Post by lovealwaysalison on Mar 2, 2017 15:26:15 GMT -5
rachydc yes we do...but we've seen all those seasons. Ella gets to watch Sesame Street in the morning while I get ready so those episodes lasted us a while. I could repeat them without paying much attention since I was getting ready.
But since she was sick twice in the last month or so, she had a little more Sesame time than usual and I couldn't keep repeating those episodes for my sanity. Lol so I thought we'd give HBO a whirl...
Post by italianmommy on Mar 2, 2017 15:41:16 GMT -5
To clarify my earlier post, I didn't mean to imply that if those two families can't cover the up front cost then they absolutely can't financially raise a child, I said that I worry about it. Perhaps that's me projecting... like if I was in their situation I'd likely worry about paying people back over time, feeling indebted to others, worrying about other big costs (college, weddings, etc).
I also staunchly believe that IVF should be covered by insurance and think that adoption costs are insane and should be more affordable/accessible to the stable, loving, safe families that are seeking adoption. I understand why hurdles are put in place for adoption, but I just wish it was easier to pair a child in need with a family who wants them.
I know not one but two families (both of whom are very religious and involved in the church... in one of the cases, the husband is a pastor) currently holding fundraisers to adopt. One family has two bio children and the other has one bio child. In addition to setting up online fundraising portals, both have done things like host rummage sales and sell t-shirts.
So, two questions: 1. Is this some new, hot Christian thing I was not aware of? 2. Is it bad that it somehow makes this worse for me that these people were clearly able to have biological children and now they're asking people for money to adopt?
BFP #1 December 2012 - MMC January 2013, D&C February 2013 BFP #2 October 2014 - DD arrived July 16, 2015 BFP #3 July 2016 - MC @ 9 weeks August 2016 BFP #4 Due January 2, 2018 - Please stick baby!
amch8 our very religious cousins are also gearing up to adopt, so maybe it is?!? They have 4 kids already and get assistance from family and their church, so lots of fundraising is in the future if they actually get approved and go through with it.
It's like saying "don't have sex if you can't afford a child." Obviously that can't happen. Yes, kids are expensive, yes IVF is expensive. But I don't really know anyone who can just swing IVF or adoption out of pocket without asking for help/taking out loans/etc.
I don't think it's at all like saying don't have sex if you can't afford a child. I don't think raising children should be a luxury, and I think some baseline fertility services should be covered by all health insurance. I say some, because there are some limits to resources, and I'm not sure what the number is, but I don't think that people should, e.g. get unlimited rounds of IVF for more than a certain number of children.
Most of the people I know who have turned to IVF or adoption did fund it out of pocket. They funded it out of pocket in large part because they suspect the reason they ended up with conception difficulties, is because they were waiting to have children until they were more financially secure.
We all have things that make us bitter. Infertility sucks. Not having enough money sucks. But acting like it's impossible to afford IVF or adoption on your own is irritating me. For many people, it's entirely possible to save money and prepare for a rainy day, and I'm really sick of the attitude that it's impossible (to be clear, I think that attitude is broader than this board). It's not impossible for most people. It's hard. For those people making the hard choices and sacrifices, the go fund mes are bitterness-inducing.
DH and i do all kinds of bodily functions in front of each other AND in front of the kids. i really would prefer to change my tampons in private but OMG how do you all keep the kids out of the bathroom? i close the door and 5 seconds later someone is barging in. if i lock it one or the other of them just bangs on it and then collapses crying when they can't get in. i've just given up.
RE cost of adoption-- isn't it free to adopt a child from the foster care system? so i guess i don't get adoption fundraising.
i don't like the new sesame street episodes, and neither does DS1. i find basically all of the characters irritating. everyone seems overly hyper. maybe it's telling that far and away my favorite sesame street character as a kid was oscar the grouch.
We were just barely able to afford our fertility treatments even with some coverage and had to get really creative. We are still paying some of it off. Luckily we were able to make it work, but I can EASILY imagine a scenario where the cost would have been prohibitive and that would have been that. I guess I just really feel for anyone going through that and would never want to make assumptions about someone else's finances or say what they should have done. We certainly didn't anticipate having trouble conceiving and it would take a lot of people years to raise that kind of money.
(I can't believe I'm actually defending gofundmes, what is happening?)
I know not one but two families (both of whom are very religious and involved in the church... in one of the cases, the husband is a pastor) currently holding fundraisers to adopt. One family has two bio children and the other has one bio child. In addition to setting up online fundraising portals, both have done things like host rummage sales and sell t-shirts.
So, two questions: 1. Is this some new, hot Christian thing I was not aware of? 2. Is it bad that it somehow makes this worse for me that these people were clearly able to have biological children and now they're asking people for money to adopt?
Is it maybe an extension of their pro-life stance? I have seen a lot of my Christian friends supporting adoption or fostering in an effort to be pro-life rather than "pro-birth."
I think that makes some sense, but I still struggle with the fundraising aspect. For example, in the case that the birth mother was not able to care for the child due to lack of funds... why not raise money for the parent rather than the potential adoptive parent?
Post by italianmommy on Mar 2, 2017 17:13:44 GMT -5
Having not dealt with IVF, I feel I may have been insensitive to the experiences of others. And if that's the case, I sincerely apologize. I should stand firmer in my "you do you, boo" policy and try to leave my judgement out of things (though that's hard when I'm hormonal and liable to bouts of bitchiness). I shall close with the following... at least we haven't had a food UO yet this week, eh??
We were just barely able to afford our fertility treatments even with some coverage and had to get really creative. We are still paying some of it off. Luckily we were able to make it work, but I can EASILY imagine a scenario where the cost would have been prohibitive and that would have been that. I guess I just really feel for anyone going through that and would never want to make assumptions about someone else's finances or say what they should have done. We certainly didn't anticipate having trouble conceiving and it would take a lot of people years to raise that kind of money.
(I can't believe I'm actually defending gofundmes, what is happening?)
It does take years to save that kind of money. My point is that people should always be saving a significant portion of their income just for shit like this. It isn't that everyone should plan to have trouble conceiving, it's that everyone should plan for shit to happen. Because shit happens!
A roof blows off, a spouse dies, someone gets hurt, a car is totalled, all of these things happen all the time. It's why we should all have insurance (my blood BOILS every time a Republican expresses support for getting rid of the mandate because what happened to being for personal responsibility?!) for everything we can insure against, and have a rainy day fund when we can't. I don't think it's mutually exclusive for being thankful for the support of friends and family when bad things happen. That support, including monetary support, is always going to be welcome and appreciated. I just don't think it should be asked for or expected.
I'm not perfect, at all. There have been many times when my rainy day fund was empty. I just bemoan the seemingly widespread cultural attitude lately that doesn't seem to value financial planning and forethought. I know you can't Instagram your rainy day fund but it's so important!!
vvvvvfee , many people don't want to adopt from foster care because it's more difficult to get a young baby. Some prospective adoptive parents may also not be interested in a more open adoption process, or enduring the reunification (which can go on for years).
So while it's "free," and in fact people adopting from foster care have access to funding for the child, there are a lot of things about foster-to-adopt that people find to be in their "con column."
yes, of course adopting from foster care comes with its own challenges. i guess what i was getting at is that i think it's kind of icky to hit other people up for money so you can adopt a more "desirable" child via international adoption.
@officedronette of course I think people should have a rainy day fund!! I just meant that for me, going through IVF and paying for it has made me more sympathetic to people who can't afford it and are out of options, not less so. I don't think anyone should feel pressured to give to anything they don't want to, but I won't begrudge anyone asking for help even when it's due to their lack of planning. As long as they are cool with people saying no.
It's like saying "don't have sex if you can't afford a child." Obviously that can't happen. Yes, kids are expensive, yes IVF is expensive. But I don't really know anyone who can just swing IVF or adoption out of pocket without asking for help/taking out loans/etc.
I don't think it's at all like saying don't have sex if you can't afford a child. I don't think raising children should be a luxury, and I think some baseline fertility services should be covered by all health insurance. I say some, because there are some limits to resources, and I'm not sure what the number is, but I don't think that people should, e.g. get unlimited rounds of IVF for more than a certain number of children.
Most of the people I know who have turned to IVF or adoption did fund it out of pocket. They funded it out of pocket in large part because they suspect the reason they ended up with conception difficulties, is because they were waiting to have children until they were more financially secure.
We all have things that make us bitter. Infertility sucks. Not having enough money sucks. But acting like it's impossible to afford IVF or adoption on your own is irritating me. For many people, it's entirely possible to save money and prepare for a rainy day, and I'm really sick of the attitude that it's impossible (to be clear, I think that attitude is broader than this board). It's not impossible for most people. It's hard. For those people making the hard choices and sacrifices, the go fund mes are bitterness-inducing.
I totally don't agree with fundraising, it doesn't bother me, I'd never donate to it though. I was mostly referring to the comment of "don't you know how expensive kids are". That doesn't seem fair for the argument. I mean very few people go into a pregnancy with 10k+ in savings. I know it's not impossible, but for some families it's not likely to do it completely OOP. Would I fundraiser? No. Would we consider a loan, etc in the event? Possibly.
DX: Unexplained, possible Endo. October 2014: Letrozole + Trigger + IUI = BFP!!! Beta #1: 32 Beta #2: 77. Little Miss E born July 9th, 2015 Previously DarcyHermione
@wafflesfriendswork, I'm totally confused by your story because I've met you and you don't have any physical flaws. #flawless But that would make me ragey too.
DX: Unexplained, possible Endo. October 2014: Letrozole + Trigger + IUI = BFP!!! Beta #1: 32 Beta #2: 77. Little Miss E born July 9th, 2015 Previously DarcyHermione
I don't love the idea of a go fund me for IVF or adoption, but people can ask for whatever they like so long as they are okay with being told no. I don't think it's fair to say that if they don't have the funds up front that they shouldn't try to expand their families. People get pregnant all the time without 30k in the bank and no one is telling them they are worried about their ability to care for the child...
ETA I would *probably* donate if someone close to me set up a fund like this.
+1
Gofundme is kinda inherently tacky and I'm definitely rolling my eyes at the details of lynnyloo's relative's case, but everyone's situation is different (insurance, income, family support, etc) and I can see why some people seek out donations, even if it's not something I would do.
I have donated a friend who adopted recently and did different types of fundraising. I was very happy to contribute when she and her family organized traditional fundraisers and even gave to her gofundme, though just a teensy bit reluctantly.
Someone I know has a GoFundMe for their dog's surgery. Uh, nope.
Last week one of MH's employees asked for bereavement leave because their dog died. Huh?
I love my cat alot. I'm just not one of those pet people. My sister gave her cat insulin and blended his food. She carried him to the cat box when he couldn't walk after each mini stroke. I got 2 words: cat heaven
@wafflesfriendswork, I'm totally confused by your story because I've met you and you don't have any physical flaws. #flawless But that would make me ragey too.
I think you are crazy but thank you 😊 Rest assured, I have many.
rach a sorority sister spent nearly $10+K on her dog's leg surgeries and care. FFThC I probably would have amputated the leg if it was cheaper. I definitely wouldn't be asking for help via a GFM.
+1 for seeing adoption become trendy in some Christian circles and some families take on more than they expected. One blogger wrote about how she didn't really love her adopted daughter as much as her five bio kids.
It baffles me that IVF isn't covered by insurance and seems so unfair. It's weird that a the company can decide what is medically elective. What makes it more elective than any other medical procedure not needed to live?
That is so incredibly sad. Adoption and fostering are so, so complicated- emotionally, legally, financially, etc.
I have been seeing this trend online too and part of me feels it's unfair of me to judge because if a child is being cared for and loved, that is more important than anything else. But in some cases, it feels very icky to me because it looks like it's a way for some people to prove how Christian and pro-life like they are. (Or to brag about how "blessed" their child is to be living with them instead of experiencing the poverty/drugs/whatever the child was born into. A video is floating around my Facebook about a situation like that and the subtle racism/classism is too much.)
I hate gofundme. Sometimes I've donated to different causes, but I think it's icky to set one up for yourself. One of my SIL's friends set one up for breast implants and another guy I went to HS with conned people out of tens of thousands of dollars saying he had terminal stage IV meningioma (which is a contradiction in itself as a meningioma is a benign brain tumor).
I think it's really unfair that some have full coverage for IVF while others have to literally pay for the entire thing. If I had to, I'd ask for money, but not in a public forum like that. It's just NMS. I'd rather take out an equity loan or something.
I have a Mom-friend who had a GoFundMe going to put her dog through school to be a therapy dog. She said that she just knew that was his calling in life and she wanted him to be able to fulfill his destiny. The amount was only like $2500. SO MUCH SIDE EYE.
I took a family responsibility day when my cat died and I even told my boss that was what it was for and he said it was totally fine. Our CEO has been very clear that family is however we define it and she was my family.
The other day in a local FB group someone posted their GoFundMe so that they could build a house because they were sick of renting. There were 0 donations. I'm sick of renting too, BUILD ME A HOUSE.
My old college roommate set up a GFM because she wanted to get her MBA in Spain. And we should all help her out because she is going to take what she learns in Spain and bring it back to the U.S. to share all her knowledge with us and basically make the world a better place.
Post by queenofcats on Mar 3, 2017 11:24:07 GMT -5
I've been burned by gofundme, you have to really trust the person who sets it up.
This psa brought to you by the girl who had to pay $900 oop after putting in $300 to a gofundme for her brother's headstone that reached $1k and the person who created it stole and skipped town.
DX: Unexplained, possible Endo. October 2014: Letrozole + Trigger + IUI = BFP!!! Beta #1: 32 Beta #2: 77. Little Miss E born July 9th, 2015 Previously DarcyHermione
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.