TTMA permanent birth control

[Deleted]

We are 99.9999% sure we don't want any kids.  H doesn't want a vasectomy.  So I am thinking of maybe a tubal?  Anyone have one? Anyone's H get a vasectomy? 


I am trying to rack my brain, but I am having a hard time thinking what would cause me to change my mind on a third.  I know people have babies until 50 or so, right?  But realistically like 42 or 43 or 45 right, so I am looking at being near the end of my fertility anyway sort of? I wouldn't really want a kid past 42 anyway, so I am only looking at a window of 6 years where I could change my mind on having more. 

I don't know if it is worth it, if I kind of want to still stay on BC anyway since it was helping with my PMDD and much lighter periods, so not for pregnancy prevention but for other reasons. 

I just really don't want an oops and am tired of being the one doing all the BC work, but if I still want to be on BC then I still do the work, but not the worry...

[k3am]

DH got a vasectomy very recently. We have a couple friends who had had them, and he was able to see that the recovery process really isn't that awful. He also agreed that since I went through the pain of pushing the babies out, that it was his turn to take one for the team.

They did it on a Friday. He was sore for a couple days, but good as new on Monday. I wish they had done it on a Tuesday or Wednesday. I would rather have him work from home and/or be uncomfortable at work than unable to help as much as normal on the weekends.

If we lived anywhere else, I may have pushed for 3. But where we live, two kids is the cost of our current mortgage. And while we live in a "starter" home, it's still a big number.

[sandandsea]

We aren't in the v camp yet but may be in the future. I got an iud after ds2 so am good for 5 years. We will re-evaluate then as We will be 41 when it has to be replaced or whatever. From what I've heard vs really are the way to go. But I've also suffered from horrible periods so I don't mind being on bc.

[mae0111]

My DH had a V when DD2 was 3 months old. Like k3am, he saw me deliver 2 kids and felt that it was his turn.

It was awful. He was one of those fringe cases where something went wrong, and he in bed for over 2 weeks. Think Grapefruit. Once he could stand, he couldn't wear actual pants - just athletic shorts or sweats. It took months for the swelling and pain to go away completely.

I know that it's not the norm, but it does happen. I have heard that there can be negative effects with a tubal as well, and I had awful periods before I had an ablation, so that was off the table for me.

[callmeKD]

if I have a c-section, then I'm having a tubal done. if not, then my H is have a vasectomy. from what I understand, the tubal is major surgery compared to the vasectomy/but super easy to do if I'm already having a c section.

why doesn't your H want a vasectomy?

[Widget123]

My plan is to stay on the IUD train for the rest of my fertility, i.e. pop out and replace with a new one every 5 years.

[Deleted]

I am not sure of all his reasons. I imagine it is a manhood thing as well as not wanting to be off work and dealing with the pain. And just not wanting to deal with it all together because of being so busy at work and partly at home, that he never has time to do much else then just maintain rather than plan ahead. Also, he would have to find a doctor etc.

My fear with the IUD would be that it would mess up the pretty good hormone balance I have going on with my BC pills. So BC pills are my preference for me with a vasectomy for him. But I still worry about an accidental pregnancy because of instances like going on vacation and forgetting to take my pill for 3 days or whatever, and I had to abstain for a week after. I mean that doesn't happen that often, but occasionally.

Condoms have been known to break on us, so I would definitely not use those. Those would be least reliable for us.

I wonder what he would say if I mention the tubal.  Would he be opposed because secretly he doesn't want to close that window even though we don't want more kids? Or would he be like go for it? 

[helenahhandbasket]

IF you changed your mind I do think a vasectomy could possibly be reversed. Not sure if a tubal can?

[rere26]

I can't do hormonal bc and my copper IUD hated me. I had a tubal right before 40 because I was done and mom reminded me that great grandma had her 12th child at 42. She's helpful like that. Worst thing was that anesthesia. I should have gotten a nausea patch for that. I was down about 3 days and took it easy a few more.

[twinmomma]

I am firmly in the IUD forever camp since it made me stop having periods altogether. I'm going to milk that as long as possible. But, if we had to choose between tubal and vasectomy, we'd go vasectomy and DH agrees. It's a much less invasive surgery and I believe it is reversible. I would actually not be opposed to DH getting the V and then still staying on an IUD for me. I am terrified of another oops pregnancy, so I totally get your fear there. It's an awful stress to have it weighing on the back of your mind all the time and is a big part of why I went with an IUD after having the girls.

What is your H's real reasoning for not wanting a vasectomy? Because in all reality, it is a pretty small procedure for guys, isn't it? If he just feels that the procedure and recovery are "inconvenient" I would be heavily reminding him of how inconvenient a newborn is. Honestly, I'd want a really good, solid reason for why he's against it before taking it off the table as an option.

[CoverGirl82]

MH has a vasectomy scheduled in a couple months. (Right before our kids' spring break, which was very convenient so we have an excuse not to go visit his sister.) We have talked over the last few years about if we want another kid, and we are in agreement that we are happy with our family as it currently is. Also, I feel that my body is not designed to have kids. I had to have C-sections and I couldn't produce barely any breastmilk. I told DH that it's his turn to get cut because I've already been cut twice.

DH was told that the success rate in reversing vasectomies is around 50%.

[k3am]

DH was told that reversing a vasectomy is about $12k and not covered by (at least our) insurance.

[Deleted]

Jan 25, 2017 14:28:05 GMT -5 mae0111 said:

My DH had a V when DD2 was 3 months old. Like k3am , he saw me deliver 2 kids and felt that it was his turn.

It was awful. He was one of those fringe cases where something went wrong, and he in bed for over 2 weeks. Think Grapefruit. Once he could stand, he couldn't wear actual pants - just athletic shorts or sweats. It took months for the swelling and pain to go away completely.

I know that it's not the norm, but it does happen. I have heard that there can be negative effects with a tubal as well, and I had awful periods before I had an ablation, so that was off the table for me.

Love tit for sharing your story.  Not for the bad things that happened to your H.  Poor guy. 

[nomnom]

MH had a vasectomy about 14 years ago (prior marriage) and had it reversed 4 years ago. There can be side effects to a vasectomy. Testosterone can tank, bringing a host of unpleasant symptoms that sometimes require hormone replacement therapy. This is where MH may be heading eventually.

[Deleted]

he doesn't really go into his reasons- he just says no and then says I am pushing him. I am sure I could talk about newborns being inconvenient not to mention the expense. Might be another way without actually saying the V word.

[Deleted]

Jan 25, 2017 15:27:07 GMT -5 nomnom said:

MH had a vasectomy about 14 years ago (prior marriage) and had it reversed 4 years ago. There can be side effects to a vasectomy. Testosterone can tank, bringing a host of unpleasant symptoms that sometimes require hormone replacement therapy. This is where MH may be heading eventually.

Yeah I worry about this too.  What if we divorce and he wants another one?  Part of the reason I am not pushing too hard.   I can't really see a world where I would want another one even if we divorce, but men can have kids much longer than women.  And thank you for mentioning the side effects. 

[justcheckingin73]

I had my 2nd at 37 and he was/is a difficult kid so it was an easy decision for us. My dh got a vasectomy. I stayed on the pill until 40 bc of lighter periods but went off per the recommendation of my doctor. Since then I dealt with a couple of years of heavy periods and mood swings and got sick of it. I just went back on them because of that but I still worry about the side effects and being past 40 even though my new doc didn't think it was an issue. Honestly I'm ready for a total hysterectomy. I want to be done with periods. 

I'll be 44 this year and I actually had some secret baby fever for a few years after I had my 2nd. But since I turned 40/41, it's been off the table for me. I know other people do it but I can't imagine having a baby at this age. 

I'd still push for the vasectomy. 

[sdlaura]

Add me to the IUD forever group. I was really anti hormonal birth control since I had issues on BCPs, but my doctor told me she thought I'd be fine on the Mirena because the hormones are so localized. She was right - I had no hormonal issues and loved not having regular periods. I always thought I'd have DH get a vasectomy when were done, but I now plan to just get IUDs forever. I figure there's no need to do anything surgical now.

[oldbaylover1024]

MH has agreed to a vasectomy. Me and BC do not mix - I've tried everything from the mini-pill to the copper IUD (and Mirena) and had horrible side effects with everything. He agreed that a VS is less invasive and can be reversed.

Plus, the VS is 100% covered by our insurance whereas a tubal is not. I'm having my second C-section in about two weeks and, even though I'll already be open on the table, insurance STILL won't completely cover the cost of a tubal for me.

With MH's willingness and the insurance issues, we decided a VS is the way to go.

I'll tell you he's freaked out and worried - I mean, it is surgery. But he's 100% willing to do it.

[chrispy1122]

I had a tubal during my second c-section almost two years ago because we knew we wanted to be done with two and we were terribly irresponsible with more conventional forms of birth control. It made total sense for is since I had a c-section anyway and it added less than 10 minutes to the procedure and almost no additional time to the recovery. I was initially worried when we were considering it about negative side effects that I read on the internet about hormone issues, weight gain, mood swings, heavy periods, etc. but my doctor explained to me that my hormones shouldn't change because my ovaries are still there.

My understanding with a non-csection tubal is that recovery is ordinarily not too bad since they typically do the incision laparoscopically but you have to undergo anesthesia and it's obviously a lot more invasive than a vasectomy.

I'm in my early 30's and so far I have no regrets. It gives me so much peace of mind to know that we won't have an oops. I don't know if my career and sanity can handle a third maternity leave and newborn. I'm also not a big baby person, I loved my babies, but it's so much more fun for me now that they're toddlers (I love this age). It's nice to never have to think about bc, but I'd hold off if you're going the tiniest bit unsure about whether you're done.

[seamonster]

If I have another c-section, I might do a tubal then. Otherwise H will be getting a vasectomy. It's out-patient surgery for him and he can suck it up after I'm done bearing our children.

[mommyatty]

I can't do hormonal including Mirena because of terrible migraines. I had Mirena for 3 weeks and took a years' worth of migraine meds in that time.

I already have heavy periods so no copper iud for me.

I was going to do the little things that block your ovaries, but they have nickel and I have a nickel sensitivity, so no to those.

I am left with a tubal bc DH is terrified of the big V. We've been arguing about it for 3 years, and he's not budging.

[saltypearl]

I had a tubal because I had a c-section however, I think it is an absolute load of BS when a dude won't do an out patient procedure and would put his wife at risk for a general anaesthetic operation with a significant recovery time. How is a man's terror greater than a woman's for a more intensive procedure? He may have complications, but you could die under anasthetic...that sounds grand?!?

[2chatter]

My ex and DH both got vasectomies and neither had any issues. DH had his done on a Thursday and flew out the following Monday morning for work. I would not have been down with a tubal - you are far more generous than I.

DH was weird about it - turns out he hates the loss of control due to anesthesia. I told him I didn't enjoy childbirth either and to get over it. I babied him - we got there early so he could talk through his total fear, promised him I would stay in the room (they made me leave), promised I would be there when he woke (I was). For days he was worried about it, but he's glad he did it.

[frozenpeas]

Have you considered trying an IUD first to see what, if anything, it does to your hormonal balance? If you're unhappy you can have it removed, go back on BC, and consider one of the more invasive options for you or your husband.

[Deleted]

He has never mentioned I get a tubal. This is just something I was wondering/ thinking about. Maybe I should look into an IUD more- I just like my hormones the best on this pill though.

I too am allergic to nickel, so that was something I learned today in my research.

Good to know that I might get baby fever in a couple of years/ maybe not. I might want to hold off permanent until I am 40/41.

[marshian]

No kids here yet (first due in June), but my H is a urologist and does Vs all the time. He's also done some reversals (all successful). The chance of having a bad V recovery is low. (Sorry to whomever's H dealt with grapefruit!) H has already said he'll do the V when we're done.

[2chatter]

@clarypax I still can't say enough good things about hormone therapy. I'm just better on meds to keep me balanced. So that's a post IUD option....

[emmyg65]

My H had a vasectomy and it's AWESOME. After being pregnant, giving birth and BFing for 16 months, it's pretty much the least he can do. And actually, he had a vasectomy, a reversal so we could conceive, and another vasectomy. I have a really hard time with men who are done having children but won't get snipped.

[enigmaticdrscully]

Jan 25, 2017 15:27:07 GMT -5 nomnom said:

MH had a vasectomy about 14 years ago (prior marriage) and had it reversed 4 years ago. There can be side effects to a vasectomy. Testosterone can tank, bringing a host of unpleasant symptoms that sometimes require hormone replacement therapy. This is where MH may be heading eventually.

@nomnom, do you have a citation for the bolded text (research article demonstrating this effect)? MH had a V last year, I'm a physician, and I was not able to find any evidence backing this claim, only non-scholarly articles from magazines like Men's Health.

MH felt the procedure was more painful that he had anticipated and made some offhand comment that "if I'd known how it felt..." I stopped him there and reminded him that it was significantly less intense, shorter duration, etc. than childbirth pain, and that was the end of his complaining. Seriously, though, I think he was very uncomfortable that night, mildly uncomfortable for 24hr, and maybe needed to take Tylenol for 2 days.