piccyami , I'm so sorry things are rough. We have a dog too, and I love, love, love the little guy, but man...when the babies and the dog act up all at the same time, it's enough to put me over the edge. Like callmeKD said, maybe it's worth carving out the time for at least one list of all the major things your husband can take over. I'm sure it'll help psychologically to know that X number of daily things are "officially" off your list. And then if he forgets/isn't staying on top of things, the list can be a way to hold him accountable. Hang in there and vent here as necessary!
piccyami, I just read your reply. That would drive me nuts. Why does he specifically ask for a list if he's going to ignore it?!
piccyami - can you make one list? ie these are the things that need to get done every day - and give him that?
we are starting slow with sitters too - mostly because I can hardly handle my 4 year old and 3 month old twins alone (especially at bedtime). so I'm either having sitters come and watch DD1 OR the twins OR I'm home with all 3 with the help of a sitter.
But if I just make one list, he'll ignore it after the first time or two. There's actually still a weekly "shit to do before bed" list on the wall. He's still ignoring it.
piccyami - can you make one list? ie these are the things that need to get done every day - and give him that?
we are starting slow with sitters too - mostly because I can hardly handle my 4 year old and 3 month old twins alone (especially at bedtime). so I'm either having sitters come and watch DD1 OR the twins OR I'm home with all 3 with the help of a sitter.
But if I just make one list, he'll ignore it after the first time or two. There's actually still a weekly "shit to do before bed" list on the wall. He's still ignoring it.
mc13 That's what I assume about singleton moms. I found two overwhelming until I had four. Now four is overwhelming and two is very straightforward.
piccyami I hear you on the no time to do anything that would save you time and make your life easier. I might be skipping some sleep and using downtime at work to look at job boards. I've also tried lists and schedules with MH because he said if I organized it he'd follow it. Nope. I still have to wake him up most mornings, usually multiple times. Sometimes I just give up and do everything myself until he wanders in. He's been doing a bit better recently, so I need to find out why and get him to do more of it.
@feegan That's definitely genius. One of these days I'll have to join you and schmella on a zoo trip. I've only ever been to the Milwaukee zoo.
This is going to sound bad but I'm hella nervous for my Bf to stay home with the twins by himself for the day on Friday.... First time.
I was nervous too. And MH really sucked with them and called/texted me a million times and eventually called my MIL to help. Basically now I've told him that unless the house is burning down, he can't call me.
So....just prepare yourself for the possibility that he can't handle it. But, eventually he will learn how to deal.
I mixed mine up one time. And mine are b/g. Sleep deprivation does crazy things
Yep, I did that with the second set. (First set had different colors of hair.) At least I figured it out when I changed one of their diapers.
I've never gotten mine confused because their sizes are so different. I'm sure it would have happened if they were closer in size. Like callmeKD said, sleep deprivation does crazy things.
I'm so glad both babies had ear infections at the same time and went to the doctor the same day. (My nephew was also there the same day, at the same time with an ear infection.) They're on the same dose of the same antibiotic, so I don't have to keep track of different meds/doses and I don't have to track individually. Everyone getting the same thing at the same time is so much easier.
My threenager might get thrown out the window today. She's very much potty trained and has been for months but has been acting out and peeing in her pants. She also just had a melt down because her slice of cheese 'broke' while she was eating it.
My threenager might get thrown out the window today. She's very much potty trained and has been for months but has been acting out and peeing in her pants. She also just had a melt down because her slice of cheese 'broke' while she was eating it.
Deep breath and remember that her life has been turned upside down x2. I'm not proud of the number of times I've yelled at DD1 over the last 3 months.
My threenager might get thrown out the window today. She's very much potty trained and has been for months but has been acting out and peeing in her pants. She also just had a melt down because her slice of cheese 'broke' while she was eating it.
Deep breath and remember that her life has been turned upside down x2. I'm not proud of the number of times I've yelled at DD1 over the last 3 months.
Soooo. What you're saying is...DONT throw her out the window?
mc13 That's what I assume about singleton moms. I found two overwhelming until I had four. Now four is overwhelming and two is very straightforward.
piccyami I hear you on the no time to do anything that would save you time and make your life easier. I might be skipping some sleep and using downtime at work to look at job boards. I've also tried lists and schedules with MH because he said if I organized it he'd follow it. Nope. I still have to wake him up most mornings, usually multiple times. Sometimes I just give up and do everything myself until he wanders in. He's been doing a bit better recently, so I need to find out why and get him to do more of it.
@feegan That's definitely genius. One of these days I'll have to join you and schmella on a zoo trip. I've only ever been to the Milwaukee zoo.
I spent the ridiculous amount of time I spent rocking W last night (he kept startling himself awake or sitting up in his sleep, then actually waking up terrified because "why am I sitting up?!?") on job boards looking. I even applied for some after I finally put him down.
requiressnacks thanks =) his mom would watch them but they are heading out for fishing opener/anniversary. My sister will come over when she is off work otherwise if they are all having a hard time, I can leave work and save him. Just makes me nervous, because he is scared
H was so stuck on the fact that he got a message from the doctor that he needed to pay his copay from a previous visit (he didn't realize he had to pay when he went to the doctor) that he couldn't focus on the fact that the babies needed to go to bed and making me agitated was not helping the babies sleep. They were up 2 hours past their bedtime, and when W started screaming, H just yelled back. The baby had a dirty diaper on top of not feeling good. Once W calmed down, they both went down pretty easily.
This morning, H sat on the computer while I cleaned up poop (dog and possibly cat), made my lunch, entertained babies, opened the door every time a dog walked by, and organized everything for the day. When I asked him to get the other dog in, he opened the door and watched the one inside run out. We were a full half hour late leaving today because he didn't understand that "go bring the dog in" meant "go outside, get the dog, bring her in" and not "open the door and hope she walks in while hoping the other doesn't walk out"
I'm feeling really, really inadequate right now because I'm feeling like I have to do everything again. I was so frustrated and upset that I skipped dinner again last night. These are times I wish I could drink (I can't, it makes me pass out).
Wow. I really need to carve out some time for me. I also really need to not work at the same place as H.
Does your DH have ADD or ADHD?
This sounds just like my DH. He can't focus for shit. He's incredibly forgetful (even forgetting his therapists appts where he gets his meds prescribed!). We actually are going to marriage counseling soon because a) we have issues stemming from our infertility journey and b) because I feel like he's an anchor around my foot - I always need to help him, show him, tell him, nag him and remind him about things and 7/10 they still don't get done. It's really isolating and frustrating to feel like you are the only one taking care of things around the house.
With the babies it's frustrating because he thinks it must be easy being here with them while he's working. He would think that - because when he's with the babies he doesn't do anything. I have to tell him to give them tummy time, read books, go for a walk in the stroller, put them on the playmat, etc. it's frustrating.
Things never get done because he can't rally and just do it. All of his tasks come with a "half time" or "quarter time" break and when he does have energy, it goes to golf - because lord knows that man can wake up at the ass crack of dawn and golf all day but taking the trash out when the bin is full is just too much.
Anyways, all of this to say - maybe he has an underlying issue. Maybe he isn't hearing how this is impacting you - regardless of how many times you tell him. Sorry. I know how it feels to feel like you do it all and it sucks.
ETA: my DH does better with lists, but unfortunately, for him to really get shit done, I have to "mommy" him. Esentially he has to ask if he can golf, and I say yes so long as the list is completed. Then he gets it all done in one shot. WTF?! Why can't he be an adult and get shit done? Anyways, I told him I don't like him anymore and I have a hard time even standing him and if it wasn't for the fact that I don't have money of my own since I'm in grad school and on ML, and the fact that we have newborn babies who deserve a family, I would divorce him right now.
Hugs, @wineandcupcakes. This has been really hard on us and it really is good most of the time until I hit a wall and vent here.
H is most likely on the spectrum, according to his childhood therapist (who would have been the one to diagnose him), who felt it wasn't worth the time and effort to diagnose him because he didn't really need services from insurance. Instead, they worked on handling his challenges.
He spent yesterday finding things to do while I was busy rocking W. (I am going to be so glad when these ear infections are gone.) Once I came down and he realized that I was still doing things, he asked for specific tasks. I really don't think he realized how much I do every day. He wants to try talking about what all needs to happen during our car rides.
A huge part of my frustration is that our communication skills aren't the greatest and we currently have two sick babies. Those two things make everything harder, even if he won't use a list for more than a couple of days or forgets to think about me.
H was so stuck on the fact that he got a message from the doctor that he needed to pay his copay from a previous visit (he didn't realize he had to pay when he went to the doctor) that he couldn't focus on the fact that the babies needed to go to bed and making me agitated was not helping the babies sleep. They were up 2 hours past their bedtime, and when W started screaming, H just yelled back. The baby had a dirty diaper on top of not feeling good. Once W calmed down, they both went down pretty easily.
This morning, H sat on the computer while I cleaned up poop (dog and possibly cat), made my lunch, entertained babies, opened the door every time a dog walked by, and organized everything for the day. When I asked him to get the other dog in, he opened the door and watched the one inside run out. We were a full half hour late leaving today because he didn't understand that "go bring the dog in" meant "go outside, get the dog, bring her in" and not "open the door and hope she walks in while hoping the other doesn't walk out"
I'm feeling really, really inadequate right now because I'm feeling like I have to do everything again. I was so frustrated and upset that I skipped dinner again last night. These are times I wish I could drink (I can't, it makes me pass out).
Wow. I really need to carve out some time for me. I also really need to not work at the same place as H.
Does your DH have ADD or ADHD?
This sounds just like my DH. He can't focus for shit. He's incredibly forgetful (even forgetting his therapists appts where he gets his meds prescribed!). We actually are going to marriage counseling soon because a) we have issues stemming from our infertility journey and b) because I feel like he's an anchor around my foot - I always need to help him, show him, tell him, nag him and remind him about things and 7/10 they still don't get done. It's really isolating and frustrating to feel like you are the only one taking care of things around the house.
With the babies it's frustrating because he thinks it must be easy being here with them while he's working. He would think that - because when he's with the babies he doesn't do anything. I have to tell him to give them tummy time, read books, go for a walk in the stroller, put them on the playmat, etc. it's frustrating.
Things never get done because he can't rally and just do it. All of his tasks come with a "half time" or "quarter time" break and when he does have energy, it goes to golf - because lord knows that man can wake up at the ass crack of dawn and golf all day but taking the trash out when the bin is full is just too much.
Anyways, all of this to say - maybe he has an underlying issue. Maybe he isn't hearing how this is impacting you - regardless of how many times you tell him. Sorry. I know how it feels to feel like you do it all and it sucks.
ETA: my DH does better with lists, but unfortunately, for him to really get shit done, I have to "mommy" him. Esentially he has to ask if he can golf, and I say yes so long as the list is completed. Then he gets it all done in one shot. WTF?! Why can't he be an adult and get shit done? Anyways, I told him I don't like him anymore and I have a hard time even standing him and if it wasn't for the fact that I don't have money of my own since I'm in grad school and on ML, and the fact that we have newborn babies who deserve a family, I would divorce him right now.
I may have mentioned this before... somewhere I read that you should not get divorced within a year or three of having kids because it's such a big adjustment for the individuals and the relationship (excluding extreme cases like abuse). I've used that several times to take that off the table and talk to MH instead. Often talking is harder than giving up. I hope counseling helps you and YH work better together.
This might be a dumb question, but I keep thinking of all these new things I don't know about twins!
How DO you guys tell them apart? Or are all of yours different enough looking that if you really look at them, you can tell? Once I told people I was expecting twins, they asked me and I just said, I dunno... I guess I'll mark one with a sharpie every few days so I can tell?
R&G look very different. L&M look more different as they grow, but at first I spent time just looking at the two of them next to each other and finding differences. After a few weeks, they also sound different so a lot of the time I can tell who is upset or chattering when I can't even see them. I'm sure it's different with ID twins or possibly even same-gender twins (both of my sets are b/g).
tatorhead328, another b/g set here, but unless yours are identical I don't think you'll have trouble after 4 weeks. As for before that, I've known some people to use a sharpie or color coding clothing to tell them apart
This might be a dumb question, but I keep thinking of all these new things I don't know about twins!
How DO you guys tell them apart? Or are all of yours different enough looking that if you really look at them, you can tell? Once I told people I was expecting twins, they asked me and I just said, I dunno... I guess I'll mark one with a sharpie every few days so I can tell?
This was a real fear of mine, just like when Uncle Jesse mixes up Nicky and Alex on Full House. Lol In reality though, I had no trouble telling my ID girls apart from day 1. They go through phases where I think they reallyyy look alike then others where they look so different. MH still regularly mixes them up though. Early on, I noticed that E has a tiny dimple birthmark on her right ear, so that has always kinda been our "safety net".
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