AW when does the depression lift?

[vballbaby]

I'm not normally a depressed person and it's surprising and almost concerning how hard this is still hitting me. I didn't get out of bed until noon and had to force myself to get up. Then making breakfast more tears. I told myself I'd force myself to go on a walk today so I'm going to try. DH is out playing volleyball. I could join him but I'm not sure if I can handle comments right now, there are a handful of ppl who know. We just got the news Thursday but I thought I would have come around a little.

For those who have had d&c's - do you feel like that helped get your hormones in check sooner? I've been a little unsure if I want a d&c but based on how depressed I'm feeling maybe it'll be best for me. How long until pregnancy hormones are not a factor?

Ugh. Now all I need is some Radiohead or some other depressing music to really sink to the depths. Sorry I'm really feeling pretty hopeless right now.

[Deleted]

Im so terribly sorry for what you've been through. I just had my d&c on friday. I haven't cried much since. With my missed miscarriage it had already been a month since our twins at past and I was so terribly angry at my body for not passing them yet. I was having some spotting, but my cervix was closed and I wasn't sure how much longer it'd be. I was in agony going to the bathroom every time expecting this time to the be start of the end but it never came. Im not sure if it's a hormone thing or a closure thing but the d&c help me. I found it helpful to blog my experience and your welcome to read it. I hope answers come to you soon and that your depression lightens. Grief is a long process, please be kind to yourself.

tonguebite.wordpress.com/2015/02/28/for-better-or-for-terribly-worse/

[followthesun]

vballbaby, for me, the D&C really helped me start to move on emotionally. Honestly, though, the feelings of sadness will come and go for quite a while no matter which path you choose. The crushing grief lasted a couple of weeks for me, and after that it was good days and bad days, then mainly good days with some sucky moments in the mix. Once I got my first AF I felt my hormones were better in check, but that can vary as well. Just be patient, feel what you feel when you feel it, and give yourself the time and space you need. ((Hugs))

[kcrkcs]

I don't think the d and c did anything for me hormone wise. The first time I was a mess for three weeks, maybe a bit more, and it was definitely a lot because of the hormones. I do think the D&C gave me closure, or at least helped me to move on to the next stage of grieving.
ETA- You might consider speaking with a therapist either way. It could help you sort through your emotions. All the hugs.

[vballbaby]

Thanks ladies, I think just typing out my emotions is a huge release.

@jennatles your story is beautifully written in your blog, thanks for sharing.
followthesun I guess I need to give myself time to feel shitty, I just hope it doesn't linger too long. I absolutely hate feeling depressed. I haven't felt this awful since my divorce.
kcrkcs I never thought I'd be looking forward to bleeding or a period quite like this.

[Ann612]

It took awhile. Even over a month after I would have good days and bad. If I stop and let myself think about it I will cry every time. I would say I still feel depressed about it sometimes.

[cabgirl]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through and that you're having such a terrible time. My D&C was on 2/19, so about a week and a half ago, and I'm still nowhere near feeling like myself, but it has gotten somewhat easier. I'm not sure about hormones after natural m/c vs D&C, so I can't be of any help there, but I know that mine are still pretty crazy, with an HCG reading of 770 as of a few days ago.

I hate to say it, but I think the best thing you can do for yourself right now is to let yourself be sad, and don't expect to start feeling better right away. Cry and scream if you need to, lay in bed if that's what you feel like doing. Obviously you can't do that indefinitely, and if you start having self-destructive thoughts or feel like your depression is beyond what you can bear (or like it's gone on for too long), seek help. Seeing a therapist might end up being a good idea anyway, just to have an unbiased person to unburden yourself to. This process sucks so much, and unfortunately there's not much any of us can do except give it time and grieve.

And of course, post here as much as you like. No one here thinks you're an AW. So many (hugs) to you.

[vivela]

You've gotten some good advice here, just wanted to say how sorry I am for what you have been through. Try to balance letting yourself grieve and staying active. Being active really does help, but resting your body and mind, and working through your feelings, is important to. It has only been a few days and I remember feeling like I'd never feel better, but you will get there.

[snakefisherbub]

Just wanted to say I'm so sorry and give you hugs. I miscarried on my own and while I don't think I'm ok, I do feel like myself? For the most part I guess. It's something I'm struggling with. I hope you can start to feel a little better soon. Remember we're all here and we get it of you need to vent or anything.

[vballbaby]

Hi ladies, I thought I'd let you know that I dragged myself out of the house today to the volleyball courts where DH was playing, and actually ended up playing a couple of games with him and then went on a 2 mile walk down the beach. It made me feel SOOO much better, at least for today

vivela you're right about that. I'm a very active person and exercise is my release so I'm going to try to keep up with my walking at least through this process.
cabgirl wow that's crazy that the hcg just lingers, as if we're not dealing with enough, our bodies still have to believe they're pregnant for a while. I guess that's just nature's way, and we can only rush it so much. I may actually consider a therapist or a loss group. Anything to get me out of the house at this point I think is a good thing. I work from home so it's easy to just fall out of a routine, which is normally what keeps me going.
Ann612 That whole allowing yourself to think about it can be a dangerous place, I know. Sometimes I just like to feel feelings too much! I remember reading about your comment to the guy on the ski trip. I feel like I will have a few poignant comments myself if someone asks me the wrong question..
@sarahwithanh thanks I read through all those. I'm so sorry you had to go through with it without being knocked out, not only for the pain factor, but just having to be present. I'm glad to hear that you feel like yourself again.

[ronniesgirl]

I'm sending thoughts and prayers your way. The best way I've heard it described is that grief is a spiral. Some days it's better and then you regress. Exercise definitely helps me, too, but this weather hasn't been making that too easy.

As far as the d&c helping in the grief process...I don't know. I've never had a natural miscarriage, but it's been a rough 2 months since my d&c (which was very, very easy). Getting the pathology report, monitoring betas to negative, first period....all of these were rough, but they come along whether you choose the d&c or not.

[shytimes]

vballbaby so glad today was a better day!

i've been trying to remind myself that there's a hormonal component to my moods in addition to the obvious. maybe that's why i'm eating such crappy food? keep telling myself that tomorrow i'm going to turn it around.

[nikolie93]

I'm so glad you got out and had a better day! I will continue sending positive thoughts your way *hug*

[vballbaby]

ronniesgirl I can only imagine right now the process it will be to get back to baseline. One day at a time is my new mantra.
shytimes I'm still craving all carbs. Tonight was the first salad I've had in a couple weeks and I sooo wasn't into it. However I was in to the two vanilla ice cream cones I ate for dessert
nikolie93 thank you. Today was better also even though I did have a few quick episodes of tears.

[nikolie93]

vballbaby, I still have some moments of tears so you aren't alone!

[shytimes]

buttercup I'm feeling the hormone swings... I know everyone is different but has anyone given you a sense of how long it takes the hormones to level out?  I'm sorry you're going through a tough time, but thanks so much for sharing.  Made me feel like I'm not the only one.

ETA grammar

[abi]

Mine was a late loss (but a loss is a loss is a loss), and it still hits me hard even at 10 months out.
I hope you're able to deal with your grief well and start to feel better. Sorry you have to be a part of this club.

[shytimes]

Thanks buttercup ... I think you're right that an important step is recognizing that some of this is due to hormones. (Much as I hate to say any emotion is fake... these are enhanced, shall we way). Good luck in the next round!