Ma'am and Sir

[TJ]

Are you (or do you plan to) raise your kids to say ma'am and sir?

I was not raised saying ma'am and sir. I didn't even realize that was a thing until I had a scholarship interview in high school and another girl kept saying it. And I was like, huh.

Mh was raised to say ma'am and sir. So he feels strongly about having the girls so so.

But to be honest, I don't ever see or hear anyone doing it around here. Is it old fashioned?

Tell me your thoughts please ma'am.

[kensie5226]

Are you (or do you plan to) raise your kids to say ma'am and sir? Nope.

I only ever said to my dad to be a sarcastic pain in the ass as a teenager. I'm still struggling to be "Ms Kensie" and get refer to other adults as Mr. John and Ms. Jane. I know I should, but it's super weird to me still.

I think it's cultural. It's not my jam.

[Amelia]

Definitely a cultural thing. I was raised that way, and I still find myself saying it, although that occasionally gets me some funny looks in my current location.

When CL is around, we are already referring to other adults as "Mr/Ms First name". TBD on ma'am/sir. DH was not raised that way, and it certainly seems out of the norm for this area.

[remylove1011]

Yes, I plan to raise DD to use these. I do think it's a big cultural thing and now that we live in the South its a huge deal. I use it often at work now and plan to have DD say "no ma'am" or "yes ma'am". Ive also found it's important to address people here appropriately. So the receptionist at my office is an elderly African American woman and everyone calls her "Ms. Firstname" instead of just her name.

[ampaints]

Most definitely! I was raised that way and still use them. I even say sir to M. H isn't a big fan of it, but to me it's busy polite. I already address our friends as Ms and Mr around him. Manners are way more important to me than H, so I've been left in charge of teaching them. Totally fine by me.

[murrt]

This is a big southern thing, no? (Asks the clueless northerner who has not heard much of this growing up).

I'd love to steal this from the south because I think it's a nice sign of respect. But I think please and thank you and no talking back to adults will be priority focus for us.

[karabear4409]

I was raised to say ma'am and sir. Growing up in the south, it was expected in the schools. We haven't started enforcing it with DS, but we likely will when he gets a little older.

[madamewaffles]

Main focus will be please, thank you, excuse me. I personally use ma'am and sir to unfamiliar people that I encounter in the wild.

[dashuria]

My mom was born and raised in the south and my dad was born and raised in NJ. I was born and raised in NY but my mom still taught us to say ma'am & sir. SHE even called her own parents ma'am & sir but that was too much for my dad. However, whenever we replied to a question or direction we were taught to always say "ma'am", "sir", or the person's name. Example: "Please clear the table." Reply: "Yes sir", or "yes Dad" or "yes whatever-the-persons-name-is". Basically we were never allowed to just say "yes" or "no" - a name always had to be included. None of our other friends growing up said ma'am or sir, but that was NY.

We live in the south now and I even notice parents calling their children by ma'am and sir! Actually, today in DS's baby music class one of the boys wandered off and was trying to get into something and his mom said "NO, sir!" I notice that a lot now among parents here.

Anyway, yes, we do plan on raising our kids to say sir & ma'am and/or always call adults by Mr./Mrs./Miss.

[TJ]

Jan 25, 2017 14:38:54 GMT -5 dashuria said:

My mom was born and raised in the south and my dad was born and raised in NJ. I was born and raised in NY but my mom still taught us to say ma'am & sir. SHE even called her own parents ma'am & sir but that was too much for my dad. However, whenever we replied to a question or direction we were taught to always say "ma'am", "sir", or the person's name. Example: "Please clear the table." Reply: "Yes sir", or "yes Dad" or "yes whatever-the-persons-name-is". Basically we were never allowed to just say "yes" or "no" - a name always had to be included. None of our other friends growing up said ma'am or sir, but that was NY.

We live in the south now and I even notice parents calling their children by ma'am and sir! Actually, today in DS's baby music class one of the boys wandered off and was trying to get into something and his mom said "NO, sir!"[/] I notice that a lot now among parents here.

Anyway, yes, we do plan on raising our kids to say sir & ma'am and/or always call adults by Mr./Mrs./Miss.

I totally do that! And also "no thank you" when I don't want them touching something. I didn't know that was weird!

[TJ]

Jan 25, 2017 14:38:54 GMT -5 dashuria said:

My mom was born and raised in the south and my dad was born and raised in NJ. I was born and raised in NY but my mom still taught us to say ma'am & sir. SHE even called her own parents ma'am & sir but that was too much for my dad. However, whenever we replied to a question or direction we were taught to always say "ma'am", "sir", or the person's name. Example: "Please clear the table." Reply: "Yes sir", or "yes Dad" or "yes whatever-the-persons-name-is". Basically we were never allowed to just say "yes" or "no" - a name always had to be included. None of our other friends growing up said ma'am or sir, but that was NY.

We live in the south now and I even notice parents calling their children by ma'am and sir! Actually, today in DS's baby music class one of the boys wandered off and was trying to get into something and his mom said "NO, sir!" I notice that a lot now among parents here.

Anyway, yes, we do plan on raising our kids to say sir & ma'am and/or always call adults by Mr./Mrs./Miss.

I totally do that! And also "no thank you" when I don't want them touching something. I didn't know that was weird!

[megrae12]

Born and raised in the South and grew up saying ma'am and sir. I still say it. Superman will grow up saying it. It is unilaterally enforced in my family, which I like. All kids are subject to being reminded to say it to those who are older as a sign of respect.

[luvboston]

My kids will never say it! I think that using it at home can cause children to think that they are lesser than adults. At our house everyone is on an equal playing field. If my 3 yr old has a problem with my 60 yr old dad she walks up to him says papa and spews her business. I feel that if she had to say sir to him she wouldn't feel comfortable speaking her mind.

My kids will always say please, thank you, excuse me and I'm sorry.

I think not saying your sorry is the worst trait in a human being.
Hence why my mil is called Voldemort.

[ampaints]

luvboston in my family sir ands ma'am is for everyone, no matter the age. So adults say it to children as well. It's not about age, it's about respect.

I also get the don't call me ma'am/sir all the time. But yeah, I seriously can't help it.

[bluefairy5]

We won't be doing ma'am/sir as a consistently, daily, with close family kind of thing. I think even if I wanted to (meh) it'd be a lost cause in this family, because my niece and nephew call us by our first names, no Aunt/Uncle Bluefairy.

I grew up in Atlanta and I say it sometimes in a fairly casual way to strangers and such. Mostly men. Some younger Millennial held a door for me yesterday while calling me ma'am and I felt Old.

[kaf7]

I don't think our kids will use ma'am and sir. I never used it and neither did DH but on a funny note I had a phone conversation with someone today at work and they called me sir throughout. And we have met repeatedly face to face.

eta: I am a woman. 

[nicole336]

I grew up in the South so they definitely will say it. But I also say it to them-- "No, sir! We use gentle touches" etc. it's definitely cultural I think.

[rainbowbridge14]

I never used either, and it really has never been on my radar. but I also grew up with a California hippie for a mother and and my dad's community it was definitely not part of the culture.

In general we probably won't is them. I'm on our family members we have other terms and names to show respect. The one place where this has been a thing is with our home daycare provider who teaches the children to say Ms. or Mr. Firstname. I figure she can learn the norms of different spaces and use Ms. and Mr.there but realize we don't do that at home.

[Deleted]

I was not raised to say it, save for a professional setting. "Nice to meet you, sir. Can I get you a refill on your drink, ma'am?" That sort of thing. That is what I will be teaching my girls as well. I find it really creepy to use inside of a family - I am "Mommy" not "Ma'am," my dad is "Grandpa" not "sir." I get that it's probably a regional/cultural thing, but it has never sat well with me, unless it is being used as a term of respect to a stranger.

[mnj05]

I was raised to say both and still do. In fact, when my kids at school ask a question or call my name, I'll answer back with yes ma'am or yes sir. DS1 already says both anytime DH and I ask him to do something.

[bluefairy5]

Jan 25, 2017 21:35:57 GMT -5 nicole336 said:

I grew up in the South so they definitely will say it. But I also say it to them-- "No, sir! We use gentle touches" etc. it's definitely cultural I think.

Yes, I do this too.  (As noted by PP, too.)  "No, ma'am!  You do NOT stand up on the couch!  Now we have to get down!"

[ruthie]

Jan 25, 2017 20:36:04 GMT -5 bluefairy5 said:

We won't be doing ma'am/sir as a consistently, daily, with close family kind of thing. I think even if I wanted to (meh) it'd be a lost cause in this family, because my niece and nephew call us by our first names, no Aunt/Uncle Bluefairy.

I grew up in Atlanta and I say it sometimes in a fairly casual way to strangers and such. Mostly men. Some younger Millennial held a door for me yesterday while calling me ma'am and I felt Old.

This exactly for us too. I grew up calling aunts and uncles by their first names and a good number of my nieces and nephews do the same (on my side). DH's family is southern southern southern!! They use sir and ma'am (although, I do it when I say no.)

On another note, I didn't know you are from Atlanta. I lived in Lawrenceville when DH was in grad school at GaTech.

[emilie]

Definitely a cultural thing - I grew up in New England and now live in SoCal and it isn't really a thing in either place. Sir and ma'am are more things that I always said to strangers whose names I didn't know, and mostly when I was working in service jobs. And I always knew to be very careful with "ma'am" as you don't want to offend a younger woman with it. I don't think we will be teaching DD to use those terms outside of that type of context.

[lindy04aggie]

Yes. I was raised that way and still use them. One woman I said "yes ma'am" to told me that it made her feel old. I told her that it wasn't my intention, that I was raised to use it as a sign of respect. She loved that. I just think it's polite.

[fightersince83]

No, but it's not something that's common where I live. It seems like there are regional areas in the US where this would be more common place. My parents did insist we call people Mr/Mrs.
Even when ppl's parents insisted I didn't have to do that, I just couldn't not call them Mr/Mrs. I've been saying Miss or Auntie/Uncle when I introduce my daughter to people or close friends. Obviously she doesn't get it now (too young) but I will continue it because I think it's a sign of respect.