Help with requesting evaluation through school district

[Deleted]

Hello all!

I am a regular poster on Parenting, but was hoping I might be able to tap into the wisdom over here regarding my DS and how to draft a letter to request evaluation through our school district from anyone with similar experience

I've posted on the Parenting board already about my concerns regarding his behavior, and it has been kind of a long roller coaster ride of ups and downs with him over the last couple years, but now it has gotten to the point where we definitely need to reach out for outside help.

Stats - He is 5.5 years old, in PreK (kindercare) right now because he barely missed cutoff to start K last year (16 days) ... he will start Kinder in Aug of this year.  No developmental delays in regards to speech/physically, and he is doing very well academically (can do very basic adding/subtracting, can write and spell simple words (starting to write very short and simple sentences), read and sound out simple words, knows numbers in English beyond 100, all letters, some spanish words/numbers, etc..... no issues sitting and completing work sheets if requested to do so

Major areas on concern:

-Suspected anxiety (runs in my family, including me (formally diagnosed as a teen), and I see signs in him)
-Strong defiant behavior (very low if any respect for any authority figure) - happens at home AND school
-Recent development of angry outbursts over simple requests (at home towards H and I, not at school)
-Anger outbursts are starting to progress to minor violence or threats (Hitting at H and I, kicking his bedroom door, threatening to hurt an object or us etc)
-He has higher energy, but CAN sit and focus for long periods as long as he's challenged/interested.  He loves to learn, but easily bored and tempted to goof off -- think class clown.  Disrupts class, disrupts naptime (because he doesn't want to sit quietly or nap for several hours at his age), etc
-Often seeks NEGATIVE attention (we do try to ignore as much as we can, and praise good behavior instead, but he pushes very hard)
-Increasing jealousy/rivalry feelings towards younger sister, much of his anxiety triggers around her "invading" his space, like touching his toys or her getting attention instead of him, etc
-seems to display a high level of insecurity to where he always needs validation and/or to be the center of attention
-Very often laughing and smiling in serious situations or while being disciplined 
-Any form of discipline rarely lasts long in working on him (we've tried charts, we've tried various currencies....if they work, it's not for long)

So basically there are A LOT of challenges, and it's kind of hard to pinpoint the root for us.  My instinct tells me the majority could be rooted in anxiety and how he responds to these feelings he doesn't understand, but obviously I would like to get him evaluated on a broad level so we hopefully don't miss anything

I've been told that it will probably be most ideal to go through the school district, especially since he will be starting there next year, to get an evaluation done .... but I know I need to submit for that in writing and I've been told there may be a particular way to word the letter so that I can be sure to get the help we need

Can anyone here guide me on how to word the letter? What key behaviors I should focus on that should get us the help we need? Any other tips or advice? Anything is appreciated! Thank you!!


Also let me know if there are any questions -- there is SO much and I'm trying to be as brief as I can, but if you need any further details I'm happy to share

[akafred]

Anxiety can be hard to suss out in littles, especially in a school setting. I understand the advice to request the school system eval now vs waiting, and it is sound advice considering how long the school can take (up to 60 SCHOOL days before beginning), but I would absolutely encourage you to speak with a private professional (my suggestion as I said on Parenting would be a psychologist) also as soon as you can. Among other things, it will help you have leverage when dealing with the school district. Sometimes schools don't want to begin an eval unless there is a medical claim or until the child is in school full time.

[mamaturtle]

Geez, I am sure there were some good templates in some of the books I read in requesting an evaluation.

The last time I requested I think it was one statement or two. I can't remember what we wrote. All that comes to mind is "we would like to request to evaluate in all areas of suspected disability." We attached a green card from the post office for them to sign to show they received it.

Have any of the teachers expressed any concerns to you about your DS?

[Deleted]

Mar 29, 2017 12:36:08 GMT -5 mamaturtle said:

Geez, I am sure there were some good templates in some of the books I read in requesting an evaluation.

The last time I requested I think it was one statement or two. I can't remember what we wrote. All that comes to mind is "we would like to request to evaluate in all areas of suspected disability." We attached a green card from the post office for them to sign to show they received it.

Have any of the teachers expressed any concerns to you about your DS?

We have had a good ongoing open communication with his teachers and director over the past year, and they definitely communicate concerns regarding his behavior, but not really to the extreme point of suspected actual disability like ADHD, etc and not to the point where they're demanding he get evaluated.  It's really just too frequent lately that he has days filled with defiance/lack of respect and disrupting class... but they say when he's challenged/interested he CAN sit and CAN understand what he needs to do, he knows what the rules are, but it's like he just chooses not to and chooses not to care... it's like a big game to him... he laughs and takes nothing seriously ... I think he has impulse control issues where he just doesn't process that he can't just jump and do whatever he wants just because he's bored or just because he wants to.

And I would say he definitely has high energy.  Focus issues only seem to come up with he's uninterested or bored, so that part of it is spotty.  When I talked about all this with the director yesterday she said it's never really pinged her radar that she thinks he for sure has a disability like ADHD, but she does agree that it may be a good idea to seek an evaluation, especially when I've discussed the behaviors he's showing at home too (the anger, etc)

I mean, at the very least, I'm at the point where I feel like we need to at least rule other things out and have that on record ... and that if they do suspect an anxiety/anger disorder, the director at his school told me they should be able to help us with those services as well

I hate to say it, but cost also comes into affect here... to go strictly private, each session is going to cost me over 100 dollars, whereas going through the school district provides a lot of free services, at least initially

and like I said, I really just don't want to miss anything ... his teachers and us, we're not trained professionals in psychology but we know there's SOMETHING...so I just feel like we need to look at everything

[Deleted]

I feel it's important to add:

We had several months of issues with him acting out at school at the age of 3 right around the time his sister was born... it was getting to the point where his school (a different place than where he is now, and we later found out NOT a great environment for him which probably exacerbated things), his school was getting to the point of wanting to expel him. We reached out at that time to possibly get an evaluation but were told that it was likely due to the major change of his sister being born and to give it more time.

He DID indeed improve finally once we got him into a better school and he actually had like 6-7 months of 90% all good behavior, good days, etc... it was like a 180 turnaround... we thought we were OK aside from some maybe very minor signs of anxiety/attention seeking...but it was manageable and not disrupting life/school at a concerning level. So we let him be.  Maybe we shouldn't have, but I don't know.  He was no longer violent and mostly had good reports.  He also started training in martial arts, which was contributing positively.  He does taekwondo (still does it now)

Starting in around January of THIS year however, he seems to have taken 100 steps back and it has suddenly spiraled out of control... the only major changes I can think of is his sister getting older and "encroaching" on his territory more since she's more vocal and interactive, and she also started going to his same daycare in Jan. They are obviously in different classes but it could be another example of him feeling "invaded" by her....which, again, could be an anxiety/insecurity trigger

But because it's escalating even worse into the anger outbursts and the violent behavior, that is what's most concerning me....aside from his usual boredom/disrupting issues

So all this to say -- It's been ups and downs rather than 100% consistent for years... he has good times and bad times...when good times are happening he is a bright/social/happy kid ... when the bad times hit, they're VERY bad

[Deleted]

akafred, I have also been searching for psychologists and discussed these things with one yesterday over the phone... he is willing to meet with us on 04/08 for a session but also told me it would only be beneficial to have him evaluated more fully as well.... I'm leaning towards still keeping that appointment but I hem and haw on it a bit because it almost feels like we're skipping some steps

But as you mentioned, it may also be helpful to have that initial session as sort of "backup" for reasons to request the evaluation too

[mrsbuttinski]

Based on what you have written, my inclination is to suggest a private eval with a child psychiatrist and psychologist first. You are describing a child with ODD; I'm not a doctor and don't know your kid. But I do know that there is a real risk of having a school "psychologist" take the first crack at this and coming up ODD. If the LEA gives him that label- everyone there will see his behaviors through that lens.

Normally, I'm all about the MFE via your local district, but there are times when it is best to do a private evaluation (ODD, CD, FASD for instance) and control that information. You'll still need to do the district eval for services, but it would be better, if he does have a GAD/ADHD dx from a PhD level clinician to be able to share that with the school "psychologist" (who maybe has a Masters or doctorate in education) and get them to go in that direction.

The district has 60 instructional days in which to do the eval and another 30 to craft an IEP if he qualifies. You may have missed the window to have this completed by the start of kindie if you start in August- kids here have 50 instructional days left in the academic year.

Wrightslaw has templates for the letter you will need to send to the school. "Emotions to Advocacy" is a great book that describes the IEP process.

Good luck.

[Deleted]

There's also another psychologist that can probably get him in even sooner than that too, that takes our insurance as well.

[Deleted]

mrsbuttinski, I just read the symptom list for ODD and he fits every single bullet point to a T. Wow.

I'm not sure if it's been a full 6 months that he's displayed every single bullet point consistently, however he's at least displayed some/most of that behavior in waves for plenty long enough

I could definitely see this turning into an ODD/anxiety diagnosis.

If you think it's best to seek out the psychologist privately first and then follow with going through the district, we can go that route.

[akafred]

mrsbuttinski makes an excellent point. ODD symptoms are VERY similar to certain manifestations of anxiety. My child's psychologist who dx her believes ODD *is* anxiety. DD does not have an ODD dx and that may be why. But ODD is a label I would not want assigned to my child *especially* in a public school setting. And the school psychologist (as MrsB said they are likely to have a masters degree only and not what we would call a psychologist) may not be wiling or as able to do a full eval.

Meeting with a psych is the first step but YES you need to have a full eval done. It is not a one-appointment deal, or it certainly shouldn't be. DD's dx went like this:
* Pre-appointment paperwork/Vanderbilt Scales parent and teacher
* Parents only appointment
* 6 play therapy sessions
* BASC-2 parent and teacher
* Parents only appointment with dx and next steps

This took over 2 months. I called him in February and the dx came in late May, one week before she turned 6.

[Deleted]

OK so my next struggle is, I seem to have a hard time finding a psychologist that seems to FOCUS on young children. What is the best way to find this?

My insurance lets me search psychologists but there isn't a filter to specify for "children"

I've tried googling around and the one I did call and talk to seemed willing to work with him but I'm not sure if it's his FOCUS ...he didn't really talk about evaluations as much as just doing talk therapy (I could be wrong, this is only my impression) ... his profile I found him on said he has worked with elementary aged children, but he wasnt advertising himself as a "child psychologist" if that makes sense

I just feel so confused and lost with finding the RIGHT person

[akafred]

@spacegirlspiff, have you discussed with your pedi? Sometimes they can make recommendations.

[Deleted]

akafred, lol you read my mind, I was just now coming back to say that while I was out at lunch I called his pedi office and asked if they could provide a list of recommended child psychologists

Happily, they did pull a list and said we can pick it up tomorrow morning, since I have to come drop off kindergarten paperwork anyway

So...feeling better now, hopefully one of those recommendations pans out

[mrsbuttinski]

Mar 29, 2017 15:17:58 GMT -5 @spacegirlspiff said:

akafred , lol you read my mind, I was just now coming back to say that while I was out at lunch I called his pedi office and asked if they could provide a list of recommended child psychologists

Happily, they did pull a list and said we can pick it up tomorrow morning, since I have to come drop off kindergarten paperwork anyway

So...feeling better now, hopefully one of those recommendations pans out

Coming back late. I like this plan; your pedi will know who the best people are in your community. I couple caveats-

1. Often child psychologists specialize in one kind of presentation. DS's psych sees only kids with Aspergers- kids with autism who have no adaptive or language delays. There are a couple ADHD specialists where I live who also see kids with Specific LD. And then there are those who deal with behavioral and mental health concerns.

2. Sometimes the best people don't take insurance. DS's dev pedi, psychologist and psychiatrist don't take insurance. We pay OOP. The best people don't have to where I live. 

3. A good psych will focus on giving you support, too. You may even be offered parenting classes- not because you aren't a competent mother but because some kids need discipline and behavior mods that aren't intuitive. 

4. Once you have a better sense of what's going on, your psych can help you with bullet points to get your child's educational needs served without necessarily putting a full dx (if ODD is suspected) out there. DS's psych vetted all our early IEPs to make sure he was getting what he needed. He was also available to teachers if they needed help with behavior issues. 

Good luck.

[Deleted]

Thank you all for your help!

[Deleted]

Just to update you all -- I set up an appointment on Sunday with a psychologist from my pedi's referral list (Sunday! I like her already.... although I don't think that's a typical day for her, she mentioned she's catching up after a vacation)

It will just be H and I on this first appointment

I'm nervous but hopeful

Also, DS actually had a pretty good week at school last week which adds to the hope

Thanks again for everyone's advice and support

[mrsbuttinski]

Glad to hear you found sometime to talk with.