Post by starfishy on Mar 6, 2015 9:03:54 GMT -5
**LC mentioned**
Hello- I've been a little hesitant to come over here. It's hard to jump into a new place, but I've been lurking and I feel like I'm ready to talk. This will be long...
My H and I have a son that was born in July 2012. I'm very active on that board. We decided to try for a second. After a few months and some anxiety I got a BFP in January. I was nervous but so excited. However something negative nagged at me from the beginning even though I still can't put my finger on it.
Everything went fine at my appt at 9w and we would get an ultrasound on 3/16. On Monday during lunch (I'm a teacher) I had intense stomach pains. I called my OBs office after dismissal and the nurse kind of blew me off. Said it was probably gas or a pulled muscle. I'm still angry at her (mostly because I just want to be angry at someone). I started spotting that night. Called on Tuesday morning and got a 1:30 appt. No heartbeat from baby on Doppler or ultrasound. I was 11 weeks but baby only measured 7w6d. I was scheduled for a d&c on Thursday morning. This was my choice as I didn't want to do it all alone at my house.
However, my body has other plans. I woke up at 1am to heavy bleeding. I was passing huge clots every 15 mins with heavy bleeding and cramps. I had a feeling that this was more bleeding than usual. At 5 things got worse. I had a huge gush and would not stop bleeding. I called the on call doctor and she advised to come to the hospital immediately. I got up to try to put pants on and couldn't. My mother was coming over to watch my son and she and DH called 911. This all terrified me.
I had an emergency d&c at 8 that morning and have been feeling better since. The EMTs and nurses were wonderful and I am grateful for them.
However, I feel traumatized. I hate thinking about that night. I have never been that scared in my life. I don't know when or if I'll ever be ready to try again and I'll tell myself in a few months I'll think more deeply about it. I'm scared I'll never move on.
Physically, I'm doing well. All the blood loss caused me to be anemic so I'm really just dealing with that right now. I go back to work on Monday. It will be good for me (I miss my class) but I'm very nervous about making it through the day emotionally.
Thanks for allowing me to get this all out. We had told very few people about the pregnancy so I haven't spoken to many people about my feelings.