Exhaustion or PPD?

[MoreThanSparrows]

I don't know if this is just pure exhaustion or something more. If I continue to feel like this, I will be talking to my doc about it. 

I went to bed at 10:40, which if you adjust for DST was 11:40. Was up at 1:40, technically 2:40 because he lost his paci. He was also grunting a bit. Up again around 3, changed him and nursed him on one side, which is usually all he wants even after a 5 hour stretch of time. He still acted hungry, so I nursed for just a few minutes on the other side. He proceeded to spit up at least 3 times, all over my bed, comforter and myself. Then he won't go back to sleep, also not normally an issue for him. Finally get him to sleep around 4:45, but wasn't really solidly asleep. Kept grunting, spitting out his paci and then wanting it back, etc.  Long story short, I haven't slept since around 3 am, and for someone who needs her 8 hours just to function, I'm exhausted and emotional. I nursed him again just a while ago, and he once again spit up three times all over me, the bed, and the comforter. Now he's smiling and cooing at me, and I'm just too upset to care or be happy that he's smiling at me. 

I want so badly to be a good wife and mom, but everything my husband and older boys do seems to annoy the crap out of me. I hate that they can't seem to pick up their trash, and that I have to tell the boys repeatedly to do the same things they do everyday. I want nothing more than to sleep, but then I feel bad for leaving DH to take care of the kids, and then I get mad at him for not picking up a little bit. I'm barely keeping up with the housework, and I haven't touched DH romantically in over a week (his love language is touch), and while I know it's irrational, I feel like every day that goes by that I don't touch him makes him resent me that much more, and every time I ask him for help, he's going to hold it over me until I help him. Like I said, it's completely irrational because I know he loves me unconditionally.

I don't have bouts of wanting to cry randomly, and I'm not always sad. I mostly enjoy my baby, but this sleep deprivation thing sucks. I'm just wondering at what point it becomes PPD. 

really no point to this post - just needed to tell it to women who understand. As much as we love our hubby's, they just don't get it sometimes. if you made it this far, cookies, cake, and ice cream for all  (If I could figure out how to insert images on mobile, I would post pics for you all).  Thanks for reading. 

[honeylemon]

www.postpartum.net/Get-the-Facts.aspx

It could be exhaustion, it could be PPD. I know mine is PPD when the thoughts about feeling crazy or like a bad mother/wife are all consuming and I can't shake them. But it's hard to tell for sure. Definitely talk to your doctor if you're feeling overwhelmed with your emotions and feelings.

We have a PPD/PPA subboard here under the Mental Wellness board. Even if you're "just" feeling emotional and exhausted, you're welcome to come join us!

[honeylemon]

Also, big hugs. I'm so sorry you're having a hard time.

[taberbtb]

I can't tell you if its PPD or exhaustion but for me it can be both of that makes sense?

Being exhausted triggers my PPA and it ends up being a vicious cycle where I get anxious and wear my self out even more. Then I get miserable/worry more to the point where even when DH gets home and I catch a break I can't get any rest because my mind is racing. I know everybody tells you "don't worry about the housework" but for me it's about prioritizing. If cleaning up will make me feel better that's what I do. If going for a half hour nap is what I need then I go upstairs and shut the door.

I just want you to know you are not alone. (((Hugs)))

Just a thought- I know your DS is slightly older than my DD- it is possible he's hitting his 6w growth spurt and that is contributing to his nighttime behaviour?

[MoreThanSparrows]

taberbtb, I think the biggest problem is that we, as a family, have been out late Friday and Saturday nights with family/friends at their houses for dinner, so instead of me being able to keep DS awake until I go to bed, anyone holding him put him to sleep so he just wasn't tired...

[meladorie]

I don't have much advice but lots of ((hugs)).

[eliz77]

((HUGS)) I'm a FTM, and the one thing that really took me by surprise has been the roller coaster of emotions. There have been times I KNEW some thoughts/emotions ere due to hormones, but I couldn't help the feelings of anxiety, irritability, total physical/mental exhaustion, etc. If you feel it is really consuming or overwhelming you, definitely speak to your Dr. Hope this passes quickly!

[doglover31]

I don't have any advice. Just wanted to give you hugs. I was an emotional mess some days, and had days that I would get frustrated really easy. I think a lot of that was exhaustion. Not sleeping right does take a toll. Maybe see if your DH can take LO so you can rest. Even if it's just an hour, anything will help.

If you keep feeling that way definitely call your doc. I hope you get some rest soon!

[luciddreamer]

I don't have any advice. Big ((hugs))

[oldbaylover1024]

Like hawkward, I had PPD that I didn't get treated, at least not timely enough. I started out thinking it was exhaustion. J never slept, never napped, never had any consistency despite the sleep training we did over and over and over again. I was depressed and it was obvious to MH, but I covered it up for everyone else. I finally spoke to my doctor at my 6-week PP appointment. At that point I was finding it hard to enjoy little moments with so much other stuff flooding my mind. She recommended I take some serious 'me' time. I started really allowing the house to go to the wayside most days and would do one sweeping clean up/tidy at the end of the day. If I needed to clean up to feel better, I did, but generally I let it go. I also slept when MH had J so I wasn't paranoid about what he wasn't doing that I would have done. It helped my anxiety.

And I agree with PP re: the 6-wk growth spurt. J threw up a lot more because she was eating a lot more.

I would recommend asking your doctor. I wasn't medicated, but having someone to talk to really helped me. {{hugs}} It's so hard.

EDIT: Maybe when the weather turns nicer you can scoot everyone out of the house for walks or something so you can get some alone time.

[chknma]

I'm sorry you are so exhausted. I think it's worth talking with your provider. I hope you can also talk to your DH so he knows that you need some extra rest and help.

Not sure how old your boys are? Are you home with just the baby at all? When DD2 was born I still took DD1 to daycare a few days per week in the beginning and would spend most of the daytime in bed sleeping and nursing. Then I would pick her up and play, go outside (spring/summer), make dinner, etc. I just needed some extra down time even though I had a newborn it was much easier. If the older ones are home all day, do you have someone that could take them for a day? Can DH take them to a grandparents for the day on the weekend? Hope you find more sleep and balance! I feel like the first 6 months to year is all about survival!

[puglife5869]

I'm sorry you are having a hard time right now. Sleep deprivation is horrible. I agree with everyone else that it wouldn't hurt to talk to your doctor about it. I hope that you can start getting a little more sleep and can connect with your DH. ((HUGS))

[peggels24]

((hugs)) to you. I'm sorry that you are feeling so worn down but I think it's great that you are taking steps to recognize how you are feeling.

FYI - The sleep and spit up issues are happening to me as well for the past few days. Knowing how close our babies were born, I would say there is definitely a timing issue here. DST didn't help at all!