<*<*<* Weekly Goal Setting 3/30/15 *>*>*>

[icequeen]

Hi everyone!

I hope y'all's Monday is going well. Today we are going to update each other on how we did with the goals we set last week. You can just copy the goal from last week and briefly update us on how it went and if you feel like you achieved it or not. Then, please list any other goals you have or simply cut and paste the goal from last week if you want to keep it. Please don't feel guilty if you didn't achieve the goals you wanted to, because it's totally ok! We are not here to shame each other, but only for support, encouragement, and advice. You can be honest

Thanks, y'all!

[icequeen]

Goal #1: Eat a minimum 100 calorie breakfast of only carbohydrates (grains, cereals, breads)

I was able to accomplish this every day. Every day I had a plain minibagel which was 120 calories.

Goal #2: Weigh myself only 3 times a week (M/W/F)

I was able to accomplish this as well. It was actually liberating not having to panic every morning every time I would come home from my run and step on the scale because I knew the mood of my day would depend on a fucking number.

New goals for the week:

Goal #1: Eat a carb/fruit breakfast of 150-200 calories

Short or long term: Short

Why is it important: I need more food to start my day, especially if I plan on starting racing again. I also still find myself shaking and feeling faint towards lunchtime, so I know I'm not eating enough.

How I'm going to accomplish it: I have three different options planned out ahead of time, instead of choosing on the spot and backing out.

Goal #2: Weigh only twice a week (T/F)

Short or long term: Short

Why is it important: My food plan, anxiety, moods all revolve around how much I weigh, so it's better for me to just not know. However, that's a lot easier said than done to give up my dependence on the scale.

How I'm going to do it: Like last week. Just my willpower.

Goal #3: Modify my running schedule to include two "easy" days where I am not running 6 miles or compensating for that amount

Short or long term: Long

Why is it important: I am totally run down and exhausted, and this is no way to train. I run for pleasure and enjoyment too, not just because it's a part of my ED.

How I'm going to accomplish it: I'll do my regular 6 miles M/W/Th/Sa/Su, and run 4 miles on T/F with 20 minutes of yoga and stretching afterwards.

Good luck to y'all this week! I'm pulling for you

[yoshijo28]

icequeen it's amazing you reached your goals! Not only did you reach them, but you're already adding onto them in such a short period of time to challenge yourself. You are doing such a great job!

[yoshijo28]

Goal #1 reduce compensatory behaviors
I don't think I accomplished them. I ate more than I wanted to this weekend and can't possibly compensate for all the extra so I guess that's something. I had to cut my workout short Friday so I increased the incline on the elliptical. This week I know I'm going to be short an exercise day and will eat a lot for the holiday so I added time onto my exercise the days I can do it. I also have chronic abdominal (muscular) pain and am ignoring it to work out. Either way, I'll be in on the plus side with calories consumed this week but I have a lot of anxiety and my mind is not ok with it.

Goal #2 get through a tv show with DH without reaching for phone or iPad
I accomplished this. I was able to do it for an hour show Saturday night (with the help if a glass of wine) and to prove I could do it without wine, I did it Sunday morning when we had breakfast in bed and watched a show for an hour. I felt so relaxed and was so happy I did it.

New goal #1
I'm going to start slower and say do not add an extra incline level to my workouts to compensate for what I eat or if I can't work out enough
Short term or long term: short term
Why is it important: I need to gain weight and stop sabotaging
How am I going to accomplish it: not sure, but I'll try


Goal #2
Put away my clothes each night
Short term or long term: short term
Why is it important: I tend to be anxious and stressed at night, sometimes have a headache. I get overwhelmed and leave clothes all over because I don't have the physical or mental energy to put them away.
How am I going to accomplish it: I'll try to do it before I sit down to relax for the night and get too tired.

[juliayadda]

Last week's goals:
Goal 1:
Be more open to my cubicle mate.
How did I do:
I think this went well. I kept one earphone out when I could. I engaged in conversations. I even asked about his personal life.
I was friendly.

Goal 2: not have anxiety over DS birthday party.
How did I do:
Well it happened haha! It was loud, I got a cold. My house is still in a bit of disarray. A couple of the kids were a little annoying but DS was happy and I dont have to think about it for a while now haha! I ate soooo much cake.

NEW GOALS:

I am sick right now, with a cold, so goals are beyond me.

[juliayadda]

icequeen,

great job on last week! That is some epic breakfast consumption
I hope I can learn to love running as much as you.

yoshijo28,
All I can offer is a hug. You can do this.

Congrats on unplugging with your DH. I did this last night too. I know he appreciates it.

[yoshijo28]

Mar 30, 2015 19:22:22 GMT -5 juliayadda said:

icequeen,

great job on last week! That is some epic breakfast consumption
I hope I can learn to love running as much as you.

yoshijo28,
All I can offer is a hug. You can do this.

Congrats on unplugging with your DH. I did this last night too. I know he appreciates it.

Thank you   I appreciate the encouragement 

[yoshijo28]

juliayadda I'm glad you were able to be friendlier and more patient with your co-worker. Hopefully it makes for a better work environment and less stress for you. Feel better soon!

[flcl]

icequeen, way to rock your goals and love your new pic!

yoshijo28, FX for you and am majorly impressed by your ability to unplug. I don't know if H or I would be able to go that long! (Sad, I know)

juliayadda, also hoping that your new strategy with your cube mate = a better time at work. Glad that LO's birthday party went well, but sorry that you got sick. Get well soon!

Goal #1: to resolve the issue at work of a co-worker who is also a friend, taking credit for work that I did
Update: I know I actually updated on the goals thread last week but I talked to my co-worker 1:1. She owned up to what happened and apologized. Things are more or less back to normal now between us.

Goal #2: begin adding exercise to the weekdays
Update: I'm off this week so it's been easier to exercise on the weekdays... well, it's only been one day but I'll take it!


Goal #1: engage in a conversation at least once a week about whatever he wants and not just LO, the house, work, etc...

Long Term

Why is it important?: H and I had such a great relationship before LO was born. It's not that we have a bad relationship now but we definitely don't take the time for each other like we did before.


Goal #2: begin adding exercise to the weekdays (same as last week)

Long Term

Why is it important?: Exercise has always been a key component to my treatment. Working out on the weekends is easy but with LO, working out during the week days has become a challenge.

[Deleted]

icequeen- It's great to see you are doing well with your goals! I love the feeling of running/racing as well. Ps- I saw what you wrote on TWW, and I'm sorry to see you had such an awful day. You are such an amazing and thoughtful person and I hate when bad things happen to good people.

yoshijo28- I know exactly how you feel. Once I get home and I get my kids to bed, I break down. All I want to do is lay in bed and go to sleep. It's good that you are recognizing it and doing something about it.

juliayadda- I hope you feel better soon! Ps- What kind of cake are we talking??

flcl- I'm the same way with my husband. It's the same thing lately, jobs, moving, kids etc. We are trying to do game nights now, after the boys go to bed. We don't talk about anything that may be stressful after dinner time. It has been stressful so I completely understand. I hope things get better!

[Deleted]

Ok so I missed last week, but I'll try to make some goals for this week.

Goal #1: Try to control my emotions better- patience, anger etc
Why it is important: I've noticed my husband and I are at each others throats, and I know it's because of my anxiety/stress level. I noticed this last night when going over interview questions for him. I can feel myself pushing him away and I really shouldn't. He hasn't done anything to deserve it.

Goal #2: Exercise!
Why it is important: I get really proud of myself if I accomplish something. A few weeks ago my goal was to be able to do a head stand. Now I can do head stands no problem! I haven't done anything since this goal, and I can really tell it's affecting me. A few years back after I had my boys, I decided to train for my first marathon. It was by far the happiest/proudest moment of my life! I need to get back to that person I was. I miss how happy I was then. If I start getting back into running/exercise, I know I will be happier.

[icequeen]

yoshijo28, I know how hard it is with the compensatory behaviors. They haunt me as well and are a huge burden. They also manifest in many different ways whether in food restriction, exercise, purging, laxatives, etc. I know your mind isn't ok because you think you ate more calories than you intended, but this is a good lesson for you in feeling uncomfortable in recovery instead of just settling for your ED thoughts and giving in to your compulsions. You are totally doing the right thing by focusing on one behavior at a time with the elliptical incline. Very reasonable! Also, if dinner is a trigger and makes you anxious so later on it makes it harder to put clothes away, maybe put your clothes away before dinner, or just shower before dinner so you are all ready in your pajamas.

juliayadda, I'm so happy you did so well! It seems like you really made an effort! I hate that you are still sick. I know it's hard to set goals when you feel like shit. Get better, honey!

flcl, it is possible for a family member to watch LO so you and YH can go out for a date night? Or get a babysitter? Now that the weather is getting nicer, maybe all of you can go for a walk together, or when YH gets home, you can go for a quick run/walk outside. Fresh air is always better than a gym IMO

@erin2021, I know how easy it is to take your feelings out on other people. I do this with MH too, and he calls me out. I've been doing a lot better with it since I've been journaling every day. Have you considered the support group or therapy by any chance? With exercise, I have no doubt you can accomplish it, because if you did it once, you can do it again!

[Deleted]

icequeen, as bad as this sounds, I have a hard time with support group or therapy. I have considered it on really bad days, but then I think "Screw that I can do this!" Then I'm back at square 1 a couple of days later.

I have done therapy before, and it was beneficial. I just get this mentality that I don't need it, when I know I should. I may look into it again, I need to pull my head out of my ass and just do it.

[icequeen]

Mar 31, 2015 10:36:37 GMT -5 @erin2021 said:

icequeen, as bad as this sounds, I have a hard time with support group or therapy. I have considered it on really bad days, but then I think "Screw that I can do this!" Then I'm back at square 1 a couple of days later.

I have done therapy before, and it was beneficial. I just get this mentality that I don't need it, when I know I should. I may look into it again, I need to pull my head out of my ass and just do it.

I completely understand because I am the SAME way. I think I have been through at least a dozen therapists because of my bad attitude. I've actually been told to leave because I always think I know best. It's not good Luckily this time I'm listening and more accepting. It's FINALLY working.

[juliayadda]

@erin2021, I feel you on the therapy. I had great success with Therapy but haven't been in years and years. Now adays I tend to medicate, meditate and move on. Sometimes this isn't enough though. I keep the crisis line on speed dial just in case, and I am considering going with DH for couples counselling to deal with his anger issues.

My biggest problem with therapy was remembering what my problem was. What I wanted to talk about. At the time, I would just be like... eeeeh I'm fine. End of therapy go on with life. I found if I kept a not pad and wrote things down when I was spiraling I could bring it with me to therapy and have talking points for what was really bothering me.

I may start that exercise just in regular life too. So when I am calm and sound of mind, I can go back and reflect on what was hurting me.

Hmmmm... my Erin advice just turned into Julia goal setting... THANKS!

[Deleted]

Mar 31, 2015 10:50:51 GMT -5 juliayadda said:

@erin2021, I feel you on the therapy. I had great success with Therapy but haven't been in years and years. Now adays I tend to medicate, meditate and move on. Sometimes this isn't enough though. I keep the crisis line on speed dial just in case, and I am considering going with DH for couples counselling to deal with his anger issues.

My biggest problem with therapy was remembering what my problem was. What I wanted to talk about. At the time, I would just be like... eeeeh I'm fine. End of therapy go on with life. I found if I kept a not pad and wrote things down when I was spiraling I could bring it with me to therapy and have talking points for what was really bothering me.

I may start that exercise just in regular life too. So when I am calm and sound of mind, I can go back and reflect on what was hurting me.

Hmmmm... my Erin advice just turned into Julia goal setting... THANKS!

LOL! Anything I can do to help!!

[juliayadda]

Goal 1:

Write down what is upsetting me.

Short or Long term: Long term.

Why it is important:
I block out what hurts me. I forget what triggers bad behaviour.

How I will do it. Note book and pen go IN MY PURSE! I never go anywhere without my purse.

Goal 2:
Keep tracking my meals
Short or long: Both. It is week by week. I will not get down on myself if I miss a day.

Why it is important: Read above how I block things out. I do it with everything. I eat poorly and forget that I did it. I wonder why I gained 20 lbs in 6 months.

How: My fitness pal and my food scale I have the App on my phone which is great for logging during my commute.

[Deleted]

This is my first goal setting

@erin2021, I am the same with therapy... actually, ever since Ds was born I've known deep down I have an issue, but I've felt I can handle it on my own.
icequeen, juliayadda, flcl, good work on your goals last week
yoshijo28, sorry last week was difficult - but nice work on unplugging and good luck for this week's goals

Goal #1: Set up a massage therapy appointment - my midwife recommended craniosacral therapy for my anxiety and PTSD. Since I'm not the best candidate for meds, she thinks this can help a lot. I've been procrastinating on this because I know I will get emotional

Goal #2: List out my stressors/triggers
My doctor wants me to list out everything stressing me out and/or triggers me to go into a downward spiral.
Then work on one item at a time to find a realistic solution - this week I'm just trying to get my list done.

Goal #3: Find 10 minutes a day just to sit and be quiet and relax.

thanks for letting me join this... good luck to everyone this week.

[icequeen]

Mar 31, 2015 11:08:01 GMT -5 @usernameedit said:

This is my first goal setting

@erin2021, I am the same with therapy... actually, ever since Ds was born I've known deep down I have an issue, but I've felt I can handle it on my own.
icequeen, juliayadda, flcl, good work on your goals last week
yoshijo28, sorry last week was difficult - but nice work on unplugging and good luck for this week's goals

Goal #1: Set up a massage therapy appointment - my midwife recommended craniosacral therapy for my anxiety and PTSD. Since I'm not the best candidate for meds, she thinks this can help a lot. I've been procrastinating on this because I know I will get emotional

Goal #2: List out my stressors/triggers
My doctor wants me to list out everything stressing me out and/or triggers me to go into a downward spiral.
Then work on one item at a time to find a realistic solution - this week I'm just trying to get my list done.

Goal #3: Find 10 minutes a day just to sit and be quiet and relax.

thanks for letting me join this... good luck to everyone this week.

I'm glad you find the goal setting helpful! The massage sounds like a great idea. For the stressors, I usually keep a notebook and a journal where I do all of my "homework" for therapy, and write down all of my thoughts and feeling in my journal. It's just a good way to unload and you can refer back to it if your doctor asks for it. For the quiet time, you should have a set day that you know is easier for you to work with and block off 10 minutes on your calendar. No phone, computer, or other distraction. Maybe listen to some calming music. Good luck, you can do it!

[Deleted]

Mar 31, 2015 11:23:13 GMT -5 icequeen said:

Mar 31, 2015 11:08:01 GMT -5 @usernameedit said:

This is my first goal setting

@erin2021, I am the same with therapy... actually, ever since Ds was born I've known deep down I have an issue, but I've felt I can handle it on my own.
icequeen, juliayadda, flcl, good work on your goals last week
yoshijo28, sorry last week was difficult - but nice work on unplugging and good luck for this week's goals

Goal #1: Set up a massage therapy appointment - my midwife recommended craniosacral therapy for my anxiety and PTSD. Since I'm not the best candidate for meds, she thinks this can help a lot. I've been procrastinating on this because I know I will get emotional

Goal #2: List out my stressors/triggers
My doctor wants me to list out everything stressing me out and/or triggers me to go into a downward spiral.
Then work on one item at a time to find a realistic solution - this week I'm just trying to get my list done.

Goal #3: Find 10 minutes a day just to sit and be quiet and relax.

thanks for letting me join this... good luck to everyone this week.

I'm glad you find the goal setting helpful! The massage sounds like a great idea. For the stressors, I usually keep a notebook and a journal where I do all of my "homework" for therapy, and write down all of my thoughts and feeling in my journal. It's just a good way to unload and you can refer back to it if your doctor asks for it. For the quiet time, you should have a set day that you know is easier for you to work with and block off 10 minutes on your calendar. No phone, computer, or other distraction. Maybe listen to some calming music. Good luck, you can do it!

Thank you for the guidance!  I'm thinking of doing 1-2 days a week where I get a bubble bath  I'm very lucky in that my DH is very supportive.  We talked about doing 1 day a month for each of us to just be home alone for the day while the other one takes DS out for awhile.  We both love this, but we have been so busy with plans every single weekend that it's hard to do.

[yoshijo28]

@erin2021 I'm the same way with MH and I feel very guilty about it. That's amazing that you ran a marathon, you can definitely achieve your exercise goal!
@usernameedit listing your triggers is a great idea. I might do this too now!
icequeen what type of "homework" do you get from your therapist? This is kind of how I pictured it would work but mine is just like "ok see you next week!"

[juliayadda]

@erin2021, cake report:

It was a superman themed cupcake cake. 24 cupcakes lines up with a ton of icing so it looks like a cake! Half were chocolate and half were white cake. The icing was vanilla butter cream, and it was really light and fluffy.

I normally have to be "supermom" and make him a cake from scratch and decorate it. I have have made some nice cakes in the past, but I get soooo incredibly stressed about it, and it stops me from enjoying the day. I am so glad I let that go and started buying cakes.

[booksntea]

icequeen - awesome job keeping to your goals! I think your self love is allowing you to nourish yourself and be less judgmental of yourself. You deserve that.

yoshijo28 - congrats on unplugging, that is a huge and worth accomplishment - being present to ourselves and others is such a gift.

[booksntea]

1. continue with daily yoga and meditation this week.
This is a short term and long term
This is important because I am a way better person when I do yoga and meditation. I have more emotional control, I feel clearer, less overwhelmed and just better able to cope all around.

I am going to say I accomplished this. There was one day when the whole family had a stomach bug but I am going to give myself an ok for missing that day.

2. be very conscience of my language with H and engage or disengage peacefully with him for the next few days.
This is a short term and long term goal
This is important because while I cannot deny that H is often the instigator in arguments we will live in total chaos if I engage with him in a constant back and forth. Right now, he is not conscience of his behavior and I have to be more conscience of my own behavior and way of speaking so that our family does not fall apart. I have to be willing to think before I speak, and be more peaceful to create a baseline of sanity in our home.

So, we didn't have a blow out this week and I was much more mindful than usual. I would say we even had a partial break through about how H projects some stuff on me.

goals this week.
1. Practice daily yoga and meditation
why this important - I am a much better person when I do this.
2. Give a little bit more of myself to H while staying mindful and present.
why this is important ....I have a tendency to prioritize LO, work and myself and do not give very much emotionally to H. I need to nourish the relationship a bit more in small ways to stay more engaged with him in a positive way so we stay connected and that H feels he is heard and has a partner.

[bluerainfire]

short term- go through each room

I accomplish half of the goal, i still have one kitchen cabinet to tackle, dd, and my room to tackle. I need to do this when the children are out of the house, and my one day that could of happened, i got called into work. so its still a goal, i am also adding the storage in he basement. this will be hard for me because I tried to save some books from our fire, and I don't know if the bakingsoda mixture work, and they have been sitting there for over a year now....

still working on the courage of the long term goal- its something i just will have to swallow,

new short term goal- with my next pay check- i am going to buy an outfit for me. I am terrible at spending on money for myself. I don't actually know what size I wear, I know its smaller then I think. It will be nice to feel pretty, and good.

[runnergirl812]

Mar 30, 2015 15:48:38 GMT -5 icequeen said:

Goal #3: Modify my running schedule to include two "easy" days where I am not running 6 miles or compensating for that amount

Short or long term: Long

Why is it important: I am totally run down and exhausted, and this is no way to train. I run for pleasure and enjoyment too, not just because it's a part of my ED.

How I'm going to accomplish it: I'll do my regular 6 miles M/W/Th/Sa/Su, and run 4 miles on T/F with 20 minutes of yoga and stretching afterwards.

Good luck to y'all this week! I'm pulling for you

icequeen, can I come run with you? I haven't ran in almost a year and I miss it. But I'm so tired all the damn time. I need accountability. I do PIYO and yoga at home. I'm thinking of starting Insanity Max 30. But I really should go running. I miss the days of 4-6 miles (and even longer) and feeling so good afterwards.

[icequeen]

booksntea, I'm so glad that the yoga and mindfulness is helpful to you. I know that for me it doesn't really help and I am impatient with it. Just do what works for you and make sure to make time for it! I think one way you can show YH you are really partnering with him is by repeating things he says at a later time. Like if he is describing something that happened or is upset, if y'all talk about it later, first paraphrase what he said so he knows that you were really listening to him and offer him your support or share in his excitement.
bluerainfire, that's totally ok! You are trying really hard and your goals are not easy, plus some of the circumstances were out of your control. Just keep trying next week! A new outfit would be so great for you. Really take your time and pick something that makes you feel beautiful because you deserve it.
runnergirl812, maybe now that the weather is getting better you can run outside. I am lucky I live in the south so I can run outside all year long. I would probably limit my running if I had snow around me. If you're getting back into it I would start with some run/walk workouts, then progress to running intervals, and then run however you long or hard you feel comfortable with.

[Deleted]

No real progress as of yet. I'm adding a new goal that I'm hoping will help.

Goal #1 - File office paperwork.

Short or Long Term? Short, with long term benefits
Why is it important? Because I keep losing documents and can't them easily. Also they are supposed to be filed in a timely manner.
How am I going to accomplish this? Set aside time at the beginning of the month when i'm less busy.
Update: Today is April 1st. I had an unexpected meeting pop up that derailed my plans for the day.

Goal#2 Pay off debt.
Short or long term? Long term
Why is it important? MH and I are unable to save money because we are constantly paying down debt. We want to be able to buy a house in the near future.
How am I going to accomplish it? Creating a strict budget and sticking to it. This will mean not caving to my husband's impulse shopping. He's got expensive taste and never thinks long term.
Update: I will be reviewing bills on Friday night to set up a new budget.

Goal # 3 Stop procrastinating
Short or Long Term: Long Term
Why is this important? Because procrastination runs my life. I'm always running late. I always think I can do things later. All it does is create more anxiety because I can't get things done.
How am I going to accomplish this? I have absolutely no idea.

[icequeen]

@wallflwr926, you sound like you've got a handle on your first two goals. Sometimes things come up and there's nothing you can do. Just try to find time to make up for it and put it in your planner. I know this may sound dumb and be common sense, but have you considered buying a desk calendar with big open boxes for writing in tasks and meetings and deadlines? I would use it just so you can remember what to work on each day. In each box for the day that it corresponds to, I would write 2 or 3 tasks that I want to finish or at least get a start on. I am huge on planning, schedules, and lists and it really helps me stay on top of everything.