Weekly Check In - 3/4

[thedish]

Check in here this week!

Reminders: flcl mrsb1008 @rocknrollfriend  yoshijo28 @wallflwr926  @ordinaryamy runnergirl812 helloamanda @giamia923 snarkysparklefart...  If you'd like to be added to the reminder list, please just let me know


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Please briefly describe your diagnosis/status.



How is your week going?



Any struggles or accomplishments that you would like to share?



Any changes in medication or recent appointments?


GTKY: What is your favorite book or author?

[Deleted]

Thanks for the tag thedish!

Please briefly describe your diagnosis/status. Anxiety/depression, under treatment.



How is your week going? Last night was rough. I'd had a not great day at work and then I yelled at DS and lost it at bedtime. I need to get a new therapist ASAP to help me deal with these behaviors. I hate myself for not being more patient with DS.



Any struggles or accomplishments that you would like to share? Rage is one of my symptoms, and I hate it. Sometimes I can handle my emotions and sometimes I just lose it. I don't want DS to grow up thinking that's how you deal with frustration.



Any changes in medication or recent appointments? No, I need to find a new therapist. I tried to make an appointment with someone else in my medical group but realized it wasn't the type of therapist I wanted, so now I need to look around for some other practice.


GTKY: What is your favorite book or author? I really like The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings series, I've read them each several times. I don't read much fiction these days.

[2kiddos]

Well I missed last weeks checkin. I had a very rough week. This week is kind of better... But very much struggling with depression. As some know I was recently switched to depakote (2-3 weeks ago), but really felt it wasn't working. On Friday last week I tried to go back to lamictal but immediately got the rash again. So now I went off depakote and lamictal and instead I am trying out a high dose of ambilify. I really hope this works!

GTKY: What is your favorite book or author?
I don't read as much as I used to. I used to enjoy Jane Ayre.

[bluerainfire]

Please briefly describe your diagnosis/status.

pstd, anxiety disorder, depression

How is your week going? Up and down- shitty work week, want to quit my job, but can’t because of financial reasons- want to find another job, but the only reason I am still working, is because it’s so flexible- and if I go full time during the day somewhere, we have do daycare-which means I’ll haft to make double- meh
Very anxious about documents dealing with the car accident I was involved while 30 weeks pregnant- I just really want everything to be resolved brings back panic feelings…

Any struggles or accomplishments that you would like to share? Struggles- just rehashing previous trauma- accomplishment s - I feel better about my body…

Any changes in medication or recent appointments? No- thinking about going to therapy again, but I had really, I mean really bad therapists- since my husband now has a great plan, we could afford therapy…and a good one, but finding one..


GTKY: What is your favorite book or author? Hesse glass bead game, jack keorac the darma bums, love the lord of the ring trilogy also

[icequeen]

thedish, thank you for starting the check-in! Hope you are spending quality time with your precious baby and getting enough rest!
@giamia923, I hope you and LO feel better soon! I love little baby giggles. Melts my heart.
@rocknrollfriend, please don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone has their own struggles and you are doing what you can to get better. Good luck with finding a new therapist. It will be ok!
2kiddos, I hope the new dose of Abilify works well for you!
bluerainfire, how scary to be in an accident at 30 weeks. I'm so sorry. I am glad you are lucky enough to get a good therapist and can start soon!

Please briefly describe your diagnosis/status. Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, GAD

How is your week going? I'm a nervous wreck. I am supposed to take a pregnancy test tomorrow and go in for a quantitative HCG and U/S if it is positive. I can't even describe how badly I want to be pregnant. I don't want to lose motivation or regress in m recovery if I find out I'm not pregnant, but it will be so hard. I'm spending so much energy on my recovery that I don't know how much I have left to give to not letting the disappointment completely break me.

Any struggles or accomplishments that you would like to share? I'm struggling with keeping my weight up. I got fixated on a number on the scale and want to reach it. Both my team and I decided it was a reasonable weight but I'm concerned my husband will see my weight loss and be upset. I am trying to convince myself that I can accept my weight as it is now, especially if I am pregnant. I was able to avoid behaviors not only two days in a row last week, but three! It was unexpected because my husband said he needed to stay home to pick up our new car and get ready for a trip he was taking. So I forced myself to push through it and it was easy! I am trying for 4 days in a row this week and so far I'm on day 3 and feeling amazing. My meds are working wonders. I am so much less obsessive about my food choices and the quantities of binging and purges have been reduced by over half. I feel like a new person, honestly.

Any changes in medication or recent appointments? Ugh I had to cancel my new therapist appointment tomorrow and reschedule for next week due to the possible pregnancy situation. I met with my dietitian today and she told me I'm doing amazingly. I had a phone check in with my psych today and there are no changes to meds yet, but if I am pregnant, I will have to stop the Naltrexone and Topamax and continue with the Prozac.


GTKY: What is your favorite book or author? I just got into reading novels again, so I don't really have a favorite. I am really loving Liane Moriarty, though. Her writing is so sarcastically funny, it's almost like hearing me talk, haha!

[yoshijo28]

Feel better @giamia923!
@rocknrollfriend I'm sorry you had a rough night, I hope you find a good therapist soon
2kiddos good luck with your new medication
bluerainfire the thought of trying to find a therapist makes so so overwhelmed too. It's hard not knowing where to start and then it takes a lot of time for me to be comfortable. I'm also struggling with my job ((hugs)) to you


ETA: icequeen so happy to hear about the successful week you've had! Fx for you at your doctor's appointment! You're doing so well, I know you can keep it up.

[yoshijo28]

Mar 4, 2015 18:08:16 GMT -5 thedish said:

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Please briefly describe your diagnosis/status.



How is your week going? Eh, bad. I don't feel well (from Clomid or eating issues I don't know which one or maybe a como of both)



Any struggles or accomplishments that you would like to share? People at work starting noticing my weight loss and 3 people said something to me. Not sure how I feel about that. Finally it's noticeable but at the same time I don't want people overly concerned. I'm struggling to not want to lose more.



Any changes in medication or recent appointments? No but I am SLOWLY trying to find a therapist. It's very overwhelming but I know I need to. At the same time. I struggle with if I'm ready to change. 


GTKY: What is your favorite book or author? James Patterson

[icequeen]

Mar 4, 2015 22:08:58 GMT -5 @giamia923 said:

Mar 4, 2015 21:51:07 GMT -5 icequeen said:

GTKY: What is your favorite book or author? I just got into reading novels again, so I don't really have a favorite. I am really loving Liane Moriarty, though. Her writing is so sarcastically funny, it's almost like hearing me talk, haha!

Have you ever read Chelsea Handler? Her books are hysterical!

I haven't but thanks for the suggestion! I know she is hilarious.

[icequeen]

Mar 4, 2015 21:55:22 GMT -5 yoshijo28 said:

Feel better @giamia923!
@rocknrollfriend I'm sorry you had a rough night, I hope you find a good therapist soon
2kiddos good luck with your new medication
bluerainfire the thought of trying to find a therapist makes so so overwhelmed too. It's hard not knowing where to start and then it takes a lot of time for me to be comfortable. I'm also struggling with my job ((hugs)) to you


ETA: icequeen so happy to hear about the successful week you've had! Fx for you at your doctor's appointment! You're doing so well, I know you can keep it up.

Thanks, girl! (((HUGS)))

[Deleted]

Please briefly describe your diagnosis/status. - Narcolepsy w/o Cataplexy, Bipolar 1, GAD, ADD


How is your week going? It was going okish until MH started being a jerk. He's become increasingly disinterested in sex. He was never overly sexual but I'm starting to lose my patience. My charts look like we try to time sex but we 100% don't. It's really frustrating.


Any struggles or accomplishments that you would like to share? I was having trouble falling asleep for a few weeks. Not I'm having trouble staying asleep. I can't win.


Any changes in medication or recent appointments? I have a psych appointment midmonth. Nothing exciting.


GTKY: What is your favorite book or author? My favorite book is Cheaper by the Dozen. One of my favorite authors is Franz Kafka. Wow, autocorrect kept insisting I wanted Kanye instead of Kafka. I think not.

Edit: autocorrect sucks. I meant he isn't,  not he is.

[Deleted]

Mar 4, 2015 20:27:58 GMT -5 @giamia923 said:

Mar 4, 2015 20:24:53 GMT -5 2kiddos said:

Well I missed last weeks checkin. I had a very rough week. This week is kind of better... But very much struggling with depression. As some know I was recently switched to depakote (2-3 weeks ago), but really felt it wasn't working. On Friday last week I tried to go back to lamictal but immediately got the rash again. So now I went off depakote and lamictal and instead I am trying out a high dose of ambilify. I really hope this works!

GTKY: What is your favorite book or author?
I don't read as much as I used to. I used to enjoy Jane Ayre.

:hugs: sorry you are having such a hard time! I hope the Abilify works for you. Im only on 5mg myself but have had a good response to it. I forget your diagnosis but there is a new medication called Latuda (I think that's what it's called) I think it's mostly used for bipolar depression? may be an option for you if Abilify doesn't work out (or I think you can add this med to the Abilify?) Hope you feel better I am here if you need to talk ☺️

I've been hearing good things about Latuda. My psych and I are on the fence about me being switched to it.
Abilify is often a supplemental medication for people taking mood stabilizers. I do know several people who have it work as a stand alone med. I hope it works out for you 2kiddos.

[Deleted]

@giamia923 icequeen yoshijo28 Thank you for your kind words. It helps to talk about it and to have your support. I also was able to talk to my DH about it which is not how I normally want to respond (usually just withdraw), so that was good.

2kiddos I'm sorry you are struggling. I hope the new med works for you.

bluerainfire A car accident at 30w pregnant sounds super scary! I hope you can get those documents dealt with and out of the way.

icequeen I'll keep everything crossed for a BFP for you! The disappointment of seeing that BFN, month after month, is really hard to take, I know. I am really impressed with how well you've been doing with the ED management.

[Deleted]

icequeen - I have my fingers and toes crossed for you.

[flcl]

@giamia923 ugh, hope you're all feeling better soon!

@rocknrollfriend best of luck with the therapist search... The whole process is no fun
2kiddos hoping that the meds work and you continue to feel better and better
bluerainfire your accident at 30 weeks sound scary... Hope everything's ok!
icequeen fx for a bfp!!! TTC is so stressful
yoshijo28 hang in there and just remember that you deserve to feel better
@wallflwr what's up with your H?! Makes me want to kick him in the shins...I know, real mature

Diagnosis: depression, anxiety, panic attacks

Things are ok... Better than the few previous weeks. Work's been unbelievably busy and I'm having a hard time sleeping. I don't feel good but I don't necessarily feel down either... Just flat.

No changes in meds and still haven't rescheduled my appointment with the therapist. There's just no time!!

I love reading so it's hard for me to choose but I'm still waiting for George RR Martin to put out WoW

[snarkysparklefart]

Please briefly describe your diagnosis/status.
Borderline PD Primarily



How is your week going?
Mostly awful. The long and short is that I have an RCS scheduled for Friday. I don't want it. I have a terrible time trying to advocate for myself and I need to now. Today. Absolutely overwhelmed by the emotions of it all and I am already resigning myself to feelings of resentment, failure, and more self loathing, which is exactly what I've worked so hard to avoid and process from my abusive past. And then I have the people around me who think I'm nuts for not wanting to have surgery, who think it is easier, and who have absolutely no idea why I would even think of doing anything else. Plus, going through what I went through to even get pregnant with this baby, it is a total mind f&&I to wake up crying because I'm still pregnant.



Any struggles or accomplishments that you would like to share?
Not this week.


Any changes in medication or recent appointments?
None, I have a PP appointment set for 4/13.


GTKY: What is your favorite book or author?
I used to love to read! Nowadays I spend a lot more time reading articles or crochet patterns online, but my favorite book is The Picture of Dorian Gray.

[runnergirl812]

Please briefly describe your diagnosis/status.

Generalized anxiety disorder

How is your week going?
It's going okay. This is my first week on meds. I'm drowsy from the meds, but anxiety is much much MUCH better. Still remembering to breathe through some of my more anxious moments. But lately it's like a big elephant has been lifted off my chest. Now it's just a baby elephant. Hoping this continues and the drowsiness fades.


Any struggles or accomplishments that you would like to share?
I made it through a performance review and got a slight raise this week. YAY! This is despite my shitty job performance lately. I think I've been putting on a good front, but I really need to step it up in the coming months. I'm struggling with my job/motivation combined with how BF and I are long distance and are talking marriage. It means either a commute, asking to telecommute with my current job, or finding a new job with 100% telecommute because he's in a rural,coastal area with no pharma around. He isn't able to move here with the stepkids/support system he has there. It's just not feasible or realistic. Just something else for me to obsess about.



Any changes in medication or recent appointments?
Klonopin was started last Friday night, Prozac on Monday morning. Right now adjusting to the drowsiness from the klonopin. Taking it earlier around 9 pm has helped. It usually fades around 10-11 am. I also added in Zyrtec this morning because I have seasonal allergies...let's just say I'm a bit tired. And on no caffeine. So I'm drinking lots of herbal teas and water to stay hydrated. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow at 8 am. Hoping it won't be cancelled due to the freezing rain/ice coming in tonight. I could use some couch time.


GTKY: What is your favorite book or author? Nora Roberts/ JD Robb (her pen name). Love her books.

[mrsb1008]

Please briefly describe your diagnosis/status. Panic Disorder and diagnosed GAD



How is your week going? Pretty good. I announced to my coworkers yesterday which was exciting, and we've told most of the family. I've had a few bouts of anxiety of the last week, but luckily they are short lived.



Any struggles or accomplishments that you would like to share? Coming out at work was pretty big, and I'm almost done with the first tri!



Any changes in medication or recent appointments? Nope. No appts til March 20th.


GTKY: What is your favorite book or author? Don't really have one. Though I will always reread the HP series. But not sure if that qualifies it as my Fav. book though.

[Deleted]

Mar 5, 2015 9:00:30 GMT -5 snarkysparklefart said:

How is your week going?
Mostly awful. The long and short is that I have an RCS scheduled for Friday. I don't want it. I have a terrible time trying to advocate for myself and I need to now. Today. Absolutely overwhelmed by the emotions of it all and I am already resigning myself to feelings of resentment, failure, and more self loathing, which is exactly what I've worked so hard to avoid and process from my abusive past. And then I have the people around me who think I'm nuts for not wanting to have surgery, who think it is easier, and who have absolutely no idea why I would even think of doing anything else. Plus, going through what I went through to even get pregnant with this baby, it is a total mind f&&I to wake up crying because I'm still pregnant.

Big hugs to you! That sounds really overwhelming. Do you have some support to get you through this? Someone to help you advocate for yourself?

[lulu]

Please briefly describe your diagnosis/status.
Depression and anxiety

How is your week going?
Really stressful. Work has been hellish, I've been late home every night so far, barely seen the kids, poor DH has been left to cope with everything. I feel like I can't cope at work and that I suck at my job - getting criticised for every decision I make, I feel like a terrible parent for never being home and missing important moments with my family. I feel like an awful wife to my husband and am terrified he wishes he was elsewhere.

Any struggles or accomplishments that you would like to share?
Really struggling to feel like I'm a good person. Round and round in my head all day are images of DH with his exes, I imagine the lovely peaceful and fun life they had, no responsibilities and brilliant moments and sex. I then can't understand why he wants to be with me and our stressful life, full of worries and exhaustion. I'm scared he feels trapped into staying with me because we have kids and bills and responsibilities. I'm terrified he had a better life with them than with me. I can't get rid of these ideas and I hate it.

Any changes in medication or recent appointments?
No.

GTKY: What is your favorite book or author?
I love all the Harry Potters and anything by Sarah Waters just now. Game of Thrones is an awesome read, but tough going.

[Deleted]

flcl - we had it out last night. I'm about to O and hit my breaking point. He's in a rut. He's decided to make some major changes. Diet and exercise are going to be a big change. Along with some other things. So hopefully the promised changes are real this time.

[Deleted]

lulu Do you think you could talk to your H about your fears? I would bet the thoughts you are having are not true. It might help to hear from him what he's really thinking rather than worrying about what you think he's thinking.

[snarkysparklefart]

@rocknrollfriend, thank you for asking! I took my H with me, we got our questions answered today. As nervous as I am, we are proceeding with the RCS tomorrow, I feel better knowing that my OB understood and heard me out today, and my main focus is trying to find some zen in the next. 14 hours

[bluerainfire]

lulu, I have had similar feelings...it sucks, try talking or writing.

[lulu]

Mar 5, 2015 13:05:23 GMT -5 @rocknrollfriend said:

lulu Do you think you could talk to your H about your fears? I would bet the thoughts you are having are not true. It might help to hear from him what he's really thinking rather than worrying about what you think he's thinking.

I do but it doesn't help - he's good and says all the right things but I convince myself he's just being kind and doesn't mean it. It's so stupid I know but can't shake it. Lots of stuff happened at the start of our relationship that I know contributes to how I still feel and DH apologises and is genuinely sorry for how he used to make me feel but I just can't seem to get rid of the thoughts. I hate feeling like this.

[lulu]

Mar 5, 2015 14:50:09 GMT -5 bluerainfire said:

lulu, I have had similar feelings...it sucks, try talking or writing.

I do quite like writing it all out in a big rant and it helps get my thoughts in order and perspective. Does it help you? I might try it again - thanks!

[lulu]

Mar 5, 2015 14:50:09 GMT -5 bluerainfire said:

lulu, I have had similar feelings...it sucks, try talking or writing.

If u don't mind me asking what do you think about?

[bluerainfire]

That I feel sometimes that I entrapped my dh. That he would be happier without all the burdens of or life. Especially because our first child was unplanned. For me I know, I struggle with worth and when stressed, my imagination of alternative situations is vivid..so when you posted your struggle, I related.

[Deleted]

icequeen I hope everything went ok. FX that you had good results.

[Deleted]

snarkysparklefart That's good. Best of luck tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you!

lulu I understand. Our brains do really mean things to us sometimes. I can't remember if you've seen a therapist.. Seems like a good topic for some cognitive behavioral therapy?

[Deleted]

Mar 5, 2015 16:20:56 GMT -5 @rocknrollfriend said:

snarkysparklefart That's good. Best of luck tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you!

lulu I understand. Our brains do really mean things to us sometimes. I can't remember if you've seen a therapist.. Seems like a good topic for some cognitive behavioral therapy?

lulu -@rocknrollfriend is right. Our brains can be really mean. Sometimes as the irrational thoughts and words overwhelm another part of my brain is going what the hell are you doing? Somedays I snap right out of it, other days I need help.
Finding the right kind of therapy and/or meds can be a total game changer.