Why does this bother me?

[princesslily]

In approximately (14)days we will be having our staffing meeting with the charter school to determine DSs services and placement needs.

We're ready as much as we can be, and while we am hoping for the best (to stay) we are planning for the worst (to move midyear our local district public school).

I'm posting this because my mom (who knows about the upcoming meeting) keeps stonewalling me saying, "I believe he's staying...he isn't moving schools. He's staying and he will be fine."

I'm not sure why this reaction is irking me, false hope? The lack of services if we do choose to stay (which we don't have a choice)? She is trying to think positive, i know, but there is such a lack of understanding of the meeting and the emotional toll we are facing, it bothers me. Or am I being unrational and super PMS-y? Im not fighting with her, I just refused to explain (again) what we are facing.

[cam]

I think perhaps it comes across similarly to statements such as 'Oh, he is fine. He'll catch up.' and other similar statements where the person thinks they are being supportive or trying to take away your worry but it actually comes across dismissive. I think it is the 100% certainty aspect that gives it that spin. When you are already stressed about something, it is understandable that such statements would get to you with extra frustration. Hugs and good luck with both her and especially the meeting.

[KC thepouchh8r]

More often than not people say the wrong thing with the good intentions of trying to be supportive. I try to focus more on people's intentions than words. It helps me get less annoyed at them not saying the right thing.

[mirandah]

So frustrating. KC thepouchh8r, is smart to focus on intentions rather than words. However, my feelings are often hurt when I feel like people's intentions go beyond being supportve. For example, a family member who reacts to my bemoaning a situation who gets exasperated and says something like "He's FINE, you're making this sound worse than it is." No, actually this is a big deal. I'm not trying to be a AW, I'm just stating facts. Good luck, btw. Sounds stressful.

[akafred]

People say the wrong thing. Try to let it roll.

I have some health problems, and 10 or 15 years ago I was trying to figure out what was wrong and having a lot of dismissal by doctors and others alike. It bothered me that when I would tell someone about a new blood test, they would say, "Oh I'll pray it's negative." What they didn't get was I didn't WANT it to be negative. I mean, I didn't want to have the disease either, but I clearly had SOMETHING and needed to figure out what it was. The negative and in some cases false negative test results were super discouraging.

(It was mixed connective tissue disorder, by the way.)

[anintrovert]

Stuff like that depends on the person. If my sister says it I know it's coming from a place of love and support. If my MIL or even my dad says it I'm more likely to be annoyed and think "well you don't know for sure.

I will say this, if you do end up moving mid year it might not be the end of the world. We moved schools a little over a month ago. The situation had gotten so bad that I advocated hard for the move from my neighborhood school to another neighborhood school that was a better fit. He's been at the new school for 5 weeks. Moving him immediately was the best decision. I've been posting about it in brag day but seriously I have a happy kid who is not demonstrating the prior behaviors because the educators and staff are trained around his needs. He's adjusted well and made new friends. An inclusive environment has made all the difference.

(I seriously looked at the charters but I'm very happy I didn't go with the one that was willing to take my kid. Knowing what I know now I'm certain we would have been counseled out by now and had to go to our neighborhood school before we got to his current school, delaying getting his needs met).

God luck at the meeting.

[olivegoose]

I have been through that with just about everyone who knows what's going on with DD, including my husband. I agree with cam.

[princesslily]

Thanks everyone!

I'm alright and have my mind and ease and am prepared to accept the move, as it is in DS' best interest. I also took the liberty of reading "From Emotions to Advocacy" and its very informative...I think I may bring muffins to our morning meeting too, to ease the tensions as the book says.

I know my mom means well, but what special needs was when my brother was in grade school, is now substantially different today. So, she comes from a place of understanding, yet, i think she feels the meeting will be like her own experiences, and they just won't be.

[anintrovert]

I usually bring mini cupcakes. I brought a couple of pictures to the last meeting but it was with district higher ups who never met DS.

[dc2london]

That would irk me too. I agree, it sounds like she is being dismissive toward something that you are genuinely sweating over. I'm sure she means well, but I can understand why the response annoys you.

Good luck with your meeting!