My sweet heart baby, Ripley, and I are getting February (Congenital Heart Defect Awareness) started.
Although you likely know my story if you are in this BMB, here is a post about our journey: rrtor.blogspot.com/2017/02/journey-of-heart-mom.html Please share this with those who you think may benefit from our story.
CHDs are the most frequently occurring birth defect, often without any genetic basis and to moms with no risk factors for abnormal pregnancies. Ripley is "1 in 100" and the little love of my life.
Post by spicysalmonroll on Feb 2, 2017 8:28:13 GMT -5
shanny, read your blog last night but didn't have a chance to respond. Thanks for sharing that! I'm sure I would have all the same feelings as you if I had to face similar circumstances. You are such a great mom.
Not much going on with me, just life with a 6 month old which is super fun and tiring as you all know firsthand! I know several people on this board have moved states since their babes were born. We are considering a 3,000 mile move as well. But it took H 8 years to work his way up to first shift so he wants to transfer locations and I told him I won't do it unless he can keep first shift. Which I think is impossible because each location goes by their own seniority list. So we have a call in to HR but I'm not holding my breath!
spicysalmonroll Thanks! I can't believe these babies are turning six months old!!! I hope that all works out for you guys with jobs and potential move.
Ugh. I think I want to go back to work in August. How do you SAHMs not lose your mind? I'm out of patience today and I only have 1. DS is fussing at everything and I don't know what else to do with him. It's 24 degrees, so outside is out.
Ugh. I think I want to go back to work in August. How do you SAHMs not lose your mind? I'm out of patience today and I only have 1. DS is fussing at everything and I don't know what else to do with him. It's 24 degrees, so outside is out.
Yeah, I have my days where I start to lose my mind too. I feel like I'm losing track of myself because I'm always doing for the babies and H and never for me. I decided I'm going to go back to school next year. I feel so fortunate to have this first year with them but I can't do it forever.
Ugh. I think I want to go back to work in August. How do you SAHMs not lose your mind? I'm out of patience today and I only have 1. DS is fussing at everything and I don't know what else to do with him. It's 24 degrees, so outside is out.
Yeah, I have my days where I start to lose my mind too. I feel like I'm losing track of myself because I'm always doing for the babies and H and never for me. I decided I'm going to go back to school next year. I feel so fortunate to have this first year with them but I can't do it forever.
H has been awesome with DS, but I find myself telling him I need time to myself to do get stuff done or do something for just me. And when I get time, it ends up being like an hour before he's like, "OK, my turn to get stuff done." And takes several hours. My time ends up being when DS is in bed for the night and by then I'm exhausted and don't want to do anything but veg out. I've started looking for a part time job, something that is 1 night a week to start, just to get away. But now I feel like I want my job back (not the same place, but to go back to teaching).
I'm starting to feel like a bad mother with my lack if patience. DS started losing his mind before his nap (we were in his room rocking). So I set him on the floor, sitting up because he's been doing well unassisted, to play while I cooled off in the chair right next to him. Well, he fell over and hit his head on the carpet and lost his mind. I comforted him immediately, of course, but I should have just laid him on his back or belly. Thankfully, he was fine.
H has been awesome with DS, but I find myself telling him I need time to myself to do get stuff done or do something for just me. And when I get time, it ends up being like an hour before he's like, "OK, my turn to get stuff done." And takes several hours. My time ends up being when DS is in bed for the night and by then I'm exhausted and don't want to do anything but veg out. I've started looking for a part time job, something that is 1 night a week to start, just to get away. But now I feel like I want my job back (not the same place, but to go back to teaching).
On maternity leave, I told my husband that I needed one day - one whoooooooole day - to myself. Saturday or Sunday was fine, but he was going to be in charge, make the decisions, and try to get things done while she napped so I could be free for a bit. It was awesome (when it happened). I needed to recharge so badly after day after day at home with her.
If you're serious about going back to work, I'll tell you how I feel about it: I love going to work. I was never meant to be home with a small child. I love her, I love playing with her, I love our weekends together, but I so badly craved balance between the me that I was and the me that I am now. It's what I was trying to achieve with the one day a weekend to myself, but didn't quite get there.
Please don't feel badly about needing a break. We all need breaks from everyone in our lives, including those closest to us. I get ruffled when my husband is home all weekend - I need to be alone sometimes to be my best. That has always been how I am and it won't change because I have a child. So, I take it. A sane, happy mom is worth more any day than a stressed, unhappy one.
Do what you need to do for yourself. No one else will take care of you except you. :-)
H has been awesome with DS, but I find myself telling him I need time to myself to do get stuff done or do something for just me. And when I get time, it ends up being like an hour before he's like, "OK, my turn to get stuff done." And takes several hours. My time ends up being when DS is in bed for the night and by then I'm exhausted and don't want to do anything but veg out. I've started looking for a part time job, something that is 1 night a week to start, just to get away. But now I feel like I want my job back (not the same place, but to go back to teaching).
On maternity leave, I told my husband that I needed one day - one whoooooooole day - to myself. Saturday or Sunday was fine, but he was going to be in charge, make the decisions, and try to get things done while she napped so I could be free for a bit. It was awesome (when it happened). I needed to recharge so badly after day after day at home with her.
If you're serious about going back to work, I'll tell you how I feel about it: I love going to work. I was never meant to be home with a small child. I love her, I love playing with her, I love our weekends together, but I so badly craved balance between the me that I was and the me that I am now. It's what I was trying to achieve with the one day a weekend to myself, but didn't quite get there.
Please don't feel badly about needing a break. We all need breaks from everyone in our lives, including those closest to us. I get ruffled when my husband is home all weekend - I need to be alone sometimes to be my best. That has always been how I am and it won't change because I have a child. So, I take it. A sane, happy mom is worth more any day than a stressed, unhappy one.
Do what you need to do for yourself. No one else will take care of you except you. :-)
Thank you so much for this.
I thought I would love staying at home with the kiddo, and I do. But I get no break on the weekends either. I feel like H doesn't actually get that, even though he says he does. He tells our friends that even though we have a child now, our lives haven't changed much. I was so taken aback by that comment and it made me realize how little he gets it. Everything has changed for me, I don't get to do anything for myself anymore, I'm never alone anymore. Yet, he still gets to work on house or hard projects, play video games, gt any out with friends, etc.
Don't get me wrong, H is wonderful in helping when I ask/tell him to, but he doesn't get how much I do and how my job doesn't end at 5pm on Friday like his does.
I thought I would love staying at home with the kiddo, and I do. But I get no break on the weekends either. I feel like H doesn't actually get that, even though he says he does. He tells our friends that even though we have a child now, our lives haven't changed much. I was so taken aback by that comment and it made me realize how little he gets it. Everything has changed for me, I don't get to do anything for myself anymore, I'm never alone anymore. Yet, he still gets to work on house or hard projects, play video games, gt any out with friends, etc.
Don't get me wrong, H is wonderful in helping when I ask/tell him to, but he doesn't get how much I do and how my job doesn't end at 5pm on Friday like his does.
Gaaaaah. I would lose my mind at this comment.
This is something that Jay and I actually argued about quite a bit while I was on maternity leave. It seemed as though his life got to just keep going on this serene path (Showers every morning! Out of the house without a small human! Lunches with friends!) while mine was a war zone (What's a shower? Or lunch? Or leaving the house?) He just didn't get it.
I found (and still find) it very hard to ask for help. I feel like the baby is my responsibility. If she's awake, then I should be doing everything for her and I can't rest until she's sleeping. This schedule was killing me slowly, especially after I went back to work. It resulted in some fights and a lot of tears. But we're progressing - slowly - to an understanding. It's a constant, ongoing conversation.
Overall, we're both guilty - I do everything and resent him; he doesn't jump in unless I ask. So, I'm trying to do less and he's trying to be cognizant of what he can do while I'm busy. We're not at all at the 50:50 split that I'd like, but I'll take 65:35 over the 90:10 that it used to be. And I'll savor my coffee in peace at work!
joy like you I actually feel like working makes me a better mom. I need that balance to recharge. I still don't get "me" time since even on my day off I'm doing things for the house. I look forward to being home with them.
Also life gets slightly easier when they're 1 and better able to occupy themselves. Or at least that was my experience with DD and hope it's true for DS.
I will also say DH was much better with helping the second time around. He didn't get it the first time. He felt I could handle it or didn't know what to do. This time around he jumped right in.
Post by spicysalmonroll on Feb 2, 2017 19:32:33 GMT -5
pbandjelly dude my H says the same thing. He also has all this time to do his own thing while I most definitely do not. He helps out and is great but it's just not the same for him at all. Ugh
PDQ And to top off my day with DS screaming most of the day, H and I are not speaking. I was trying to get DS to bed and H tried calling from the store to ask about something. I didn't have my phone on me because I'm I took DS to bed while he was screaming, so I missed all of his calls. He came home mad that I didn't answer my phone. Seriously?! I'm pretty sure I went from Bruce Banner to the Hulk in 0.1 seconds and tried very hard not to break him in half.
pbandjelly hugs. kudos on not breaking your H, i might have!
the baby started daycare this week, 3 days- tues, weds, and thurs, because i was losing my mind trying to do it all. i wasn't getting enough done during the day with him home, so after dinner and kids in bed, i was working a few more hours at night. it was exhausting. i don't get breaks on weekends or DH bitches about how he can't get any work done on this damn house.
I go to Macon next week for work. Leaving Monday night, back super late Thursday night. DH is trying really hard to get the baby to bed right now to get him used to it for next week. C is not happy. Usually i handle that. Usually I handle all the things. I'm worried for him. He's a great dad and all, but the baby and B are both total mama's kids.
Good morning! I can't believe ds2 is 6 months old today! Time has flown by sooo quickly.
We had PT this morning. His 6 month pedi visit isn't until next Friday, but we will see if he needs to continue PT or not. He now has full range of motion in his neck, but still occassionally has a little bit of the head tilt that is common with torticollis. We'll see if our dr feels if he's ready to graduate - the PT feels he is doing really well, so that's a good sign!
My ILs are driving me nuts. They have opinions about everything and have spent the ENTIRE morning challenging me about sleep training and solids. They have an obsession with oatmeal and want me to give them oatmeal instead of vegetables and are convinced that if they eat more solids, they will STTN. And H is doing a terrible job of backing me up on anything, so I've spent the morning being the bad guy. I'm so over it.
My ILs are driving me nuts. They have opinions about everything and have spent the ENTIRE morning challenging me about sleep training and solids. They have an obsession with oatmeal and want me to give them oatmeal instead of vegetables and are convinced that if they eat more solids, they will STTN. And H is doing a terrible job of backing me up on anything, so I've spent the morning being the bad guy. I'm so over it.
I don't understand why people feel the need to do this. It's fucking annoying. Being a mom is hard enough, we don't need any criticism from people who clearly have no idea what the fuck they're talking about. I'm sorry Boca.
I'm positive you're doing everything right, and I'm always right so there
My ILs are driving me nuts. They have opinions about everything and have spent the ENTIRE morning challenging me about sleep training and solids. They have an obsession with oatmeal and want me to give them oatmeal instead of vegetables and are convinced that if they eat more solids, they will STTN. And H is doing a terrible job of backing me up on anything, so I've spent the morning being the bad guy. I'm so over it.
I'm sorry they're doing this. ((Hugs)) I know you know this, but just to back you up some. Solids don't make baby STTN and not doing oatmeal is fine. It's all myths or old views! You're doing great!
Me (30) MH (32) Dx: MFI (low all the things) M. 10/11. TTC Since 01/14 IUI#1-3(Letrozole + Trigger) = BFN Second Opinion. Changed RE's. IVF 09/15 Long Lupron 12R/9M/8F, Transferred 1=BFN. 4 frosties. FET #1 12/15 Transferred 1 (3 still on ice)
E had his 6 month appointment today! He is now in the 7th% for weight (woohoo!). Doctor said rolling is a 4-6 month milestone, and since he is just now 6 months it's ok. He's on the late end for that milestone, but it isn't concerning yet. Doc also said that E is definitely strong enough, since he can push up and also tripod sit. Just have to figure out how to motivate him better.
bocaburger I'm sorry that IL are being so judgy and DH isn't backing you up. Two babies are hard. I feel like you need a break. Maybe next time IL are over you can get out of the house and do something you enjoy. Lack of sleep plus all day being a caregiver is a lot. Hugs and just remember you are a great mom. Only you are an expert and know what's best. Try to block out all the rules and do whatever is easiest for you right now. If that's a pacifier, nursing to sleep, or sleep training great!
Operation get DS back in crib unsuccessful. He lasted 1.5 hours. Guess despite increased reflux medicine he still needs/wants incline. I'll try again in a couple days. He's not trying to escape RNP and he's sleeping so no big deal.
My ped told us to start later but go straight to veggies and skip cereal and/or oatmeal. That's the latest recommendation so things have changed since your ILs time.
Also it's a myth that solids help them sleep longer/better. If anything it can make it worse because their tummies are getting adjusted. I read that babies tend to start sleeping a lot better around 6 months which is coincidentally about when you are first giving them solids. But they aren't actually related.
I know sleep training is controversial etc so I'm just repeating what I've heard but not saying it's true. I've heard that babies don't STTN until they are ready. It's a milestone just like crawling, rolling over, walking. You can't force them to crawl before they are ready and you can't force them to STTN before they are ready. So I just try to remind myself of that when I get frustrated with my daughters poor nighttime sleeping. A few weeks ago she learned to roll over and now very recently she's discovered tummy sleeping. Suddenly she's sleeping much deeper and longer stretches. Fingers crossed this is the key for sleep improvement. Can your babies roll yet?
Regarding working, working is a break for me! It helps that I work a little less than a full-time schedule (35 hours/week), work a low stress job & get to visit my daughter mid day. I love my daughter & love spending time with her. But maternity leave was really rough. I didn't even realize it in the moment, I was dreading going back to work, even considered being a sahm for a hot second. But once I started back at work I was like woahhhhh this is vacation. Being a SAHM would be SO frickin hard! I feel like I'm so much happier having this balance and good coffee & good cafe food daily too. Honestly I feel like work is so much easier than being at home full time. But I know that's just my personal experience with a low key job/workplace.
Also I never thought I would say this but my daughter loves daycare. Like gets so bored at home on weekends with my husband and I & gets fussy. At daycare she gets to do so much and play with so many kids. She gets fussy at home with just us on weekends even though we are trying to constantly engage with her like daycare does. We even tried getting all the same cool toys they have. Anyway she has a big smile on her face as soon as we are headed down the hall to her classroom Monday morning. She's so funny. She's more extroverted than me, that's for sure
Well, last night sacked hardcore, but I am making up for it today! When the babies got up at 7:30 I went back to bed until 9. I told H to take a bottle of formula and take the babies with him to synagogue (my ILs are visiting so he has two people to help) and I stayed home for a glorious 4 hours of alone time. I'm pretty sure this is my first time since they were born being home without the babies here, and it feels gooooood.
Well, last night sacked hardcore, but I am making up for it today! When the babies got up at 7:30 I went back to bed until 9. I told H to take a bottle of formula and take the babies with him to synagogue (my ILs are visiting so he has two people to help) and I stayed home for a glorious 4 hours of alone time. I'm pretty sure this is my first time since they were born being home without the babies here, and it feels gooooood.
Well, last night sacked hardcore, but I am making up for it today! When the babies got up at 7:30 I went back to bed until 9. I told H to take a bottle of formula and take the babies with him to synagogue (my ILs are visiting so he has two people to help) and I stayed home for a glorious 4 hours of alone time. I'm pretty sure this is my first time since they were born being home without the babies here, and it feels gooooood.
I made a sensory activity for tummy time! I wouldn't leave them alone with this - potential for breaking open! I read about this online. Fill a gallon ziplock with cheap hair gel ($1.50 at Target) and glitter, beads, you could even put little toys in it (nothing sharp!) and seal the edges with duct tape. It's squishy and interesting to look at, and so far it's been a big hit!
I made a sensory activity for tummy time! I wouldn't leave them alone with this - potential for breaking open! I read about this online. Fill a gallon ziplock with cheap hair gel ($1.50 at Target) and glitter, beads, you could even put little toys in it (nothing sharp!) and seal the edges with duct tape. It's squishy and interesting to look at, and so far it's been a big hit!
I did this too! DS loves to squish the bag in his hands.
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