WWYD? Extended Maternity Leave = $6000 "loss"

[Somers Isles]

TL;DR = should I take $6000 from savings to stay home 20 weeks instead of 12?  It won't deplete savings, but it will be a BIG hit.  

Just curious... here's the scenario.  (warning: this is also a semi vent...lol)

My work allows me 12 weeks paid time off.  Anything beyond that is either a) unpaid personal leave or b) paid via doctor's note.  I have no reason to believe anything will happen that will necessitate a doctor's note ... so for me, my option is an unpaid personal leave.  

My current mindset..... with DS, I was able to stay home for 5 months.  This felt just right.  I was ready to go back (albeit a bit sad.. but ready).  He was mostly sleeping, nursing was going well, and I was able to maintain my supply with the 1 pump session I'm allowed (aka, lunch break) at work.  That pregnancy was well planned... I work in an elementary school so when we were trying we aimed for a late March birthday so I could use my 12 weeks and then roll right into summer vacation.  We were blessed with perfect timing.

Currently... because of my delivery date, 12 weeks will run out literally 3 days before we have to report back to our schools.  It doesn't matter that the majority of my paid leave is actually during summer vacation.  Once the 12 week span has passed, it's over.  

Honestly, this causes me more anxiety and stress and sadness than I care to admit We were able to get pregnant at the ideal time and had a due date of late March but sadly that ended in miscarriage.  I'm beyond grateful to have been able to get pregnant again so quickly but I can't stop dwelling over how much that sucked.  

SO here's the breakdown.... I want to be able to bond with my baby for the same amount of time as DS.  I vividly remember what it was like when DS was 12 weeks old and how I felt.  My current job is, to be honest, hell.  My principal causes me more stress than I care to admit.  Knowing how I felt and knowing the work environment I'll be eventually returning to gives me an insane amount of stress and anxiety.  I just don't want to go back at 12 weeks.  

In order to take the extra 8 weeks off... it will result in lost wages AND I will actually have to pay "full retail" for 2 months worth of health insurance because I carry the insurance in the family (and DH's open enrollment has come and gone before we realized this...).  I've crunched the numbers and in order to function on the same budget that we currently live on, I need to take $6000 out of savings.  We have it, but it'll be a big hit.  

Would you do it???  On a good day I feel like $6000 is worth it.  On a bad day I feel like that's irresponsible.  I don't like putting a price tag on bonding time.  

**I also want to add that I fully understand that 12 weeks paid is already better than what many get, and I am beyond grateful to even have that luxury... but I will also add that just because 12 weeks (for the US) is "good" doesn't actually make it right for families... just because it's the norm, or better than the norm, I don't feel like I should be content with that... I don't think anyone should be content with 12 weeks.  It breaks my heart when I hear about people's brief bonding time... something has to change... it's just awful**

[irish14]

On the open enrollment thing - at my work, if you have a "qualifying change," you can make changes on insurance without it being enrollment. I would check with your hub's HR (and yours, since you'd be dropping your coverage) to see if the birth of a baby would allow him to make an insurance change outside of the open enrollment period.

Hoping there's an option that cuts the cost and makes your decision easier! Tough to tell you what you should do, since this is a very personal/what's best for your family decision. Finances/security versus time is always tough.

[Somers Isles]

May 7, 2017 22:40:19 GMT -5 irish14 said:

On the open enrollment thing - at my work, if you have a "qualifying change," you can make changes on insurance without it being enrollment. I would check with your hub's HR (and yours, since you'd be dropping your coverage) to see if the birth of a baby would allow him to make an insurance change outside of the open enrollment period.

Hoping there's an option that cuts the cost and makes your decision easier! Tough to tell you what you should do, since this is a very personal/what's best for your family decision. Finances/security versus time is always tough.

Oh yeah!  I remember talking about this with DH not too long ago.. and he was suppose to check on it.. I'm going to have to remind him!

[anfranklin2]

Since you can get the extra 8 weeks you want paid via dr note, id talk to your dr about that! My husband can get paid time off (instead of using FMLA and vacation time) by having my dr write a note that his time off is needed to bond with the baby. Especially wth you breastfeeding, I think a doctor could easily write a note saying you need more time to bond with baby and establish a good nursing relationship. I'd exhaust any route before taking the savings cut, and if you feel you need the time and your family can afford it definitely take the time off!

[tortor4]

I agree with talking to your doctor about getting a note and checking with your husbands insurance. But if that doesn't work out and you can afford it, do it.

[lupincat]

Oh, wow what a situation! I don't really have a whole lot to add because I think anfranklin2 said what I'm thinking. I'd check out every avenue and definitely ask the doctor for a note, worst thing they can do is say no and there's no harm in asking. Is your husband on board if you choose to take the $6000 hit?

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's pathetic that in the US a mere 12 weeks of maternity leave is a "luxury".

[hpnegirl]

Childbirth is a qualifying event for insurance.

That said, I would go back at 12 weeks, but I also recognize I'm probably in the minority. How quickly could you replenish the savings?

You said you are a teacher. Are you in a union? If so, what do they have to say about you paying the full price of insurance for those two months? I know it's against our union contract (state employee) for them to have us pay more than our employee share while on childbearing leave even when FMLA has run out

[chknma]

I would take the time off. If you have enough of an E fund to cover any emergencies then it's a no brainer for me. You can't get this time back....you can trim your budget for how ever long it takes to get your savings back up

I would make sure to be clear with how your leave approval is documented because you wouldn't be covered by fmla and if your boss is really not supportive you want to make sure everything is properly covered through HR

[mcp6286]

I'm with hpnegirl...I'd go back at 12 weeks. I'm a freak about finances, and depleting savings that much when I had two kids would keep me up at night lol! I also am not cut out to SAH and was ready to go back to work at 10 weeks after DD was born. But if you can afford it and you think it's best for your family, you should do it.

[Somers Isles]

May 8, 2017 6:18:48 GMT -5 hpnegirl said:

You said you are a teacher. Are you in a union? If so, what do they have to say about you paying the full price of insurance for those two months? I know it's against our union contract (state employee) for them to have us pay more than our employee share while on childbearing leave even when FMLA has run out

Hm! I don't know if this applies to my union, but it's definitely worth looking into!! 

[Somers Isles]

anfranklin2, tortor4, lupincat,

I thought about this. There are 2 hurdles. 1) is that my district is planning on using my knowledge of a project we're involved in to expand throughout the district. They really want me to take charge and it's a great opportunity. That being said, I don't want to just spring it on them last minute with "Hey, here's a doctor's note, I can't start this until November..." .... and I feel like you can't plan ahead for a doctor's note .. and 2) my principal will be pissed if I don't give her a warning and she won't believe whatever the doctor's note says. I know it doesn't matter if she believes it or not, but that's how she is... and I'll feel the wrath regardless.

Ugh

[lastkiss]

Honestly it sounds like you need to take the extra time off. If it's causing you stress already I can't imagine how you'll feel in Sept when your fmla runs out.

I'm not sure when I'll be going back to work. I can take up to a year paid at about 50% of my wage (I'm in Canada). We knew our saving would take a hit but I want to be ready to go back. I had some ppd last time and I think part of it was that I pushed myself to go back too quickly and didn't feel bonded with ds1. Your mental health is worth the hit to your savings.

[grneyes]

I personally would take the additional time off, but I feel strongly about bonding and never getting that time back with baby. As PPs said, the birth of a child is a qualifying event to make changes to health insurance, so maybe that would reduce how much you have to take out of savings. I would be more concerned if taking the additional time would affect your job/position when you do want to return.

[sagen]

I would take the extra time off. That is so wrong that summer counts as leave.

[hpnegirl]

May 8, 2017 16:17:20 GMT -5 Somers Isles said:

May 8, 2017 6:18:48 GMT -5 hpnegirl said:

You said you are a teacher. Are you in a union? If so, what do they have to say about you paying the full price of insurance for those two months? I know it's against our union contract (state employee) for them to have us pay more than our employee share while on childbearing leave even when FMLA has run out

Hm! I don't know if this applies to my union, but it's definitely worth looking into!! 

You may have to comb through your contract to find anything, if there's anything to find related to it. You can always call your reps and see what they say/know

[river]

I agree that it stinks that you have to use that time in the summer, too. If you can't get a note, could you compromise on the amount of time you take to save money but still have bonding time?

I'm in a union too (state government) and we're in the same boat with paying our benefits with unpaid leave.

[cubbiebear325]

I think that is a really crummy policy that the summer break counts towards your 12 weeks. I don't think it's like that around here for teachers.

If you feel like staying home longer is what you need and can make it work then go for it! I only took 8 weeks with dd and taking 8 weeks with this one. It was hard to go back but I was glad to get out of the house and back into a routine on thr other hand. I'm one who could never be a SAHM.
Sometimes I wish I could take a little longer but it's so difficult with my job. I'm also lucky though that I only work 4 days/week and am flexible to do 3 day weeks for the first few back as well.