Open Letter Wednesday (Yes, I'm starting early)

[k3am]

Dear Banana Republic,

I got my order today. I'm really sad to find out that you hired on the designers from Gymboree. I've never met a woman shaped like a box, but the extra wide/extra short cut of the sweater I received fits surprisingly like the ones that DD's picked up over the years, so apparently all those box shaped toddlers are now box shaped adults. Kudos to you to catering to a need I didn't know existed. I'm sure my coworkers will be happy about the midriff bearing. 

Also, would it be so difficult to keep your colors consistent? I would pay 3x the amount your asking for a pair of slacks (Martin cut, you know the size) that match the suit jacket I have and ruined the previous pants. Trying to cram my PP body into the size 0 I bought as a replacement just isn't happening anymore, and I *love* that jacket. How hard is it to decide "this is navy, will be navy, and all our navy clothes will be this color navy until the end of the time?!?!"

Signed,
At least I like the accessories???

[nolagirl]

Dear coworker/employee
What the actual fuck were you thinking?

Your embarrassed and slightly pissed off coworker/boss.

Dear facility workers,
Enough is enough. It happened, move on and stop talking about it.

Your slightly wishing she could crawl in a hole and hide coworker.

Dear ovulation pain,
You were never a topic of conversation before I was pregnant and had E. Now it's like you feel neglected so you're rearing your ugly head. I get it. You're loud and you're proud, now go away.

- your tired of hurting host.

[shakinros]

Dear sky,

NO EARLY SNOW TODAY, PLEASE. I do not want to leave work early today to pick up DD. Neither does H. Please let her stay all day.

Signed,
There's already not enough hours to get my work done.

[jlaok]

Dear workweek,

Today is only day two of my four day week. Why are you kicking my ass?

[bullybutt]

Dear Kitty Cats,
Stop insisting that you lay on baby girl when we are sleeping. I know she is cuddly and cute but please don't smother her and walk all over her when she is nursing.

This is why you get kicked out of the room.

P.S. Please stop MEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWing outside the door. I hear you, you're not getting in!

[dashofreality]

Dear Bump,

You suck. I'm here now.

GBCB,

Someone who needs some interaction while WFH all day

[arkansasmom22]

Dear DH-
I know that you don't feel good and all, but stop complaining 24/7! Your asthma issues have been around for a while and if you had gone to the doctors months ago like I told you to, it wouldn't have snowballed into a bigger issue. Also, your lack of help around the house is getting old. I come home from working and have to clean the kitchen, do dishes, make DS's dinner, nurse DD, and get ready for the next day (wash bottles, fill bottles, take care of cloth diapers, etc.) while you come home and complain I didn't put something away where you wanted it. I have been back at work for 2 months now and you have only ever washed bottles twice, please help me!
Love,
Your annoyed wife

Dear Hiring Manager,
You posted the job a month ago, and I submitted my resume because my boss and I agreed I would be the perfect candidate. Please call me for an interview, I don't know why you would post the position if you weren't ready to actually fill it. My boss has already told you I am awesome and I should get the job, so let's get a move on, I am tired of waiting.
An internal applicant who wants to move on up

Dear DS,
I am so proud of you for your practically seamless transition to the Primary classroom at school! You went from a small classroom and class (9 kids) and being the oldest to a brand new large classroom (22 kids) in a new building while also being the youngest (2.5-5 years is the range). Your new teachers are impressed by your ability to adapt and are proud of how well you are doing with your new work.
Love,
Your mom who can't help but be proud when your teacher tells me you are already moving on to advanced work!

[2chatter]

Dear DS
W T F. You are almost three and a champion sleeper. Let's not try to play tonight at 11, 12, 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 AM, OK?

Dear DD
I am so relieved you got into Honors math for junior high. I can't tell you this IRL but I was freaking out about what would happen to you if you didn't because you are so dead set on math being IT for you. I was super worried you would not just bounce back from it, and I had no idea if all three of your required test scores were anywhere near high enough. It's a good day!

Dear other DD
You get to go to a playdate today so I can have a couple of hours without whining. No really. What is up with you this week?

[librarychica]

Dear fellow WM refugees,

I go on maternity leave and y'all move boards! Sheesh.

- here now

Dear delusional self,

Buck up, buy some new slacks. Those ones aren't going to fit in 2 weeks. Maybe you should have exercised like after DD1 instead of engaging in post-feed, 3am truffles.

Love,
Realistic self

[allthedrinks]

Dear Boss,
I love you. You are awesome. But if you keep calling me to have idle chit chat I will not be able to produce the results you expect from me.
Your adoring but needing to be audit ready employee
PS next time you call can we please talk year end bonus? I just bought a purse that cost a bit more than a mortgage payment so... Yeah. Let's talk $$

Dear Daughter,
Mama is very very sorry that you had to go to school today even though you were up all last night coughing. Thanks for reminding me as you ran cheerfully over to your little friends that you love being there way more than you would love being home with me.
Exhausted, worried but no longer guilt ridden Mama

[kendraj426]

Dear coworkers,

I get that you enjoy playing video games, but I don't really want to hear about your raid for 45 minutes every morning, and then another 45 minutes every time one of you starts your shift. I hear enough from DH about his games. Find something new to talk about.

Sincerely,
The only one who doesn't play WoW in the room

[lynn0514]

Jan 21, 2015 10:14:45 GMT -5 arkansasmom22 said:

Dear DH-
I know that you don't feel good and all, but stop complaining 24/7! Your asthma issues have been around for a while and if you had gone to the doctors months ago like I told you to, it wouldn't have snowballed into a bigger issue. Also, your lack of help around the house is getting old. I come home from working and have to clean the kitchen, do dishes, make DS's dinner, nurse DD, and get ready for the next day (wash bottles, fill bottles, take care of cloth diapers, etc.) while you come home and complain I didn't put something away where you wanted it. I have been back at work for 2 months now and you have only ever washed bottles twice, please help me!
Love,
Your annoyed wife

While your DH totally needs to step up, can I also recommend buying enough bottles for two days?  Being able to just throw bottles and parts in the dishwasher, instead of having to wash them, saved our lives.  Excellent investment

[tas1883]

Hi Everyone
Change is hard...

Dear DC
Can you please stop making all these changes. Yes I understand that your 3 year old preschool room blew up on you (got huge) didn't you expect that when it happens each year as 5 of your students age up between December/January. I need DD to be stable right now as work is too crazy to keep up with weekly staff changes at DC too.
Annoyed Parent

[callmeKD]

Dear DD,

I was only slightly heartbroken when you bypassed me yesterday to run right to Grandma.

Love,

Mom

[callmeKD]

Dear Bank,

Could we please close on this loan? The stress of this is making me batty.

Thanks,

I Just Want to Start Construction on Our House

[toratoratori]

Dear woman who almost hit me with her giant university-issued SUV today:

Thanks for not actually hitting me, but maybe, the next time you go to change lanes at the absolute last possible second, you should check your blind spot first.

Love,
I don't want to have to explain another car accident to my husband

[mommyatty]

Dear Preschool:
Not only do I work, I travel for work. I'm gone all freaking week this week. You CANNOT change pizza day without telling us in advance since then no one knows to pack DD a lunch.
And since 3 other sets of parents out of the 7 in her room did the same thing I did, I'm thinking this wasn't our error. 
-A Working Mommy who is grateful her MIL saved the day

Dear MIL:
I'm sorry for every bad thing I've ever said about you. Thank you for ensuring DD got fed today. (But you still can't hold DS while he sleeps.)
Love you, Grateful DIL

edited to correct stupid autocorrect