Open mouth, insert foot

[olivegoose]

Does anyone else struggle with saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, or having people take what you say differently than you intended?

Apparently this is a hallmark trait for those of us with ADHD but I need to figure out how to overcome it. I have social anxiety because I'm always afraid I'm going to inadvertently offend someone again. It's especially bad online when people can't read tone. I've had huge blow out fights over it before. I'm not a mean person, I don't typically say things just to be a bitch... And if I do it's really obvious. I am just very no nonsense and I suck at small talk. I am a "cut to the chase" person, and I think that comes across as cold sometimes.

Has anyone else been through this? I don't know how to resolve it. I'm waiting for a referral to a new therapist to go through right now. I feel so anxious lately because I think I accidentally offended some friends and now I'm paranoid whenever I say anything.

[Deleted]

I have this problem ALL THE TIME. I also have ADHD and don't exactly think enough before I say things. And with the schizophrenia I have a lot of disordered thoughts, so things come out that don't make enough sense but make just enough to offend people or make people think I'm just crazy. I definitely get anxious in social situations because of it.

I'm the exact same way with keeping things to the point, but it does come off as cold. Especially on forums like this when people don't really know you. I used to get called on it at work all the time because I would offend my coworkers. It's awful.

I have no idea how to fix it. I used to care more, but now I have more of a fuck it attitude. I know I didn't mean to offend them, and if they're not going to listen to me when I tell them that it's on them. I tried for many many years to never hurt anyones feelings, but there's a point where people have to understand that it wasn't what I intended and it's just the way I am. I've been in therapy since I was a little kid and it hasn't fixed it. Doubt anything really will. Though, adderall did help with the blurting things out so much.

But yeah, getting to a place where you can accept that that's just who you are and other people can just get over it is what helped me. Good luck.

[olivegoose]

I really hate accidentally offending people. It doesn't bother me so much if someone gets offended and it's a heated conversation or I feel like my words were warranted... but when I don't mean to be a jerk and comes across like one it makes me upset. I've lost many friends over it, included one who has had me blocked on Facebook for 2.5 years.

You are right though. The people who love me should know that I would never intend to hurt them and be able to address it with me.

[Deleted]

@led - Adderrall was really helpful for me in the past too. I can't take it anymore due to blood pressure issues.

My big issue is that sometimes I will continue a conversation in my head, not realizing no one else can hear it. I won't pay attention to what anyone else has been discussing and will randomly restart conversations that ended 10 minutes prior. MH is constantly like where the hell did that come from. Then I have to go back and explain myself, which gets even more confusing.

That being said LED is right. It really does come down to accepting who you are and people will have to deal with it. My closest IRL friends know that I never mean to be offensive or that anything I say is malicious.

On forums, I still struggle a bit with overexplaining. I can't figure out who to translate long rambling thoughts into short sentences. Im sure I annoy people with my wordiness and constant edits, but it is what it is. Not much I can do about it.

[olivegoose]

I take Adderall and it definitely helps me focus, but it's just so hard for me to organize my thoughts into words sometimes. I definitely feel like I tend to ramble online and always edit my posts to make sure I was being clear. @wallflwr926, it caused me issues when I was working. I had an employee complain to my boss that I was abrupt and rude... but I'm just very to the point. The niceties don't come natural to me and they make me forget my point. I'm super polite because I'm trained myself to be, but I guess that can come across weird too.

[Deleted]

@wallflwrinbloom, I totally get what you're saying about restarting a conversation that's long changed. I do that often.

Also, I hate mobile because now I forget what else I was going to say and I can't see the previous posts.

[olivegoose]

@led The Tapatalk app is awesome!

[Deleted]

Mar 12, 2015 22:51:12 GMT -5 olivegoose said:

@led The Tapatalk app is awesome!

I tried it and hated it. 

[Deleted]

Mar 13, 2015 0:53:15 GMT -5 @led said:

Mar 12, 2015 22:51:12 GMT -5 olivegoose said:

@led The Tapatalk app is awesome!

I tried it and hated it. 

It freezes alot which makes forget what i wanted to post.

[olivegoose]

Mar 13, 2015 23:37:28 GMT -5 @wallflwr926 said:

Mar 13, 2015 0:53:15 GMT -5 @led said:

I tried it and hated it. 

It freezes alot which makes forget what i wanted to post.

I've never had that issue! I hate the mobile site