BII change

[hopanka]

Do you guys think that switching BII with a 4 year tenure with a child in the span of 24 hours is at all appropriate for a 9 year old child? No matter how you put it, this person is practically family to this child and without a more gradual approach I find this cruel.

[hopecounts]

what's a BII.
A well developing child at 9, it would be less then ideal to have someone they were that close to removed suddenly but depending on the specific situation I would expect the kiddo to be able to roll with a change reasonably well with support from their parents and not be too worked up about it. 
A child with challenges (particularly around changes) I would be upset but work to help him manage it and use it as an opportunity to work on sudden changes.
Of course depending on what role exactly this person holds my thoughts might change.

[princesslily]

Depends on the circumstances.

If there was a need due to safety reasons, absolutley. However for any other reason only a gradual exit out is best for everyone.

Not sure what a BII is either, but I'm guessing someone of importance in a child's life...therefore the above is the best approach IMHO.

[mrsbuttinski]

I'm sorry.

Is the support being pulled abruptly or has the BII been reassigned to another student/building or are they gone entirely? I assume your DS will be getting someone new to work with. Will your son still have the chance to see this person as he moves about the building?

This is one of the many double-side issues with paras, interventionists and TSS workers. Long standing relationships aren't always a good thing. While it's easier for the child to get used to one main provider and easier for parents to feel their child is well cared for by someone with whom they've had time to build a relationship, but that comfort comes at a cost.

In a lot of places, paras and BIIs are changed to avoid learned helplessness, improve resilience and avoid bonds that can interfere with the child connecting with teachers and peers.

[hopanka]

Mrs B - yes, we are changing because of a potential learned dependancy as well as BII getting too comfortable over the years and not as eager to insert herself when needed, esp in social situations during non-structured time.

Change was suppossed to happen last school year, however the agency did not have a suitable replacement. Now, they do and our current BII will also be going on a LOA in the near future, so the time is right. However, I did not agree with how this was suppossed to go down, since DS is emotionally connected to her now. I made it known, as they thought one day of overlap was plenty along with giving us a 24 hour notice, so thankfully now they are adding 2 more half days of overlap, and transition after Friday. I'm more at peace with this. It will give us a chance for a proper goodbye. He will not see her around the campus anymore, we work with a private agency that the District has a contract with, so she'll be going elsewhere. DS doesnt want the change, obviously, but both he and she have gotten too comfortable and the benefit is lacking now. I don't mind the girl that's overlapping, but am lobbying for a guy, as DS did really well with one who we had temporarily a few weeks ago due to our BII's vaca. I was told I had dibs whenever that particular one becomes available again. He has his own case right now. We'll see.

[mrsbuttinski]

Mar 4, 2015 18:52:23 GMT -5 hopanka said:

Mrs B - yes, we are changing because of a potential learned dependancy as well as BII getting too comfortable over the years and not as eager to insert herself when needed, esp in social situations during non-structured time.

Change was suppossed to happen last school year, however the agency did not have a suitable replacement. Now, they do and our current BII will also be going on a LOA in the near future, so the time is right. However, I did not agree with how this was suppossed to go down, since DS is emotionally connected to her now. I made it known, as they thought one day of overlap was plenty along with giving us a 24 hour notice, so thankfully now they are adding 2 more half days of overlap, and transition after Friday.

I'm glad you got a little more time. But this could be a life lesson; DS's most beloved scoutmaster had a massive heart attack and died when DS was 11. Sitting him down to tell him that Mr. B was gone was the hardest thing I've ever done for him. He rolled better with his grandmother's death. Shit happens, this could become something you can reference in the future to help him through the loss of someone in his life.

I'm more at peace with this. It will give us a chance for a proper goodbye. He will not see her around the campus anymore, we work with a private agency that the District has a contract with, so she'll be going elsewhere. DS doesnt want the change, obviously, but both he and she have gotten too comfortable and the benefit is lacking now. I don't mind the girl that's overlapping, but am lobbying for a guy, as DS did really well with one who we had temporarily a few weeks ago due to our BII's vaca. I was told I had dibs whenever that particular one becomes available again. He has his own case right now. We'll see.

A guy is a great antidote to the estrogen-laced atmosphere of elementary school. Assuming he's decent. In my district- para is a long term interview for a Sped teacher slot- the turnover is pretty significant.

Are you certain he still needs a BII/para? A good para's Job One is to make themselves superfluous. Could it be that your DS has grown to the point where any para would be more detrimental in terms of stigma and barrier between peers than any benefit he might get? I know it's really, really, really hard to proceed without that level of communication and security as a parent. But maybe your kid is ready to fade this service.

[hopanka]

We will fade it out, the plan has been in place, but unfortunately, as the process started, ds's academics got worse. He stopped paying attention long enough to understand the conceps, started forgetting his binder at school...etc. so, we're slowly transitioning, so he can hopefully be ready to be BII-free for middle school.

As far as stigma - well, we're alrewady there. Ds is different. Kids know. Not gonna kid ourselves. Plus, if there is nobody there helping him enter a group in the yard, he'd be constantly alone by the fence somewhere. He does need this service, but to a degree. Not hovering the entire time, but definitely engaging him with kids during non-structured activities and advocating for himself, if he doesnt get a turn or whatever.

I know the change is good, but it's also bad timing teaching him about loss. He has changed therapists, even BII's in the past that he liked very much, so he knows. I think that's why he's so sad - he knows it's over - he won't be seeing her anymore. He's been theough that before and he remembers the void, he's a very sweet, sensitive child. And that is hard. The reason why it's bad timing is because his great-grandma died yesterday as well. Kind too much loss all in one week for the little dude. He doesn't freak out or misbehave. That's not his style. He gets very quiet, teary-eyed, and he grieves.

We'll get through it, though.

[mrsbuttinski]

Mar 4, 2015 19:51:33 GMT -5 hopanka said:

We will fade it out, the plan has been in place, but unfortunately, as the process started, ds's academics got worse. He stopped paying attention long enough to understand the conceps, started forgetting his binder at school...etc. so, we're slowly transitioning, so he can hopefully be ready to be BII-free for middle school.

Welcome to my world.  This is pretty much right on schedule. Is this 4th or late 3rd?

The intermediate grades are when the executive function stuff really becomes obvious. The missed assignments, the forgotten binders, etc. 

This is also an age when the typical kids (I forget if he's mainstreamed or in an HFA program) take a quantum leap in terms of the complexity and sophistication or their social world. It's also the start of the NT tweens being hardwired for conformity and wary of outliers. Plus, the focus of academics shifts from the strong rote memory and decoding stuff to tasks that require higher order and analytical thinking skills. Learning to read becomes reading to learn, math is about applications. 

These changes can really rock a kid's world and drive up anxiety and even depression. Hopefully you'll dodge these, but be aware the possibility exists. Depressed boys don't look depressed sometimes- they can seem irritable or edgy or unable to focus. This could be part of why he's not doing as well- he could be having anxiety or attentional issues, he could be tuning out less preferred lessons or those that are harder for him, it could be a combo. 

As far as stigma - well, we're alrewady there. Ds is different. Kids know. Not gonna kid ourselves. Plus, if there is nobody there helping him enter a group in the yard, he'd be constantly alone by the fence somewhere. He does need this service, but to a degree. Not hovering the entire time, but definitely engaging him with kids during non-structured activities and advocating for himself, if he doesnt get a turn or whatever.

It's really hard to be an effective para for this age. A young  adult male would help. Unfortunately, EEO laws prevent hiring with that as a qualification. So we end up with doting middle aged women who are off-putting to the very peers you're looking to draw in. Plus there's always the risk the teacher won't take ownership of such a student because she has the safety net of a para to teach. The result is often the most educationally needy kid in the room gets the help of the nice lady with an AA instead of the classroom teacher who has a masters in SPED. 

But I totally hear you on needing someone to keep him in the group. I know a couple of kids whose schools did a "lunch bunch" where a peer or 3 would have lunch as a group and then do indoor activities together. Sometimes it's easier for a kid to interact with one other person of a small group rather than a larger more chaotic one. DS's SLP sometimes pushed in social skills on the playground.

I know the change is good, but it's also bad timing teaching him about loss. He has changed therapists, even BII's in the past that he liked very much, so he knows. I think that's why he's so sad - he knows it's over - he won't be seeing her anymore. He's been theough that before and he remembers the void, he's a very sweet, sensitive child. And that is hard. The reason why it's bad timing is because his great-grandma died yesterday as well. Kind too much loss all in one week for the little dude. He doesn't freak out or misbehave. That's not his style. He gets very quiet, teary-eyed, and he grieves.

We'll get through it, though.

I'm sorry for your family's loss. 

[hopanka]

Thank you! At least I'm going on a much needed R&R this weekend because it's been a rough few days.

Btw, DS's teacher is PISSED that the switch is happening. She could not even look at the BID today, she was seething with rage. She told me this was stupid, she has never seen an abrupt switch like this in the middle of a semester, especially 6 weeks before state testing, etc. she LOVES the BII, so that's why.

Well, tomorrow will be the old BII's last day, so I'm hoping it goes well. DS seems to like the new girl - she's young, much more athletic, so hopefully she'll be more active in the yard and during recess. I know he'll miss the other one, but I'm hoping it's not too bad.