pnwlover12, I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. Is there a chance that he's still recovering and that he'll be closer to normal as the time passes? I know when my uncle had his stroke, it took at least a year for him to be normal again. Everyone and every situation is different though.
Maybe he's just frustrated that he's in this situation and it's a part of his grieving process to be angry. Are you able to talk to him about your feelings on the matter? Maybe if he knew how upset you were, he'd act differently towards you?
He refuses to do any speech, physical or occupational therapy, so chances are very low that he will recover more than he already has. The doctors were clear about that.
I've been having a really hard time since my dad's stroke. He is such a different man, now. His language skills are now pretty terrible, he can barely walk without using a walker, but the hardest thing is that he doesn't seem to care about us (family) anymore. My dad and I have always had an amazing relationship. He even bought a house just 10 blocks away from us so he could be closer to us and his grandkids. Since his stroke, he has made zero effort to talk to me or see us. When I call or text, I get one word, basic answers. I also think he resents me for calling 911, because I honestly think he wishes he would have rather died from his stroke, than be trapped inside a body that doesn't work, unable to communicate as well as he understands things in his own head. My brother told me that about a week ago, my dad called him and asked him to come over to help him because he had fallen and was having a hard time getting back up. My brother was working two hours away so he wasn't able to and told him to call me. When my brother called back a half an hour later to check on him, my dad said he never called me because he knew that I would "just call 911". What the fuck, dad?
I forgot to add the confession part.
Anyway, I'm struggling because I don't want my dad to pass away and me regret not spending every single minute I could with him when I had the chance. But he is making it so hard to be around him, that I've sort of given up. I still call and text, but it's like he's just gone. An empty shell of who he used to be. It breaks my heart even being in the same room as him.
fuck me you made me all teary eyed. I'm sorry friend. This has to be really hard. And what the fuck if he's blaming you then that is OUTRAGEOUS! You love him and you did the right thing. Have you confronted him at all? or do you think it would even matter?? Keep pushing on him. You shouldn't be made to feel guilty for caring.
I tried confronting him about a week after he got home from he hospital and the best way I can explain it is like he is a first time ESL student. Like, he knows what words mean, he can read, but when he talks, it's just odd. Very formal and abrupt sentences. I don't know how much he hears is absorbed. He seems void of all emotion.
pnwlover12, I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. Is there a chance that he's still recovering and that he'll be closer to normal as the time passes? I know when my uncle had his stroke, it took at least a year for him to be normal again. Everyone and every situation is different though.
Maybe he's just frustrated that he's in this situation and it's a part of his grieving process to be angry. Are you able to talk to him about your feelings on the matter? Maybe if he knew how upset you were, he'd act differently towards you?
He refuses to do any speech, physical or occupational therapy, so chances are very low that he will recover more than he already has. The doctors were clear about that.
That's tough. I'm sorry. I would still try and talk to him to tell him that you feel like you're being pushed away. If you do everything in your power to make the situation better, and he's still not accepting of it, then you know you've tried everything you can, you know?
I've been having a really hard time since my dad's stroke. He is such a different man, now. His language skills are now pretty terrible, he can barely walk without using a walker, but the hardest thing is that he doesn't seem to care about us (family) anymore. My dad and I have always had an amazing relationship. He even bought a house just 10 blocks away from us so he could be closer to us and his grandkids. Since his stroke, he has made zero effort to talk to me or see us. When I call or text, I get one word, basic answers. I also think he resents me for calling 911, because I honestly think he wishes he would have rather died from his stroke, than be trapped inside a body that doesn't work, unable to communicate as well as he understands things in his own head. My brother told me that about a week ago, my dad called him and asked him to come over to help him because he had fallen and was having a hard time getting back up. My brother was working two hours away so he wasn't able to and told him to call me. When my brother called back a half an hour later to check on him, my dad said he never called me because he knew that I would "just call 911". What the fuck, dad?
I forgot to add the confession part.
Anyway, I'm struggling because I don't want my dad to pass away and me regret not spending every single minute I could with him when I had the chance. But he is making it so hard to be around him, that I've sort of given up. I still call and text, but it's like he's just gone. An empty shell of who he used to be. It breaks my heart even being in the same room as him.
Give him more time! After my dad's stroke he was a shell of his former self for months. He did come back with just a few minor changes to who he originally was.
This transitional period is so difficult, but you will get through it!
If it weren't for ss I never would have had kids. I wanted him to have siblings, and he showed me that all kids aren't brats. I'm so freakin grateful to him for that, because I'm obsessed with dd, and if it weren't for ss, she probably wouldn't be here.
I just want to say that every time you talk about your relationship with your SS it makes me so happy. It seems like you two have a really special bond. I can't imagine how hard it is to navigate a blended family but you just seem to do it so naturally.
Anyway, there's my rainbows up your butt for the day.
pnwlover12 I'm sorry. I can't imagine how hard that is. I wish I had better words, but I hope you know that you did everything right. I hope there is improvement with your relationship.
If it weren't for ss I never would have had kids. I wanted him to have siblings, and he showed me that all kids aren't brats. I'm so freakin grateful to him for that, because I'm obsessed with dd, and if it weren't for ss, she probably wouldn't be here.
I just want to say that every time you talk about your relationship with your SS it makes me so happy. It seems like you two have a really special bond. I can't imagine how hard it is to navigate a blended family but you just seem to do it so naturally.
Anyway, there's my rainbows up your butt for the day.
I am very lucky that he's a unicorn. He's never thrown a hissy fit. And my h is a dad unicorn. Their bond is unreal. And thank you it's hard, but worth it.
fuck me you made me all teary eyed. I'm sorry friend. This has to be really hard. And what the fuck if he's blaming you then that is OUTRAGEOUS! You love him and you did the right thing. Have you confronted him at all? or do you think it would even matter?? Keep pushing on him. You shouldn't be made to feel guilty for caring.
I tried confronting him about a week after he got home from he hospital and the best way I can explain it is like he is a first time ESL student. Like, he knows what words mean, he can read, but when he talks, it's just odd. Very formal and abrupt sentences. I don't know how much he hears is absorbed. He seems void of all emotion.
This is not the same but I will give you what I have. My brother had horrible depression, tried to kill himself, didn't succeed but just wanted to die for a really long time. It was really really hard. All we could do was push him and just be there. I think that's what really helped him figure it out. Just keep pushing him and being there.
Saturday I was pissed at my H because he turned our date night into watching the fights with his shitty, racist high school buddies. The first real date night we've had since before I was even pregnant.
Anyway, I was so pissed and being immature, I made him go out to a bar afterwards and I got DRUNK. Like I had probably 4 shots and 3 drinks in 3 hours.
My FFFC- Then we went back to his buddy's house to drink more (so stupid) and we had sex in the house that was being built next door. Klassy.
There is a tad more to the story but it is gross and TMI so I will leave it at that. Unless someone comes in here with some gross shit, then I might confess.
Saturday I was pissed at my H because he turned our date night into watching the fights with his shitty, racist high school buddies. The first real date night we've had since before I was even pregnant.
Anyway, I was so pissed and being immature, I made him go out to a bar afterwards and I got DRUNK. Like I had probably 4 shots and 3 drinks in 3 hours.
My FFFC- Then we went back to his buddy's house to drink more (so stupid) and we had sex in the house that was being built next door. Klassy.
There is a tad more to the story but it is gross and TMI so I will leave it at that. Unless someone comes in here with some gross shit, then I might confess.
Saturday I was pissed at my H because he turned our date night into watching the fights with his shitty, racist high school buddies. The first real date night we've had since before I was even pregnant.
Anyway, I was so pissed and being immature, I made him go out to a bar afterwards and I got DRUNK. Like I had probably 4 shots and 3 drinks in 3 hours.
My FFFC- Then we went back to his buddy's house to drink more (so stupid) and we had sex in the house that was being built next door. Klassy.
There is a tad more to the story but it is gross and TMI so I will leave it at that. Unless someone comes in here with some gross shit, then I might confess.
I NEED to know the tmi part. Did you take a shit on the floor or something?
FFFC: When people say they had sex, but didn't use BC, and "fingers are crossed!" I am like "how on earth?" I mean. SERIOUSLY. I'm one of the crazies that wants pregnant again soon, and just NO.
I don't think I really enjoyed DS1 until he was one - and that is with a super supportive husband. It does get better though and he is so much fun now. And now that I am used to kids, I enjoy my second one a lot more. It will get better, I promise!
Saturday was the last day of AF. It was super super light/barely still there, but I still wore a tampon. So when it came time to bang, I just took it out and threw it in the yard of the construction house.
I've been having a really hard time since my dad's stroke. He is such a different man, now. His language skills are now pretty terrible, he can barely walk without using a walker, but the hardest thing is that he doesn't seem to care about us (family) anymore. My dad and I have always had an amazing relationship. He even bought a house just 10 blocks away from us so he could be closer to us and his grandkids. Since his stroke, he has made zero effort to talk to me or see us. When I call or text, I get one word, basic answers. I also think he resents me for calling 911, because I honestly think he wishes he would have rather died from his stroke, than be trapped inside a body that doesn't work, unable to communicate as well as he understands things in his own head. My brother told me that about a week ago, my dad called him and asked him to come over to help him because he had fallen and was having a hard time getting back up. My brother was working two hours away so he wasn't able to and told him to call me. When my brother called back a half an hour later to check on him, my dad said he never called me because he knew that I would "just call 911". What the fuck, dad?
I forgot to add the confession part.
Anyway, I'm struggling because I don't want my dad to pass away and me regret not spending every single minute I could with him when I had the chance. But he is making it so hard to be around him, that I've sort of given up. I still call and text, but it's like he's just gone. An empty shell of who he used to be. It breaks my heart even being in the same room as him.
I went through something similar with my Pappaw (the greatest man on earth besides my husband). When he got cancer, and then started getting weak from chemo and everything, I didn't visit as often as I should have (we lived ACROSS THE STREET). I was being a teenager, and I don't know. I couldn't go. It was sad and depressing. I think it was self-preservation, and at least in your case, he's not making it easy for you, even if you wanted to see him. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it--I would allow myself to feel those feelings and know that no matter what you feel, it's not wrong.
ETA: And your dad is not himself because he's likely very, very depressed. Try not to take anything personally.
Saturday was the last day of AF. It was super super light/barely still there, but I still wore a tampon. So when it came time to bang, I just took it out and threw it in the yard of the construction house.
I have another one (this was my real one for today).
I posted a picture of DD on Facebook a few days ago - she was chewing on her crib rail and it was really funny. After I posted it one of my colleagues (in person) light-heartedly said "Uh-oh, time to lower the crib mattress!" and sort of faux-admonished me for being negligent. One of my other colleagues (who works at another office) commented, and I relayed that colleague #1 had been teasing me.
And then - out of the woodwork - people I hadn't spoken to in YEARS and who I'm not really even friends with to begin with (like, people who are my Mom's friends) started commenting "Oh yeah, I was going to say that too. Time to lower the crib mattress."
I know that they were probably trying to be funny. Or maybe they were being serious, but I know I shouldn't care. But regardless, I got kind of butthurt about it. Like...yeah you've literally never even met my daughter but thanks for swooping in and all of a sudden caring about how high her crib mattress is.
And I'm STILL butthurt. Like 3 days later. I just can't let it go. I even though about posting a picture of her in her recently lowered mattress and being like "SEE?! STFU!"
There's probably a UO in here too in regards to what I feel are appropriate venues for discussing parenting choices. But all that being said I know it's stupid to be so butthurt and the butthurtedness is my confession.
FFFC: When people say they had sex, but didn't use BC, and "fingers are crossed!" I am like "how on earth?" I mean. SERIOUSLY. I'm one of the crazies that wants pregnant again soon, and just NO.
But we know I'm weird about sex to begin with.
It's incredibly irresponsible IMO unless you don't care if you get pregnant. I would sew my vagina shut if I weren't on BC.
I have another one (this was my real one for today).
I posted a picture of DD on Facebook today - she was chewing on her crib rail and it was really funny. After I posted it one of my colleagues light-heartedly said "Uh-oh, time to lower the crib mattress!" and sort of faux-admonished me for being negligent. One of my other colleagues (who works at another office) commented, and I relayed that colleague #1 had been teasing me.
And then - out of the woodwork - people I hadn't spoken to in YEARS and who I'm not really even friends with to begin with (like, people who are my Mom's friends) started commenting "Oh yeah, I was going to say that too. Time to lower the crib mattress."
I know that they were probably trying to be funny. Or maybe they were being serious, but I know I shouldn't care. But regardless, I got kind of butthurt about it. Like...yeah you've literally never even met my daughter but thanks for swooping in and all of a sudden caring about how high her crib mattress is.
And I'm STILL butthurt. Like 3 days later. I just can't let it go. I even though about posting a picture of her in her recently lowered mattress and being like "SEE?! STFU!"
There's probably a UO in here too in regards to what I feel are appropriate venues for discussing parenting choices. But all that being said I know it's stupid to be so butthurt and the butthurtedness is my confession.
I would be super irritated too. Not butthurt, but annoyed. People love to give their 2 cents, especially on something as innocent as this. Knowing me I would have said something sassy back to them.
pnwlover12 you know I love you, I'm here for you and I'm so incredibly sorry about this shit with your dad. It's fucking horrible that things turned out this way.
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