Engaged May 2003 Married June 2005 TTC #1 since October 2014 H-1% morph, low motility, low count Me-.1 AMH levels, low AFC, DOR/POI, perimenopause Foster Care journey begins March 2016-licensed 11/7/16 Foster parents to A & J 1/31/17 www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5525ef
@coffeeismylyfe - yay for being almost done with the licensing process! I hope everything finishes up smoothly. Best of luck as you consider whether or not to go back to work in the fall!
There isn't much to update for us. We have court at the end of the month for our baby, and then we have court in May for our older boys, which will serve as the pre-trial for TPR. Other than the scheduled court dates, there isn't much going on with our foster sons' cases. The bio parents have shown zero effort lately and haven't even tried to have a visit with any of the boys in over 2 months.
QOTM: It's my (probably unrealistic) life goal to visit every continent at some point in my lifetime. I still need to get to Australia, South America, and Antarctica. If money was no issue, I would do one of the crazy expensive cruises that starts on the southern tip of South America and stops for a couple days in Antarctica. And then I'd just pop over to Australia real quick after that.
I just ask for prayers currently. We have social workers that don't want to step up and do their jobs and want to just be friends with the bio parents. We are having regression with the kids with the increased visits. This morning I was told "you aren't my mom-you're just my foster mom". We don't use that word and bio parents didn't want that word used....but yet here we go. Bio parents are not following case plan (even though we haven't gotten completely what that is do to SW not giving us any information) but no ramifications for it. We have a team meeting with SW and parents on April l1th.
QOTM: Ireland, Scotland, England, Norway, Italy, Australia, and New Zealand are all on my bucket list
Engaged May 2003 Married June 2005 TTC #1 since October 2014 H-1% morph, low motility, low count Me-.1 AMH levels, low AFC, DOR/POI, perimenopause Foster Care journey begins March 2016-licensed 11/7/16 Foster parents to A & J 1/31/17 www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5525ef
butlerfan - I'm so sorry things are going this way for your kids' case. Have you tried talking to your social worker's supervisor and/or asking the GAL to step in? Your situation is starting to sound a lot like how ours was with our former caseworker. We felt so stuck for the longest time and nothing we said to our caseworker would change his opinion and the way he had already decided he wanted the case to go. It wasn't until we elevated the many problems and red flags we were seeing to the supervisor, and then the director, and then also started communicating regularly with our GAL about the problems we were seeing, that we finally saw some things change and ultimately that caseworker was let go because he wasn't doing his job. Praying for you guys.
ceejay, the two caseworkers on this case apparently treat all their cases the same per the in home worker (as she is finding out since she has multiple cases with her currently). They have been with the county a number of years and going to the supervisor will just back fire on us. We should know on April 11th where the case is heading and what the caseworkers are doing. If they don't address some of the big issues at that meeting we are to bring them up and see what happens. So wait and see until then. Also, the GAL may or may not be on our side-found out she may be two faced so I'm being cautious currently there. Every thing I communicate is also sent to the GAL so she is aware of the issues.
We are getting a lot of conflicting information on what the parents are going to possibly be doing during their visit today so I am just on high alert....below are all the things I have been told in the last 4 days
-will be late dropping kids off from visit due to when birth to three got rescheduled to -will be late picking kids up from daycare depending on when grandma gets here -may be driving with kids 2.5 hours away into another state to pick up grandma and come back. (per text message from bio mom to in-home worker who's contract has ended and a new company is doing it starting today)
They have a scheduled visit from 2:30-5:45. That's it for today. They also have a meeting with birth to three that they need to be there for. They would have an in home visit sometime during their scheduled visit as well.
Bio parents were trying to get ahold of caseworkers to see about taking them out of state. I haven't heard anything specifically to me and nothing from the caseworkers.
Engaged May 2003 Married June 2005 TTC #1 since October 2014 H-1% morph, low motility, low count Me-.1 AMH levels, low AFC, DOR/POI, perimenopause Foster Care journey begins March 2016-licensed 11/7/16 Foster parents to A & J 1/31/17 www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5525ef
DD turns one month old today. TPR should officially happen any day now. We are waiting for our SW to schedule our post placement home visits. It's been annoying much like a lot of our interactions with our agency.
butlerfan, none of that seems okay. I am surprised the bio parents are allowed that much contact, including driving the kids around and taking them on out of state trips. But my kids' bio parents never really earned more than supervised visits at the department. You mentioned that going to the supervisor would backfire on you, but what about the supervisor's supervisor? Also, can they be assigned a different GAL? Ours are assigned through CASA I think so I wonder if you can contact them. I mean, at the end of the day, the only "side" the caseworker and GAL should be on is the kids'. There has to be someone that can bring these guys in line or remove them.
@helgahufflepuff....I don't think they are allowed on out of state trips (we are on the boarder of WI and MN and close to IA though). They started with 3 visits a week and have moved up to 4 days a week-we don't see that they have improved on anything and on some things have gotten worse on so not sure what is going on.
We are continuing to document everything and at this moment waiting until next weeks meeting to really do anything to see if the SW step up in the meantime. I mean if they miss visits I will report it but if it is all the normal stuff I will hold on to the information until the meeting.
Depending on that meeting will determine what we do. Kind of sit back and watch all the parties to see where they all stand.
I don't agree that since it is neglect that some things of neglect are ok and others aren't.
Engaged May 2003 Married June 2005 TTC #1 since October 2014 H-1% morph, low motility, low count Me-.1 AMH levels, low AFC, DOR/POI, perimenopause Foster Care journey begins March 2016-licensed 11/7/16 Foster parents to A & J 1/31/17 www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5525ef
@helgahufflepuff....I don't think they are allowed on out of state trips (we are on the boarder of WI and MN and close to IA though). They started with 3 visits a week and have moved up to 4 days a week-we don't see that they have improved on anything and on some things have gotten worse on so not sure what is going on.
We are continuing to document everything and at this moment waiting until next weeks meeting to really do anything to see if the SW step up in the meantime. I mean if they miss visits I will report it but if it is all the normal stuff I will hold on to the information until the meeting.
Depending on that meeting will determine what we do. Kind of sit back and watch all the parties to see where they all stand.
I don't agree that since it is neglect that some things of neglect are ok and others aren't.
Yeah that is ridiculous! I hope everyone comes to their senses. Our caseworker once told us she felt like she was our bio mom's mom and got overly invested in her success. And unfortunately was kind of burned because the bio mom never made any effort on her case plan.
butlerfan, Do you have a CASA worker and/or a GAL? If so, where do they stand on this mess?
GAL...I thought on kids side but I'm hearing conflicting info currently. I want more info next Tuesday at meeting to see if I can get a clearer picture of everything and who has the kid's best interest in mind and who doesnt.
Engaged May 2003 Married June 2005 TTC #1 since October 2014 H-1% morph, low motility, low count Me-.1 AMH levels, low AFC, DOR/POI, perimenopause Foster Care journey begins March 2016-licensed 11/7/16 Foster parents to A & J 1/31/17 www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5525ef
Engaged May 2003 Married June 2005 TTC #1 since October 2014 H-1% morph, low motility, low count Me-.1 AMH levels, low AFC, DOR/POI, perimenopause Foster Care journey begins March 2016-licensed 11/7/16 Foster parents to A & J 1/31/17 www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5525ef
butlerfan , Do you have a CASA worker and/or a GAL? If so, where do they stand on this mess?
GAL...I thought on kids side but I'm hearing conflicting info currently. I want more info next Tuesday at meeting to see if I can get a clearer picture of everything and who has the kid's best interest in mind and who doesnt.
Theoretically the GAL is always on the kids' side. But IME, they tend to tip their hand at some point of how they'd like to see the case wrap up, whether that be adoption or reunification. Just curious if you would potentially have an advocate that way or not.
We have one home visit left, and we didn't schedule it at the end of our last visit like usual, so I'm not 100% sure what's next. Our licensing worker said she has a couple of priority cases to get done in front if us, so it looks like our home study won't be written until the end of June. I'm assuming that's when our last visit will be and we will go over it together??
Anyway, we are good with that timing. It gives me time to finish out the school year and get through the the boys' birthdays before a placement is even possible.
Another new development: I am now thinking about not returning to work after the summer. I'm having a lot of conflicted feelings about it, but I think it's the right choice if we can make it work financially. So we have that to think about as well!
Our worker said the the last home visit will be when she brings the completed home study and some paperwork for us to sign. So, maybe the same for you? We have to have 4 home visits total, but she said she only really needs 2. Haha.
We should be hearing back on our finalized Home Study any day now. I'm probably being too anal about it, but she said 1-2 weeks for her to send me the draft for us to review and it's been 2 weeks now! After that, it's a quick 1-2 day process (or so she said) to get everything finalized and officially licensed. After we finished our classes, I was added to the group email that goes out several times a week looking for various placements. One came through the other day for a sibling group with a 5 yr old, 4 yr old, and a 1 WEEK old. I would have taken them in an instant. Which I'm sure is crazy, but I have the space and time. I'm ready to get going!
I don't think I have any news. Unless I didn't share in the March check in that we got our adoption court date scheduled. It will be the end of May unless something opens up at the court sooner. But now our family has made travel arrangements based on the current date so we would probably have to decline if a new date was offered anyway.
We thought there might be a possibility we could adopt all the boys together but bureaucracy is not making that possible. For our oldest, we thought since we were "selected" by the state to be his legal guardian, we wouldn't have to go through that for adoption. We were wrong. We had to be re-selected and there is another mandatory 6 month waiting period before we can petition for adoption for him. We were able to get that reduced to 3 months but it's so crazy when he's lived with us for a year and a half at this point. And they didn't know we needed to be re-selected until 2 months after his parents' rights were terminated.
We thought about waiting so we could adopt them all on the same day, but frankly, I'm still paranoid that something will happen in our little boys' case and I'm really anxious to get it done. Our oldest is a teen and I know nobody (qualified) is coming out of the woodwork for him so I'm less nervous about something happening with that. I also like the idea of him having his own special adoption day and not having to share with the little boys' but I can also see a side where it might make him feel left out too.
And I feel like if we have a big party for the little boys, we should have a big one for him too, but that means two big adoption parties in a span of like 3 months. Is that weird?
ETA: I would go to Fiji. I've always wanted to go and would love to spend 10 days there. Or, like, own property and go whenever I want. Greece is also high on my list.
Congrats on the upcoming adoptions, @helgahufflepuff ! I'm sorry it didn't work out to adopt all of your boys together... it's crazy that you have to wait another 3 or 6 months to petition for adoption for your oldest son when he's already been living with you for so long. Could you have separate adoption days for your younger two and oldest, but then do a big party for everyone at the same time? Or were you hoping to do the party at the same time as the adoption days? I don't think it would be weird if you want to have two separate parties... There's a lot to celebrate!!
ceejay, yeah I think the plan is to have a party for each adoption but I worry that our oldest will feel a little sad about the celebration since he's been with us longer but the little boys are getting adopted first. We've explained to him why that is happening (his dad delusionally fighting against his rights getting terminated for a period of time) but I'm sure it still all feels a little unfair. But I also think it will be good for him to have a celebratory day that is just for him. We've made the first day he came to our home a celebration day already-beginning to make a tradition of going to eat at the same restaurant and out for fro-yo...his adoption day may end up being really close to that day which would be cool.
We did not do that for the little boys because their first day in our home was all about us surviving with a newborn and toddler! haha.
Also, bio parents did their scheduled visit...no shenanigans.
Are they working on their service plan? Or does the caseworker not tell you about that?
no clue. had to take FS to doctor due to flare up with asthma due to parents smoking around him. It reeked where my eyes watered due to the smell last night.
Engaged May 2003 Married June 2005 TTC #1 since October 2014 H-1% morph, low motility, low count Me-.1 AMH levels, low AFC, DOR/POI, perimenopause Foster Care journey begins March 2016-licensed 11/7/16 Foster parents to A & J 1/31/17 www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5525ef
@helgahufflepuff, Congrats on progress! It does seem silly to have to wait further, but at the end of the day, the result will be the same I guess. I think it is great that you are concerned about the impact of all these celebrations and dates have on all of your children. Anyway you slice it, it is beyond your control, and being open and honest with your oldest son will help that. I'm also a big fan of celebrations, big or small, so I think do ALL the celebrating!!
Me: 39 DH: 39 DS1 born Sept 1999 Married Nov 2010 TTC 2010 2011 BFP ended in ectopic RE Aug 2014. Unexplained infertility Sept 2014-Dec 2014 fermera/IUI/TI BFN's
August 16, 2015 baby Boy M is born and our hearts melt!
butlerfan,sorry you are so frustrated with your current situation. I think if you have concerns you need to address them head on with the people you have concerns with, or go to the next level if you feel you are not being heard. They can't hold anything you do to advocate for the kids against you. Hopefully you will get some answers at your meeting. That is good that the family keeping their scheduled visits for the sake of children.
Me: 39 DH: 39 DS1 born Sept 1999 Married Nov 2010 TTC 2010 2011 BFP ended in ectopic RE Aug 2014. Unexplained infertility Sept 2014-Dec 2014 fermera/IUI/TI BFN's
August 16, 2015 baby Boy M is born and our hearts melt!
Nothing major going on adoption wise for us. We are building a new house and moving January 2018. I reached out to our SW from the adoption of DS2 to check in and also let her know about our move. I wanted to see what implications our move may have on our ability to adopt again in the future, seeing as we will not be in the same region as we currently are. I got some promising feedback on some potential ways to go about it, which we will explore further once my work schedule settles. My SW offered to go for coffee with me to talk it through. Then I ran into our SW that completed our home study. She was also very positive about wanting to work with us again, so that's good news.
DS2 is amazing and learning new things all the time. We have hit a bad patch of sleep regression/teething in the last week or so, which I am hoping will resolve soon.
QOTM: I've barely traveled, so basically I would love to go anywhere! DH and I have only been away once, on our honeymoon. We went to Mexico. We have decided we are going away this fall to celebrate both of us turning 40! I.can't.wait!!! We are undecided on where we will go. Budget will limit that decision!
Me: 39 DH: 39 DS1 born Sept 1999 Married Nov 2010 TTC 2010 2011 BFP ended in ectopic RE Aug 2014. Unexplained infertility Sept 2014-Dec 2014 fermera/IUI/TI BFN's
August 16, 2015 baby Boy M is born and our hearts melt!
Post by daffodilsandcoffee on Apr 7, 2017 14:18:36 GMT -5
We are about three weeks into our first placement. My son and FS are learning how to be siblings, which is both cool and exhausting. My son wants to be just like his new foster brother, so we are adding potty training into the mix. I think I must be crazy. Both our foster care specialist and caseworker have changed since we started the placement. Visitation plans are completely different than what we were told they'd be. And some of his behaviors are setting off red flags for both us and the new caseworker that don't match up with what's in the case file. I have to say that so far, my Y membership is worth its weight in gold because as a stay at home mom, it's really the only way I can get a break. Especially since the end of naps came at the same time we got FS. It's really hard, but it's worth it.
We are in the waiting corner. Waiting for the Social worker to finish writing our Home Study (just updates because we did one 1.5 years ago) so we can start moving (hopefully).
This past month we fostered 7 puppies and it was an amazing experience for the whole family. Today is their adoption day and they all have families to go to. We just welcomed another 6 months dog that is super cute but scared to death of everything. We haven`t been able to touch her yet...we decided we will adopt her
I would go to Greece or Australia. Beautiful places and they are definitely in my bucket list...
Post by oneslybookworm on Apr 10, 2017 8:24:40 GMT -5
Not much of an update for me. Baby is still cooking, E-Mom is 31 weeks tomorrow. Things seem to be going smoothly, though the lack of stability in E-Mom's life is taking it's toll on me emotionally. I'm trying to be supportive for her, but she comes in and out of contact regularly, and is now engaged. It's hard to keep up, honestly.
Still terrified it'll all fall through...going to therapy to help with the stress. June can't get here soon enough!
Not much of an update for me. Baby is still cooking, E-Mom is 31 weeks tomorrow. Things seem to be going smoothly, though the lack of stability in E-Mom's life is taking it's toll on me emotionally. I'm trying to be supportive for her, but she comes in and out of contact regularly, and is now engaged. It's hard to keep up, honestly.
Still terrified it'll all fall through...going to therapy to help with the stress. June can't get here soon enough!
I'm sorry! I was thankful both times for a short time between match and birth because I imagined how tough the waiting and worrying would be . You can't help but fall in love with the baby the second you know they exist and may become your child. Try to keep the faith and trust that what will be will be (and I know how very tough that is!!).
Not much of an update for me. Baby is still cooking, E-Mom is 31 weeks tomorrow. Things seem to be going smoothly, though the lack of stability in E-Mom's life is taking it's toll on me emotionally. I'm trying to be supportive for her, but she comes in and out of contact regularly, and is now engaged. It's hard to keep up, honestly.
Still terrified it'll all fall through...going to therapy to help with the stress. June can't get here soon enough!
Engaged May 2003 Married June 2005 TTC #1 since October 2014 H-1% morph, low motility, low count Me-.1 AMH levels, low AFC, DOR/POI, perimenopause Foster Care journey begins March 2016-licensed 11/7/16 Foster parents to A & J 1/31/17 www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5525ef
Engaged May 2003 Married June 2005 TTC #1 since October 2014 H-1% morph, low motility, low count Me-.1 AMH levels, low AFC, DOR/POI, perimenopause Foster Care journey begins March 2016-licensed 11/7/16 Foster parents to A & J 1/31/17 www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5525ef
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