Ok, I'll start something.

[cdseno]

I hate the article floating around about being sensitive during pregnancy because you never know someone else's fertility struggles. I call bullshit. It took 2 years of trying, charting, temping, ovulation tests, and tons of negative pee sticks after we lost our first before I got pregnant again. I fully understand feeling sad and angry when everyone around you is getting pregnant and you aren't. But I would never tell a friend that she wasn't allowed to discuss her pregnancy or show me ultrasound pictures because it was too painful. When my two best friends got pregnant I was so excited for them. Sure I cried on H's shoulder but I never let them know how devastated I was. I feel for women who struggle for years and have to spend thousands of dollars on treatments and doctors and tests. But it also makes me sad that women can't just be happy when they are pregnant because they might be hurting someone's feelings.

[DVMmomma]

I wish I disagreed so I could continue some drama. I appreciate where you're coming from and I think it's great that you wouldn't want anyone else to stifle their excitement!

[cdseno]

Perhaps we are all sunshine and rainbows now. Or just too tired to fight

[mrsnorris]

Sorry to not make it exciting but I agree too. It took us more than a year of TTC and it was frustrating especially because it was less fun for us than for some people and we paid for the privilege. No one knew we were trying and it was frustrating when friends/relatives/coworkers would seemingly have the vague thought of possibly having a baby and be pregnant almost instantly. But first of all, I can feel happy for someone while feel disappointed for myself. Also, not everything is about me. They shouldn't not celebrate because of me, or on the off chance that someone else is struggling. That said, I tried not to be the person who gets pregnant and talks of nothing else. No one wants to listen to all of that.

[tinkl0ver]

I agree as well. Also, on this topic, I believe that it is a bit inappropriate to go on a rant about your infertility struggles to someone who just told you they are pregnant. Can you say awkward? Especially if they never knew you were trying in the first place.

[redhorizon343]

Sorry, I agree. I think there is a balance. You can celebrate your own pregnancy while still being sensitive to the struggles of others. And as long as you're not going on and on about how easy it was for you and how your life didn't have meaning before you were pregnant, you're in the clear. If I was struggling, I think I would still want to share in my friend's good news, but if it was all they ever talked about, it would become difficult.

[lingchow8655]

Also very much agree. Even through all my struggles i was still aware life went on for others and thag they would want to be happy and celebrate and i wanted to be apart of that for them too

[leroybrown]

Jan 20, 2015 0:59:17 GMT -5 tinkl0ver said:

I agree as well. Also, on this topic, I believe that it is a bit inappropriate to go on a rant about your infertility struggles to someone who just told you they are pregnant. Can you say awkward? Especially if they never knew you were trying in the first place.

Exactly. I get that it's a private thing, but if you don't tell anyone, how can you expect them to know? Especially on FB. It's my FB, where I post whatever I want about my lyfe and beliefs and hobbies. If you don't like it, feel free to click that red X or unfriend me. I'm not going to avoid all baby topics because it might silently hurt someone.

[DVMmomma]

hahahah leroybrown, I just saw your siggy and it made me LOL in class. Got a few people to turn and look at me with a grimacing face. So thanks for that.

[those3words]

Ok, I'll bite. I haven't seen this article, but we were given a less than 20% chance of EVER having a child (and that was WITH IVF).

While I agree that there is no need to rant about IF struggles when someone tells you she is pregnant (in fact, we were super secret about our IF), I think it is kind to consider your friend's feelings when you tell them about your pregnancy.

I was extremely happy for my friends and two SILs who got pregnant during our struggles - but it was really hard when they flaunted every detail of their pregnancy in front of us.  I eventually had to leave Facebook because it was too emotionally exhausting to see ultrasound after ultrasound and details about every bout of morning sickness.

I never asked them to stop posting or telling me about things - I just distanced myself from them during that time. Between trying to find finances for IVFs, going to daily medical appointments (sometimes twice a day), trying to make up lost time at work, dealing with an empty bank account, and coming home to the empty room that was supposed to be a nursery in our home every day just made it too difficult to SQUUEEEE for hours at a time for someone else.

I think if you really valued and respected your friendship, you would let them know you were pregnant, but then let them take the lead on how much they want to see. It isn't about being a bitch or not happy for you; It is about be drained and exhausted.

[leroybrown]

Jan 20, 2015 11:05:49 GMT -5 those3words said:

Ok, I'll bite. I haven't seen this article, but we were given a less than 20% chance of EVER having a child (and that was WITH IVF).

While I agree that there is no need to rant about IF struggles when someone tells you she is pregnant (in fact, we were super secret about our IF), I think it is kind to consider your friend's feelings when you tell them about your pregnancy.

I was extremely happy for my friends and two SILs who got pregnant during our struggles - but it was really hard when they flaunted every detail of their pregnancy in front of us.  I eventually had to leave Facebook because it was too emotionally exhausting to see ultrasound after ultrasound and details about every bout of morning sickness.

I never asked them to stop posting or telling me about things - I just distanced myself from them during that time. Between trying to find finances for IVFs, going to daily medical appointments (sometimes twice a day), trying to make up lost time at work, dealing with an empty bank account, and coming home to the empty room that was supposed to be a nursery in our home every day just made it too difficult to SQUUEEEE for hours at a time for someone else.

I think if you really valued and respected your friendship, you would let them know you were pregnant, but then let them take the lead on how much they want to see. It isn't about being a bitch or not happy for you; It is about be drained and exhausted.

Ok  but did they know about your struggles? Most people don't share that (and that's totally fine, it's private and I get it). But if no one knows you are struggling, they aren't willfully throwing it in your face.

[those3words]

Jan 20, 2015 11:13:54 GMT -5 leroybrown said:

Jan 20, 2015 11:05:49 GMT -5 those3words said:

Ok  but did they know about your struggles? Most people don't share that (and that's totally fine, it's private and I get it). But if no one knows you are struggling, they aren't willfully throwing it in your face.

Most of them did not know - and things look different after an IF or a loss struggle.

But I read the OP as being more directed to once it is known there is a struggle.

[cdseno]

those3words I totally agree with what you are saying. When my good friend found out she was pregnant she actually called H first to ask him how she should tell me. I appreciated that she wanted to be sensitive, but I was also so excited for her.

I don't think a woman is a bitch if she has to distance herself from a situation that is hard, but what bothers me about this article is that the woman told this young mom that she was no longer allowed to discuss her pregnancy around her. But I was never an oversharer on Facebook about being pregnant. I didn't need everyone knowing that I was puking my brains out all day. I can understand how that would be annoying, but I find that annoying in any context.

This is the blog post:
blitheblog.com/i-could-have-a-baby-but-she-could-not/

[those3words]

Jan 20, 2015 11:20:45 GMT -5 cdseno said:

those3words I totally agree with what you are saying. When my good friend found out she was pregnant she actually called H first to ask him how she should tell me. I appreciated that she wanted to be sensitive, but I was also so excited for her.

I don't think a woman is a bitch if she has to distance herself from a situation that is hard, but what bothers me about this article is that the woman told this young mom that she was no longer allowed to discuss her pregnancy around her. But I was never an oversharer on Facebook about being pregnant. I didn't need everyone knowing that I was puking my brains out all day. I can understand how that would be annoying, but I find that annoying in any context.

This is the blog post:
blitheblog.com/i-could-have-a-baby-but-she-could-not/

Ok, so now that I've read the blog (1) I think the OP sounds a little obnoxious ("I emailed out to all my friends, family and co-workers the ultrasound pictures") and (2) yes, asking a pregnant woman in her 3rd trimester not to say ANYTHING is a little over the top.  Maybe just asking to be removed from the email list.

But, I think the conclusion of the OP's article isn't bad.  She doesn't say not to share and be excited, just not to gloat. 
My SILs were young and naive and had no difficulty getting married or getting pregnant.  They posted everything online expecting everyone to SQUEEE for them - without realizing that there were people out there struggling (ok, one SIL had no excuse because her sister had just been through a failed IVF cycle). 

I think it doesn't hurt to be aware that not everyone has things fall into place as easily.  I'm careful about posting about having DH, about our jobs/home/cars etc.  We are very thankful for what we have and will post about it - but try not to brag because we have friends struggling in different ways. 

ETA:  sorry - I'm full of words today.

[mimsy]

My IF struggles were fairly quiet until more people around me started to get KU. This was when we decided to start telling people that I had fertility issues. The questions of when we were going to made me cry. Seeing pregnant women made me cry. I wouldn't hold babies.

My hubbs thought I was being rude when I did these thing, or I was trying to get attention for myself, but it was about not bringing people down from their happy place when I was miserable.

[sweetpies]

I agree. I am sensitive and make sure I talk about the same old things with my girlfriends who are Childless Not By Choice. I don't want our conversations to be dominated by baby talk. But I also appreciate, that they take the time to ask about my LO. Part of being a friend is showing support through each person's chapter in life.

[Deleted]

There is a lady I work with that has been TTC for ~2 years. When I told her I was pregnant, she cried and I felt so bad. I felt bad bc I knew how she felt. It took us 8 years. Anyway. I try to tamper the baby talk around her. But she actually initiates it. She always asks to see the latest pics and has even volunteered to babysit. So I guess it just depends on the person and situation.