TTMA Anxiety

[14joa31]

Hello, Ladies! Have any of you ever grappled with anxiety? Have any of you ever been on anti-anxiety meds? I am just wondering if my levels of anxiety are normal or not. I tend to make a lot of decisions based on the amount of stress that I think that something will cause me. I have already talked to my (former) primary care physician about this once, but I'm wondering if I should bring it up again.

How much anxiety do you think is normal? For example I'm hosting my college friends for brunch. I decided to just order a tray of eggs, biscuits and potatoes from Bob Evans rather than cooking because I'm already anxious enough about having a clean house, on top of hosting and cooking. Is this a normal thing?

I also feel overwhelmed frequently, but that may just be a necessary part of parenthood. Like it's 3:30, I've barely gotten any work done, and yet I feel like I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off all day...

[silverspoon]

FWIW, the brunch decision sounds pretty fair to me. I would totally cater the food because I would be obsessing over keeping my house clean.

I used to feel a lot more anxious, but my job sort of made me get over a lot of it. I had to be able to react in a lot of different scenarios and I just got better at dealing with new things.

I used to try and push off my anxiety. If I had an appointment, for example, I would tell myself I don't have to worry about it until I'm in the car. Then once I was in the car I would tell myself I don't have to worry about it until I arrive at the office.

I am struggling with the overwhelmed feeling a lot now which is causing issues in my marriage. I don't know if that's just a parent thing, or what.

[nikiswimr]

I had terrible postpartum anxiety after E. I used to not be able to sleep because I was so worried about bad things happening to her. And I had to stop watching the news because hearing about anything bad happening to a child was unbearable. Probably a combo of the IF/loss history and messed up postpartum hormones. It eventually got better, dare I say even back to normal. But I would still cater brunch. Hell, I'm catering her first birthday party. Some things aren't worth the stress.

[NellieOleson]

It's hard to know what someone else is experiencing, but from what you describe it sounds like normal stress to me. Anxiety is a much different thing in my personal experience.

You work full time and are the mom of two small kids. That alone is a lot on a person's plate. You also sound like you take on a ton of outside activities, too, and keep yourself really busy. I can't imagine doing all that you do! Just the fact that you are hosting friends for brunch impresses me.

I stay at home with two kids, and most of the time I am overwhelmed and exhausted. I hope once they are a little older and more independent I can get involved in some more things and do more things with friends, but right now all that stuff is on the back burner. It's just too stressful for me to juggle too much at the moment.

I have had a few times in my life where I've had severe anxiety and needed medication. Anxiety (to me) is feeling like your body is in full on fight or flight mode with no truly logical cause. It feels out of control. It feels like bad, scary thoughts have taken over your brain, are swirling around, and making you panic. Sometimes it gets so bad it literally feels like you are dying - your hands and arms tingle, you feel like you aren't breathing right, you wonder if you're having a heart attack. You have insomnia, and lie in bed panicking in the dark until you finally pass out from exhaustion at 5 am.

That is probably an extreme example, and like everything there is a spectrum. I guess I would assess your feelings and try to determine if you are just stressed from the number of commitments you have on your plate, or if it's something beyond that. Do you think if you cut down on a few things and gave yourself some more downtime it would help?

[kcrkcs]

I can't really speak to what you are feeling,and what it is but my experience of my medicated anxiety was full blown panic attacks. Similar to what NellieOleson described. I would have to pull the car over because I literally couldn't keep driving, sleeplessness, pounding heart all the thoughts, etc. etc. etc.
I have a mild level of ongoing anxiety. I tend to overthink things, stress out easily over nothing, not sleep, obsess, over react, you get the idea. I don't medicate for this anymore (unless you count my nightly glass of wine) but I do try to recognize and work through whatever it is that is the base cause very purposefully. I think that normal stress is still something that can and should be addressed by a pro if you don't think you are handling it well enough. They can give you tips and exercises to help. I am lucky that my mom is a psych so she has given me tools for much of my life to deal with stress anxiety and depression.
A couple of little things if you get in a spiral
Slow, deep breathing
Exercise helps me burn off steam. Doesn't have to be heavy duty just something where I have to focus on what I am doing.
Silly things like coloring books or puzzles. Again gets you out of the cycle. Mindless isn't good because then you can think. It has to be a mindful enough activity.
Mantras.
Anyway even normal level stress is worth dealing with in a positive way. I would totally address with a good doc, psychologist or psychiatrist.
Also fwiw I don't like the way I feel on anti anxiety meds. They make me really blah. So I got really motovated to find other ways to deal with my stuff. I have clients who are truly dependent on their meds. I can tell whenever they are off or there is a change in the protocol. Not everything is treatable with behavior therapies. That is typically the most severe cases though. Anyway sorry for the mega long essay. If I can help in anyway let me know. Feel free to PM if you prefer.

[14joa31]

You ladies - thank you! I seem to suffer from garden variety stress, which sucks but is not incapacitating like you described. I was evaluated for anxiety once in back in my law school days, but the social worker told me to do things like make lists. She didn't recommend medications.

It is so hard to balance everything. I just finished cleaning my house at 11:20 pm and am so relieved that tomorrow's brunch only involves DH picking up some trays from Bob Evans. My college friends and I take turns hosting get togethers and I usually host in January.

This may be my year of NO. I should say NO to more things, but only when I know the feeling of relief will outweigh the feeling of regret. Thanks so much for all of your insight!

[icequeen]

14joa31, I kept meaning to reply to this because I most definitely have anxiety and take medication for it daily. I believe you are completely entitled to feeling stressed about hosting a party and deciding on catering. There are definitely going to be days when you accomplish absolutely nothing, especially with 2 young children. The line needs to be drawn when this stress and anxiety prevent you from taking care of yourself and others, following through with plans, and are physically intense. If you are laying awake at night, obsessing, and second guessing everything, then I would most definitely talk to your PCP to get a psych referral because your daily functioning is becoming impaired.

[Lsquared]

14joa31 you need a cleaning service! Also don't feel bad about catering the brunch. I've been hiring out and delegating every possible thing lately. I'm stressed to the max. I have a PCP appointment in a few weeks and plan on discussing also. I have a feeling she's going to say of course you're stressed, you have two small kids and a full time job. Anyway, you're not alone. Hugs

[dizzycooks]

My ob almost laughed at me when I mentioned stress/anxiety. She was like "you have three little kids, of course you're stressed."