Finally over (ETA update)

[snakefisherbub]

I thought yesterday was the end of my issue. Nope. Almost exactly 24 hours later I start having fairly bad cramping. I'm passing a few clots, nothing big. I get the poops real bad and once I finished that I puked in my sink. I get puke in my hair so I go to get in the shower. As soon as I get in the shower something comes out. I passed a pretty big clot that looks weird. My poor husband had to take it out of the shower. Only good thing I hadn't turned the water on yet. Right now I'm still bleeding and having cramps. Makes me wonder if more is coming. I'm almost regretting doing this but not really. I still don't want to have to do the surgery. I am however ready for this to be done



I'm not sure if this is exactly the right place to put this but I wanted to get out that I finally miscarried on my own. On Friday My body finally got the memo. At around 4 a.m. I started getting blood in my pad. I was not really in any pain, just a backache more than anything a few cramps but nothing concerning. I went back to sleep. A little before 7 I got up to just change my pad so I knew how much I was really filling just in case. Not to be gross but while on the toilet I felt something come out and a plop in the toilet. I passed a very huge clot. Although it didn't really look like anything you knew what it was. I'm hoping that was all of it and there's not much more to come. It's like 12:30 am now on Saturday and all I've had since is some light spotting. I called off for Friday and the weekend. Mh called off yesterday and spent the day with me. I sent my doctor an email and she says to come in for an ultrasound to make sure my uterine cavity is normal. Also we would then follow HCG level down to zero and once its at zero we can start trying again. At least this is the start of moving on.

I dunno I feel a bit numb, I haven't cried at all. I got a little teary talking to my mom but no full on sobbing which what I was expecting at some point. Not sure if that will come or what. In a way I feel guilty I haven't seemed more upset by this. I am upset but it's very confusing. Sigh..

[cavewmn]

*hugs*

[followthesun]

snakefisherbub, I'm glad to hear things are moving along for you. It is all so confusing. ((Hugs))

[rablissful]

((hugs))

I'm so sorry for your loss. The only time I have full on sobbed was when we got the news I was miscarrying. I've she'd tears off and on since then, and had a 2 minute breakdown when some flowers showed up, but no full on sobbing. I also feel kind of guilty I'm not full on grieving and am still able to laugh when my SO's being an idiot or watching tv. I agree that it's very confusing.

[cabgirl]

snakefisherbub, it sounds wrong to say I'm glad in any way to hear this, but I hope that you're feeling some relief now that the waiting is over. Please don't feel guilty about the way you're feeling. I've had many numb stretches throughout this. Also, having followed your story on Sept 15, I know what a mindfuck (for lack of a better term) this entire experience has been for you. It's hard to know how to feel when you're faced with so much uncertainty. It's very confusing. I think the numbness is mostly the mind's way of protecting itself from an onslaught of confusing emotions, or grief. It's normal. Hugs to you.

[constanthope]

Hopefully this can begin your physical healing process. Be kind to yourself - you have plenty of time to feel all the emotions, and numbness is certainly one of them ((Hugs))

[vballbaby]

I'm sorry you had to go through this, I hope you feel better soon.

[kcrkcs]

I am glad your wait is over, and that it sounds like it went as well as these things can. I hope the next part is smooth as well. I totally get the numb feeling. Don't you dare feel bad about it. So many hugs to you.

[vivela]

I'm glad your wait is over, it can be really hard to know what is coming but not when. At a certain point while waiting for a miscarriage, we end up in the limbo of grieving what is gone and also hoping it will be over soon. It is a confusing set of emotions, so it is not surprising that you feel numb. Try not to feel guilty about that! 

[snakefisherbub]

Thank you ladies. I won't say glad but relieved maybe that someone else gets it. It helps to know these are normal feelings. Big hugs for you guys.

[kcrkcs]

snakefisherbub You can do this lady. It's going to suck, but you are so strong, and you can do it. It's almost over. So many hugs.

[followthesun]

I'm so sorry to hear that the process continues for you. Sending you strength and wishing you comfort. ((Hugs))

[cabgirl]

I'm so sorry it's still happening. This has got to be the last of it. Hang in there, and please keep us updated. Huge hugs to you.

[nikolie93]

snakefisherbub I'm so sorry you thought it was over but it came back, that happened to me too *hug*

Please try not to feel guilty about how you're feeling. You feel what you feel and that's what it is.

I was also kind of numb during my first one and then a bit later I found a trigger... A fucking commercial, and I cried for over an hour. Big, ugly, cry.

Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up or overthink things too much.

[vivela]

Sorry to hear that it wasn't over when you thought it was, that must be upsetting. I hope everything settles down for you now.

[vballbaby]

I'm still struggling to decide on a d&c or not so I appreciate you sharing this. Hang in there.

[Deleted]

Snake, Im so in awe of your bravery. You possess strength I couldn't find in myself as I ran for a d&c while I cowardly waited for a miscarriage to start. Im so glad you finally got some relief. I hope your heart starts to feel better soon.

[Ann612]

Thanks for updating us. I'm glad to hear it's finally, really over. Take care of yourself. Sadness may come and go and the tears may yet come.

[followthesun]

snakefisherbub, how are you doing today?

[snakefisherbub]

Mar 1, 2015 12:56:17 GMT -5 followthesun said:

snakefisherbub, how are you doing today?

Thank you for asking. I'm doing well today. So far no cramping or anything. I'm hopeful that I'm done with the major stuff.