Advice for new moms..

[aleys628]

Yes to all of this! Being a mom is HARD. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. But it's also the most rewarding. Of course, someone could have told me all of what you said @katylou91 and I would have just shrugged it off. I think it's something I had to figure out on my own to believe it.

[nbateman5]

1. Eat play sleep, follow it.

2. When the newborn baby is hungry, feed her! You don't need to wait 3 hours on the dot. I'll never forget trying to take a nap while H was entertaining 2 friends who were visiting LO and she was screaming and he kept saying, "it hasn't been three hours yet baby" LOL! WTF we were so dumb.

3. Also, don't worry, the rocking to sleep will only last so long.

4. Swaddle the baby so everyone will get sleep. But don't stress out about weaning; its not that bad.

5. Go out in public and do things with LO, it will be fine. Don't stress about when/where they will nap. It will be ok.

6. Newborns are HARD. it gets easier and more rewarding for sure.

7. Csection recovery may not be as bad as you think. At least mine was easy and because of baby size will likely have another and I ain't even mad.

[nannygoat]

1. Everything you say you'll never do (i.e. Cosleeping or pacifiers), you'll probably end up doing within the first week. It's ok!

2. If you end up supplementing it's NBD. Keep trying to breast feed if that's what you want, but it's not something to kill yourself over.

3. It's so incredibly hard. It really is unexplainable how hard it is, but so amazing at the same time. You'll probably get to a point where you don't think you'll make it/will never figure out what you're doing, but you will. Somehow some way, you will make it through!

4. Maybe the most important thing... The baby is the boss of EVERYTHING! And he/she will let you know it.

Basically, you might deviate from your original plans and that's ok! You can't anticipate the way things are going to go and you really just have to go with the flow.

[gdaniels77]

1. Don't even worry about making a Never/Always list in the first place, because most of them will probably go out the window before you even realize it happened.

2. Get as much help as you can at first. For real. But also don't fret once all your helping people go back to their regular lives. You'll survive.

3. Breastfeeding isn't this instantly beautiful thing at first. Rest assured though, it will get easier. And if it doesn't, don't beat yourself up about it. At the end of the day you just have to what's best for both LO and yourself.

4. If your baby doesn't like to be swaddled, that's okay. If your baby has to be swaddled forever, that's okay too. You're going to have to find your own best way for pretty much everything, despite whatever advice people give you.

[gustierx]

May 17, 2015 21:18:01 GMT -5 vigorousbabymama said:

Oh and I want to add one more...

If you have to go back to work don't feel bad about letting daycare teach your baby how to nap independently or whatever thing you are struggling with. Childcare is expensive, yo and those people are baby experts! I felt like a terrible mom the first few days of daycare but now that I see how much She loves it and how well she's doing, sometimes I want to high five myself for picking such a good center.

This- I felt such mom guilt the first few days DD went to daycare, until I realized that she LOVES daycare.  I also second not feeling guilty about supplementing- we had to supplement when DD was only a few hours old and ended up continuing off and on until I stopped pumping. I was so terrified it would ruin our chance at breastfeeding, but turns out she could switch between the two like a champ.  In the end, she did great on both breastmilk and formula and I really didn't need to feel so guilty giving her those formula bottles.

[FCtwinmom]

There is absolutely nothing in the world like motherhood and nothing that prepares you for how hard but crazy wonderful it is. So take it one day at a time and don't forget to breathe.

Definitely accept help when it's offered.

There are so many "right" ways to do things so find what works best for you and run with it.

[chicorojo]

No stage will last forever.

[emilypk]

There are no perfect moms. Go easy on yourself.

The hard part at the beginning may seem like it will go on forever, but you will get through it and it is short in the scheme of things! Every bad phase is temporary.

[jesster88]

This is sort of anti-advice but just because something worked for someone else doesn't mean if will work for you. A friend has been successful with schedules so I tried way to hard to make the eat, play, sleep routine work and it was making me crazy. I could have taught Ds to not associate food with sleep in a way that better suited our family.

[bdk0186]

1. Labor won't be as bad as you predicted, however the newborn stage will be so.much.harder than anyone could describe.

2. Live on stool softner for those first 2 weeks. Along the same lines, ice the area formerly known as your vag as much as humanly possible.
3. Everything is a transition. Do what your gut tells you to do, and ignore all the books that tell you you are doing it all wrong.
4. Pictures. Pictures. Pictures. Take more than you think you need. Somehow I felt that the potato stage would last so much longer than it did.
5. Bf is hard. SO much harder in the beginning. You could never imagine your nipples hurting more than they will those first few days. Stick with it.
6. Don't stress about the nursery before baby comes. Make sure you have the crib and changing table. Enjoy the time with your so while you are prego. No one can tell you how hard your relationship will be and how much it will change after. Cherish this time!

[things]

1. You can't spoil a baby.

2. There's nothing wrong with safe bedsharing if that's what you feel is best. Baby sleeping with you does not mean you'll end up with a clingy middle schooler in your bed.

3. Your baby isn't "broken" if he/she prefers to be rocked, nursed, walked, bounced to sleep or sleep on you. It is a natural desire for babies to desire the smell, warmth and closeness of their primary caregiver. Again, it does not mean you'll end up with a spoiled, clingy, or overly attached child that still sleeps with you in middle school (because the opposite of self-soothing skills means you'll inherently end up with spoiled or ill-adjusted kids.

4. It is NOT expected or developmentally "normal" for young babies to sleep 8+ hours through the night. It is developmentally appropriate for young and older babies to wake frequently at night, and "STTN" for infants is defined as 5 hours, not 12 hours or whatever other nonsense. 12!? I don't even get 9 hours when I don't have an infant, let alone 12. Some babies sleep longer periods from the get-go and others not until much later, and that's okay.

5. Self-soothing is like any other developmental skill. It occurs at different times for each baby, and just because your baby doesn't go out like a light within moments of being put to bed doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. A lot of the ideas re: infant sleep are still antiquated and based on past ideas from previous generations.

6. There's no rush to "bounce back" to pre-baby state/life. We live in a society where there are enormous expectations placed on new mothers, both in terms of how they care for their post-baby body and life as a new mom. You don't have to have it all together. Take care of your LO, take care of you, be easy on yourself, and give yourself time to adjust to the new changes.

[beckyrosen]

Make freezer meals. Really, do it. You won't have time to cook like you used to.

[mlee116]

May 17, 2015 22:02:58 GMT -5 chicorojo said:

No stage will last forever.

This is exactly what I was going to say! 

Figure out what your baby likes and just do it.

Chill out and try to laugh things off. Embrace the chaos. These days really are precious even if they don't feel like it sometimes.

Finally, try to spend a few minutes with your DH/SO/etc everyday. Don't neglect each other. You need to stick together or else the little beings you've created will win. Lol

[jesster88]

May 18, 2015 19:40:39 GMT -5 calvinfoster said:

babies are easy. wait'll you have school age kids.*


 

*today's advice brought to you by sass, backtalk and the letter F. As in, are you F-ING serious right now.

I am scared of toddlers and teenagers!

[nbateman5]

May 18, 2015 19:40:39 GMT -5 calvinfoster said:

babies are easy. wait'll you have school age kids.*


 

*today's advice brought to you by sass, backtalk and the letter F. As in, are you F-ING serious right now.

I refuse to believe my child will be anything but a baby. I cannot imagine having a toddler let alone a teenager!

[kookooma]

All great advice. I'll add to it
1. Padsicles- they are real and they are wonderful.
2. Get Netflix.
3. Don't buy the most expensive stuff assuming it will be a hit with the baby. My LO hated the Mommaroo but loves his little swing that's brown and pink that I got for free.
And to those dreading the teenage years. Sometimes its not as bad as you would think. My 14 and 15 year olds are the the best! The only negative so far is the horrendous amount of money we spend on groceries. Yesterday between the two of them they ate 1.5lbs of bacon, a gallon of OJ, a loaf of bread (french toast) and 9 eggs. That was just for breakfast.

[chicorojo]

May 18, 2015 23:14:15 GMT -5 kookooma said:

All great advice. I'll add to it
1. Padsicles- they are real and they are wonderful.
2. Get Netflix.
3. Don't buy the most expensive stuff assuming it will be a hit with the baby. My LO hated the Mommaroo but loves his little swing that's brown and pink that I got for free.
And to those dreading the teenage years. Sometimes its not as bad as you would think. My 14 and 15 year olds are the the best! The only negative so far is the horrendous amount of money we spend on groceries. Yesterday between the two of them they ate 1.5lbs of bacon, a gallon of OJ, a loaf of bread (french toast) and 9 eggs. That was just for breakfast.

I am DREADING the grocery bill during the boys teenage years. My 8 yr old is already a bottomless pit.

[path75]

1. Breast feeding is hard and not for everyone. Baby will be in your lap 90% of the day. This is normal. Your SO will get little time with baby in the beginning and through major growth spurts. Find other ways to include him for bonding.

2. Take naps when LO naps. It is the only sleep you will get in the first few months. LO will not STTN until he/she is ready

3. Pack your bag for the hospital 4 weeks early. I was 8 days early and assumed I would wait until just before my due date. Packing a bag after your water broke and in full labor does not work. Also don't wait too long to go the hospital. If you get sent home it is ok. Some may disagree but being a ftm I had back labor and didnt realze how far I progressed until my water broke. It is better than giving birth on the way there.

[kookooma]

May 19, 2015 3:13:57 GMT -5 mgk207 said:

May 18, 2015 23:14:15 GMT -5 kookooma said:

All great advice. I'll add to it
1. Padsicles- they are real and they are wonderful.
2. Get Netflix.
3. Don't buy the most expensive stuff assuming it will be a hit with the baby. My LO hated the Mommaroo but loves his little swing that's brown and pink that I got for free.
And to those dreading the teenage years. Sometimes its not as bad as you would think. My 14 and 15 year olds are the the best! The only negative so far is the horrendous amount of money we spend on groceries. Yesterday between the two of them they ate 1.5lbs of bacon, a gallon of OJ, a loaf of bread (french toast) and 9 eggs. That was just for breakfast.

Yes! The milk and cereal alone in this house are ridiculous.

Yes! What's up with the cereal? My 2 eat it all day long!

[kookooma]

May 19, 2015 6:39:30 GMT -5 mgk207 said:

May 19, 2015 6:00:54 GMT -5 kookooma said:

Yes! What's up with the cereal? My 2 eat it all day long!

Same! 1-2 bowls in the morning, 2 more after school (plus crackers, granola bars, any othe carbs he can get his hands on...never the fruit). Of course, DH has to buy the organic stuff, too, so it's not a cheap habit!

Ugh..Frosted mini wheats are bought by the caseload over here. They also eat a ton of fruit, make their own protein shakes, eat protein bars at school (cause gym is hard work mom!) And both eat 2 school lunches every day. Every time I go into the kitchen someone's skinny ass is sticking out of the fridge. Where does it go?? I swear they have hollow legs.

[karebear2]

Just one thing I can say

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Even as a STM I can't say I was ready or knew what to expect.
I listened t people who told me the Second time around everything is easier: the delivery, the baby - NOT.AT.ALL.tRUE, at least not for us. I've had an easy baby with my first and didn't even know how good I had it until this LO.

[crazylife]

I was only 17 when I actually became a ftm to my almost 11 yr old and had no clue what I was doing but with this third lo I would say:
1. There is a reason your child did not come with an owners manual. There is no wrong way to raise this child. Although they are small, they are tough. They will guide you in there needs, you better start learning to listen now.
2. Your home will not be perfect. Homes are not suppose to be. There will be wet towels on the floor, it means your child is clean. There will be toys in the floor, it just means your child had fun. The floors will not be swept/mopped, just means you spent extra time with your child. 
3. You have never known true love till now. Your lo will make you want to pull your hair out, push you so far you don't think you will ever make it to the next morning, and cry because you doubt your ability to be a good mother, but with just one smile that all will wither away and be replenished with the knowledge that your lo loves you and that you will summon whatever strength you must have to carry on and return that never ending, that purest love. you will never know another love like that, so cherish it.

I will take this a step further for the ftm without older kids
my advice:
1. fix everything you can because one day there will be something that you won't be able to fix and be the super hero, from a broken heart to bullying there will be challenges your lo will deal with alone even when you want to be the one there.
2. your lo will not be perfect, let them make there mistakes and learn from it. you as a parent can only protect them from so much
3. never blame your self if they don't live up to your expectations. you can't make your child be gifted, a great athlete, ect. your child was born to be who they are suppose to be and us as parents are here to guide them to be the best of whatever it is that they are, to give them every opportunity in the world to become what they are meant for.
4. take all the pictures you can as they grow. through two kids i hardly took any, and promised myself i would with this one but with nicu and hospital i was to sad to and now i regret so as they grow take them take as many as possiable.
5.don't just talk at them, talk to them, and most importantly LISTEN. If i always just talked at my girls and told them how it was going to be i would have missed so much. they would be missing so many important life skills and problem solving skills.
6. finally, and most importantly, there are always going to be your baby and want you when something is wrong. not even a month ago my , according to her "grown up" girl was brought to tears and only wanted her mommy when an ear ache happened.they are always, ALWAYS going to need you and run to you when they are hurting or have something heavy on there mind.