Mama's who had colicky babies, advice needed

[frenchy816]

Mama's one of my good friend's just had her first LO on Wednesday. I'm sitting here chatting online with her and her H and they are super stressed apparently baby is colicky and gassy. She messaged me and said 'Tell me it gets easier'. 

Any advice I can give her to help at all? My LO wasn't colicky so I don't want to give her bad advice. She is BF at the moment and apparently was told to feed 5 min burp, feed 10 min burp, feed 5 min burp, etc. Is she too young for gripe water?

[linden25]

Gripe water didn't work for us. We had a really rough 2.5 months. She would scream for hours at a time and would only sleep in our arms. It does get better but it takes time. She is now the happiest baby I know.

[2jelplus1]

My baby had reflux, not colic-- I would urge your friend to google the difference between colic and reflux. Doctor kept telling me it was just colic and her whole esophagus was raw and bleeding by the time we got a diagnosis.

Incidentally, our pediatrician gave us Gerber soothe probiotics to start at a few weeks old. They seemed to help a bit with gas.

[frenchy816]

Thanks for the advice ladies. I'll pass on your advice. I actually think she is just a normal newborn after talking to my friend longer (after I posted this). My friend is very much a type a personality and I'm 95% sure she wants baby on a schedule already, to go to sleep when she is supposed to, etc. Her h actually said to me in the conversation I was having with them that "she only wants to be held and we need to break her of this habit." She is 4 days old....hold your kid! I set them straight on that one.

[nannygoat]

I may be wrong, but I don't think babies have colic right off the bat. I would say at 3 days old, that their baby is being a three day old baby. But like I said, I might be wrong. Good luck with getting a baby on a schedule that early.

[kboyet]

I gave up dairy, started LO on probiotics, bicycled legs, and he got diagnosed with silent reflux. It does get better but it's so hard in the moment.

[kboyet]

May 9, 2015 16:19:12 GMT -5 frenchy816 said:

Thanks for the advice ladies. I'll pass on your advice. I actually think she is just a normal newborn after talking to my friend longer (after I posted this). My friend is very much a type a personality and I'm 95% sure she wants baby on a schedule already, to go to sleep when she is supposed to, etc. Her h actually said to me in the conversation I was having with them that "she only wants to be held and we need to break her of this habit." She is 4 days old....hold your kid! I set them straight on that one.

Just saw this... Wowza.

[frenchy816]

Seriously girls, I was ready to reach through the computer screen and yell at them. I wish they were closer so I could help out/visit and see what is really going on so I can give her advice.

I love them to death, but they are super stringent people who have to get it correct and all sorts of other stuff. At one point I told her that her LO sounded like a newborn because it took them 4 hours to 'put her to bed last night' and then she only slept for 3 hours, but then slept perfectly fine in the morning. Her H also told me that LO didn't do this in the hospital so again, I'm pretty sure the baby is fine.

They have a pedi appt tomorrow because she's congested. I left that alone. I'm going to let the pedi tell them she's fine

Thank you D14 (and my mom) for keeping me sane those first few weeks. I know I'm not a big poster, but all the sage advice here makes me a better mom.

[nbateman5]

I don't miss those "i don't know what I'm doing" days at all. Newborns are so challenging, glad you're there to give them advice! New parents need a lot of it! In a few weeks, hopefully things will be different and they'll figure their LO out a little more.

[frenchy816]

Update on my friend -- so baby is fine, but has lost 13% of her weight and will be 1 week old tomorrow. So, they are nursing and supplementing with formula because apparently after a weighted feed the baby only had gotten .5 oz. (this is all according to my friend.) Baby was also a little jaundice, but bilirubin scores were good enough on Sunday that she didn't need lights.

Long story short -- baby was hungry (errr...hangry) not colicky and not gassy. My friend is upset b/c she really wanted to EBF for as long as possible so now I'm gently coaching her through that while trying to offer BF advice from my mom to her since my mom is an IBCLC/RN.

ETA: my friend is asking for the advice from my mom so I'm not offering anything unwanted. 

[nannygoat]

We struggled with BFing at first and had to supplement for a few weeks/a month or so. Now we are EBF and going strong! If it is something she really wants don't give up! It is kind of discouraging when you have to supplement, but it might not last forever.

[amyface813]

May 13, 2015 0:37:27 GMT -5 nannygoat said:

We struggled with BFing at first and had to supplement for a few weeks/a month or so. Now we are EBF and going strong! If it is something she really wants don't give up! It is kind of discouraging when you have to supplement, but it might not last forever.

This exactly! It took about a month to build my supply up enough to stop formula completely but it's totally possible. Being told by the pedi that I was not enough was heart breaking. (Pedi didn't use those words but that's what I heard and I took it really hard.) it took me a long time to rebound emotionally. I cried a lot over that one!

[jesster88]

Letting your baby starve for the sake of bf makes me ragey. How did "breast is best" become "it is better to let your baby starve than give formula". We ebf but I would give Ds formula in a heartbeat if he wasn't getting enough to eat. ::steps off soapbox:: I am glad your friend is able to get pro advice from your mom.

ETA starve not stare

[userdeleted]

May 9, 2015 11:54:57 GMT -5 linden25 said:

Gripe water didn't work for us. We had a really rough 2.5 months. She would scream for hours at a time and would only sleep in our arms. It does get better but it takes time. She is now the happiest baby I know.

This sounds a lot like our experience. I will say he was eventually diagnosed with silent reflux and turned into a completely different human after several days on zantac. I only wish we'd found it sooner! It may be too early for the pedi to consider that option, but maybe worth an ask?


Edit:  Okay, I suck for not realizing this was an old post. If it helps, I also got lost yesterday on the way to my favorite restaurant that I've been going to for 13 years. Oy.

[userdeleted]

May 13, 2015 9:48:32 GMT -5 corinne said:

I faced this as well. My body produced next to nothing. It was going to take a miracle to produce even a quarter of what she would need. I was devastated, but I had to remember: my job is to feed my child no matter what it takes. I did not let her starve and that makes me a good mother. Holding out to breastfeed and providing her with next to nothing was not "best".

Amen, amen, amen.

This, too, describes my experience. Eventually, what I was able to provide was not worth the detriment to the bonding experience and the amount of time I was missing with my baby. DH was doing all his feedings while pumped and pumped and pumped to no avail. And consulted lactation expert after expert. And ate all the things and took all the supplements. LO rarely latched, and had trouble suckling when he did, despite addressing his severe tongue tie twice. Sometimes you have to let go, no matter how much you want it.

Those who say don't give up - I know where you're coming from, and I'm genuinely happy you were successful, but sometimes the challenges are too much to overcome. It's okay to stop. It really is.

[nannygoat]

I, in no way, meant that it's not ok to stop. Sorry if I came off that way. You have to do what you have to do and there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula. Again, sorry if I came off the wrong way.

[userdeleted]

May 13, 2015 11:39:05 GMT -5 @txaggie08 said:

May 13, 2015 11:35:26 GMT -5 userdeleted said:

Amen, amen, amen.

This, too, describes my experience. Eventually, what I was able to provide was not worth the detriment to the bonding experience and the amount of time I was missing with my baby. DH was doing all his feedings while pumped and pumped and pumped to no avail. And consulted lactation expert after expert. And ate all the things and took all the supplements. LO rarely latched, and had trouble suckling when he did, despite addressing his severe tongue tie twice. Sometimes you have to let go, no matter how much you want it.

Those who say don't give up - I know where you're coming from, and I'm genuinely happy you were successful, but sometimes the challenges are too much to overcome. It's okay to stop. It really is.

This was me with DD (but without help from DH during the day because he worked 1.5 hours away). I tried for almost 7 months, and it sucked the whole time. I wish I would have given up sooner, but really felt pressure from those who didn't know everything that was going on to stick with it.

I hate that for you so much. That kind of pressure is only hurtful to women, and I think we're particularly susceptible to it at that time in our lives. Especially with our first babies. We want to be good mothers, and we're taught that that's an important part of being a good mother. 7 months is amazing - you're amazing.

I really appreciate my pediatrician for giving me permission to stop. I think I needed to hear that from someone who knew so much more about babies than I did. The last lactation consultant said the same thing. She said I had so many cards stacked against me that she had to be honest about my low chance of ever developing a supply, so I should weigh the pros and cons of continuing carefully. It was still one of the most difficult decisions I've ever made, and one I've cried about more than I rationally understand. It was awful.

[userdeleted]

May 13, 2015 11:47:09 GMT -5 nannygoat said:

I, in no way, meant that it's not ok to stop. Sorry if I came off that way. You have to do what you have to do and there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula. Again, sorry if I came off the wrong way.

No, I know you didn't. I just think it needed to be said for whoever else might read this at any other point in time. That it's really okay.

[jesster88]

May 13, 2015 12:03:41 GMT -5 @txaggie08 said:

May 13, 2015 11:47:09 GMT -5 nannygoat said:

I, in no way, meant that it's not ok to stop. Sorry if I came off that way. You have to do what you have to do and there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula. Again, sorry if I came off the wrong way.

I had to go back and find your original post. I didn't interpret it that way at all. You're good

Yeah same here. I was speaking in reference to frenchie's friend and things I see elsewhere on the internets.

[rayray007]

I was going to reply to the OP and say that I didn't think 4 day olds could be colicky and to make sure baby wasn't hungry! Because it sounded exactly like C who also lost 13% of body weight, was jaundice and was just grumpy all the time and took "hours to get to bed" because he was hangry. He had a tongue tie so I was going to suggest looking at issues like that. We supplemented with formula and I pumped until he was clipped and started nursing more effectively. We were able to get away from the supplementation after a couple momths (and I had twins).

[kathytav]

I struggled with BFing. LO wound up losing like 10-12% of her body weight. Everyone kept telling me she would get what she needed when my milk came in. I tried pumping for days and all I got were drips. The schedule was rigorous and exhausting combined with caring for a newborn. FF is what worked best for us. I was upset for a day or two and got over it when I saw how much happier my baby and I both were.

I echo what someone else said about not missing the newborn stage. It already feels so distant but it was REALLY hard.