Moms with traveling DH's

[Lola]

I'm so sorry mama. I can imagine it's stressful. Do you have a "kid safe" area? We have a play yard and DS will play alone for about an hour at a time. Maybe Maddie could get used to a space for her to play and you could get some space?

[Leapinglizards]

Next time DH is gone I told him one day I am going to get a sitter. I may not leave the house but I will have some me time. Worth every penny

Do you have anyone ?

[soon2bmrsn]

Hugs. My DH doesn't travel much but he does work long hours. I hope things seem easier soon.

[jnnfrrose6]

Can you find any Mothers Morning Out type of places? Something that takes the kids for 2-4 hours to give mommy a few hours of peace? My husband travels, but I also work full time, so I at least work where I can pee in peace. I've always said if I was a SAHM, I'd still be finding something to send the kids to for a few hours, even if it's once a week, so errands or just a nap in peace could happen.

[Lola]

I think working PT would help, even if you're only breaking even with daycare costs. Good for your future career, good for your autonomy and good for Maddie to socialize.

[jnnfrrose6]

May 3, 2015 16:08:13 GMT -5 @iheartmyshiba said:

May 3, 2015 15:58:30 GMT -5 jnnfrrose6 said:

Can you find any Mothers Morning Out type of places? Something that takes the kids for 2-4 hours to give mommy a few hours of peace? My husband travels, but I also work full time, so I at least work where I can pee in peace. I've always said if I was a SAHM, I'd still be finding something to send the kids to for a few hours, even if it's once a week, so errands or just a nap in peace could happen.

Is that like a drop in service or like a church group type thing?

Eta: he also asked if I thought going back to work PT would help but with all his travel I think it would make it worse. Or not? Idk.

Usually they're done through churches, but you may find some elsewhere. PT work could be an option too, but you'd have to weigh the DC costs with it. My income does not cover both kids in DC (it's close, but still short). The hubs and I agree it's worth it for me to work despite that for my sanity (and since we are a 2 income household that's not really how the math should work out anyways).

[gingergrant]

My DH travels for a week or two at a time once a month or so and I'm currently SAHM. Usually he'll give me a morning off when he gets back, but that's it. He helps the rest of the time when he's home, but that's it for exclusive "me time". I suck it up. I know it's hard, it's hard for me too, but they won't be this small, this needy or this clingy forever. And I find for myself that just changing my expectations helps me immensely.

[mamanorris]

It's not silly to get a sitter! It's hard, my DH works a lot of crazy hours and so does my gf's Dh. We will trade off taking kids to give each other breaks. If you have any friends with kids you could trade off. Also just getting Mbug around other kids to keep her occupied so you can have some adult conversation could help.

[Leapinglizards]

May 3, 2015 16:06:55 GMT -5 @iheartmyshiba said:

Lola not a play area. Maybe once we get to Boston and I can see how much or little space we have in the living room.

Leapinglizards I could ask DH aunt and uncle but with us leaving in two weeks and their DIL just having a baby if fell like it's not really an option. I may look into the cost of a sitter. With moving back and our cost of living going up, I need to see if that's financially a long term solution for us.

Post an add on the BU job site I'm sure they have one. college kids are cheap and you may be able to get a early childhood education major.
I know cost of living is high but for your sanity and peace of mind it's worth cutting back in some areas.

[Leapinglizards]

May 3, 2015 16:08:13 GMT -5 @iheartmyshiba said:

May 3, 2015 15:58:30 GMT -5 jnnfrrose6 said:

Can you find any Mothers Morning Out type of places? Something that takes the kids for 2-4 hours to give mommy a few hours of peace? My husband travels, but I also work full time, so I at least work where I can pee in peace. I've always said if I was a SAHM, I'd still be finding something to send the kids to for a few hours, even if it's once a week, so errands or just a nap in peace could happen.

Is that like a drop in service or like a church group type thing?

Eta: he also asked if I thought going back to work PT would help but with all his travel I think it would make it worse. Or not? Idk.

I thought about going back to work PT because my husband traveled. This is why I chose against it
1) imagine getting home from working and commuting, taking the dogs for a walk, feeding M, bath, bedtime all on your own.
2) finding a sitter for odd hours that is also reliable is difficult
3) when your husband is home you miss out on family time

The last two were my primary reasons. Could you do freelance work from home?

It was exhausting before I had the baby to be by myself. I can't imagine with two dogs and a baby.

[Leapinglizards]

May 3, 2015 17:19:43 GMT -5 @iheartmyshiba said:

Maybe the key is to leave the house. With him only being home for less then 48 hours, I wanted to see my husband too so while he was the primary parent, I was still around.

I might look for a 2 day a week Pt when I get back to Boston. My issue is I don't know if what I'm looking for even exists . I may see if I can do something HR related since I just finished my MBA but who knows.

When he is gone I try and leave the house every day. I also plan something to do with that special and I wouldn't normally treat myself to that way I have something to look forward to

[jnnfrrose6]

May 3, 2015 18:14:28 GMT -5 Leapinglizards said:

May 3, 2015 16:08:13 GMT -5 @iheartmyshiba said:

Is that like a drop in service or like a church group type thing?

Eta: he also asked if I thought going back to work PT would help but with all his travel I think it would make it worse. Or not? Idk.

I thought about going back to work PT because my husband traveled. This is why I chose against it
1) imagine getting home from working and commuting, taking the dogs for a walk, feeding M, bath, bedtime all on your own.
2) finding a sitter for odd hours that is also reliable is difficult
3) when your husband is home you miss out on family time

The last two were my primary reasons. Could you do freelance work from home?

It was exhausting before I had the baby to be by myself. I can't imagine with two dogs and a baby.

I do 1 every time the hubs travels. He's the airport now and won't be back until later Tuesday. It's doable, and presumable PT work has flexibility in hours (either partial days or just a couple days a week, so you wouldn't be dealing with that stuff regularly). It's just important to have a plan (get home, walk the dogs, make dinner at least for LO (you can always eat after she's down), bath is negotiable if it's a part time situation, and then bed).

2 shouldn't be an issue if your PT hours are consistent (always working T/Th, or working 8-1 M-F, or whatever that shakes out to). Many daycares also have PT care.

3 is just dependent on what kind of work you/he does. If he goes into an office when he's home from travel, it doesn't make that much of a difference. If he works from home, then you may see him a bit less, but if he's working, you probably don't see him all day anyways. 

I don't think a work from home situation really solves your problem since you're still stuck at home. Seems to me you either need to find something outside of the home for a few hours, or just a place you can drop LO off or have a sitter come in for a few hours free. 

[honeybee434]

My DH doesn't travel, but we do have fairly opposite schedules so I end up solo parenting a lot. When we are together, I want to spend time with him so I rarely ever get any time to myself or even time to just do things that I would like to at home, like read a book or do some extra cooking. DH gets more time for himself since he can take her to daycare on his weekdays he has off.

I work full time and I feel a lot of the way Leapinglizards mentioned above in her #1. It's exhausting being gone 10 hours a day and then dealing with everything at home by myself in the evenings, and on weekends having her 24/7 with no DH for relief. I think it's different for each person, but for me it's really hard to balance work, time for DD, time for family time and time for DH and I. I definitely feel more exhausted and stressed than I felt on my maternity leave, even though I do enjoy having adult conversations without DD around during my day.



I'm not sure what Boston has available for you, but here the church's here (low cost of living) do MDO for $100-$300 a month depending on how many days you want to send your kiddo. It's usually from like 9-2 or 3. SIL is a SAHM and sent her kids there for awhile so she could have a break.

[soon2bmrsn]

Have you tried looking on FB for Boston moms' groups? I joined a local baby wearing one and a local breastfeeding support one. They have meet-ups all the time, which I haven't tried yet, but it's nice to know that option is available. Ladies in those groups may also be able to suggest PT work options and/or reliable sitters.

(Don't leave us, though.)

[lea]

Getting out of the house helps. Change of scenery for the kids helps both of us stay sane. It does help that I'm a homebody. If I was an extrovert, I'm sure being a SAHM with a DH that travels for weeks/months at a time would probably not be ideal for me.

Do you do any activities? Kindermusik, Gymboree, swim lessons?

I think start small with your DH. Ask him when he gets home if you can have just even 2-3 hours to go out and do something, or for him to take LO out so you can have some peace in the house. A lot of times when I go out to do something, I go right after I put the baby down for a nap. That way DH still gets a little down time and I get my time out. I just don't rush home to make sure I'm there when the baby wakes up. We also try to go out and do something as a family.

It will get easier. Never easy, but eventually your lemur baby will become a more engaging toddler that is easier to entertain. You'll still be exhausted and want much-deserved time off from hands-on parenting because there's a whole new slew of annoyances that come with toddlers/preschoolers, but it's different. There are more activity options to keep them busy. You still won't pee in peace, but it'll balance out a little.

[soon2bmrsn]

Also, I joined a MOPS (moms of preschoolers) group this year after I was invited to do so by my neighbor. I'm not particularly religious but I've enjoyed it. They're 1-2x a month on Wednesday mornings. Ours has fellowship time (you sit at the same table all year so it's not like you have to mingle with all 70ish ladies there). And they provide the childcare while you're there.

[soon2bmrsn]

And yes to what Lea said about babies growing up. Months 8-12ish are hard with babies in general, IME. She'll become better at entertaining herself soon! I had to beg my big boys to play with me today. Hehe.

[Liv]

More thumbs up for a PT job-- it sure has been nice for me to do work from home. Helps the hours pass and gives me another social circle of work buds. And also-- do whatever it takes to keep yourself cared for. Maybe you get a sitter once a week so you can take an art or fitness class or just go for coffee or whatever would nourish you as a person. Or maybe you could find a friend eventually and swap childcare for each other for a couple hours a week, just so you could run to Target solo every once in a while! I'm personally going to try to join a Bible study, and come up with a weekly schedule, like every Monday we walk to the park. Every Tuesday we go to our local library for story time. Wednesday's we bake something, etc. just to create some inner order in my life. I'm so sorry things have been tough. I've been in that pit of loneliness quite a few times in the past couple years, and it's hard and scary. Hugs to you, lady.