Hard time relating...

[bluerainfire]

I am having a hard time relating to other people relating to other people lately. Anyone else having this issue, feeling?  I forced myself to socialize my dd library  time, and it was really just to much for me. I just wanted to sit far away from all the other mom's and cry..

[flcl]

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling... Is this a new feeling for you? I definitely have a tough time with socializing. It's one of my least favorite things to do. I'm much more comfortable hanging out with a very small number of close friends and when I have to meet new people and put myself out there, I hate it. When I'm really struggling with the depression and anxiety, I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there so interacting with others is especially difficult then. I'm sorry that I don't have any advice for you. I just hope you're feeling better soon... Best of luck!

[Deleted]

When I'm really down, yes, I just want to isolate myself like you described. I get anxious a lot when I have to meet new people. And I've had some awkward experiences with people I know well... Like when my coworker was making small talk with me awhile after I returned from maternity leave, she said something like, "Mondays must be hard because you miss the baby." And I replied that Mondays were sometimes my favorite days because being at work was easier. She looked at me like I had 2 heads and I felt like the most screwed up mom... So yeah, I have a hard time relating to people that just seem happy and comfortable, because that is not my experience!
Sorry that was so long. Is that sort of how you are feeling too?

[lulu]

I certainly feel that as I've got older, my circle of friends and even family has shrunk. If I had my way I would just see my DH and my kids - they are my happy place, when I feel most comfortable and at peace. I force myself to meet one or two close friends - just to stop the loneliness when DH is away working. When I'm working I have no choice but to speak to people - but it's not great, or fun....just a civility. But do you know what? I don't really care or let it bother me. I've wasted too long trying to "small talk" people, or be liked or be popular. What matters to me is my wee family of four and they are my whole life - as long as I have them, I don't really care about anyone else or what they think about me. It took me a long time to get to that place, but I get stressed out enough without worrying about other people!!!

[lulu]

One good tip my therapist taught me for dealing with these situations was to try and rationalise how other people see you. I used to imagine that after I'd met new people and stood chatting for a while, that once I'd walked away they would stand around bitching about me, or laughing about what I'd said or just plain think I was a loser. I would spend all day stressing about literally a two minute conversation and I would be in turmoil. Now when I leave these situations I try to get some perspective and as I walk away, I simply imagine the other people also just walking away and not giving me a second thought, because really there is nothing to bitch about or laugh at. I sometimes even try to think of them thinking "oh that was a nice chat" or "she seemed nice". Our minds get carried away imagining worst case scenarios that in reality are made up and actually nonsense. I try to think about this....."it is what it is". So - chat to someone, walk away, leave it at that". Analysing every single detail is fraught with danger, will always be negative and makes us miserable......really I bet all the people you meet bluerainfire come away thinking "oh she was nice!" Why would they think otherwise x

[icequeen]

I understand where you are coming from completely. I went through stages with my daughter where I felt so isolated with my own eating disorder and panic issues that I was too embarrassed to leave the house or take the risk of being triggered in public. I am very new to the area and do not have a lot of friends anyway, so I want to fit in and establish a good reputation with other moms. But my fear of what others think of me is often paralyzing. That was all when I was not medicated and not in an active treatment program. Now I have a full team in place and take my meds religiously. I also try to put into perspective that everyone has their own struggles, and they may not be visible on the outside. Just because I may look anxious or experience an uncomfortable situation does not make me less of a valuable person to the people who love me, and, if the people who you are interacting are smart enough, they will accept you for who you are and be compassionate. Not all, but in the end you are not there for them, you are there for yourself and for your child.

[yoshijo28]

This is one of the things that makes me the most nervous to have a baby. Having to socialize with all the other moms. I don't have many friends and I get anxious about going to parties (especially wth MH family or friends) because I don't like socializing with strangers or acquaintances. I can usually fake it but I still hate going. I don't have much advice on how to get through it, but you're not alone in your feelings.

[bluerainfire]

@rocknrollfriend I think I said pretty much the same thing after going back to work, and I got the same expression.
lulu Thanks, for the advice. Usually I don't care, I am just been feeling pretty meck this week.

I have dealt with social anxiety my whole life. I am usually ok with family, and close friends. But get panicky in large crowds, and small rooms with a lot of activity. I start to over analyse my own faults, appearance etc. with large crowds, I just feel to pinned in, have to get out quickly. At social situations, I usually play with the kids, or stay in the corner. At my bf son's bday party, I think I ended up cleaning something, so I could get away from mom talk, and was totally happy cleaning, so I didn't have to socialize with adults. If I get invited to an adult party, I eaither don't go, or stop in for a short time. The last time I went out with my BF (because she needed to get out) I sat writing poetry in the dark when more people got into the bar..or doodling on paper-

@yodhijo28 I feel ya. there is an age gap between my kids, and I am doing it all over again. It's a whole different situation, because my other child was in daycare, but with DD she is not, and I am trying my best to socialize her with other kids- she is a lot less social then my son who is older, just by personallity, so I have to push myself to do group activity like library time- It usually fine because its five children, and there parents or grandparents, but there were like 14 kids, and adults, and it was too much for me- Even though I know it was in my head that all eyes are on us- I am ok with the park, but the weather has been raining, snowy, so meck! I am trying, all you can do is try!

[sko14]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with his as many of us do.. I'm very similar and tend to make plans (trying to push myself to get out in the 'real world') just to cancel last minute after a panic attack thinking of the people I'll have to meet/see/converse with.

Its hard to manage and really hard to have the same amount of friends as I once did. Same as you, lulu, my group of friends has been reduced to those who understand my lack of socialization or can forgive me or empathize when I can't do something with them. its a hard to live life that way, bluerainfire, but most of us are dealing with it too and here to chat

[Deleted]

Mar 11, 2015 9:39:42 GMT -5 bluerainfire said:

@rocknrollfriend I think I said pretty much the same thing after going back to work, and I got the same expression.
lulu Thanks, for the advice. Usually I don't care, I am just been feeling pretty meck this week.

I have dealt with social anxiety my whole life. I am usually ok with family, and close friends. But get panicky in large crowds, and small rooms with a lot of activity. I start to over analyse my own faults, appearance etc. with large crowds, I just feel to pinned in, have to get out quickly. At social situations, I usually play with the kids, or stay in the corner. At my bf son's bday party, I think I ended up cleaning something, so I could get away from mom talk, and was totally happy cleaning, so I didn't have to socialize with adults. If I get invited to an adult party, I eaither don't go, or stop in for a short time. The last time I went out with my BF (because she needed to get out) I sat writing poetry in the dark when more people got into the bar..or doodling on paper-

@yodhijo28 I feel ya. there is an age gap between my kids, and I am doing it all over again. It's a whole different situation, because my other child was in daycare, but with DD she is not, and I am trying my best to socialize her with other kids- she is a lot less social then my son who is older, just by personallity, so I have to push myself to do group activity like library time- It usually fine because its five children, and there parents or grandparents, but there were like 14 kids, and adults, and it was too much for me- Even though I know it was in my head that all eyes are on us- I am ok with the park, but the weather has been raining, snowy, so meck! I am trying, all you can do is try!

Yes, parties, large crowds, not my favorite. I force myself to go out sometimes because I do have friends that I like, but it always takes a lot out of me.

I do like having DS as a distraction. At play groups or big family gatherings (DH's family is huge, and loud), I can just focus on him and mostly ignore everyone else. You're a great mama for taking your LO out even though it's uncomfortable for you!