Stop feeling sorry for me

[vancitygirl]

Is anyone else tired of people telling them how sorry they feel or that they wish they could do something? Maybe I'm just at the "anger" stage of mourning, but today I snapped at my mom who called me crying again. I told her I'm tired of people calling me to cry or tell me how bad they feel and I feel as though they want to feel better about themselves by telling me how bad they feel for me...god I'm so bitter.
Sorry, I had to vent. My DH doesn't seem to get that I'm angry about this and angry that this happened and angry that people around me spread news of my pregnancy like wildfire and now I'm the one dealing with everyone's "sympathy". People I didn't even know who knew about the pregnancy, and even worse people who don't know I miscarried asking me how baby is doing and me making an awkward response...even today at the hospital with the lady giving me the Rhogen shot asking how many weeks I am and me responding with "umm I miscarried so zero weeks I guess". Heart crushed.
I just want to go back to normal. This sucks hard.

[vlinder]

(((Hugs))) it does suck. So much.

[PiradicalMaid]

This is so hard

Anger is a totally normal part of it, even though it sucks. Sometimes I'm angry at everything and everyone. I'm sorry people in your life are making your loss harder. It seems very few people know how to make it easier.

I hated feeling like I had to manage other people's emotions. I mean, on some level I appreciate that they were sad for me, but sometimes I felt like I was supposed to make them feel better...

The whole thing sucks and I am so so sorry you are going through it.

[hollyberry]

May 7, 2015 22:14:56 GMT -5 PiradicalMaid said:

This is so hard

anger is a totally normal part of it,didn't though it sucks. Sometimes I'm angry at everything and everyone. I'm sorry people in your life are making your loss harder. It seems very few people know how to make it easier.

I hated feeling like I had to manage other people's emotions. I mean, on some level I appreciate that they were sad for me, but sometimes I felt like I was supposed to make them feel better.
The whole thing sucks and I am so so sorry you are going through it.

This, I feel exactly the same, I hate making people sad, so dealing with the losses was tricky because I didn't want to deal with others sadness. Not of when they were sad but that others felt sad for me. i am a ultimate people pleaser, and so its hard to be the reason people are sad, let alone dealing with the fact that i am also sad for me. so hard! 

Anyway,vancitygirl, I am sorry you are dealing with this too, and anger Is totally normal to feel. Every feeling is normal, its a crazy mind fuck! 

hugs!

[sarahufl]

I took the chicken way out. I made my H tell my parents and we never told his. I was only 6 weeks, though- but I had an Ectopic so it was fairly traumatic. I just didn't want people to know because I didn't want to spend months basically comforting someone else.

My sister had 2 losses a few years ago, and the rule in my family is no babying or offering advice. The one time my mom tried to talk to me about it, I hung up.

Probably not the most mature thing to do, but IDGAF.

[nikolie93]

It does suck, so very much, and I am sorry you're having to deal with it. *hugs*

I do think that deep down people are trying to help. Unfortunately they have no idea what to say and and when they do have something to say, they have no idea if it's inappropriate or not. People need to be educated and understand what IS appropriate.

That is why I am to the point now where I just shut it down if I see that "look" on their face. I am honest and tell them they don't need to feel sorry for me. I try to educate them so they don't hurt someone else down the road. Some don't like it and get defensive but screw em!

I am much further out than you for my losses though so what you're feeling now is where I was long ago.

*hugs* to all of you!

[hydrangea1019]

It's really hard and it sucks others have put you in that situation by opening their mouths to people you didn't tell.

My mom is similar in the fact that she is always asking me if I am ok. I finally had to tell her she needed to stop asking because then it just brings it all back up. Unless I bring it up, no one really talks about it, which makes me feel a bit better. Although I do get the "when are you going to get pregnant?" or the "I can't wait for you to be pregnant" from a lot of women at work. I just end up saying "hopefully one of these days". It's just awkward, especially because the main one who keeps asking me is my boss's daughter... and my boss knows what we went through.

I hope you know we are here for you! Sending you lots of ((hugs))

[sarahufl]

May 8, 2015 16:35:07 GMT -5 hydrangea1019 said:

It's really hard and it sucks others have put you in that situation by opening their mouths to people you didn't tell.

My mom is similar in the fact that she is always asking me if I am ok. I finally had to tell her she needed to stop asking because then it just brings it all back up. Unless I bring it up, no one really talks about it, which makes me feel a bit better. Although I do get the "when are you going to get pregnant?" or the "I can't wait for you to be pregnant" from a lot of women at work. I just end up saying "hopefully one of these days". It's just awkward, especially because the main one who keeps asking me is my boss's daughter... and my boss knows what we went through.

I hope you know we are here for you! Sending you lots of ((hugs))

See, you are nicer than me. I say "It is none of your business and you should never ask someone that"

I like to make people feel a bit uncomfortable for being tacky

[PiradicalMaid]

May 8, 2015 16:43:34 GMT -5 sarahufl said:

May 8, 2015 16:35:07 GMT -5 hydrangea1019 said:

It's really hard and it sucks others have put you in that situation by opening their mouths to people you didn't tell.

My mom is similar in the fact that she is always asking me if I am ok. I finally had to tell her she needed to stop asking because then it just brings it all back up. Unless I bring it up, no one really talks about it, which makes me feel a bit better. Although I do get the "when are you going to get pregnant?" or the "I can't wait for you to be pregnant" from a lot of women at work. I just end up saying "hopefully one of these days". It's just awkward, especially because the main one who keeps asking me is my boss's daughter... and my boss knows what we went through.

I hope you know we are here for you! Sending you lots of ((hugs))

See, you are nicer than me. I say "It is none of your business and you should never ask someone that"

I like to make people feel a bit uncomfortable for being tacky

Nice! They deserve it.

[hydrangea1019]

May 8, 2015 16:43:34 GMT -5 sarahufl said:

May 8, 2015 16:35:07 GMT -5 hydrangea1019 said:

It's really hard and it sucks others have put you in that situation by opening their mouths to people you didn't tell.

My mom is similar in the fact that she is always asking me if I am ok. I finally had to tell her she needed to stop asking because then it just brings it all back up. Unless I bring it up, no one really talks about it, which makes me feel a bit better. Although I do get the "when are you going to get pregnant?" or the "I can't wait for you to be pregnant" from a lot of women at work. I just end up saying "hopefully one of these days". It's just awkward, especially because the main one who keeps asking me is my boss's daughter... and my boss knows what we went through.

I hope you know we are here for you! Sending you lots of ((hugs))

See, you are nicer than me. I say "It is none of your business and you should never ask someone that"

I like to make people feel a bit uncomfortable for being tacky

It's a sticky situation, because the main culprit and my boss's daughter.  So I have to tread lightly in how I respond.  I tend to take it more easily with people I have a relationship with, but I met a girl ONCE and in that ONE conversation that question came out of her mouth.  I was quick to shut that down.

[muscari]

May 8, 2015 16:43:34 GMT -5 sarahufl said:

May 8, 2015 16:35:07 GMT -5 hydrangea1019 said:

It's really hard and it sucks others have put you in that situation by opening their mouths to people you didn't tell.

My mom is similar in the fact that she is always asking me if I am ok. I finally had to tell her she needed to stop asking because then it just brings it all back up. Unless I bring it up, no one really talks about it, which makes me feel a bit better. Although I do get the "when are you going to get pregnant?" or the "I can't wait for you to be pregnant" from a lot of women at work. I just end up saying "hopefully one of these days". It's just awkward, especially because the main one who keeps asking me is my boss's daughter... and my boss knows what we went through.

I hope you know we are here for you! Sending you lots of ((hugs))

See, you are nicer than me. I say "It is none of your business and you should never ask someone that"

I like to make people feel a bit uncomfortable for being tacky

Reading these kind of threads sort of feel like education to me.. I too am a people pleaser and find it so hard to give non-answers or pretend a question doesn't upset me, but also don't want to share everything with everybody etc. I've had to fend off the "when are you going to get pregnant" or "still not pregnant yet" questions for several years and every time they made ME feel uncomfortable and bad for having to answer one way or the other. I would keep the nice face up but be so upset and angry at times even inside. I'm going to make a big mental note of the "It is none of your bizz and you should never ask someone that" for future reference!! I probably will feel bad afterwards for making the questioner feel bad but I think I just gotte grow a thicker skin and not give a f....!


Back to the OP: I haven't head to deal with this too much as those past weeks I've largely kept to myself and haven't socialized a whole lot. But I did find it really hard to see other people upset/crying over our loss - I hated being the source of their sadness and on top of feeling sad for/about my own situation it was just too much (so I did the unsocialize/hermit thing instead I guess).

((big hugs)) Gosh that situation at the hospital must have been heartbreaking, so sorry you had to deal with that