Recent loss check-in

[rablissful]

I know there are a ton of new people here (SO sorry you are here) so I figured we could use a check-in.


How are you doing physically?



How are you doing emotionally?



How is your partner/spouse doing?





Bonus: Are you planning to memorialize your loss? If so, how?

[germaphobe]

Thanks for the check in rablissful

How are you doing physically?
Physically I am back to normal



How are you doing emotionally?
Well I thought I was doing better, until I saw my BFF's ultrasound of her little "speck" and I had all sorts of feelings. Sadness and anger were the two big ones



How is your partner/spouse doing?
He is fine. I think the fact that I am still sad almost two weeks later makes him realize how much this affected me.





Bonus: Are you planning to memorialize your loss? If so, how?
I don't know. I am torn. I don't want to forget but I don't want to dwell.

[rablissful]

How are you doing physically?
Back to normal. I think AF might actually be starting. That would be a flippin' miracle.

How are you doing emotionally?
Better... up until I do something stupid like go on my old BMB or someone brings it up.

How is your partner/spouse doing?
He's fine. He did get emotional the other day because apparently right after he found out he wrote the baby a letter on his work computer and he found it. He nearly started crying



Bonus: Are you planning to memorialize your loss? If so, how?
Yes. I'm thinking of either getting a charm for my Pandora bracelet or an Alex & Ani bracelet. I haven't decided yet.

[rablissful]

germaphobe ((hugs)) those feelings about other people being pregnant may linger for awhile. My older sister is pregnant and I'm kind of relieved that we have other plans Saturday and can't go to my niece's birthday party.

If you have a Pandora you could get an angel charm. I was going to get that or a September birthstone charm. That way it's just a little bit of remembrance but not in your face.

[hollyberry]

germaphobe, I feel the same about commemorating my losses. My first one we didnt do anything, and this one ( we moved ) the hospital has a plot a cemetery where they put the babies, so I may put something there.

rablissful, that must have been hard to see your husband so upset. Yet sometimes its nice too to see they also feel sad about it all. Its so sweet he wrote a letter the the baby.

physically: I think I have finished spoting, there hasnt been any for 2 days. Its been 2 weeks tomorrow. Still get funny cramps, mainly when I bend over. Not sure what thats about. But they are not as oftain as they were so I take that as a good sign.

emotionally: its also getting better, I went to the song thread today and listened to some songs, and maybe that was a mistake, the carry me song was beautiful, but I had a hard time getting it back together after I listened to it.

SO: he also seems to be doing alright. He has a coworker whose wife also had 2 miscarriages and even though I dont think they talk about it too much I feel like it may have been nice to have another man know what its like.

I think I answered this above. Maybe I should go and just see what it looks like, it may be comforting in a way I can't imagine at the moment!

On the happy side I booked a flight to go back home to canada. And its right after easter so I am super excited its so soon. I was afraid to fly when I was pregnant ( my first loss was around the time after I flew) rationally I know its safe, but I wasnt comfortable. Anyaway, its been a year. And since we are on the bench I dont have to worry about missing any opportunities!

[rablissful]

hollyberry I didn't see him upset because he was at work. He told me about it when he got home because he didn't know what to do with the letter. It was really sweet to know that he wrote one though and that he is still grieving.

Have fun back at home!!!

[hollyberry]

rablissful, oh ok, well is still nice to know he is still grieving, and where he is at emotionally. I know at least with my husband he just doesnt really talk about, and knowing he still feels sad gives me a bit of validation that its ok to be sad myself.

[babyzebra]

Thanks for starting this! It's helpful for me to write these feelings out.


How are you doing physically?
I'm still bleeding at 11 days post natural MC. My OB's office said it might last for 2 weeks, so I'm not too concerned, but I would like to stop wearing pads at some point. I have another appointment soon, so I'll be asking about that. I've had no cramping for a while now.

How are you doing emotionally?
I'm doing a lot better now. I'm still really sad at times, but I'm ready to TTC and that has me feeling more positive.


How is your partner/spouse doing?
DH is doing pretty well. We had a really great conversation a few days after my MC that has been very helpful in our healing. He basically said that he knows that stress can't cause miscarriages, but that he is really worried about the amount of stress that I have in my life and he wants me to do something about that stress before we TTC again. About 98% of my stress comes from my job, so I have made the decision to look for a new job. I have a good lead on something new. I'm still waiting to find out for sure if I have the job, but it is looking hopeful for now. I would give anything to have my baby back, but if there is one positive thing to come from this it is that it has given my DH and I the courage to make a change in our lives that we need to make.


Bonus: Are you planning to memorialize your loss? If so, how?

Yes, I am planing to buy a piece of jewelry, but I haven't decided what yet.

[babyzebra]

germaphobe ((hugs)) that can be hard when someone you're close to is pregnant.

rablissful That would be hard to have your DH so upset. I know that would be difficult for me.

hollyberry I also got sad when I listened to those songs. I couldn't finish most of them. I'm glad you get to go back to Canada!

[hollyberry]

babyzebra, good luck on the new job. I think its good that you are looking for a positive in a awful situation. I am trying to do that too, we just moved when we found out I was pregnent, then I started spoting so I was so afraid to do much, and there was so much to do. So on the bright side I am looking forward to organising and unpacking and making our new place a home.

[crazycatlady6]

How are you doing physically?

Physically I am doing better than I have in the past couple of weeks. My D&E was yesterday and I've had minimal cramping and bleeding. Nothing like the 3 bleeding scares before we found out she stopped growing.

How are you doing emotionally?

Some seconds are better than others. I'm having a really rough time right now. Terrified of the hubby going back to work on Monday. He has been working from home all week to help me out but I'm already feeling uber anxious about his return. Still debating when I will return to work. I got scheduled to work from home next week but am thinking of taking a couple of weeks off to visit family.


How is your partner/spouse doing?

He is doing ok, taking care of me has been his main focus which keeps him distracted. He's quite open with me about everything which is surprising since he is a man of few words.



Bonus: Are you planning to memorialize your loss? If so, how? I bought a ring while I was out the other day.. It's her birthstone surrounded by diamond studs. It wasn't too much more than the pandora charms and it'll be a discreet way of having her memory close to me. I am also thinking of a tattoo with her name along with the awareness ribbon and butterflies.

[hollyberry]

crazycatlady6, I am glad that the D&E went well. I completely understand about the anxiety, I was also nervous to stay by myself. I hope that it will calm down over the weekend. A couple of good days will hopefully make you feel better about it. I think, as long as you can, taking the time off work would be nice. I don't work but, taking time to heal emotionally is important. I hope that visiting your family will help you, its good to have your support system close.

[danenikki]

How are you doing physically? I'm 6 days post miscarriage. Still bleeding but it's getting less and less. Im not cramping anymore. Hoping this ends soon I'm with babyzebra and tired of pads and want my Lunette back.

How are you doing emotionally? I'm good I think. I had a terribly weepy Monday. It was my first day back and I should have been on light duty because of pregnancy but I'm obviously back in uniform. So that stung. But I think I'm doing good.

How is your partner/spouse doing? He's been working a ton and I don't think is as emotionally upset. I can't blame him. He says he is just excited to try again.

Bonus: Are you planning to memorialize your loss? If so, how? I'm going shopping my mom and sister Saturday so I think I'm going to get an angel charm for my pandora. I also think I'm going to get a charm from origami owl for my core necklace. I think a feather or something

[danenikki]

opheliainwaders I'm sure it's so hard that your best friend had her baby today. I'm really sending huge hugs. I'm also glad you aren't in terrible pain. Eta: tagging is hard

[hollyberry]

danenikki, glad the bleeding is slowing down and you no longer have cramps

opheliainwaders, I am glad you are feeling ok after your D&C today. I can imagine its difficult that your friend had her baby today too. I am sorry. *hugs*

[rablissful]

babyzebra I bled or was spotting enough for a pad for a good two weeks. It sucked but it will pass! I'm glad you're feeling more positive about TTC again and looking for a new job.

crazycatlady6 big ((hugs)) it was hard for be to go back to a schedule as well, but once I did it was REALLY helpful in making me feel normal. I hope it does the same for you. Visiting family could be really helpful and healing as well. The ring sounds beautiful!

opheliainwaders I'm glad your d&c went well, that you got done closure, and you're having a better day! I can't imagine how hard having the birth of your friends baby the same day of your d&c was, but I'm glad your trying to be happy for her. My loss was also a September baby and was thinking of getting something with a sapphire as well.

danenikki I'm glad you're doing better! I'm also a cup user (sckoon) so I know how much it sucks that we have to use pads! It was the worst. It will be over soon though!

[starfishy]

Physically - two weeks out and some bleeding. Just annoying at this point.

Emotionally- confused. My cousin just announced she is pregnant with twins. I'm happy for her. She had 2 losses and then a little boy and then 2 more losses and this pregnancy. I'm so sad too, since my pregnancy and dreams for another baby are gone. We would have been due around the same time. I'm jealous and I HATE feeling that way. Ugh. I didn't think I would be like this. Now I feel guilty.

I have my angel on my pandora bracelet now. DS asks everyday "where's your angel" and we look at it and talk about it. I'm glad I have a reason to look at and smile.

[amandaree]

Hi ladies - (((Hugs))) to all who need them.  Thanks rablissful, for the check in.  Your husband must be a good guy to have written that letter. I'm sorry he saw it and got upset.  It's hard on our men too.  There is a good article about men and grief after a miscarriage, I'll have to look it up and post the link.

germaphobe, I'm so sorry you had to see the ultrasound of your BFF. I know it's hard to see that when your grief is still so raw.  Also Don't worry about dwelling with the memorializing.  It doesn't have to be drawn out, but for me I found it a nice way to say goodbye.  Even if it's just a private moment of reflection or a lit candle or a song listened to.  Find what feels right to you, you'll know it when you do.

hollyberry, That song is beautiful, I can never get through it without bawling.  Sometimes a good cry is what I need.  Enjoy your trip to Canada!  That sounds fun.

babyzebra, glad you are feeling better.  My last m/c I bled for 2 weeks, it was awful.  I'm sorry you're still in there.  Good luck with your new job search.

crazycatlady6, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I think your ring sounds beautiful.  My brother has a tattoo of his son who died when he was just 22 months old.  It is beautiful.

opheliainwaders, (((HUGS))) to you.  I'm sorry you had to go through that today but glad you are doing well.  Take it easy.  And it's ok to be sad for you and happy for your friend.

danenikki, Glad you're feeling better. Sorry you had another reminder of your loss by getting back into uniform at work. 

starfishy,  I'm so sorry you are feeling that frustration of conflict over your cousin's pregnancy.  It really is a rollercoaster and nothing about this seems fair.  Sorry love.  (((HUGS)))


How are you doing physically? I am a little tired and a few cramps today combined with a mega headache makes me want to just crawl in bed and stay there.  I went ahead and scheduled the D&C.  I knew it would be next week since my dr is out of town the rest of the week, but then he's booked all Monday and Tuesday so we are scheduled for Wednesday afternoon.  And now funny thing, I started spotting today.  Just light and it's brown.  But the reason I booked the D&C was to do the genetic testing...I might not make it until Wednesday.  Either way, I'm ready to get this done so I can heal and move on.

How are you doing emotionally?  I've been really supported by great friends and family.  I'm very blessed.  Some days are easier to put on game face, others are not.  Yesterday, I just put my head on my desk and cried praying that the other two people on the other side of the cubicle wouldn't hear.

How is your partner/spouse doing?  He's stoic at the moment.  Not showing much emotion but I know it's there.

Bonus: Are you planning to memorialize your loss? If so, how?  After the D&C or m/c, whichever comes first, I'm sure we'll light a candle and say a prayer.  I've been given some beautiful gifts by friends and one was a necklace that had a card that said "sometimes the smallest things leave the largest footprints on our hearts."  It has a heart with tiny footprints on it. Here's a photo of it.  It's lovely.

[rablissful]

Mar 19, 2015 17:04:29 GMT -5 starfishy said:

Physically - two weeks out and some bleeding. Just annoying at this point.

Emotionally- confused. My cousin just announced she is pregnant with twins. I'm happy for her. She had 2 losses and then a little boy and then 2 more losses and this pregnancy. I'm so sad too, since my pregnancy and dreams for another baby are gone. We would have been due around the same time. I'm jealous and I HATE feeling that way. Ugh. I didn't think I would be like this. Now I feel guilty.

I have my angel on my pandora bracelet now. DS asks everyday "where's your angel" and we look at it and talk about it. I'm glad I have a reason to look at and smile.

My older sister is pregnant, due 3 weeks before I would have been, already has one LC, and has had no losses. It is really hard for me to not be jealous of her (but happy at the same time). Apparently she has felt horrible and was texting mom asking how I was everyday and felt guilty for being pregnant. It's a very hard situation for everyone. Your feelings are valid. If you need to talk, feel free to pm me.

amandaree that necklace is gorgeous! It's so awesome that you have such supportive people in your life.

[nikolie93]

Hey ladies! I love reading what you have done/plan on doing for your losses.

germaphobe, I'm not saying you will definitely get to this point but it took me a while to realize I wanted to do something. The good thing is the is no time frame you have to do it in. *hugs* to you.

As for me? MH is drawing up a tattoo for me. I'm thinking It will include a baby angel letting go of 4 butterflies to represent my 3 losses. The butterflies representing the twins will have their wings touching.

[babyzebra]

crazycatlady6 ((hugs)) Good luck for when you decide to go back to work. The ring sounds like a great way to memorialize her. I was thinking of getting a birthstone as well.

opheliainwaders I'm so sorry that you have to deal with a D&C on the same day that your best friend had a baby. That must so hard for you to separate your feelings. I wish you peace and healing in the days to come.

danenikki That must be tough to be back in your regular work uniform. I have something similar to go through this weekend with a job I only work at once a month. I bet it will sting for me too. I hope you continue to heal.

starfishy That's tough to know what to feel when someone close to you is pregnant. Even though it's terrible that you have to have the angel, I'm glad that you're able to share that moment with your DS.

amandaree I'm glad that you were able to schedule the D&C. Did your doctor give you any guidance on what can be done so that you can still do testing if you have a natural MC first (if you still want to do that)? Either way that it works out, I really hope that you can start to heal. That's a really beautiful necklace.

[starfishy]

Mar 19, 2015 18:15:37 GMT -5 rablissful said:

Mar 19, 2015 17:04:29 GMT -5 starfishy said:

Physically - two weeks out and some bleeding. Just annoying at this point.

Emotionally- confused. My cousin just announced she is pregnant with twins. I'm happy for her. She had 2 losses and then a little boy and then 2 more losses and this pregnancy. I'm so sad too, since my pregnancy and dreams for another baby are gone. We would have been due around the same time. I'm jealous and I HATE feeling that way. Ugh. I didn't think I would be like this. Now I feel guilty.

I have my angel on my pandora bracelet now. DS asks everyday "where's your angel" and we look at it and talk about it. I'm glad I have a reason to look at and smile.

My older sister is pregnant, due 3 weeks before I would have been, already has one LC, and has had no losses. It is really hard for me to not be jealous of her (but happy at the same time). Apparently she has felt horrible and was texting mom asking how I was everyday and felt guilty for being pregnant. It's a very hard situation for everyone. Your feelings are valid. If you need to talk, feel free to pm me.

amandaree that necklace is gorgeous! It's so awesome that you have such supportive people in your life.

rablissful - thanks for your insights. It just really was the first trigger for me. I love kids. I love seeing babies all over my facebook page, it was just this announcement that floored me. This cousin has been through a lot and she has actually probably felt the way I do now at other points. I'm thrilled she gets her rainbow babies. I never thought I'd be so confused emotionally.

[rablissful]

Mar 19, 2015 20:08:37 GMT -5 starfishy said:

Mar 19, 2015 18:15:37 GMT -5 rablissful said:

My older sister is pregnant, due 3 weeks before I would have been, already has one LC, and has had no losses. It is really hard for me to not be jealous of her (but happy at the same time). Apparently she has felt horrible and was texting mom asking how I was everyday and felt guilty for being pregnant. It's a very hard situation for everyone. Your feelings are valid. If you need to talk, feel free to pm me.

amandaree that necklace is gorgeous! It's so awesome that you have such supportive people in your life.

rablissful - thanks for your insights. It just really was the first trigger for me. I love kids. I love seeing babies all over my facebook page, it was just this announcement that floored me. This cousin has been through a lot and she has actually probably felt the way I do now at other points. I'm thrilled she gets her rainbow babies. I never thought I'd be so confused emotionally.

I'm the same way. LOVE babies... They don't bother me though. Pregnancy announcements, on the other hand, are so hard right now though.

[rablissful]

amandaree I forgot to mention... I'm so happy that you were finally able to schedule the d&c and will get some closure. Of course you start spotting now though. At least you know that by Wednesday you will start to heal in one way or another.

[mrssqueegy]

Thanks so much for starting this rablissful

Big hugs to everyone in this thread!


How are you doing physically? I have recovered from my D&C two weeks ago. I tested again this morning (been doing it weekly) and my test was super faintly positive. I called my RE's office just to ask when I should expect it to be negative and they decided to send me for a beta just to see where I'm at. I had it done today but probably won't hear until tomorrow about the results.



How are you doing emotionally? A good friend announced her pregnancy on Monday. That was really tough.



How is your partner/spouse doing? He seems to be doing well. I just asked him how he was doing and he says he doesn't think about it much any more. I think his medical background has allowed him to come to terms with it more. He is used to emotionally distancing himself from things.





Bonus: Are you planning to memorialize your loss? If so, how? I have a pregnancy journal that I started that I plan to write in about the loss and my feelings. I don't have any other plans at this time.

[vballbaby]

nikolie93 the image of your tattoo just made me tear up, you must do that - it sounds beautiful!

Physically I'm fine (a little over 2 weeks post D&C) aside from really feeling like I'm holding on to a lot of bloat despite exercising and eating good - so annoying!

Emotionally I'm in a slump today, got into a tiff with DH about IVF and the lengths I'm going to to try to improve egg quality. I feel like it's all on my shoulders and he's totally in the dark about what 1% morph could mean and I think he thinks some of the stuff from ISWTE is just crazy. I got sad last night, sucked it in, but tonight the tears are flowing. At some point you gotta just let it out. I'm not done grieving as much as I want to move on and I don't want to forget.

Whenever I wear my opal earrings now I think about it - it's the October birth stone. I may get an Alex and Ani bracelet with an angel, I had two already so three would be cool.

I think we all need big hugs tonight.

[danenikki]

vballbaby, I'm really sorry you are having a rough night and DH is not understanding the stress and emotions with IVF. Let those tears flow girl. Hoping it helps relieve some tension and remember tomorrow is new. I also like this quote. I'm a quote person  
eta: qoute 

[Deleted]

Ive been MIA for a few weeks but I'd thought I'd check in. I've been distracting myself with working out and impulsively booking a trip to Mexico next month but the grief is starting to set in.

How are you doing physically?
Physically Im doing pretty well. My bleeding lasted only ten days and I had some EWCM earlier this week so I think I should be recovering and seeing AF in the next few weeks. My abs are defining again too.


How are you doing emotionally?
Today is exactly 2 months from my BFP, my girlfriend is pregnant and we had the same due date. Im super pumped for her but having the same due date stings a bit. I havent cried in a few weeks.



How is your partner/spouse doing?

We haven't even spoke about in about ten days. Im okay with it, we werent coping with it in the same way and his responses were irritating me.



Bonus: I thought I wanted to but d&C was a comforting closure for me.

Thinking of you all. Heads up. x

[hollyberry]

@jennatles, I am sorry about your friend having the same edd. Thats difficult. *hugs*

danenikki, love the quote. Thanks for posting it.

vballbaby, I am sorry you feel like all the stress is on you, that can't be easy. *hugs*

mrssqueegy, keep us updated when you get the results. My fingers are crossed its nice and low!

amandaree, love the necklace! Its nice you have so may people who are supporting you.

nikolie93, the tattoo sound really nice, and even more special that you SO is designing it.

starfishy, I am sorry about your cousin. I would feel the same way, I dont do well with pregnancy announcements atm. Definitely feel jealous and then guilty. Its not easy. *Hugs*

I hope I got everyone, if I missed you sorry. *hugs* to all

[craftcrazymama]

How are you doing physically?

Physically I'm back to 'normal'. Bleeding has stopped and I am no longer feeling excessively bloated.

How are you doing emotionally?

Emotionally I am doing better this week. Have had a lot going on which has helped to keep my mind busy but I'm starting to feel a bit anxious in the lead up to my specialist appointment on Monday. Not helped by the fact I had a list of bloods to do so I went in yesterday (Fri) and they hadn't told me I had to fast! Now I won't be able to get them done before my appt on Monday which is a bit useless.

How is your partner/spouse doing?

He's doing fine. Sometimes I feel like he's not bothered but I know that's not true. He just tries to keep a strong front for me but I would like it if he let go and let me in on all his feelings about it without worrying about me.

Bonus: Are you planning to memorialize your loss? If so, how?

After my first two losses my husband and I got a tattoo of an angel baby. Mine on my right side, his on his left so when we sleep it 'sleeps' between us.

It now marks all of my losses.


Sorry, bad pic but it's hard to take one where it is.