How do You Know When You're Done?

[princessvespa1]

Moms who are done having kids.  How did you/do you know you are done?  H has always said he only wanted two.  I have always said I wanted three.  H has mentioned more than once that we can sell all the baby stuff now, but my heart just isn't ready to part with it.  My brain thinks two is good.  But my heart is sad thinking that I might not ever be pregnant again, or hold my own newborn, or breastfeed again.  Gah!  I feel like if I had known that V was my LAST everything, I would have cherished it more. 

[RedDDD]

I was 100% sure after DD was born, mostly because the $2000 in day care was killing us. So financially I was 100% sure. I had my tubes tied and everything but I will tell you that it wasn't until recently that I started to feel sad about never having another baby and never being pregnant again. I sort feel like you have to mourn the loss of newborn-hood. Then you realize your babies will never be babies anymore. UGH So lately I have had a harder time with it which has shocked the sh*t out of me. I just remind myself that we are just about to easy street with the kids sleeping, eating, potty training, and getting into some really fun activities. Plus Im ready to get my pre-baby body back....Eff this baby weight Im still carrying around....time to get back to being a hot mom!

[fiveohfive]

We are currently debating between 2/3, with me leaning more towards 2 and DH leaning towards 3. We will have two girls after April and DH is completely fine with having a third little lady.

I'm leaning more towards no because of many random factors. If we had a 3rd it would probably be when new DD is 18mo-2yrs and DHs car only has two latch compatible seats, our babysitter costs would be through the roof, our current babysitter is 64 and would not be able to handle 3 kiddos so we would need to find someone new, I don't think I can do 16 weeks of MS again, etc. etc. I think the final decision will come once DD2 is out of the newborn stage, but it's a very hard decision!

[annarose]

It's the money factor for us. We decided we will try for a second this summer but if I said I was fine with 1 DH would have been happily on board. He always says if it wasn't for daycare costs he'd have 10 kids.

[junewife]

I have no idea! We always said we wanted at least 2, no more than 4, but probably 2-3. I'm currently pregnant with #2 and we both waver every single day. We just keep hoping that after this baby is born we'll feel "sure" one way or the other, and that we'll both agree.

[sugarkissed]

I'm another one who is on the fence about this. If baby #2 was a boy, we'd probably say we were done... but I'm fairly certain that it's a girl and that DH will want to try one more time... We'd be totally happy with 3 girls, just to clarify!!

The jump from 2 to 3 seems like such a big one in terms of vehicles, vacations, and childcare. If we do choose to have another it won't be for a few years.

[Unknown]

We are working on TTC#2, and we both only want 2, no if/ands/buts. If I end up w/ a RCS I'll get my tubes tied. It is hard, and sounds like your husband is pretty firm on not wanting more, but maybe ask him to just wait another year before selling just to see if he'll change his mind and after that sell if he still doesn't want another one. I think even if you are 100% done you will have moments of sadness thinking about it and it doesnt' always mean you want another one either, I'm not saying that is you, but I think in general.

[RedDDD]

Feb 18, 2015 15:43:00 GMT -5 Unknown said:

We are working on TTC#2, and we both only want 2, no if/ands/buts. If I end up w/ a RCS I'll get my tubes tied. It is hard, and sounds like your husband is pretty firm on not wanting more, but maybe ask him to just wait another year before selling just to see if he'll change his mind and after that sell if he still doesn't want another one. I think even if you are 100% done you will have moments of sadness thinking about it and it doesnt' always mean you want another one either, I'm not saying that is you, but I think in general.

Agreed.  I had my tubes tied at my RCS and I knew we were done but it is kind of sad.  BTW - if you do end up getting your tubes tied at a RCS be prepared for them to ask you like 7 million times whether you are sure you want to do it.  After the 800th time I was like YEA YES DUDE!  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD tie them babies up!    But I bet people change their mind when the baby comes out so I would imagine they have to ask

[ajaan113]

We are in the one and done. My age. DH in school. Financially. Genetics.

[joi922]

My husband has always wanted 3 or 4. Honestly, I wasn't even convinced I wanted 1 for the longest time, but knew that if I decided to have kids I wanted 2. I'm currently pregnant with #2, and am 98% sure I'm done. My husband has said we should wait until after #2 comes to decide, but frankly I'm pretty sure I'm done. Not enough to have them tie my tubes at my RCS, but still pretty darn sure. It's a combination of factors for me - primarily my age and finances. If I'm completely honest, though, I'm also selfishly thinking about childcare responsibilities. My husband's job essentially means I'm the sole caretaker every other week, and I'm not sure I could handle three on my own. Even two seems like a lot. I know plenty of moms have done it, but the thought just seems really overwhelming to me.

[jlprybs927]

We aren't in the boat to decide yet, but DH only wants 2 and I'v always wanted 3. Money and where we are in life will be the deciding factor. We hope to start trying in May for number 2. We shall see how things go.

[marley629]

We are waiting To try for #2 a few more months but financially we will be done after 2. We can't afford daycare for more than that and we aren't in the position for one of us to stay home. Without the financial pressures, I would gladly keep popping babies out. But it does make me sad knowing that if I am blessed with baby #2, he/she will be my last. I think you should do as others have suggested and ask your husband to hold off on selling baby items for 1 more year and then revisit the topic.

[krose]

I can't comment from experience, but I think you need to really separate "the joys of pregnancy and having a newborn" and "life as a family of (5 or more)..." Obviously, finances are a huge part if it, but think beyond daycare. Things like...do I want to be able to let 2 kids play all the sports they are interested in, or do I let 3 kids choose just one sport because of the cost? Do we take a family vacation every year, or do we go once every 5 years? How much am I hoping to contribute towards my child's college tuition? One answer isn't better than the other, just what's right for you. I think another important factor would be the stress on your relationship. Having a baby changed my relationship with DH significantly, and it took us a little while to get back to a really solid place. Even though you've done it before at this point, each baby is different and causes different stressors. Re-reading this it sounds like I am leaning towards 3 kids being a bad choice-I'm not! These are just things I would consider in making the decision to have more.

[fiveohfive]

Very well written, krose!