Birth/Parenting Classes

[kevinandjesse]

Quick intro for those of you who don't know me yet: My name is Jesse and my DH is Kevin. We are due with our first child on July 19th (Team blue!!) through surrogacy. (So excited!)

As our EDD comes closer and closer, we keep getting asked "Are you attending birthing classes yet??" "Are you going to parenting classes yet??" - put that on repeat aprox 9872937497293 times.

I haven't been able to find any LGBT specific classes in our area and I just don't know how well we will be received as two dudes walking into a parenting class. I know these awkward situations area all an unfortunate part of the "LGBT experience", but I'm just not sure I want to walk into a class where people will be more concerned with our sexuality than the reason we are all there... to be rockstar parents!

So here are my questions:
- Have you and your SO ever attended a class? How did it go?
- If you have ever gone to a class, did you find it helpful?
- Advice?

Thanks,

Two shy Dads

[PiradicalMaid]

I would highhly recommend going to a class to get you prepared for what normal birth/postpartum will look like. That being said, I can see not wanting to be in a class thay is assuming your partner will be the one giving birth.

Are you folks working with a doula? I would look on your area to see if anyone does private classes. Sometimes those are pricier than a hospital class, but not alway, and they would be tailored to you. Your surrogate could be part of the classes (if geography allows) and that way you can all do some planning for the birth and postpartum together.

I am doula-biased, but the dads and I are planning to work with two- one for me and one for them- if and when we get pregnant again.

[karlamo]

My wife and I took a non medicated birthing class when she was pregnant with our son. We were the only gay couple but it didn't matter. Every couple was more concerned with how they were going to get that baby out than with who we were.
There was one awkward moment for me when they seperated us into the mom's and dad's group.
I went with the dad's group since the mom's group was discussing birthing fears etc. One thing I realized being in the dad's group was how we had our act together. Almost all of the dad's didn't have any money saved up for baby or even daycare lined up. I was having heart palpations just hearing them speak. It made me realize being gay and having to plan our TTC made it possible for us to really be ready for baby.

The class was helpful to us because she wanted that type of birth. I'm not sure what type of birth your surrogate wants.

As for a Parenting class, what are you look to get out of a class?
We never took one. We like to live on the edge We both have a billion nieces/nephews and knew the basics of how to hold a baby, diaper change, give a bath etc.

I'll be honest the first few months are all fly by the seat of your pants anyway.

[kh826]

My wife and I took a birthing class. It was a one-time all day Saturday class. Honestly, the best thing that we got out of the class was the hospital tour. To me, as the person who would be giving birth, it was really important for me to see all of the spaces where we would/could be and know where we would need to go, etc. so that I could visualize things in advance. We had read a lot and watching videos on our own in advance, so I felt fairly educated going into the class. I felt a lot like the instructor was teaching to the lowest denominator in the class, and so really there was only about 5-10% of knowledge that was new to us. We were the only same-sex folks in the class. The instructor was very welcoming and inclusive, and we did not feel uncomfortable at all. I didn't get a ton of value out of it, but I think that has more to do with my personality and the learning we had done on our own prior to the class.

I think for you both, it is going to depend on what your roles will be in the birth process and how much knowledge you have and that you want to have related to the birth. If you are going to be coaches, it might be important to you and your surrogate for you to attend a class together. If you feel like you don't have a lot of knowledge about the birth process and you want to attend an instructor-led class that will let you know what to expect, than a class also might be the way to go. Otherwise, it may not be the best use of your time/money. I think it is a very personal decision whether or not to attend a live class and it depends on the parents' personalities, learning styles, and previous knowledge.

We did not take a parenting class.
We too like to live on the edge, I guess HAHA
I think it depends on your comfort/anxiety level
I have had friends who have taken parenting classes who have found them to be really valuable, and I have had friends who have taken them and felt like they were a really big waste of time.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope that it is a good fit for you and that you enjoy the process. Good luck!

[2mrsks (mrs&mrsk)]

we took 6 weeks of hypnobabies. it was helpful to learn the overall process and calming techniques but was WAY more helpful for me (i had our son) than dw. i dont think we would have taken it if neither of us was physically having the baby.

parenting class may be the way to go. you could take a cpr class & some other classes at babies r us or maybe the hospital nearest you?

[mahler5]

We took an all day Saturday birthing class. Nobody seemed to care we were lesbians. There was a couple there with their surrogate ( or possibly the woman they were adopting from). I wasn't sure of the exact relationship. That also wasn't a big deal. Maybe you all could go with your surrogate if she's interested.

We didn't take any parenting classes. That might have been helpful. Idk. I just read a lot of books that didn't really help until we were in the thick of things and really had a reference point.

Good luck!

[Stringy]

Others have covered the birthing part. If you are going to be in the room for the birth- go for it. Of not- parenting may be more well suited. Our hospital had free hour or two long presentations on newborn care. There wasn't much we didn't know- but a few things that were good to hear about warmth and dressing, bathing, and things about the very new baby stage most first timers don't know (like meconium- nb poop)!

[Deleted]

I would think that you might enjoy some type of parenting class. Theres a hipster/organic baby clothing store around here that holds classes on various topics. I didnt go until after J was born, but I really enjoyed our Friday drop in parenting newborn hangout type class.

[calsurb]

We took a baby basics class for parenting and diapering. We were the only lesbian couple and no one batted an eye. As others said, the other 11 couples were more concerned about their issues than worrying about us. There was a set of grandparents in our classes who wanted to freshen up their skills. I thought it was great to have them in our class. The first minutes can seem awkward but the educator gets down to business after introductions and no one minds. Try a class out, if anything take an infant cpr class! You got this!

[megd893]

We actually start our classes on Thursday kevinandjesse. DOn't know if we'll be the only same-sex couple in the room - but assuming we will. We have 6 weeks of classes, 2 hours every Thusday night. They do everything from late pregnancy care, to birthing, to breastfeeding/bathing etc. So it's full specrum on our end. We have a lot of babies in our family, so we considered just taking an infant first aid/cpr course, but with this being our first (my first delivery) I want to be there annd hear what they have to say. This isn't a class that the hospital offers for free, so I'm hoping it's helpful and indepth. The more you know... right?

[kevinandjesse]

Thank you all so much for the wonderful advice! It really helps a lot!!! I think we will take the advice and attend a parenting class.

My hubby had a little pep talk with me that was really helpful. We didn't let other peoples negative viewpoints stop us living our lives, from being happy, or from starting this journey, so why should we allow them to control how we learn to be parents either - I hate it when he's right! lol

Thanks everyone!!!

[wittyandwaiting]

Apr 20, 2015 7:50:13 GMT -5 kevinandjesse said:

My hubby had a little pep talk with me that was really helpful. We didn't let other peoples negative viewpoints stop us living our lives, from being happy, or from starting this journey, so why should we allow them to control how we learn to be parenting either - I hate it when he's right! lol

I didn't offer any advice but I LOVE this!!

Thanks for the Monday inspiration!