Please hold me for a second? **pg/LC mentioned (not mine)**

[holdingouthope]

Hi ladies. Some of you have noticed that I've crept back to posting since we've moved to this board. I was struggling with what TTCAL was becoming on TB, but with this clean slate I'm feeling a bit better about posting, and I'm also in a better place at the moment. So, thank you all for being here, and I'm sorry that I haven't been around the past couple weeks to offer support.

Some of you know that one of my very best friends and I were due the exact same day, with my last pg/loss. As you can imagine, it was really tough on me after I discovered I was experiencing yet another BO and had my D&C.

Now that I live in the same city as her again, I have seen her regularly and managed to (mostly) get beyond my sadness over the situation...at least to the point where I could see her growing belly without wanting to cry. A couple months ago, she asked me to be her son's Godmother, and I was (and am) so, so honored.

Well, she had her son this weekend and the day has come for me to visit them in the hospital before she gets released. I went and bought some gifts yesterday and have been trying to prepare myself mentally for the MF that is about to occur with all my conflicting feelings. Last night I was feeling super excited about going to the hospital, but this morning I am starting to have a panic attack over the situation. We were actually going to go yesterday, but my H shocked me and said he couldn't deal with it (I don't blame him - it's just the first he's really vocalized that this bothers him as well).

I know there is nothing anyone can do to wipe away the feelings I'm having, but if you could spare some hugs, I would really appreciate it. Just feeling some positive vibes from ladies who understand will be helpful.

Thank you, loves. And here are some treats for reading my novel:

[therealbug]

Oh sweetie, so many ((((hugs)))) to you and your husband. I'm glad he opened up and let you know he was struggling. Be gentle on yourself. Lots of extra ((((hugs))))) to get you through today.

[4furrypaws]

(((hugs))) for you both. I know if my DH said something like that to me it would hit me very hard as well. Sending you good positive vibes sweetie.

[skategirl128]

So many hugs, love! I'm glad YH opened up to you. Be gentle on yourself! Many more hugs and lots of love to you today!!!

[rubysi]

[mellymel15]

Sending you lots of hugs, holdingouthope. I'm sure you saw that I am in a similar situation, and I don't know how I will feel after my friend's baby is born. Just do the best that you can and hang in there. We're all here for you.

[MrsPhD83]

I totally get it. I went through something similar this past summer with a friend I had to visit in the hospital a few months after my D&C. It ended up going really well while I was there because I was just so happy to see them and the baby. It was much harder when I got home and had to think about it. I recommend giving yourself some breathing space this afternoon after you get back. Also, it was helpful for me while I was at the hospital to try to focus on my friend, as opposed to just fussing over the baby. It helped me a lot to talk to her and ask how she is feeling, ask about things like breastfeeding, etc. I felt like I was connecting with my friend, as opposed to having to attend to my own feelings of grief. Huge ((hugs)) to you. You are doing a wonderful thing by going to see them and being supportive of your friend! Positive vibes coming your way!

[rslh10]

Soooo many huge ((hugs)). I am so sorry you have to even be in that situation. One of my family members is due any da y(15 days after my EDD) and I have been avoiding her. It's hard in general around your own EDD, but when it's someone you love, it's harder I think. The conflicting feelings are the worst. Many many more hugs. I hope you and your H do something nice after you go see them.

[agpjt413]

Awww sweetie - so, so many ((hugs))

[mrspipp]

Sending so many (((hugs))) to you and YH. Be kind to yourself and don't go before you are both ready.

[rmpar29]

So many ((((HUGS)))) holdingouthope! I'm so sorry that you are facing this. I hope that the visit goes OK and you are such a strong woman to be able to see her and support her during the pregnancy. What an honor to be the Godmother! Take care of yourself and don't stay any longer than you can possibly manage.

[dandb925]

So so many ((HUGS)) your way. I know how tough it is and just know that you're not alone. Be gentle with yourself and do what's going to be best for you. Your friend should understand.

[nikolie93]

Oh hon, I am so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult this must be on you. You show strength in moving forward to go see her and she's lucky to have you as a friend. As you know there are no magic words to take away the feeling you're having but there are *hugs* and I am sending you however many you need.

[Ann612]

My god, this is a tough one. There is no getting around how awfully difficult this is to get through. I am sending so many positive vibes and hugs your way.

[littleowl913]

Huge ((hugs)) I totally get it. I posted about my best friend having her baby last night and let me tell you - I cried myself to sleep while DH rubbed my back. You are one strong lady. My friend doesn't live near me so I cannot imagine how I would handle being around her growing belly and visiting her at the hospital. It's hard but we are here for you. PM me if you need to vent more, etc...

[megrae12]

((Hugs)) sweetie. I get it. Make sure you take some time for you, ok? I will say for just a little while, while you hold that sweet baby, everything will dim out and it will just be about him. After is when it is hard, that is when you need to take care of yourself. Have that breakdown if you need it. Ok? So many ((Hugs))

[mrsk91011]

Huge hugs, lady. Be gentle with yourself.

[grneyes]

Lots of (((hugs))) to you today. Do something nice for yourself afterwards.

[bethkate]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Take care of yourself. Honestly, if you don't feel up to going to the hospital, don't. I haven't been in your exact position, but I feel like seeing them later on in their home might be easier to handle than going to the hospital and thinking, "I should be here too." Of course, only you know what's best for you. I hope it all ends up being easier to handle than you're anticipating.

So many hugs.

[kellybenelly83]

(hugs) I hope you are feeling a bit better when you finally go and visit them, I cant imagine it will be easy for either you or your DH. I hope it goes well.

[glb30]

Huge (((hugs))). What you are feeling is totally normal and can be so mentally exhausting. I'm glad your DH opened up to you. Mine rarely does, but occasionally has been more. It's a huge reminder that we are going through this together.

Make the trip as short as you need to. She sounds like a very good friend and I am sure she will understand your mixed feelings of happiness for her and sadness about your own loss.

[sarcaztic10]

Sending so many (((hugs))) to you and YH today. It will be tough, especially after you are done visiting, but we are here for you. More (((hugs)))

[ldubhawksfan]

Lots of love. Take your time. It's an honor, but that would be so hard. I'm glad your DH opened up. ((Hugs))

[mrsmccoy612]

So many ((hugs)) lady.

[nobb14]

(((Hugs)) concur with PP. Don't force yourself to go or stay longer than you can handle. As your friend I am sure she doesn't expect 100% from you right away and there will be plenty of other people to dote on her in the meantime, so let them handle it and do things in your and your husbands own time. Thinking of you. Xoxo

[meredithcarole]

I am so sorry. I know that is so difficult. You are a strong woman and an amazing friend. So many (((hugs)))

[readinglove]

So, so many (((hugs))) for you. What a hard situation to be in. I admire your strength so very much - I don't know if I would be able to do what you are.

[yummybunny]

Oh man. So many hugs for you, love. Take some liquid courage (mimosas have OJ) and we are here after if you need us. I foresee a big gif party tonight.

(I'm glad to see you over here)

[nobb14]

(((Hugs)) concur with PP. Don't force yourself to go or stay longer than you can handle. As your friend I am sure she doesn't expect 100% from you right away and there will be plenty of other people to dote on her in the meantime, so let them handle it and do things in your and your husbands own time. Thinking of you. Xoxo

[anpatton]

So many hugs for you. Like PP have said, make sure you give yourself some time this afternoon for you. That is the most important thing.