Is this tacky?

[bradysalon]

So, I just need some advice/reality check.  We just moved within the last year towards DH's family.  We still have a lot of friends back in NYC, that I will want to come to my shower.  I am turning 30 about 1.5 months before the baby is due and I planned on having a big 30th birthday party and inviting all my NYC friends to come celebrate.  It is a long trip for people to come twice in such a short period of time.  Is it totally tacky to have a baby shower/30th birthday celebration?  I would have had a co-ed baby shower anyways because DH to be there and have his friends.

Please flame me if this is a stupid idea!

eta- words

[supertrooper1]

First of all, it is never ok to throw your own baby shower. So if you're throwing a birthday party for yourself, don't include a shower in addition because you'll be the host. And it's tacky to invite people to an event that suggests giving two gifts.

And how far are people going to be traveling? Close friends will travel for a birthday party or a shower. But showers are not like a big event such as a wedding and you don't need to invite everyone. Usually only locals will show up for a shower, unless they're really close friends or relatives.

So if you're going to throw yourself a birthday party, go ahead and have fun. Just don't make it a baby shower too. If people aren't willing to travel to the shower, they may still give you a gift.

[bradysalon]

Hmm let me clarify- I would not throw it. DH and SIL were planning my 30th birthday and SIL would probably end up throwing the shower bc she likes those kinds of things and lives locally.

I would only be inviting close friends from NYC (ones that I would invite to a shower if it wasn't my birthday). They would be traveling to NC so plane ticket is required. I would also specify no birthday gifts. My group doesn't generally do birthday gifts anyways at our parties. We just buy each other drinks!

Still stupid?

[supertrooper1]

I still think it's best to make them 2 different parties. And no one has offered to throw you a shower? You seem to assume that your SIL is going to throw you a shower. But has she offered? She may only be willing or budgeting for one or the other.

I would plan on having your birthday party, and whoever offers to throw you a shower, ask if they can plan it for the same weekend that your birthday party is planned for. For example, your birthday party would be on a Friday night and a shower on that Saturday afternoon. That way, the people who have flown out to NC can attend both.

And BTW, it's also considered tacky to mention gifts at all, even if it's to say no gifts. If gifts generally aren't given at birthday parties in your circle, then leave it at that and don't mention it.

You must have some pretty awesome friends, because I wouldn't be willing to fly anywhere for someone's birthday party, even pre-baby. Or maybe I'm just cheap like that.

[bradysalon]

Awesome. Thanks for the advice. No, no one even knows I'm pregnant yet. I'm just an over planner. I know my IL will want to throw one here. I just don't want to come off seeming obnoxious when I'm really just wanting to celebrate things and have my friends a part of it but not fly twice.

My friends are awesome- but my sister and brother live far away too so this is for them as well. And the friends I am thinking of are like family. But with that being said I should not assume anyone will want to throw a shower because we all know what assuming does.

Good advice with having everything in the same weekend. That's is a very good idea. Thank you thank you.

[Bluedaisy]

I think PP was correct in all of her advice and I just want to add that you might want to wait a bit before planning anything. You are fairly newly pregnant if your ticker is correct and you never know how you will be feeling, etc.

[bradysalon]

Feb 28, 2015 16:20:57 GMT -5 Bluedaisy said:

I think PP was correct in all of her advice and I just want to add that you might want to wait a bit before planning anything. You are fairly newly pregnant if your ticker is correct and you never know how you will be feeling, etc.

Only planning in my mind... WAY too early to actually plan!

[Deleted]

I would find it tacky and confusing. Is it a shower? Is it a birthday party? Am I supposed to supply a gift for both?

Keep the occasions separate, in my opinion.

[speedymarie]

I had a friend who was engaged and got unexpectedly pregnant. She was due a month after the wedding. She had a casual baby shower (unclear Evites) but no official bridal shower, but her registry included both baby stuff and household stuff so i was totally confused as to whether i should bring two gifts or just one and which it should be.

Don't combine events.

[ECB]

Honestly- my take is to let your NYC friends worry about this. If I was flying into town for a friends b-day and I knew she was PG too, I'd actually probably talk to my friends about "hey- let's do something for her baby while we're there anyhow!".

But- that being said, 1.5 months from your due date is a good time frame for a shower anyhow. Having both on the same weekend is fine and if your NYC friends are like family, they'll love that they'll be in town for your shower.

[helenahhandbasket]

Agree with ECB

Have the baby shower the same weekend as your birthday party, but do not combine events.

Not sure what you had in mind for a 30th b-day bash, but for most of my friends, we just did a really nice dinner. It's not like you are going to be going out drinking or anything 6 weeks before your due date-- so why not go to dinner on Saturday night, then do an early-ish shower (maybe one that starts at noon) so your friends can still catch an evening flight and be home Sunday at a reasonable hour.

[gallumbits]

I would not plan a plane ride trip for someone's birthday. I would for a shower. If someone ends up throwing you a shower and your friends rsvp yes, I'd then just talk to them and say hey, do you want to join me for a birthday celebration that night while you're in town?
But maybe that's just me. I never do any big birthday celebrations.

[mrsbuttinski]

Maybe I'm an outlier.

I would not expect people to travel for a 30th birthday if air travel is required unless this is something your friends typically do. The few people I know who have done this for friends are those who moved away and are traveling back to a place where they formerly lived. I seems kind of presumptuous to expect a group of friends to come to you.

I would not include anyone on a shower guest list who has over a two hour travel time except for a first degree relative.