TTC- Frustrated

[Deleted]

I'm having a pretty awful day today. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant since roughly Nov, but just recently started charting and tracking. The last 2 days I have had spotting- I won't get into detail unless someone wants to help, but through PM (I know some women do not like reading about it). Anyways, I was hopeful at the start, but today I just can't stop crying. I feel like there is too much spotting, or like it has been too many days. My temp is still up, so I want to be hopeful, but I just have this bad feeling. I had implantation spotting when I was pregnant with my boys, but I just can't remember it being this much. I took a test this morning and it was negative, so I'm trying to wait and see what happens in the next few days. If the spotting stops I will test. 

I feel like I'm being selfish because there are women who have been trying years to get pregnant, or can't have children at all. I know I should be patient, I just feel like the minute we started trying, there seems to be all of these issues. My cycles were normally 25-28 days. Now they are stretching out to over 40 in some cases. I'm reevaluating my whole diet and lifestyle, thinking that might be why nothing is happening. I also worry that having twins at 38 weeks caused some internal issues, because they were so big and I was so tiny. 

I really needed to vent, and I hope this is ok. I'm having a very difficult day, and I just needed some help/support. It doesn't help I do have anxiety and can be incredibly hard on myself. If anyone wants to chat/give guidance I will accept anything anyone is willing to give.

Thanks for listening ladies. 

[icequeen]

I'm not a chart expert but I can try to see what's going on. It's perfectly fine to be feeling tearful and upset about not being able to conceive right away. The first few weeks I started seeing my RE, I got pregnant with DD. I was literally in and out of the door and they probably don't even remember me. This time, it is dragging on and on and I keep beating myself up over and over for all the things I could have done differently and getting hung up on every single abnormality that comes up. I feel your pain and it is legitimate. I know you are worried that there might be some damage from your twin gestation, just like I'm worried that there is damage from my ED that's affecting my chances of getting pregnant. These thoughts may be valid and we just have to sit here with the unknown and do the best we can. You are doing all that you can right now and temping and charting does become obsessive. You have only just begun and at first it is a lot to take in but once you keep doing it enough, you will get to the point where your feelings will kind of be on repeat like a record that plays along your cycle. First you'll be super depressed and miserable at the start, then nervous and anxious for O and hitting your FW, then impatient and antsy during the TWW and a whole other slew of emotions in there as well. But you will get used to the ride, I promise. I think you are just in a slump.

Honestly, your gut feeling is usually right. Mine always is. if you feel like this spotting is a bad sign and you really feel like you shouldn't be getting your hopes up because you feel like your period is just around the corner, then listen to that and try to mentally prepare now. You will get another shot. A clean slate will present itself. Just go with it for the next few days and don't bother with the testing unless you are late with your period, though it's hard to tell how normal your cycles are based on your information. I haven't looked at the chart yet, but I will. You are not being selfish, everyone has a right to have kids and a family and be frustrated when they are doing everything they can to make it happen. True, there have been many people trying for much longer than you and have gone through more painful ordeals. That doesn't mean that you are not allowed to feel your feelings.

I need a nap, seriously. I will come back and look at your chart and try to help more. PM me if you like!

[Deleted]

Thanks ladies. I know I'm being hard in myself and I should relax more. I've seen my friend go through hell and back while trying to get pregnant and I think it's why I worry so much.

Any chart stalks would be appreciated

It's just a crappy chart this cycle so it may be hard to interpret

[icequeen]

If the positive OPK was a true positive, I would feel comfortable saying that you ovulated on CD 21 or 22, making you 10 or 11 DPO. Did you not temp CD 18-20? It would be helpful if you started temping from the beginning of your cycle because there aren't many pre-ovulatory temps so it makes it a little hard to judge if the temp spike is actually a spike or your natural temp. The last couple temps have me worried, though. I would change the batteries in it, and get a backup thermometer.

[Deleted]

I'm not really a good source of information when it comes to TFAS, but i'm always here if you need to chat.

[Deleted]

Apr 3, 2015 18:49:20 GMT -5 icequeen said:

If the positive OPK was a true positive, I would feel comfortable saying that you ovulated on CD 21 or 22, making you 10 or 11 DPO. Did you not temp CD 18-20? It would be helpful if you started temping from the beginning of your cycle because there aren't many pre-ovulatory temps so it makes it a little hard to judge if the temp spike is actually a spike or your natural temp. The last couple temps have me worried, though. I would change the batteries in it, and get a backup thermometer.

I can feel that my temp has been high the last few days but I will get some batteries for the thermometer. I missed those days because of potty training unfortunately.

[icequeen]

Apr 4, 2015 6:26:14 GMT -5 @erin2021 said:

Apr 3, 2015 18:49:20 GMT -5 icequeen said:

If the positive OPK was a true positive, I would feel comfortable saying that you ovulated on CD 21 or 22, making you 10 or 11 DPO. Did you not temp CD 18-20? It would be helpful if you started temping from the beginning of your cycle because there aren't many pre-ovulatory temps so it makes it a little hard to judge if the temp spike is actually a spike or your natural temp. The last couple temps have me worried, though. I would change the batteries in it, and get a backup thermometer.

I can feel that my temp has been high the last few days but I will get some batteries for the thermometer. I missed those days because of potty training unfortunately.

No worries, you have your hands more than full. I would just double check with the batteries. Do you have a thermometer that goes to tenths or hundredths?

[juliayadda]

Hey girl hey

It's early days in your TTC journey. I would say you are at the reality check moment of the journey. When you go: "Wait I worried for the past ten year and tried everything to NOT get pregnant, and now I am trying and you (mother nature) are telling me it isn't as easy as my highschool health teacher warned me!"

Totally normal! When I got pregnant with my first it was an "accident" think the plot to the movie knocked up, and the second time with my first husband was also cycle one. No take home baby that time. So now, actively trying with my second H we are on cycle ten. Trust me around August/September 2014 I was feeling just like you are now. But since then many many many (the majority) of people that joined with me have been successful, and there is no reason to think you wont too.

tl;dr: You are having normal emotions, it's okay, we are here for you when you need help.

PS. I was going to give you my 2 cents on your chart but I agree with everything Icequeen said so I say ditto!

[Deleted]

Hey @erin2021 I hope you are having a better day today. I also agree with icequeen and juliayadda on all points.

[Deleted]

Sorry it has been a busy weekend, and I'm finally getting on the computer to actually respond properly.

juliayadda- I got pregnant accidentally with my twin boys. Well we weren't trying officially and were not preventing it. I always had crazy/irregular periods so I always had this feeling like having kids would be difficult... then BAM twins.

I think the main thing that is frustrating right now, is I have spotted the last 3 days, but a very little amount and it may last for about 30min and then it's gone. Normally every morning. I took a test yesterday and it was negative, and my temp has dropped, but I'm not sure it's enough to consider my period coming. If it drops any more tomorrow I'm guessing that means my period is coming. I have no cramps at all, so I'm incredibly confused.

I did spot with my twins, but I don't remember it being this often.. but that was 3 years ago so I could be wrong. I just want my period to come or a positive to pop up.

Anyways, thanks for listening everyone. I have been incredibly down the last few days. I like to understand things completely, and when I have no idea what is going on, I panic. Right now I'm a basket case because I cannot control what is going on, and I don't know what to do to make things better.

I really appreciate everyone helping and listening to me. I know it's a touchy subject for a lot of people, so I really truly appreciate the advice/help given.

[Deleted]

You've got lots of great advice so I just wanted to pop in and offer hugs. It took a full 12 mo to conceive DS - in fact our first infertility appt ended up being a hey I'm pregnant! appt. so I totally understand the roller coaste you're riding, and obsessing over every temp and spot and twinge. It is NO FUN! But just because some people have it worse doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid. Hang in there and let yourself feel what you feel.