Aw: Letter from the RE office.

[kaf7]

Got our annual invoice for sperm storage today and I have lots of feels. Our first diagnosis was azoo. DH spent 15m doing stims EVERY day and it cost so much money. From that we froze what we got out of 3 deposits after I got pg with s1. We subsequently did 2 fresh ivf cycles and a FET. We have 5 straws left I think with a total of about 40 000 sperm I think. Neither of us want to do ivf again. Prior to this letter arriving I was certain I didn't want more kids. I know mh would love more if it was easy. And I know he'd love for them to just thaw the straws and do an IUI type of thing. I feel like I have to make the final decision on ttc before feb 9. Either we continue to pay several hundred dollars a year to save the sperm or we sign the form for them to pitch it. If you asked me yesterday I'd say I was done ttc and didn't want to keep paying the fee. But then the actual letter arrived and I am feeling hesitant and also fuif that I have to decide rather than just letting life play out if you kwim.

[MellyKnu]

Ugh. What an awful position to be in. My gut instinct is to keep paying if you have any doubts to save yourself the heartache if you change your mind later.

[kaf7]

Thanks MellyKnu, that's what I did last year. And I had no doubts that was the right thing to do when s2 was only a month old. But as of a week ago I was fully committed to being done, and the chances of another successful cycle, let alone via iui is so slim I just don't know if it justifies continuing to spend the money.... I also wish MH would give a strong opinion. But he is "do whatever you think is right" at the moment. But i feel like I will be letting him down if I opt to dispose of the sperm. I think that is the real issue here. And that I can't just let him down gently by slowly getting to my 40s and it just never happening. If I want to do that it is a dollar a day for the next 10y. Doesn't seem like a lot of money framed that way but it is more than my yearly clothing budget.

[4paws]

I dread getting this letter. Sorry you are dealing. I personally think the "do whatever you think is right" stance is a cop out by your husband and the decision should be made together. How would he feel if you turned that around on him and had him make the decision?

(My H uses this cop out from time to time and I e started calling him on it.. it's not fair!. so I also may be projecting )

[leahb12]

I hate that we have to make these decisions. We recently stopped storing our embryos and donated them to research. We had held on to them for 4.5 years just in case we decided to try again. As much as I'm done having kids, I sobbed for several nights in a row. I'm still sad, but I don't regret it. And now I also think about the thousands of dollars we wasted storing them.

I wish I had an answer for you. It sucks.

[luvboston]

Hugs IF sucks but even if there is a 5% chance you might use the sperm I would keep them another year.

[madamewaffles]

Sending ::hugs::. I'm sorry you are being thrust into decision-making mode so suddenly. We are in the same position and I dread every time that invoice comes. I agree with others that even if you feel any shred of doubt to keep it up in case you have a change of heart. So tough. Lots of hugs.

[Deleted]

These kinds of decisions are the worst. We've already been through hell to have a *chance* of having children, and then we get faced with stuff like this, because, apparently, us IFers haven't suffered enough. DH and I face this every year for our embryo storage (we pay yearly at a discounted rate, rather than the usual quarterly at our clinic). DH is firmly in the "twins are enough" camp and I still want one more. I pay because even if there is a 1% chance that we might try for a younger sibling one day, then the fees were worth it. (I REFUSE to go through stimming again. If our five embies can't give us another baby, that's it for us.)

I would say, if there's any shadow of a doubt in your mind about you using the sperm in the future, hang on to it. Personally, I'd rather have "buyer's regret" rather than "seller's remorse," so to speak. In the long run, storage for another year has got to be cheaper (and way less time consuming and much more certain) than having to go through stimming and all of that again.

BUT, you know your family best, and you need to do what's the best thing for it.

[rainbowbridge14]

I don't have any better words than what have already been offered. Just sending hugs and. Big FUIF for forcing tgese decisions on us.

[fightersince83]

Yeah, it's easy to say you know what you'll do until you're in the situation. Feeling like you're being put on the spot to make a decision is shitty. It should be a joint decision though so sorry husband, you don't get to throw you hands up on this one. Unless either of you is a hard no, then you should decide together. And yes, it's a day I dread

[ampaints]

That bill seriously sucks. Even though we were donating and had our information out there I hesitated when the bill came. It brought out a ton of what ifs. For me I found that it really was a temporary feeling and I'm glad we ended up matching and adopting our embryos. Big hugs, IF hits you in so many unexpected ways.

[westiemom]

Big hugs. IF is so unfair.

[gratefulandthankful]

Life has a funny way of playing out. I'd keep it. BOL with whatever you decide.

[mg0202]

I just paid the yearly storage fee for our last embryo because I couldn't bear to make a decision....and we are 100% done. It sucks all the choices you have to make. I have no great advice, just follow your heart. Hugs

[emmuffy]

Agree with pp -even if the chance is tiny I would keep paying until you and your partner know in your hearts that you're done and you've fully processed the emotions that come with that decision. I'm paying for both embryos and sperm for at least one more year. Hugs!

[wibblywobbly]

I dread this letter when it comes this year. We have no idea what we're doing and feel like we're flying blind. Making these choices is just another painful, difficult, and unfair thing that comes along with IF. I agree with everyone else, even if there is the smallest chance that you'll want more children I'd pay for another year.

[kaf7]

Thanks for all the input ladies. I think I will need to pay it. Not because I want more kids, but because I think MH does and I am not ready to make a final decision on his behalf.

[mrsamyd]

Hugs kaf7, I hear you on hating the storage bill. Mine is due in March, so it should arrive sometime next month. I did read to the bottom and you've made your decision. I have to offer support because I don't think one person should have to make the final call.

[karabear4409]

I agree with PPs on paying for the storage again. It's not something you can undo once it's done, and it's important that you both feel ready to be done having more kids. You wouldn't want him feeling any regret or resentfulness later. I'm sure that's all of mind fuck of emotions though. Hugs.

[Deleted]

I'm glad you were able to make a decision. I just got my letter on Monday for my remaining embryos. And both DH and I are 100% done having kids, but I'm still having a hard time signing off on it and making a final decision.

[bluefairy5]

Catching up here after a crazy last day or so. IF is the worst, verse 347. (Or maybe verse 365? If you have an annual storage bill? Heh.) (Sorry, sorry, I'm the worst.)

I am mostly here to send hugs for the tough decision, and commiserate. I imagine all of us in this thread feel lucky to have anything frozen at all that will give us another chance (whether IUI, FET, what have you), but that doesn't really make the process of deciding over years any more palatable.