When are you telling WORK

[apunicorn]

I know there was a thread recently about who we've told but I'm wondering specifically about when to tell work. I feel like crap, look like crap, and I think coworkers are beginning to notice. I also have the only other person in my department going on vacation next week and I sort of want to tell the boss people that I might suck at work because I'm pregnant and feeling bad. But on the flip side I'm afraid of miscarriage and wonder if it's best to wait till the first appointment (which will be at almost 9 weeks for me). 

So let me know - have you told work? If so how far along were you? If not when will you? Should I just tell the boss dude and not others? Is it better for people to think I'm hungover vs pregnant? 

[GoBigOrGoGnome]

I don't plan on telling work until the second trimester, but I'm a sales rep and I work remotely. I don't see coworkers in an office everday and I maybe talk to my boss once a month so it's a little bit easier to keep it a secret. Sorry I'm not much help!

[Unknown]

I have not told anybody at work yet. With LO#1 I ended up in a situation where I had to tell my boss only, and she was awesome about it and kept it quiet. It ended up being nice to have somebody know in case anything came up. I think I'll tell her again between 6-8w, but not anybody else in the office until after first tri.

I think you'd be surprised how unobservant people are. With LO#1 I was so sick and ate saltines and sipped ginger ale w/ sea bands on my wrists (plus a couple trips to the bathroom to purge my lunch) this lasted for 10w before I told and everybody was shocked to hear I was KU. I was like seriously?

[murrt]

I'm petrified of miscarriage and have heard from so many people that once you tell someone, you Have to untell if you have a miscarriage and its devastating. Because of this, and because my boss will definitely re-think my pending promotion, I'm waiting on telling him.

One person at work knows (she works for me) but no one else. I'm doing my best to wait until second tri to tell. My boss is kind of self-involved so I don't think he knows, but his loud-mouth assistant suspects I think. I may have to tell him sooner than I had planned. I'm 8weeks 3days now.

[RoLoMa]

My original plan was to tell my immediate supervisor only at 9 weeks when I am released to the regular OB. However, a lady I was with on my last work trip flat out asked me after I didn't drink a glass of wine I was handed. I started laughing and couldn't lie about it. My new plan is for her to keep her big mouth shut (good luck!), still tell my immediate supervisor at 9 weeks, and then slowly let it out at about 13-14 weeks to everyone else. I don't think I will make a big announcement via email or in a meeting, just kind of let the word spread.

My next concern would be the fact that I have a meeting in Napa next week. Everyone who knows me knows how much I love my wine. Guess I will have to hole up in my hotel room as to avoid any suspicion.

[geners]

I am going to wait until the NT scan, if I am not having super obvious symptoms by then (I sit in the office next to my boss and we talk daily), assuming I can get it scheduled pretty close to the 12 week mark. If I can't get in until later, or if I start having really obvious symptoms that I think she'll notice, I will tell her sooner. I'm a CPA and with my EDD, I'll miss most of tax season and I want to give them as much heads up as possible so we can figure out a plan.

[manderslvt]

Quite a bit of my job is unsafe for me to do while I'm pregnant, so I told my coworkers and boss right away, as I have done with each of my pregnancies. It did suck to have to "untell" people after my CPs, but for me, it wasn't worse than having to pretend everything was fine when it totally wasn't. Plus, we are a bunch of mostly women working very closely together in a small physical space, so It's really hard to keep pregnancy and MS a secret!

Long story short...I think when you tell depends on your situation and what you are comfortable with.

[apunicorn]

RoLoMa I've gotten out of recent work drinking events by saying I'm on antibiotics. No one argued with that!

[LanE]

I am waiting as long as possible, I just came back to work in September after a 18 month maternity leave with my first. (We get a max of 4 years for maternity leave). There is a job transfer I am applying for which would cut my commute to 30 minutes one way as opposed to my 1 hour and 30 minute commute. The job involves overseeing a few million dollar construction job and who wants a pregnant woman who I going to leave shortly after she gets the job. (PS I am only planning on being out with this kid until April 1)

[meredithcarole]

I told my boss specifically because I have been through a miscarriage. I wanted her to understand why I am a bit distracted and why I suddenly have all these doctor's appointments. I won't tell my team until maybe 10 weeks or so.

I will say this (regarding "untelling") - I do not want to make a general announcement (FB and the like) until 14 - 16 weeks, I don't want our siblings to know until 12 weeks, but when I did have the miscarriage I needed support and having that - even though for most it wasn't until the loss that they knew - was invaluable.

[anonymouseliza]

I told my new boss at 4w. It was unplanned, but I looked and felt like crap and I would have told her soon anyway. I told my old boss (who retains dotted line reporting) a few days later. I won't tell her replacement until it's necessary (old boss may tell her, which is fine).

While I don't like untelling, I look like shit and clearly haven't been feeling well. I'm brand new (I got the bfp three days after I officially started) and I don't want people thinking I'm surly or I don't even know what. I'm still half-time until my old dept replaces me (I've not told them at all and don't plan to). Boss has been very understanding and is keeping it quiet. It was helpful she knew when I had spotting last week and left early to go to the office for a blood draw. She's super kind and excited for me and very understanding. It's nice that I won't have to take leave for the 400 doctor/monitoring appointments; she's wiling to let me work extra hours. Yay!

I won't tell anyone else unless it becomes necessary (if I throw up in front of someone, say) until after the cerclage is placed. I want to know we're viable and I want to get Harmony/MaterniT21 results back first before I put it out there. Especially with new people. It's tedious to go through my entire obstetric history repeatedly.

[RoLoMa]

Apr 24, 2015 10:28:51 GMT -5 apunicorn said:

RoLoMa I've gotten out of recent work drinking events by saying I'm on antibiotics. No one argued with that!

Thank you for the advice!  That could definitely come in handy.

I do the admin/execution part of the meetings so the good news is that I don't technically have to be at any of the functions that include drinking.  Sometimes I go, sometimes I don't.  I think if I just say that I have plans with a friend in the area, no one will question.  I have already been invited to do a wine tour/tasting but said I had to work on some other work and wouldn't have time.  I will make my presence scarce outside of the main the meetings and keep my fingers crossed no one notices.

[apunicorn]

Apr 24, 2015 10:36:56 GMT -5 RoLoMa said:

Apr 24, 2015 10:28:51 GMT -5 apunicorn said:

RoLoMa I've gotten out of recent work drinking events by saying I'm on antibiotics. No one argued with that!

Thank you for the advice!  That could definitely come in handy.

I do the admin/execution part of the meetings so the good news is that I don't technically have to be at any of the functions that include drinking.  Sometimes I go, sometimes I don't.  I think if I just say that I have plans with a friend in the area, no one will question.  I have already been invited to do a wine tour/tasting but said I had to work on some other work and wouldn't have time.  I will make my presence scarce outside of the main the meetings and keep my fingers crossed no one notices.

I just don't want you to hole up inside a hotel room in Napa. Napa is amazing and you should enjoy it!

[RoLoMa]

Apr 24, 2015 10:39:06 GMT -5 apunicorn said:

Apr 24, 2015 10:36:56 GMT -5 RoLoMa said:

Thank you for the advice!  That could definitely come in handy.

I do the admin/execution part of the meetings so the good news is that I don't technically have to be at any of the functions that include drinking.  Sometimes I go, sometimes I don't.  I think if I just say that I have plans with a friend in the area, no one will question.  I have already been invited to do a wine tour/tasting but said I had to work on some other work and wouldn't have time.  I will make my presence scarce outside of the main the meetings and keep my fingers crossed no one notices.

I just don't want you to hole up inside a hotel room in Napa. Napa is amazing and you should enjoy it!

Sadly, I am only there 2.5 days with a few hours in the evenings without scheduled meetings.  I already made MH promise we would go back after the baby comes.  I knew about the meeting long before our BFP and we had planned to extend my work trip into a little long-weekend vacation.  Plans changed obviously once we found out I wouldn't be drinking.  I will get back to enjoy it, for sure!

[towerclimberswife]

Ughhh. I dread this issue. I work for myself, so I don't have to worry about telling my employer/colleagues... but I do have to tell my clients. I am a therapist, and we don't generally talk much about ourselves. Furthermore, clients can feel abandoned and worried about their level of care from a person who is going to be leaving them. Luckily I don't have very many high maintenance clients, but I still dread having to talk about it. I probably won't spill the beans until I am having trouble hiding the bump. Not sure when that will be, but hopefully into the second tri.

[Deleted]

I started a new job 4 days after I found out. I hoped to make it to my 2nd tri without having to tell anyone but I think I'm going to tell my new bosses next week.

[mrsgbmack]

I won't tell until closer to 12 weeks. I'm a little afraid of telling my boss because him and his wife have been trying for ages and they're doing all the testing and stuff. I know it's not my fault but I feel bad.

[PinkShoesGal]

I've been here nearly six years and am pretty close with my boss. He knew everything that happened with our loss in December and was extremely supportive.

However, I have not told him about this pregnancy yet. I also feel like everyone suspects because I look like a tired, hot mess. I will wait until we have the results of genetic testing via MaterniT21 or a similar test before telling my boss and a successful NT scan before telling my staff.

[lovegrilledcheese]

I am a contractor and work at a clinic and school. I told one of the owners on Mon because of all of my cancellations and now that I'm on bed rest. I had to tell the principal of the school I work yesterday because I was missing more work and a really important meeting since I'm on bed rest for the next few days.
Edit: I can't type

[byjove]

I told my boss right after I found out and few close coworkers, knowing I'd probably be sick again. Now that I've been told to work from home the news is making the rounds.

[Shellsncheese]

I'm a teacher and will be 1 day shy of 12 weeks on the last day of school. My department chair already knows (she's pregnant too) and I will tell my principal on the last day so they can look for a long term sub over the summer.

[negritosmami]

I told all three of my supervisors right away because I may need to randomly take off for drs appts and cause I feel crappy and want them to know why my performance may be off. They were super supportive during my loss so I was comfy telling them. We are all women in our office. Im tryin to wait to hear the heart beat before I tell the rest of the office but I got sick at my desk so I think they may suspect. Theyve been on baby watch since my loss tho so there's that. I much prefer people know than to have to pretend. Especially if anything goes wrong. I have no game face

[13liza]

I've already told my boss and just told two other members of our senior team. I'm planning to tell the rest of the staff on Tuesday- I'll be 8w. I have a co-worker who is having TTTC and she has been very vocal about her situation. I'll tell her in private before making the announcement. We're a small office and I want people to celebrate with me, but I'd also want their support of something happened.

[cnf2013]

My administrators know. I has to tell them to get today off for our appointment since it's still state testing. One other teacher knows but I'll tell the rest of the specials teachers Monday. We've been relatively open about since the get go.

[physiomeg]

My manager and supervisor know because I wanted them to know I would need time off for appointments and such. Also, my maternity leave will for sure mess with their Christmas schedule and possibly thanksgiving, so I want them to be prepared if they want to put in for a new position or anything. Also if something were to happen, I would want their support and I wouldn't feel so bad about getting time off to take care of everything and myself.

I won't tell my coworkers until second tri, but I have a rule that if people flat out ask, I won't lie. Two of my close friend/coworkers know currently.

[hollandmama]

I had to tell 2 coworkers this week (6w) because MS hit and we'll be traveling together for the next 2 weeks so... They told me they knew the moment I didn't drink my favorite wine at dinner.

My boss I'll tell only in second tri as I don't see him often and my MS is on the evenings so I can work as normal.

[threetaboos]

I part time nanny for a family in their home. I told them this week because I'll need some time off the next couple weeks for appointments. And I felt bad declining summer hours without giving them a reason.

[NatalieDavid]

I think I will tell me boss and the girl I share an office with next week. I was so nauseous at my desk I'm not going to be able to hide it for long. I'm nervous about having the discussion with my boss bc they know my plan is to just work part time after my maternity leave and I just want all the details to work out smoothly.

[kfran84]

I decided to tell my direct supervisor earlier this week because I wanted her to know that there's a reason I look sick and am either falling asleep at my desk or eating some kind of snack every 15 minutes.

I said, I'm sorry if I seem flaky or out of it the next few weeks. Just know that I am on anti-nausea medication that makes me very sleepy, but I'd rather be sleepy than throwing up.

She's very happy for me, even though I'm new on the job. I started my job on Monday the 23rd and found out I was pregnant Sat the 28th.

ETA: I won't be telling the rest of the group until my 2nd appt probably around 12 or 13 weeks, but I have a total potbelly right now and can't imagine what I'll look like in 4-5 weeks. It may be very, very obvious sooner than I want, but it's okay with me. If I'm asked I won't deny it... my cleaning lady asked if I was pregnant when she saw me Weds! Second baby and all that.

[evenkeeled]

I have told a few people, my boss as well but won't announce it to my close group until my ultrasound next week. Since I went through IVF a number of people were aware so hard to hide it. I won't make an official announcement for awhile.

When I have told people my response is pretty conservative. I have been told to lighten up and be happy. I will be lighthearted when we get through the first trimester. IVF can cause you to be a little more conservative in your emotional response.