Final decision made on my TTC journey and my thanks to all!
Jan 19, 2015 8:09:21 GMT -5
Post by nikolie93 on Jan 19, 2015 8:09:21 GMT -5
Hey all, this is an XP from the other place. I know that some of you don't go back there and I wanted to make sure you all got my thanks. So much 
to you all!
**sensitive childless not by choice topic**
Hey ladies, I am not sure if it needs a warning but so many of you are still on your TTC journey and I understand how the topic can be a sensitive one.
After my mini break down on Saturday MH looked at me yesterday and said "I wish you would talk to me". So I did. I laid it all out to him. The decision to throw in the towel is such a hard one and it's hard to talk about with your partner because you don't want your words to sway that person one way or another. You want to know exactly how they feel and what THEY want. After our talk I realized that him and I are definitely on the same page. I didn't realize how much this was impacting me until I talked to my mom yesterday afterwards and she said that I sound the best she has heard me sound in a long time. A weight has been lifted...and I know MH and I are going to be ok.
We both decided yesterday that we are done trying. With that came the decision to cancel my upcoming RE appointment on Wed. This is not a decision I take lightly and it's not a spontaneous one. I have been thinking long and hard for a while now. Some may not understand my decision to not see an RE but if we have made our choice I see no reason to start all of the testing. Not only because I hate to use insurance unnecessarily, but because I don't think it would be beneficial to get the results. MH and I feel comfortable with our decision and I find no reason to find out if the three MC's we've had is my fault, his fault, or just plain shitty luck.
There are two things I don't want here, (1) sympathy (we all know how we feel about that!), and (2) I don't want anyone reading this to let it impact their journey or to lose hope. I do realize there is most likely other options we could have done, or they could have found a root cause that medicine could have fixed but this is a decision that is right for us. I really questioned sharing this decision but you have all been so wonderful to me, I couldn't imagine just slinking off into the night.
With that said, thank you, thank you, thank you..from the bottom of my heart. I haven't been here long but as you all know the TTC journey can feel like it's much longer than it is. I think that's why I feel as if I have been here for so much longer. Even before I started posting and I was a dirty lurker, you helped me. Your experiences, your stories, everything. I honestly don't think I would feel as comfortable with this decision as I do right now if I had not been a part of this board. I wish I could tag everyone personally but I would be here all day and I would probably miss someone. So, if you are reading this, my thanks goes to you.
I am sure I will have some bad days, I am sure there will be days that are littered with "what if's", but I can't let that scare me into not living my life and getting closure. With that said, I sure hope I am still welcome here. I will be honest, I may not be around on the bad days but I still want to be here, cheering you ladies on. Also, I am open to anyone PM'ing me if you want to discuss CFNBC.
What is next for us? Well, I want to spend some of the money I have been hoarding so the first thing will probably be a trip. Maybe Ireland, Germany? Not sure yet but I am excited! We are also going to start planning to work on our bucket item list where we go to every hockey arena in the US. That is something that may take a few hockey seasons but it's a goal and one we will accomplish
So sorry so long! Here is a short version:
1. MH and I made the decision to be CFNBC...and we have found peace with that.
2. Thank you's ALL over the place for all you wonderful ladies :x
3. MH and I have to decide what our next big trip will be
4. I hope that I am still welcome here and I want you to know I will be your best cheerleader as you continue your journey's
5. And I want to add one more time how awesome all of you are!
to you all! **sensitive childless not by choice topic**
Hey ladies, I am not sure if it needs a warning but so many of you are still on your TTC journey and I understand how the topic can be a sensitive one.
After my mini break down on Saturday MH looked at me yesterday and said "I wish you would talk to me". So I did. I laid it all out to him. The decision to throw in the towel is such a hard one and it's hard to talk about with your partner because you don't want your words to sway that person one way or another. You want to know exactly how they feel and what THEY want. After our talk I realized that him and I are definitely on the same page. I didn't realize how much this was impacting me until I talked to my mom yesterday afterwards and she said that I sound the best she has heard me sound in a long time. A weight has been lifted...and I know MH and I are going to be ok.
We both decided yesterday that we are done trying. With that came the decision to cancel my upcoming RE appointment on Wed. This is not a decision I take lightly and it's not a spontaneous one. I have been thinking long and hard for a while now. Some may not understand my decision to not see an RE but if we have made our choice I see no reason to start all of the testing. Not only because I hate to use insurance unnecessarily, but because I don't think it would be beneficial to get the results. MH and I feel comfortable with our decision and I find no reason to find out if the three MC's we've had is my fault, his fault, or just plain shitty luck.
There are two things I don't want here, (1) sympathy (we all know how we feel about that!), and (2) I don't want anyone reading this to let it impact their journey or to lose hope. I do realize there is most likely other options we could have done, or they could have found a root cause that medicine could have fixed but this is a decision that is right for us. I really questioned sharing this decision but you have all been so wonderful to me, I couldn't imagine just slinking off into the night.
With that said, thank you, thank you, thank you..from the bottom of my heart. I haven't been here long but as you all know the TTC journey can feel like it's much longer than it is. I think that's why I feel as if I have been here for so much longer. Even before I started posting and I was a dirty lurker, you helped me. Your experiences, your stories, everything. I honestly don't think I would feel as comfortable with this decision as I do right now if I had not been a part of this board. I wish I could tag everyone personally but I would be here all day and I would probably miss someone. So, if you are reading this, my thanks goes to you.
I am sure I will have some bad days, I am sure there will be days that are littered with "what if's", but I can't let that scare me into not living my life and getting closure. With that said, I sure hope I am still welcome here. I will be honest, I may not be around on the bad days but I still want to be here, cheering you ladies on. Also, I am open to anyone PM'ing me if you want to discuss CFNBC.
What is next for us? Well, I want to spend some of the money I have been hoarding so the first thing will probably be a trip. Maybe Ireland, Germany? Not sure yet but I am excited! We are also going to start planning to work on our bucket item list where we go to every hockey arena in the US. That is something that may take a few hockey seasons but it's a goal and one we will accomplish
So sorry so long! Here is a short version:
1. MH and I made the decision to be CFNBC...and we have found peace with that.
2. Thank you's ALL over the place for all you wonderful ladies :x
3. MH and I have to decide what our next big trip will be
4. I hope that I am still welcome here and I want you to know I will be your best cheerleader as you continue your journey's
5. And I want to add one more time how awesome all of you are!
My Body Hates Me
