Well - it's official. ::Deep breath::

[NiteStar73]

I am now the mom of TWO children on the spectrum.

::deep breath::

Psychologist evaluated Lucas, the youngest, and determined he is on the spectrum.  He's already in EI and will have his services increased and ABA will begin in the next couple of weeks.  

I've done a lot of crying.  A lot.  Then I embrace it.  Then I'm "ok" with it.  Then I'm angry.  Terrified.  Overwhelmed.  Then I cry again.  Then ok.  Lather, rinse repeat.  

It wasn't supposed to be this way.  That's what keeps going through my head.  And I know it's wrong and unfair and I should appreciate the children I have not that ones I don't but sometimes I just want to scream at the world - why?  Just why?

Another ASD mom I know says it pretty well - to the outside world, I'm an ASD mom who's gracefully living with the hand she was dealt - but on the inside is a scared, angry, too-much wine drinking mom who's just trying to do right by her kids.  

I updated my signature - and cried a little.  I want to be ok.  I want to rise to the challenge.  I do, I really do.  My boys need me to.  But right now I'm just so scared and sad.  In my head I know I can do this.  I know but then I get this tightness in my chest and it feels like I can't breathe and I'm terrified again.  

So - a little about Lucas.  He'll be 3 next month.  He's verbal.  Can use "I want ..." and even some "ing" words.  He scripts - a lot.  Once he gets going on a song he likes (that's his thing), it's hard to get him to focus on anything else.  He's entered a highly emotional phase - cries over everything but I supposed that's par for the course at this age.  And he has major feeding issues - wont' eat anything but french toast, pancakes, french fries, waffles, PB&J, goldfish, teddy grahams, juice and milk.  He *might* eat jarred baby food if he's in the cooperating sort of mood, which isn't often.  So we're starting feeding therapy next week - we'll see how that goes.  Otherwise, he's adorable, affectionate and a happy little boy.  

Just wanted to share with you all - you guys have always been the best support there is.  

[mirandah]

Hugs and a huge glass of wine for you!! (I'm glad I'm not the only too-much drinking wine out there). And you are doing right. I can't imagine the range of emotions you're going through.

[cam]

Hugs! The pendulum of emotions is perfectly reasonable, so don't feel bad for feeling how you feel at a given moment, but don't tune out your head telling you that you can do this. He is the same kid today as he was "yesterday," so you have already been doing it, you just have a better set of navigational tools (plus you have a good deal of knowledge and experience having been down this path before, so even though kids can be so different, that knowledge and experience still is helpful). You sound like you are already full steam ahead getting things adjusted in his IEP and all of that. You are doing an awesome job!

[princesslily]

(((Hugs))). As **cam** said, he is still the same kid as the day before the DX.

When it doubt, take it down from one day to one minute at a time

[funchicken]

Hugs! Be kind to yourself as you process this.

[KC thepouchh8r]

Hugs

[BostonKisses]

Hugs

[toastie]

Hugs. My kids have genetic issues but I remember with DS1 feeling so relieved to have a diagnosis. A name to call his issues. When DS2 got the same diagnosis I was and at times still am so angry. It is completely different. He's much more typical than his older brother too and it's so hard.

Big hugs. You are not alone. And outside of the wine drinking because I don't drink, I am the same. I always have a smile on my face and always talk nicely and calmly to the children while inside I'm crumbling.

An antidepressant helped immensely with my anxiety and stress of 2 diagnosed kids. Just know, you are not alone.

[spooko]

I'm sorry. That's a lot to take in.

[bubbalicious]

A diagnosis with DS (2nd) presented challenges in its own way. I was roaring mom with services the 1st go around. A lot is set up for #2 and I am making my way. It is tough. Care for yourself. It is a tender time.

[mrsbuttinski]

Mar 20, 2015 11:24:08 GMT -5 NiteStar73 said:

I am now the mom of TWO children on the spectrum.

::deep breath::

Psychologist evaluated Lucas, the youngest, and determined he is on the spectrum.  He's already in EI and will have his services increased and ABA will begin in the next couple of weeks.  

I saw the updated siggie before your announcement. I'm so sorry. 

I've done a lot of crying.  A lot.  Then I embrace it.  Then I'm "ok" with it.  Then I'm angry.  Terrified.  Overwhelmed.  Then I cry again.  Then ok.  Lather, rinse repeat.  

A lot of my friends who have 2 on spectrum had a harder time processing the second dx. There's a sense of loss around being able to have regular parenting experience those around you are enjoying. There's the loss of the potential for the sibling to be a safety net when you're no longer around. Having already lived this, we have a better sense of what the dx means going forward- that while our kids will grow and learn, there is no quick fix.

It wasn't supposed to be this way.  That's what keeps going through my head.  And I know it's wrong and unfair and I should appreciate the children I have not that ones I don't but sometimes I just want to scream at the world - why?  Just why

Another ASD mom I know says it pretty well - to the outside world, I'm an ASD mom who's gracefully living with the hand she was dealt - but on the inside is a scared, angry, too-much wine drinking mom who's just trying to do right by her kids.

I think a lot of us appreciate the feeling. Even now, almost 15 years post-dx, I still go through the feelings of abject terror, white hot anger and mostly sadness about life events that are probably off the table for DS. It breaks my heart.  

I updated my signature - and cried a little.  I want to be ok.  I want to rise to the challenge.  I do, I really do.  My boys need me to.  But right now I'm just so scared and sad.  In my head I know I can do this.  I know but then I get this tightness in my chest and it feels like I can't breathe and I'm terrified again.

You've got this. No doubt. It's OK to be angry about the unfairness of it all. 

If you're really struggling to cope after some time to process this, you might consider getting some help for you. Some talk therapy and an SSRI have helped me when life + ASD were more than I manage on my own for a time. At times, getting help for myself felt more like one more task on an endless to-do list, but it really helped me be happier and more effective in other aspects of my life.


So - a little about Lucas.  He'll be 3 next month.  He's verbal.  Can use "I want ..." and even some "ing" words.  He scripts - a lot.  Once he gets going on a song he likes (that's his thing), it's hard to get him to focus on anything else.  He's entered a highly emotional phase - cries over everything but I supposed that's par for the course at this age.  

And he's really cute.  Which is a good thing because the tears stage is hard.


And he has major feeding issues - wont' eat anything but french toast, pancakes, french fries, waffles, PB&J, goldfish, teddy grahams, juice and milk.  He *might* eat jarred baby food if he's in the cooperating sort of mood, which isn't often.  So we're starting feeding therapy next week - we'll see how that goes.  Otherwise, he's adorable, affectionate and a happy little boy.

Good luck with the feeding. He's so young he should respond pretty well.  

Just wanted to share with you all - you guys have always been the best support there is.  

[hopecounts]

((Hugs))

[mamaturtle]

Hugs

[mcribster]

hugs momma.