Feeling depressed (rainbow mentioned)

[angelsnight]

I thought I had been doing really well....I think about my angel every day, but I don't too often cry and even visits at the cemetery aren't too emotional.  But now I am wondering if I am maybe more depressed than I realize.

I am a stay at home mom to my rainbow, so maybe that is part of it...no real schedule to stick to (despite setting one), no reason to get dressed or even shower most days (but don't get me wrong, I love being home with her and I don't want to go back to work anytime soon).  I'm at the heaviest weight I've ever been at so I am feeling very bad about myself lately and a lot of days it's a struggle for me to even get most of the housework done.

I quite often take a nap when LO does, despite the fact that she sleeps through the night and I really have no reason to need a nap.  Some days I take one because I really am tired, but other times, I don't know, it's an escape I guess.  I am on Zoloft and I see a therapist but I haven't brought this up to him...mainly because I just started realizing that I may be depressed.  It's been two years since we lost our angel, I am so thankful for our rainbow, I guess I feel like maybe I shouldn't still be so depressed.  

I'm starting a new diet/exercise regimen Monday...which I have been trying and failing at for five years now, but I am trying something new (Nutrisystem) and my H is doing it with me so I am hoping it helps pull me out of this some.  Anyone else feeling this way? 

[heartpresidents]

'
****rainbow mentioned


Yes, I am just starting to realize I may be battling with a level of depression I can't snap out of on my own. It's becoming a harder to enjoy a lot of things. I love taking care of my rainbow, but struggle to enjoy a lot of other things. I'm just kind of in a fog.
No point to my post other than to say you're not alone. I'm going to talk to my doctor about getting help, and I hope you're able to get help as well, from your new diet plan or from whatever source you need.

[happyin14]

********rainbow mentioned as well***********




Obviously, if you have concerns, you should talk to someone. This isn't meant to minimize that. BUT. Please know that grief is a journey. Some days I feel like I'll be okay. That I have figured out how to be mom to a child here and a child I've lost. And then I get hit with something and feel completely sunk again. The only thing I can count on is that it's gonna be a roller coaster.

When I get hit with the pain or feel like a lump, I try and remember that I've been here before and it passed. And it also doesn't ever feel as bad as the first few days so I must be healing.

As for the naps and weight, it was the same for me. I've been so exhausted and worried something was wrong - thyroid or something. And my weight was out of control. I have been able to start exercising and eating better and the energy is also now better. Maybe three days a week you commit to exercise instead of a nap and see if it helps? And you still get some naps that way!

But I also felt like I needed to indulge myself a bit after C was born. It was harder than I thought- having a rainbow. And I needed some time to recover. We do also have to take care of ourselves physically... I guess this is all to say, I totally get it.

[angelsnight]

heartpresidents,thank you for sharing. It sucks, but it helps to know I am not alone.

happyin14,You're right, grief definitely is a journey. I feel stuck, like if I am too hard on myself I'm like "but my baby died, why should I be over it"?, but on the other hand I get down on myself for napping when I should be doing laundry or something. I'm definitely hopeful that more exercise and a better diet helps. Thanks for sharing!

[mrswheelo]

It sounds like tou have been talking to your doctor if you are on meds. But I'm willing to bet you will feel so much better if you get into shape. Motivation can be difficult to muster at first, but I always feel better after exercise and even house cleanin . It's in those small accomplishments that I feel victorious and so motivated to do it again! Lol.