My schedule isn't bad, but every other week it's like I'm gone all week. It's rough being away all day and already being exhausted when I get home.

I couldn't be a sahm, I'd go nuts. It might be different with more than one kid, but right now it's not for me and isn't practical for us as a family.