Post by ThePregosaurus on Feb 19, 2015 5:09:12 GMT -5
Last night I got my hair done so DS stayed home with MH. When I got home DH was so frazzled and DS was in his crib wailing. They were peaceful when I left! DS apparently started crying right after I left and continued to do so almost the entire time I was gone (about 2 hours). He would only eat a tiny bit at a time (normally takes a bottle just fine from anyone), didn't want to be swaddled, screamed for his whole bath, etc. DH had to put him down in the crib for his own sanity. As soon as I picked him up when I got home he calmed down and was a different baby.
I go back to work on Monday and DH will be taking care of him during the day. I was planning on leaving some sweaters or shirts that I've worn for DH to put over himself but what else can I do to help their transition? Any tips? I'd hate for them to spend a week like that.
I'd leave a little each day until your first day back. My DH has learned some of his own methods that work for the baby when I've been gone and now it's their thing and they don't work for me. I imagine it is stressful but just know it's harder on you and DH than the baby. Hope next time goes much better!
Post by iaminigomontoya on Feb 19, 2015 9:31:29 GMT -5
Honestly, I'd just try not to stress about it. I know that's easier said than done but they'll figure it out and unfortunately the only way for them to do it that is, well, to do it.
With DS1, I felt awful because he would cry whenever I left him with DH. So I would just follow them around, hovering and giving helpful "tips" before I left. But we quickly found that what worked for me didn't necessarily work for DH and vice versa. Finally DH was just like "Go. I'll figure it out." And it took some trial and error but he did.
We were actually the opposite. My husband had paternity leave for two weeks and I had a terrible epidural headache and couldn't sit up for the first week. By the time I felt better, I was intimidated by the baby and my husband was perfectly comfortable with him. Then he went back to work and I was forced to deal with the little munchkin. I learned pretty quickly and I'm sure your husband will too. Has he not spent much time with the baby up til now?
Honestly, I'd just try not to stress about it. I know that's easier said than done but they'll figure it out and unfortunately the only way for them to do it that is, well, to do it.
With DS1, I felt awful because he would cry whenever I left him with DH. So I would just follow them around, hovering and giving helpful "tips" before I left. But we quickly found that what worked for me didn't necessarily work for DH and vice versa. Finally DH was just like "Go. I'll figure it out." And it took some trial and error but he did.
Exactly this. I hovered too (and still try very hard not to) but you just have to let them figure it out on their own.
Honestly, I'd just try not to stress about it. I know that's easier said than done but they'll figure it out and unfortunately the only way for them to do it that is, well, to do it.
With DS1, I felt awful because he would cry whenever I left him with DH. So I would just follow them around, hovering and giving helpful "tips" before I left. But we quickly found that what worked for me didn't necessarily work for DH and vice versa. Finally DH was just like "Go. I'll figure it out." And it took some trial and error but he did.
So much this. I was so nervous about leaving DS with DH, but they figured out what worked for them and it was fine. To this day, DH has his "tricks" for dealing with him & now DD.
Post by danisgossipgirl on Feb 19, 2015 15:37:12 GMT -5
I think this is more a matter of your husband getting more practice in soothing the baby. I think a lot of the things we do as moms/primary caregivers is so engrained we don't think about the process... For example, certain rhythms and patterns of movement, bounces, etc. Babies this young, developmentally speaking, don't really have separation anxiety. Your husband will figure it out, and letting him learn will empower him in fatherhood.
Post by ThePregosaurus on Feb 21, 2015 9:17:57 GMT -5
Thanks for the advice and reassurance, ladies. DH is great with him but I'm almost always hanging around. I've been trying to give them more space in recent weeks, not running to the rescue every time DS cries. I've left them alone a few times but this was the first time DS was really unhappy and for such a long time. I think I was just feeling overwhelmed when I posted. The hardest part for DH is that he has lower back pain and can't hold DS for very long comfortably, which is what DS usually wants. They'll figure it out.
I have no insight but we are having a similar issue here. DD was great with dh until this week. She had apparently decided thst no one bit mama will do and screams like she's on fire. It's terrible! I'm hoping it is a very very short lived phase.
Man, tonight was exactly this. DS and DH were having an OK time for a little bit but then nothing would calm him down. I stayed out of the way to let them figure it out but DH was getting so frustrated. He eventually just brought him to me and went off to decompress in our room bc he was SO upset that he couldn't soothe DS. Then he calls himself a bad father for not helping and for how frustrated the crying makes him. So now I have 2 babies lol.
I have no insight but we are having a similar issue here. DD was great with dh until this week. She had apparently decided thst no one bit mama will do and screams like she's on fire. It's terrible! I'm hoping it is a very very short lived phase.
We're in this boat too. Over the past week my LO has also decided that dad is not mom and she only wants mom. She will cry and cry when DH holds her and I try to just let him try to soothe her, but after a while I just can't take it anymore. As soon as I held her she calmed down. I felt so bad and it really made DH sad.
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